"He said we're still best friends," Blaine counted off on his fingers, "he said he misses me, like crazy, and he said he loves me."

"He said he loves you?" Sam asked.

"Are you sure you didn't have, like, a fever dream before we went on stage?" Finn asked.

"No!" Blaine laughed. "He actually called me and actually said all of that. Well, I said I love him, and he said, 'I love you, too.'"

Sam shook his head. "This is incredible. I thought I was going to have to talk you through at least ten years of pain and suffering. Now it looks like you'll be back together with him by the new year."

"I'm just amazed we had to take someone other than Blaine to the hospital," Finn said. He was still a little shaken by Marley's on stage collapse. "You don't think her mom's gonna sue me for child labor or anything, do you?"

"And he said he's coming back for Christmas," Blaine grinned, ignoring Finn. "I'm going to have to do something amazing, and beautiful, and romantic."

"No one ever collapsed under Mr. Schue's watch," Finn said, now talking to himself.

"You could get him a dolphin shaped hat," Sam offered. "Or something that's really cutting edge like that."

"No, I can't buy him something, I have to do something. Something that shows him how sorry I am. But something that also makes him happy. We really need to stop crying every time we talk. It's getting… extreme."

"It doesn't have to be made out of actual dolphins," Sam said.

"Why haven't you been in the hospital lately?" Finn asked, turning to Blaine. "It's been a really long time. And you used to be in there, like, all the time."

Blaine shrugged. "I don't know. I have new pills. Maybe they work."

"Well, make sure you don't forget to take one. I couldn't handle all the extreme crying if I had to call Kurt and tell him you collapsed on stage. I'd get fired for sure if it happened twice."

—

"Hey."

"Hey?" Blaine replied. He was on the phone with Cooper. He hadn't spoken to him since he made him furiously storm out of Breadstix, so things were still weird. And Cooper had gone back to L.A. without saying goodbye. Blaine knew from experience that making amends with his brother over the phone was usually impossible.

"How was the musical? Didn't you say you were going to be in Grease?"

"It was fine. I was hardly in it, but…"

"Weren't you Danny?"

"No, I was the angel in the diner. Teen Angel. I had one scene."

"But you were the lead in West Side Story, what happened?"

"I told the guys directing it that I didn't want to be in it at all, but they made me take a little part. I didn't want to think about romance. I didn't want to think about Kurt. It didn't matter in the end, though. Kurt showed up unannounced to watch me on opening night."

"Did it mess you up?"

"No. I mean… I think I paused for a second, when I saw him. But I didn't forget the words. The show went on. A few people said the next day they didn't even notice that I screwed up. They might have been just trying to be nice, though."

"They weren't just trying to be nice. I'm sure no one noticed. There's something to say for your performance skills if the directors have to beg you to be in the play. I'm sure you were great."

Blaine sighed. "Thanks, Coop. I… I'm sorry about what happened—"

"Don't worry about it," Cooper cut him off. "We're still talking about how good of an actor you are. I think you should apply to NYADA, if that's what you really want to do. Regardless of Kurt. Regardless of if Kurt ends up attending next semester, regardless if Kurt never applies again. If you want to go, you should go."

"Well… thanks. This advice would have been more useful a month ago, which was the deadline for applying, but thank you anyway."

"Oh. Did you apply?"

Blaine bit his lip. "Yes… but… I only did it because I didn't know if I should or not. I figured I wouldn't regret applying, I just might regret not applying. And if I don't get in, I don't have to worry about it. But if I do… I don't know what I'm going to do."

"I think you should go. It's a big city. If you want to avoid Kurt you might never even see him. And if all else fails, you can always come out here to L.A.. You have a face for commercials."

Blaine smiled. "But I don't want to avoid Kurt."

"How'd it go when he came to see the musical? Did you talk?"

"Yeah, but not… effectively, about anything. He yelled at me, I talked to his back while he ignored me, and then we cried and told each other… I don't even know what. And then he left, angry, and that was it. But he just called me a few days ago and… it seems like he might be willing to be friends with me again."

