It he had any control over the situation, Blaine would have stayed in bed forever. But he forced himself to get up and go to school on Monday. If he skipped, the school would call his parents, and he couldn't give them a reason to be mad at them. He needed a favor from them.
So he went to school. He looked like a mess and didn't speak to anyone. Sitting through glee club was simply torture, but at least he didn't have to sing anything. Some of them tried to get him to join in the background but he just glared at them.
He sat in the back of every class and didn't hear a word any of his teachers said all day. He drove himself home, followed the speed limit exactly, and left the radio off. When he parked in front of his house that afternoon he worked up a little courage, enough to check his phone again.
Kurt had sent two more messages. The first said, "That's nice to hear but I don't know if I believe you. I know you're mad at me for not calling you much, recently. I'm sorry. But don't give me the silent treatment. I thought you might have gotten sick again, you know…" The second said, "By the way, were you smoking? I took a five minute power nap yesterday, around seven or something. I dreamt I was smoking a cigarette, and I woke up coughing like crazy. I blame you."
Blaine raised his eyes from the screen and remembered coughing in the middle of kissing Eli, coughing so hard that he bit Eli's lip. Without replying, he put his phone in his bag and went inside.
At dinner he said to his parents, "I have a question." It was the first thing he'd said out loud in more than 24 hours.
They paused, mid-salt shake, mid-butter spread, and looked at him.
"I…" He paused. He hadn't been able to come up with any good excuse, so he tried to be honest. "I need to see Kurt. I need to tell him something in person. If I went to New York on Saturday morning and came back Sunday, I wouldn't miss any sc—"
"No," they said in unison, looking at him like he was crazy. Which he was. He didn't even blame them for saying no. But what else could he do?
Well, he did have a back up plan. He just wished they wouldn't make him do it.
At three in the morning, Friday morning, he bought himself a roundtrip ticket to New York online with his father's credit card. On Saturday he didn't even have to lie and say he was going to spend the night at someone's house (Sam's, he'd planned on saying,) because his parents weren't home to see him go.
He had a seat in the very back of the plane, so he boarded first, and had time while other passengers settled in to do one last thing. He called Cooper.
"I'm on a plane to New York," he told his brother.
"Do Mom and Dad know?"
"No. Not yet."
Cooper sighed. "Are you staying forever?"
"No, I don't think so. I don't think Kurt will let me."
"…Why not?" Cooper asked, picking up on the hint that something was wrong.
Blaine closed his eyes. In the row in front of him, a baby screamed. "Because I'm going to New York to tell him in person that I cheated on him."
Cooper was quiet for a while. Then he said, "I'm sorry… what?"
Blaine gripped a knee with his free hand. His palms began to sweat. "I said—"
"I know what you said, Blaine. What the hell is wrong with you?"
He swallowed thickly. "You're going to hate me for it, too?"
"Of course I am. Do you have any idea how much shit I went through, how hard I worked, to find him for you, to convince him to come visit you in the hospital when he didn't have any idea who you even were?"
"Yeah, I know. I know." All Blaine had been thinking about since Eli left was a combination of nothing and the first time Kurt came to his hospital room and held his hand. How hard Blaine had struggled against the laws of physics or biology or whatever, to squeeze Kurt's hand through his sleep, to let him know he knew he was there, and that he heard him. That he'd always been waiting for him. But that was when Blaine believed they'd be perfect together. Not states apart, barely speaking, hanging by a thread.
"And wasn't it, like, yesterday that you called crying to me because you thought he was cheating on you?"
"I thought he had a crush on someone else," Blaine said, still hating the thought of Chandler. "I didn't think he was sleeping with someone else."
"What does that even mean? What am I supposed to infer from that? That it's worse to have a crush on someone than it is to sleep with someone? I'm pretty sure Kurt has a crush on me, Blaine. That doesn't mean—"
"I know, I know!" Blaine said, verging on yelling.
Cooper attempted to shift the tone of the conversation. "So, what, are you going to break up with him?"
"No, I'm going to apologize and beg him to forgive me." The flight attendants began their safety presentation, and announced that all cell phones must be turned off. Blaine ignored it. "Do you think he will?"
"No, I don't," Cooper said simply. "Why should he? What would you do, if he came up to you at school and told you he cheated on you?"
"I wouldn't be surprised," Blaine answered, thinking of all the imaginary hipster guys at Vogue that Kurt was probably in love with. "But I don't think he's going to expect it from me."
"I'm sure he's not."
