Short chapter, but I needed to introduce an important part of the story and couldn't do it differently :) sorry for the large amount of mistakes :(

Day 2

January 30, 1978.

When I wake up I am strangely calm. Maybe it's the thought of being able to go out, as long as S hasn't changed her mind.

I was finally able to sleep for a few hours. Of course, I didn't sleep continuously, but at least I could rest a little. Although my concerns never left me, the small light has done its job well.

I have no idea what time it is, because the boarded up window doesn't allow me to understand how bright outside is, but from the little light that manages to filter, I think it's dawn. It's a bright light, that's why I don't think it is late morning.

I close my eyes for a little more, until they bring me breakfast. This morning only M entered, but I can hear some voices from outside the door. He unties me, and then offers me food. I could easily knock him out with the tray, but I clearly hear the voices of the other two outside the door and I don't want to worsen my situation, especially after what happened yesterday.

"I hope last night S didn't misbehave. I wanted to come in with her, but she didn't allow me." M interrupts the silence.

"She didn't. On the contrary, she was quite sorry for her behavior."

"Did she tell you that?" He asks me incredulously.

"She did." I answer honestly.

"Wow..."

I don't understand why he was so much surprised, but from what little I understand S must not be a person who admits her mistakes so easily. As a matter of fact, most of the time she seems too presumptuous to think she could ever be wrong.

After eating I ask M if and when I can get out.

"It doesn't depend on me. S decides. "

As I suspected. It seems that everything depends on her.

"Oh, okay." I'm a little disappointed, because I really don't think S will keep her word. Not that she has promised anything... but I was hoping a little.

/

I'm bored to death. If prior fear and concerns occupied my thoughts, I now understand that I don't need to worry. These people are never going to answer my questions, so it's useless for me to mull over anything. Plus I don't think they're going to hurt me.

The light that enters the room is clearly more yellowish than this morning. Since I already had lunch, I'm pretty sure it's late afternoon. Still no sign of S, lunch was brought to me by P and M. I believe that, at this point, I won't go out today.

I don't even have time to finish my thought that the door opens, revealing S. Did she come to take me out? I hope so. I need fresh air. My only source of oxygen, is the door of this room. Every now and then they open it to change the air, since the window is boarded up.

"Are you ready?" She asks me.

"Will you let me out?" I ask, hopefully.

"Yes, I told you I'd do it" She answers, almost offended. She didn't expect me to trust her blindly, did she?

"Right. I didn't know if you would have kept your word. "

"I always keep my promises." She answers, taking the handcuffs off me.

I stretch my arm, aching as always, since I can only move it to eat and pee. Otherwise, it is always cuffed to the bars of the bed. She hands me a jacket, because I clearly don't have mine. Trying to wear it I make a sudden movement with my arm, which causes a little scream of pain.

"Let me help you. Your muscles must be too sore. "

She helps me to put the jacket on and it smells of coconut and vanilla. I wonder if it's hers, since it's a bit tight on me and therefore it can't belong to one of the boys. Also because M and P do not smell like coconut and vanilla. If anything, they smell like sweat and ash.

Once dressed, I wonder what is the next step.

"Stay still." She admonishes me, approaching the bed to completely remove the handcuffs.

"What are you doing?" I ask, seeing her tie a handcuff around my right wrist.

I don't have time to finish the question that I see her tying the other one around her left wrist.

"This way I'm sure you won't try to escape." She tells me.

"I could always drag you with me." l answer.

"Oh, I'm armed. It wouldn't be prudent."

We head out the door and, for the first time I can see what is out of my room. Just beyond my door there is a kitchen, a little messy, with a central table, the one on which I had seen the cards the other night. I let my eyes carefully memorize the shape of the room... I may need it to orientate, if I will ever be able to escape. On the right, I see a long corridor with some doors. I think they lead to the guys' bedrooms and the bathroom. There might also be a room with a TV, because yesterday S talked about police and I don't think she could have gotten the news in any other way.

One of the doors is ajar, but I don't have time to see what's inside, because S drags me out.

Once I get out I'm overwhelmed by the sunlight. My eyes are no longer used to it, so I half-close them with a groan.

"Oh sorry, I forgot." Says S, handing me a pair of sunglasses.

"Thank you. Where are we going?" I wonder, seeing that the small concrete house is surrounded by trees.

"Come with me."

I do not know if I can trust her, I'm afraid that she might hurt me, but the handcuffs on our wrists make the choice for me, forcing me to follow her as soon as she starts walking.

This time of year is quite cold despite the sunshine. I haven't gotten out for three days and the cold air hits me like a knife.