"He's starting to come around," Cooper surmised.

"Obviously I'm not going to settle for just being his friend, but I'll take anything that I can get at this point. He's coming back for Christmas and he said we can hang out then."

"Good. I knew it would all work out."

"You thought he'd hate me forever," Blaine laughed. "And even though that's probably what I deserve, I'm just so happy that he's at least willing to give me another chance at being a part of his life. I think I could even take it if he tried being with someone else for a while, as long as he still talks to me, and confides in me. As long as we're building trust again, there's always hope for me, I think. For us to get back together."

"Now I don't regret finding him for you so much. But take it slow. Don't freak him out and scare him away."

"I know. I won't. Coop, please let me apologize for what I said at the restaurant."

"Fine. You're forgiven."

"It's none of my business, and I was a jerk."

"It's fine, Blaine."

"And one more thing. Thank you for finding Kurt for me."

Cooper sighed. "You say that now, now that things are looking up. I'm sure you wouldn't have said it a week ago."

"I would have. I just—" His phone beeped, signaling another call coming through.

"Just wait until something bad happens again, and—"

"Nothing bad is going to happen again," Blaine told him sternly. "Hang on a second." He switched to the other line. "Hello?"

"Hi, Blaine," Kurt said. He sounded a little shy, or at least apprehensive about actually speaking to Blaine after such a long silence.

"Hi!" Blaine said, a little too overzealous. He even sat up straight, like his posture would make a difference to Kurt's opinion of him over the phone.

"How are you?"

"I'm…" Blaine couldn't even put together a coherent sentence. "I don't know. I'm never going to get used to you calling me again."

"I know," Kurt laughed, but it was short. "Twice in two weeks. I'm getting clingy."

Blaine shook his head. All he wanted to say was, 'I love you,' a hundred times, so he didn't say anything.

"I have good and bad news," Kurt said.

"Okay."

Kurt took a deep breath. "I got into NYADA."

Blaine's eyebrows rose. "That's… that's amazing. I'm so happy for you. You deserved it from the start."

"I don't know, but thank you," Kurt told him, ever humble. "Anyway, this means I'm now responsible for thousands of dollars per semester that I didn't have to worry about before. So in an effort to save my already nonexistent bank account, I can't come back for Christmas."

Blaine slumped. "Oh."

"I know, I feel bad for telling you we could spend time together and then kind of bailing on you, but I didn't know. This was all so sudden…" He paused.

"Yeah," was all Blaine could say.

"But… I'll be back. Sometime. Maybe spring."

"Spring?" Blaine asked, that ever-present frown quickly finding its place on his face again. It had been gone for so short a time.

"Well I'll have to go to classes for a few months, I won't be able to come back… but I'm sure I'll get a spring break. I mean, that's what all college students are entitled to, right? And by then my dad will be murderous if I'm not back so… I'll have to."

Blaine didn't say anything.

"Come back. Then." Kurt awkwardly finished the sentence. He was obviously pained to have the entire conversation, and Blaine wasn't deluded enough to think it was because Kurt had actually wanted to spend time with him.

Blaine cleared his throat. "Well… okay. Thanks for letting me know. And congratulations."

"Thank you. Have a good holiday, Blaine."

"You too," he said, and switched quickly back to his brother's line before he said anything he shouldn't.

"Hello?" Cooper asked.

Blaine rubbed his eyes. "Hey."

"You were saying?"

"Um. Uh… thank you for being a good brother. That's what I wanted to say."

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Blaine said, unconvincingly. "Um, that was Kurt. He got into NYADA."

"Did you tell him you applied?"

He shook his head. "Nope."

—

On the last day before winter break, Blaine was staring into his locker pointlessly, except to waste a little time before he went home. He was sad every time he thought about Christmas, and Christmas was impossible to avoid. He would have preferred to keep going to school and not have a break at all. A break would only remind him that Kurt was supposed to be there, but wasn't going to be, anymore.

When he finally got around to closing his locker door, he was startled to find Burt Hummel standing on the other side, looking right at him, waiting for Blaine to eventually notice him.