Blaine blinked. A flight attendant came quickly and purposefully toward him, a stern look on her face. "Thanks for the pep talk. Talk to you later." He hung up.
—
It took two hours after arriving in New York for Blaine to find a flower place that would actually assemble a bouquet of red and yellow roses, but he finally made it to Kurt's front door with them.
After he knocked, the door opened and he peeked over them to see… Rachel. His face fell.
Her eyes widened at the sight of him. "Have you talked to Finn yet?" was the first thing she had to say to him.
"Um, no?" This was not going as planned.
She frowned.
"Blaine!" Kurt yelled from somewhere inside. He ran to him, indelicately pushed Rachel out of the way, and jumped on top of him, half crushing the flowers in the process.
But Blaine didn't care. He was just happy, and complete, and healed, to have Kurt in his arms again. He was sure if Kurt hadn't left, or if Blaine had gone with him, they wouldn't have had any problems. They would have been perfect together. They were always perfect together. They were just abysmal apart.
After an appropriate amount of time had passed, Kurt tried to pull away from Blaine, to smile and talk to him, but Blaine wouldn't let him go. Kurt laughed a little awkwardly, but indulged him, and squeezed him tighter. "What are you doing here?"
Blaine kept his eyes shut and breathed him in. His face had landed somewhere between Kurt's shoulder and neck and that was where he wanted to stay. He sighed. "I have to tell you something," he mumbled against Kurt's sweater.
"Do you want to go get coffee and talk?" Kurt asked.
"No," Blaine shook his head. "Not in public."
"Oh," Kurt said, mildly worried. "My room?"
Blaine took a deep breath and nodded and finally allowed Kurt to pull away from him, to lead him by the hand to his room.
He collapsed on his back onto Kurt's bed, and Kurt crawled over him, leaning on his elbows, to look him in the eyes. "What's going on?"
"I'm stealing time," Blaine whispered.
"What do you mean?"
"I just want a few more seconds to look at you, to be this close to you, before… before it's all over."
Kurt dropped his head. "Blaine," he said, "you're starting to freak me out." He looked at him again. "Did you hear something from the doctors? Are you… okay?"
"I'm fine. I mean, I'm fine as far as anyone knows. I'm not going to die, or anything. Anytime soon."
"Then what are you talking about?"
"We're about one minute away from breaking up," Blaine said. "Don't you want to prolong it?"
Kurt raised an eyebrow. "You're breaking up with me?" He didn't sound entirely convinced.
"No, you're going to break up with me."
Now Kurt looked like he was trying not to smile. "Oh? Want to bet?"
Blaine turned his eyes up toward the ceiling, trying not to think about Eli or burst into tears. "Not really."
"Did your parents give you an ultimatum, or something? How hard would it really be to pretend like we broke up for a few months until you move out here and—"
"Kurt," Blaine cut him off. "It's not my parents. It's me."
"I'm sure there's nothing you could have done to make me break up with you," Kurt said. He sat up, and pulled Blaine up too. "Just tell me. Whatever it is. I'm sure it's not as bad as you think."
Blaine stared at him, silent for a while. "Just in case this is the last time we're sort of happy together, for the rest of our lives, do you want to tell me anything?"
Kurt sighed at the melodrama and leaned in to kiss him, a slow, sweet, languid kiss. Blaine knew he shouldn't let him, not without knowing Eli had been kissing him days earlier, but he couldn't push him away. He told himself it was a goodbye kiss. Maybe the last kiss from Kurt Hummel he'd ever get.
"Now tell me," Kurt said.
Blaine gave in. "I was with someone. I almost slept with him. I didn't actually, but what difference does it make?"
Kurt backed away from him a few inches, probably subconsciously, and bit his lip. "A big difference. You could have seen a cute guy across the street and thought about sleeping with him, or you could have—"
"Or I could have made out with someone in my bed in various states of undress, which is what actually happened. I know you don't want to hear it, but you have to know what happened. I came here to tell you everything."
Kurt stared at him. Blaine knew that he was falling apart. He knew he'd just put major, maybe unmendable cracks in his heart, in his trust, in his innocence. When they'd first met it was Kurt's naivety that Blaine had loved so much, that made him seem so precious, and sweet, and worth protecting. And now he could see that he was ruining him.
"Who was it?" Kurt asked finally.
