I finally decided that it was about time to head home, despite the fact that I could wander around these trees for hours and never get tired of the sight, it just didn't get old. In the back of my mind I was hoping- praying- that Germany had already gone to sleep, one because he really need it and two because I would rather save the lecture I would get about disrupting him working until the morning. Then I could pretend I was listening no problem, but with sleep already weighing down my bare feet? Wasn't going to happen. This was also the first time that the memories had stayed in the back of my head for more than a few minutes without resurfacing to ruin my mood, so I would like to celebrate just a little longer if that wasn't to much to ask for. I leisurely made my way back to the house, taking my time to soak in every detail for the idea of bringing them back up whenever I felt the need to, it was known throughout that the first snow of the season was always the most beautiful and there were no other sights quite like it. Spotting the house through the thinning branches- lights already off thankfully- the smile on my face got smaller, became more forced than the one just seconds before but I kept it up, better to keep up appearances even if just to convince myself that everything was fine.
Approaching the door with small measured steps, I paused in front of it taking a moment to glance back one last time at the forest, my smile becoming a little more real. I unlocked the door- because Germany was too paranoid to leave it unlocked even when we basically lived in the middle of nowhere- walking in and checking the place out just to make sure nothing was going to jump out at me, a habit I had yet to break even now. Not seeing anything out of place I continued through the room, not bothering to turn on a light- Germany was a light sleeper! Don't judge me- I knew the whole place by heart and unless there was something moved I would be just fine. Reaching the stairs I sighed in relief, just glad that so far the day seemed to have been good, better than any day I've had in a long time it was just a little surprising because I- for once- actually felt lucky. I wished on whatever star that Italy liked to use that this would last but I knew that it probably never would, this was me we're talking about, everything bad that could happen did.
At the top of the stairs I could feel the last of my energy draining out of me, every step I took brought me closer to my bed and the temptation of sleep growing unbearable. If I could I would have passed out on the floor by now, where did all of my energy go? I had never felt as deep down bone tired as this, something was wrong I could tell but I didn't care to think to much on it then as I had just walked through my door and flopped onto my bed. My head rested on the chilled pillow as I thought about what could be causing this or I attempted to think, it wasn't going quite as planned. I knew that I would get nowhere with my thoughts tonight, so I let the heavy sleep wash over me and drag me down to the dark.
For the briefest second between the real world and the dream one I could have sworn that I felt another presence in the room, one I didn't recognize but before I could examine it further I was out.
Cuffs. I could feel them around my wrists, holding me down, keeping me from running. I was trapped with no way out, never a way to get out from the torture he placed on me. My head hung low, something that I would have never guessed would happen, I had seen many other countries go down just as I had but the thought that it could be me never passed my mind. I guess it really should have, considering…
"My little Kalingrad," I wished I could at least move my arms far enough to scratch my eardrum out, but no, only he was allowed to inflict the torture on me, no one else, "Would you like to be let out today?" He asked the same question everyday without fail, always with that small smile on his face giving off a safe feeling but the deep purple of his eyes could never lie. He wanted to see someone in pain, me especially, he told me many times how much he liked me.
I never understood his question, but I always answered the same way, just like him, "I will never take anything you offer," I hissed, words slurred with pain, I had received a beating yesterday, worst than usual. I had gotten out of line, spoke to him in a way that was not allowed without punishment and as said punishment he had cut my tongue, it was now split at the very tip but at least it was still attached.
"My poor little Kalingrad," he whispered, eyes taking on that dangerous edge, one to mimic a blade being turned on you. He cupped my cheek with one hand, I flinched away involuntarily and glared at him, I may have been his prisoner but I would not just sit here doing nothing if I could get away with it. Which most of the time I couldn't. "You have to know by now that if you want to go out you just have to ask, I know you miss the snow, I'll take you to go see it," his voice was smooth as velvet and sounded of nothing but the truth, I knew that it was fake, he had used it on me enough for me to know as much. The sincerity he offered was a false promise that he was ready to break as soon as it was profitable to him in someway, taking that offer would be like giving in. Calling it quits and never looking back, forgetting about everything you ever had because now you weren't you, not really. You were a possession, something to be played with and used for fun, if you got broken you were thrown away, if you got boring you were thrown away, you were just something that could be replaced. I had realized that this was the reason he had taken me when the other countries could care less what happened, I was a toy that could not break. At least to him I was just as strong, I was made to take anything he could give and this made me perfect in his eyes. Even if I broke mentally I was still alive, nothing could truly kill me.
"I will never… let you have… me," I growled, curling in on myself, the thin clothes he had given me hardly enough, but as much as I was going to get from him, all I would accept from him. My breathing was growing heavier, he was getting mad, he didn't show it but he was frustrated, his temper wearing thin. I now knew first had why he was referred to as a demon by the other countries, because it was completely true, the abilities and power this man showed was unmatched. Every time he got this way it was the same, like invisible fingers at my throat, digging in and daring me to breath while they were there. "I… am not… giving myself to… such a monster," I breathed, the fingers tightening even further on my windpipe with each word, until they were replaced with real fingers, threatening, pressing and dangerous. I realized at that moment that I would never get to see mein bruder again, I had pushed the demon to the point of snapping and it seemed that he had finally grown bored of our game. I almost wished that I could have stayed alive just a bit longer, maybe someone would have come for me, maybe Ludwig would have saved me but it was too late now. No time for last regrets, I took a last shivering breath, "Kill… me… now…" I could feel my body sagging, the last of the oxygen in my body escaping and not nearly enough coming back in. My vision blurred, head lolling to the side as I stared out the small window across from me, small snowflakes drifting down in violent flurries.
I was the last thing I saw as a distinct and terrible sounding crack echoed in my ears and my vision went completely dark.
"Ah!" I screamed, bolting up from my bed, my mind didn't register what was going on or that I was back in reality until I had shot from my own room and into Germany's. Standing there like some lost child, I shifted my weight uncomfortably, my nightmare continuing to play over and over behind my eyes, mocking me like some wasp. Waiting for just the right moment to pop up and sting you.
Taking a deep breath, I tapped on Germany's shoulder, waiting for him to look ever at me and acknowledge that I was there before I asked him. He was apparently ahead of me by a lot, because before I could say anything he shuffled over slightly on the bed and mumbled, "Get in."
I let myself smile just a little, even if me and Ludwig no longer saw eye to eye as we used to we were still bruders and nothing would change that.
Okay guys, so this took awhile but here it is! I didn't do the rest of the guardian's one with this chapter because I wanted to get some more from Gil's perspective and you may all be wondering why his time with Russia is so important that I keep bringing it up, but trust me it'll make sense eventually. Gilbert and Russia's times together is somewhat important just remember that.
You may also be wondering about the reason for the switch between Germany and Ludwig and I think that Gilbert and Ludwig's relationship would get strained at times and when it does so Gilbert refers to him as just the country. Does that make sense? I hope so!
Probably back to the guardians next chapter, probably no more fluffy German brothers after this so savor, SAVOR I TELL YOU!
Whelp, see ya next time!