"Hey, kid," Burt said while Blaine tried not to have a heart attack.

When he could speak again he said, "Are you here to kill me?"

Burt laughed. "No, I would've killed you months ago if I was going to."

Blaine didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry. For… everything."

Burt just rolled his eyes. "Come on, we're going to have a little talk." He began to walk down the hall, toward the front doors and the parking lot.

Blaine shouldered his bag and followed him hesitantly. "Is that a euphemism for killing me?"

Burt turned to give him a look. "I'm glad I'm still intimidating."

They ended up at the Lima Bean which, according to Burt, was apparently Blaine's "favorite place." Blaine didn't contradict the assumption.

Burt stared into his black coffee for a while, thinking, before he spoke. Blaine just shifted around nervously in his seat.

"First of all," Burt finally began, "I don't hate you for what you did. I was mad as hell about it for a while, mostly because I just didn't get it. I felt almost as betrayed as Kurt, just because I thought I knew you. I thought you were a good kid, that's why I trusted you with Kurt. But after a while I realized that all good kids make dumb mistakes. And it doesn't mean you aren't a good kid just because you messed up once."

Blaine felt a pressure in his heart and his head. He didn't know if he should laugh or cry. He kind of just wanted to run away. Finally he said, "Thank you."

"And none of it lets me off the hook for… not paying attention to you."

Blaine raised his eyebrows. "Are you supposed to pay attention to me?"

Burt shrugged. "Kind of. You're connected to my kid. It's stupid to think that Kurt's done with you forever. He said at first that he never wanted to see you again, and for a while I thought, 'I guess that's the last we'll see of Blaine.' But the more time that passed, the more I realized it's impossible. And Kurt's already changed his mind. He said he'd like to talk to you again, he just says he doesn't know if he's ready to do it yet. Well, too bad for him."

Blaine tried to make sense of this, but before he could ask questions Burt continued.

"And I visited you in the hospital myself, once or twice. I can tell how your dad treats you. I think he loves you, otherwise he wouldn't've ever been in the hospital with you, but I know he's not really around for you any other time."

Blaine used that moment to take a big gulp of coffee then, to keep himself from saying anything and to swallow at the lump in his throat.

"Kurt told me you cheated on him because you felt alone, and Kurt said, 'How stupid is that?' And I thought, well, you probably were alone. You probably felt… terrible. I get it. And if I have it in my power to be around for you, if you need an older guy to talk to, then I should be. At least until you graduate and run off to New York, too."

Blaine stared at him for a moment and didn't say, "Thank you," until he was sure he was in control of his voice.

Burt nodded and waved it off. "You are planning on going to New York, aren't you?"

"I wasn't really on speaking terms with Kurt when the NYADA applications were due, and I didn't know what to do. I applied, but I still don't know if I'm going to…"

"Did you tell Kurt?"

"No… I've barely talked to him—"

"But he told you he got in?"

"Yeah, but—"

"You didn't tell him then?"

"No, because…" Blaine paused, thinking Burt would interrupt him again, but Burt just waited for an excuse. "Because it's going to be weird. I don't know if he still wants me to be there or not. And I didn't want to ruin the happy news with… weirdness."

Burt frowned and rubbed his forehead, like Blaine was giving him a headache. "Blaine," he sighed. "Do you see the pattern here?"

Blaine thought about it. "No?"

Burt dropped his hand and tried a different approach. "Just so we're clear, what exactly are your intentions with Kurt, at this point?"

Blaine shook his head and shrugged. "I love him."

"And you want to get back together?"

"Yes."

"But more important than that is that he forgives you. And it's even more important than that that you forgive yourself."

Blaine nodded, but he didn't think that was ever going to happen. He'd already decided to dedicate his life to making it up to Kurt and apologizing for as long as he lived. But Sam had told him to try to be happy again, to try to let it go. Maybe forgiving himself and moving on were all part of the same thing.