The forest is dense and only a few rays of light filter through the trees, but overall the atmosphere is pleasant. I have always loved being outdoors and, since I haven't been able to be out for days, I can't suppress a sigh of relief accompanied by a smile. By the time I exhale, relieved, S' eyes are fixed on mine and I seem to detect some curiosity in her glance. She's probably wondering why I'm smiling, given the situation in which I find myself.

While we walk our hands graze continuously, since our wrists are bound together by the handcuffs. I want to say something, but I don't know what to say... so I just follow her in silence.

After a few minutes of walking she stops abruptly for no apparent reason. I'm beckoned with her toward a large stone near the banks of a small stream. I don't know why she decided to stop here but after a while, following her sad eyes, I can see on the bark of a tree a recording that says: 'S + J'.

I would like to ask her the meaning of the writing, but seeing how she has darkened, I give up. It's funny how the situation has overturned... until a short time ago it was me being desperate and now she's the one who seems on the verge of tears. I turn to her, but she eludes my gaze. After the way she treated me I don't think she deserves to be comforted, but I can't help but feel sorry for her.

Suddenly she gets up with a firm step and, probably forgetting about the handcuffs, she starts running toward the stream, dragging me with her. I can't see her eyes, but I'm pretty sure she's crying.

"Ouch ... you're hurting me!" My words urge her to stop. It seems like a déjà-vu.

"...I'm sorry." Her tone confirms my assumptions: she is crying. I slowly approach her, placing my free hand on her shoulder.

"Don't touch me... please..." She seems destroyed, but I don't let her words persuade me. I believe that everyone needs someone in a moment of despair. Even if I don't know S, nor do I like her behavior, I don't like to see her cry. I could never stand to see people cry. Not even Lord T.

A few minutes later she lifts her head and soon after I feel something on the back of my hand. Moving my eyes I see her hand on mine, with the purpose of removing it from her shoulder. It's the first time that we have a physical contact where she's not trying to beat me or medicating my wound.

"We have to go back inside, the sun is going down." She says coldly.

"Okay." l Answer, moving my hand from her body.

During the road towards "home" we don't exchange a word. What happened in the woods surprised me. I didn't expect to see her so vulnerable and I wonder why she wanted to take me to that very place that, surely, has a special meaning for her.

Entering the room S unties the handcuffs, giving me the opportunity to take my jacket off.

"You can stay untied for now, dinner's going to be here soon." She states, surprising me. I think this might be her way of thanking me.

In the few minutes I remain alone and untied, I approach the window to see if there's some way to remove the wooden boards. I inspect the door as well, looking for a way to open it from the inside. Nothing... I have no other chance to escape but the one I thought of earlier.

/

After dinner with P and M I can hear S approaching my door. By now I recognize her footsteps, heavier and more pronounced than those of M, but not as much as those of P.

"Get out." She tells the boys.

After the boys got out, S handcuffs me gently. Then, as usual, she spreads the blanket over me and turns on the small light.

"Good night, Brittany."

"Goodnight S."

I see her leaving but she stops before exiting.

"Thank you for this afternoon." She says, with honest eyes.

"You're welcome." It's the only answer I can give her.

In the end she managed to thank me. Perhaps she's not that full of herself if she acknowledged that she needed help. But why was she crying? What happened in that place? Who is J?

With these questions I slide into a deep sleep, with increasing curiosity towards S.

/

March 25, 1978

San... I received your letter yesterday. I think they were keeping it hidden under my parents' orders, but luckily I got a friend who has managed to hand it over to me. It was so nice to hear from you ... I was worried. I wondered what you were doing, where did they take you, if you were okay. I miss you so much, San. I miss your touch, I miss your breath, I miss the eyes I've known for a lot before I knew your face... eyes that made me company during difficult days and during stolen nights... Even now I dream of them and they're the only thing that gets me to sleep.

I feel terrible without you. The days seem endless and there is nothing to do here. The only thing they allow me to do is to read, of course books chosen by them, and to go to the park during the afternoon. Going to the park is one of the few things that pull me in good spirits. There are so many trees, among whom I like to seek the smells of the forest... of our woods. The other guests think I'm crazy, but I don't care.

There is a large oak tree near the gazebo. I often sit there, under its shadow, squinting to perceive better the smell of its resin. Oh San, it isn't exactly the smell of the oaks which we were used to, but that smell is pungent enough to bring my thoughts back to you.

In fact all I do is thinking of you... I can't wait to get out... it's been almost a month since I last saw you and I'm dying inside. The first few days I didn't eat, I only cried... then I realized that fasting wouldn't have helped me getting anything, and that I had to stay strong for you... in order to be able to squeeze you in my arms and never let you go again.

You don't have to be afraid that my feelings may change. It could never happen. To continue to love you I don't need to see you... I just have to put a hand on my heart, because that's where you are and where you will be forever.

I'll wait for you to reply.

With all the love in the world,

Britt.