"It doesn't ma—" Blaine started to say, but that put the worst look of all on Kurt's face. This horrible thing had already happened behind his back, he'd already been taken advantage of. It would hurt him even worse if Blaine made it seem like he was keeping secrets about it, or that Kurt wasn't worth telling the details to. "You don't know him," Blaine corrected himself. "I barely know him. We met on Facebook. We never met in real life until last week."
Kurt put his head in his hands and hid his eyes behind his fingers. Blaine knew he was crying.
"Listen to me, please, before you tell me to leave," Blaine said, knowing Kurt would have kicked him out by then if he had any control over his voice. "I had to go to the hospital last weekend—"
Kurt's head shot back up. "Blaine!" he yelled. "I knew something was going on with you, I knew all your weird secretive moodiness had something to do with it! Don't you realize you have to tell me when something happens to you?"
"I know, but—" Blaine tried.
"If something happens to you, it'll happen to me too," Kurt cried.
"I know," Blaine said again. "But—"
"But what?"
"But if I would have told you I was going in for tests, you would have come back to Lima to go with me."
"And you didn't want me to? You asked me to come back that day on the phone."
"And you said no," Blaine pointed out.
"You didn't tell me why!" Kurt yelled.
"Why should I have to tell you why?" Blaine yelled back, which was not how he wanted to have this conversation. "Why do you think I'd ask you to come back for some stupid, frivolous reason? It was going to cost you money, it was going to make you lose your job, and when you put me on hold I realized going to have tests done wasn't worth it, either. It was just as stupid and frivolous as anything. It wasn't as important as your life here."
Kurt glared at him.
"All that was going to happen was I'd get a letter in the mail three days later that said, 'You appear to be healthy, have a good day.' And that's exactly what happened. You never would have had to know anything about it."
"If only it hadn't somehow led to you sleeping with someone on Facebook," Kurt said.
"I asked my parents, I asked my brother, I asked everyone I could think of if they were free to take me, and no one was. So I called this guy. I said I just needed a ride. I had to take a lot of medication, and I was completely out of it. He helped me out of the car and to my front door, and before I even realized it he was inside and helping me into my bed."
Kurt was making a face, about to interject, probably with the words 'non-consensual,' but Blaine held up a hand to stop him.
"Nothing happened that night. I just fell asleep. And the next day I was more awake, and more aware, and… and he was still there."
"He was still there," Kurt repeated.
"Yes, he slept over."
"He slept over," Kurt repeated. "In your bed."
"In my bed, next to me. I had no idea he was going to stay. And I asked him why he was still there, and he gave me this big speech about how he cares about me and that someone—" Blaine stopped, too late.
"That someone what?" Kurt asked, furious.
"That… someone… should have been there with me. That I shouldn't have been alone."
"Did you tell anyone else that you had to go to the hospital? Or did you just make them all think you wanted to go shopping for bow ties at the Lima mall? Was he the only one you told?"
Blaine thought about it. "I guess, but—"
Kurt put a hand to his forehead. "This is insane. Anyone would have taken you if you explained it to them. The entire glee club would have. Mr. Schuester would have, he would have thrown his jacket over puddles so you didn't get your feet wet."
Blaine didn't know what to say.
"So you told Facebook guy, and only Facebook guy, and he told you all about how he cares about you and that no one else does. And then you made out and almost slept with him. Right?"
Blaine nodded weakly. "Right. But… I thought you hated me." Kurt was about to yell at him again but he continued anyway. "And I thought I hated you, too."
This rendered Kurt speechless, his mouth frozen open.
"But I really just hated myself, or the situation, or both. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want you to go to New York."
"You told me to go to New York," Kurt said, quiet now.
Blaine looked at him. "I know. But I was lying." It felt better to admit that to Kurt than it did to admit that he had cheated. Lying about wanting Kurt to go to New York was what had nearly ruined his life in the first place. Ever since Kurt starting talking about going, Blaine wanted to tell him not to. And now he finally had the chance. Of course, it wasn't going to make a difference now.
They stared at each other for a while, waiting, trying to recover, not sure what to do next. Finally Kurt said, "Is that it?"
"No," Blaine said. "I'm sorry. I was wrong. I wish it hadn't happened. And I love you. Even when I thought I hated you, I loved you more than anything else in the world. And I always have, and I always will."
Kurt blinked. "Is that it?"
Blaine nodded. "That's it."
"Then you can go."
Blaine moved slowly, got up from the bed slowly, and walked to the door slowly, He wanted to give Kurt enough time to change his mind and pull him back and forgive him, but, of course, Kurt wasn't going to change his mind.