"I don't mean congratulating yourself that you got away with it, if Kurt forgives you. I mean you have to accept that you're young, you were depressed, and you acted out in a negative way. There isn't anyone in the world who hasn't done that, in some way. You just need to realize that you were wrong and learn from it, and grow from it. That's it."

Blaine nodded. "Okay. I'll try."

"That brings us back to what I'm trying to tell you. Well, the first of two things. Imagine you and Kurt get back together, you go to college together in New York. What's going to stop you from cheating on him again?"

"Being so near to him," Blaine answered immediately, still sure that it never would have happened if Kurt had stayed or Blaine had gone with him. "Being able to see him every day and know I'm not losing him. And my whole life."

"No," Burt told him.

Blaine blinked. "No?"

"You're going to be a year behind Kurt at college too. Imagine as soon as he graduates he's hired onto a traveling Broadway show. He goes all over the country, or all over the world, for weeks or months or a year. And you can't go with him. What then?"

Blaine didn't know what to say.

"There're always going to be times in both of your lives that you'll be too busy to see each other all the time. And times when you'll be separated. Maybe for longer than you think you can handle. You can't be attached at the hip forever."

"But… maybe, if we're… I don't know, married…" Blaine babbled.

"No," Burt said again. "Why would a material object like a ring make you feel any less alone if he's gone for a year? Does that mean no one who's married has ever cheated on their spouse? Think again."

Blaine put his head in his hands. "I don't know," he said finally. "Maybe there's not an answer to your question. All I can say is that I know how I feel, and I know I'll never do it again…" he stopped when he looked up and saw Burt shaking his head.

"There is an answer," Burt said. "You have to think of it."

Blaine thought again. "I'll just… I'll…" He tried to think of all the advice people had given him since it happened. Sam. Cooper. Burt. He tried to think of what Kurt would tell him to do. And all at once it hit him. All of them in memories, asking, 'Why didn't you tell him?' and Kurt screaming, 'Why didn't you tell me?' And he himself, telling Kurt when he was jealous of Chandler, 'If you're unhappy, then tell me, but don't cheat one me.' "I'll tell him everything. I'll tell him if I'm unhappy, or even if I am. I'll tell him what's going on, and not hide it from him because I think I'm doing him a favor."

"Because if you hide it, then what happens?"

"It builds up into an impossible problem until it explodes and ruins everything."

"Exactly," Burt smiled. "You got the first part. But what if, while he's on this imaginary tour of the world, he's working so hard that he just comes home and falls asleep and doesn't have the time or energy to talk to you for days on end?"

Blaine only had to think about this question for a moment. "Then I'll just have to trust him. And he has to trust me."

"Very good," Burt nodded. "In conclusion?"

"Communication and trust," Blaine said.

"You got it."

"But I don't think he trusts me anymore."

"If you want him to forgive you, you need to start communicating now. You have to tell him everything. And in the meantime, work on getting him to trust you again. His trust in you isn't broken forever. You can fix it, you just have to earn it all over again. It's not impossible."

For the first time in a very long time, Blaine felt a glimmer of optimism. He almost felt happy, for a second. "Okay," he said. "Thank you."

"That was just the first part of why I brought you here," Burt said, draining his coffee. "But the second part is much simpler. It won't take much time. I just found out I have cancer."

Blaine stared at him, feeling like he just got punched. "I… I'm sorry."

"I haven't told Kurt, yet. I have to tell him in person. I'm going to visit him over Christmas, and I thought if you did a good job at this test today, which you did. You passed. Then you should come with me."

"To New York? To see Kurt?" Blaine repeated dumbly.

"I think he's going to need you when he hears about me. He has a million friends, but there aren't many people he cares about as much as I know he does you and me. He needs to know you're trying and you're going to be in his life again, even if I might, someday, have to bow out."

Blaine was speechless.

"I'm not dying," Burt said. "We caught it early, the doctors aren't too worried. But it's going to shake him up. It'll remind him that I do have to die, someday." He shrugged. "So will you be there for him, for me?"

Blaine tried to find his voice again. "Of course I will."

