Chapter 5: Trying to Heal Peetas' Point of View.
As I open Katniss' door I can hear her sobs. Her back is turned to me, but that will probably make things easier. I close her door and slip in behind her placing my hand protectively on her waist. I can feel her pull away, but I won't let her this time. Instead I pull her closer, and gently make her listen to everything I should have said in front of the fire place. Her mild protest makes me nervous but I know I must continue on. If I don't who knows what she will do to herself.
I tell her all over again how much I love her, and the day all of me belonged to her. I tell her all this and more. I need her more than anything to understand and believe that I lay none of the blame on her, and I never will. She may not love me back now, and maybe she never will. But I can't let her go on thinking she will only cause me pain. The only way this beautiful young woman could cause me pain is if she isn't willing to heal, and live her life the way she wants to, the way I want her to, and the way Prim would want her to. No one in Panem blames her, except for herself. This world would still be living in fear of the wretched evil once known as President Snow, or even Coin if it wasn't for her. She saved us all, she saved our futures and the futures of generations to come. What she and the others who gave their lives have done can never be repaid. I know I had a part in destroying Panem's evil leaders, but I would never have found the strength to do so without her.
But for this day I will focus on my love for her. I will help her understand how the rest of the nation feels later on in our lives. Today and for days to come will be focused on making her understand my love for her will never change or be clouded again.
After I have told her everything I feel once more. We lay there in silence. I focus on her breathing, and I absorb as much of her as she will let me, by just staring at her here in the dark. After a few minutes of just lying there I feel her beginning to roll in my arms. Her grey eyes are on me in the dark, I raise my right hand to stroke her beautiful tear soaked cheek.
"How can you want to stay here with me after all the terrible things I have done to your life?" she says. But she doesn't stop there.
"You deserve better than me, and anything I could offer."
Her words strike my heart in the most painful way anyone can imagine. How could she think she doesn't deserve me? I have wanted her from the very first day my father pointed her out in the crowd of children and parents. Having her in my life would only make me stronger, and help me heal. Having her in my life will make me nothing but happy. I put a stop to her protests and questions about my being with her, and reassure her there is no place I would rather be.
Once I was sure she knew where I stood I mustered up all my courage, and lightly kissed her soft lips. When I pull away her words make my heart soar, but what she does next makes me want to live in this moment forever, like the day on the roof of the training center before our second games.
When our lips part, I'm filled with nothing but happiness. As she places her forehead to mine, I can see that she is tired from all that has happened today. I'm sure she is emotionally raw inside. Katniss has never been good at dealing with her emotions, and today has been exceptionally emotional. The days, weeks, months and years to come will be filled with emotions. Some she will be able to handle others will send her in to a state of depression but today will leave her happy and that is all I can ask for. In the time that will come when we figure out how we will be in each other's lives our days will be like this. Leaving us raw and emotional, some days will leave us satisfied others will leave us confused and hurt. But today has been good for us both.
As I prepare to leave her room and finish making dinner Katniss grabs my hand. I pause, wanting to soak up her want for me. I turn back to face her and gently kiss her lips. "You are going to be hungry soon Katniss. You haven't had anything to eat all day." Is all I say before I leave the one place I really want to be.
As I enter the kitchen all I can do is smile as I dance around a little. I know that the woman I love knows how I feel once more. I come out of my happy daze as I hear the water beginning to run upstairs. I hurriedly make my way to her stove and turn up the heat to the stew I was preparing for her earlier. I remember the cheese buns and decide to warm them in the oven. I have a few minutes before I need to do anything else, so I begin to set the table for the two of us. I can't stop smiling as I think of everything I got to say to the beautiful woman upstairs.
After I have finished setting the table I return to the stove to tend to the stew. A thought enters my mind as I'm doing this. Katniss believes that I love her. But does she love me back? I thought she loved me once for a short while, but she never let me know. Hell I'm not even sure that she knew herself. She hasn't allowed herself to feel much since her father died and she was left alone with only her little sister, and a mother who couldn't leave her own state of depression. I have to give this time. If I rush her she will end up feeling nothing but contempt for me. Which is far from what I want.
I hear her enter the room quietly, disrupting my thoughts as she talks to me. I tell her dinner is almost done, then as I ask "…How was your shower?" I turn around to face her. I smile as I see her hair in its usual single braid. She smiles at me and I feel my insides turn over with excitement. As we stand there silently all I can think about is how much I want to hold and kiss her. I decide to make my way over to her. She looks confused and excited by my movement. As I pull her in to my arms I take in her scent. She smells slightly like wild strawberries, which is unusual but I like the scent all the same. I'm sure she wants to smell more like the woods that she hasn't entered since our return to District 12, instead of something from the capitol. I hear the stew boiling slightly, which signals to me that I have to end our embrace, even though I want nothing more than to stay with her like this forever.
"I think dinner is almost done." I say as I pull away. She slowly releases me from her grasp, which makes me yearn for her all the more. But I stay strong and turn away. As I am making my way to the stove I can hear her following me. I turn around to meet her grey eyes. I pause but only for a second, as I say "It's ok, I got it Katniss. Sit down, and relax."
She sits down as I begin taking everything to the table. As I am setting the buns down on the table I hear a loud groan coming from Katniss' stomach. I smile at her as I hold back a snigger. I toss her a bun laughing as she bounces it from hand to hand. Even when she tries to be serious about how hot the bun is I can't help but laugh.
Once our laughing fit is over we sit down to eat in relative silence, save for the small conversation about the stew. After we have finished our meal I stand and begin to grab our dishes when Katniss gently grabs my hand and says, "I got it. You sit for a while. I'll clean up."
Her statement is small as most of hers are. But I can see in her eyes she wants it to mean so much more than just picking up the dishes. Before I can think much more her lips find mine and I'm thrown in to a world with just the two of us in its entire existence.
Thank you to everyone who has reviewed my story. I will try to post new chapters at least once a week if not more. But as you know life happens and stuff falls to the wayside. I hope all of you will continue to enjoy my story. Please feel free to review my story and let me know of anything I can do to improve its quality.