—

"Package for Kurt Hummel," Blaine said, skating up behind him. Stupid, but cheerful. He tried to play all the advice through his head like a mantra. Be happy. Be the person Kurt wants to be with. And he knew Kurt had just heard from Burt about his cancer. He needed someone to keep him from spiraling into a pit of hopelessness. He needed Blaine to be happy.

Kurt turned around and smiled when he saw him. Blaine could tell he was surprised, and not really in the mood to be surprised, but he was still happy to see him, in some way, and that was all that mattered to him. When they hugged Blaine never wanted to let him go.

While they skated Blaine hoped that Kurt would tell him how he was feeling, and his thoughts about his father. But he was quiet. He just smiled a lot, and was unusually quiet. It wasn't the perfect communication that Blaine was trying to initiate, but it wasn't really up to Kurt to be communicative. It was Blaine's job, at first. He would lead by example. He would get Kurt to talk to him candidly again, some day. And meanwhile he kept hoping Kurt would start to fall on the ice so he could very gallantly catch him, but Kurt managed to stay on his feet the whole time.

Afterward they met with Burt again at Kurt and Rachel's adorably decorated apartment and had Christmas dinner. Blaine tried to ignore the little feeling in the back of his heart that he was intruding and didn't belong there, that he wasn't almost a part of the Hummel family, anymore. Instead he focused on staying calm and happy, on being supportive and hopefully showing Kurt that he could lean on him, if he needed to. It just didn't seem like Kurt was noticing. He was just sad and trying not to show it, which was even sadder for Blaine to watch.

At some point that night Kurt said quietly, "I can't believe you brought me Blaine for Christmas," and he smiled and faintly blushed, his eyes down and locked on his plate. He almost seemed to say it to himself.

Burt helped introduce a good time for Blaine to tell Kurt he'd applied to NYADA. As he'd been all night, Kurt reacted in the same near-happy, strained, nervous, embarrassed way. It wasn't perfect, but at least he knew. That was the most important thing, Blaine told himself. And sometime soon, after the shock of Burt's health and his arrival in New York, they could talk about it more.

That night Kurt slept in Rachel's bed, Burt slept in Kurt's bed, and Blaine slept on the sofa in the living room. Blaine dreamt that Kurt came out and talked to him, or climbed on top of him and held him, but it never really happened. He woke up alone on the sofa in the morning, to the smell of Kurt making eggs.

After breakfast Kurt gave them a tour of the NYADA campus and they had lunch at a little deli. Kurt wouldn't really speak to either of them directly, just generally, and it was obvious he was still shaken.

And that evening, Blaine had to leave. Burt was going to stay longer, which Blaine was glad for. But he had to get back after just a day. His parents were already massively confused as to why Burt pleaded on Blaine's behalf to let him spend 24 hours in New York. They never would have allowed more than a day.

Blaine was packing his mini shampoo bottle and razor and toothbrush in the bathroom when he felt someone watching him. He turned his head and caught Kurt in the hallway, watching him from a safe distance. But when he was noticed, Kurt turned and walked away. Blaine followed him, took his arm gently, and said, "Hey. Talk to me."

Kurt just shrugged. "I was just looking at you. I don't get to see you much anymore."

"I know. You look so different now than you do in the pictures in my locker. And I was thinking about what you looked like when we met…"

"I finally went through puberty," Kurt smiled.

"No, I think it was New York. It's changed you."

"Are you saying I look like a homeless heroin addict?" He couldn't stop trying to joke his way out of the conversation. He was subconsciously pulling away from Blaine's grasp on his arm, trying to move out into the living room, to the safety of his father and the television, where he wouldn't have to be alone with Blaine.

"No, you're tall, and thin, and muscular, and beautiful now. I wish I could look at you all the time."

Kurt sighed sadly and went still. Then he put his arms around Blaine's waist, pulled him close and rested his chin on Blaine's shoulder. But he didn't say anything.

Blaine held him tight. "Talk to me," he pleaded.

Kurt shrugged. "There isn't anything to say," he whispered.

Blaine pulled back a little, just enough to look into his eyes and put his hands gently on his cheeks. "When does Rachel get back? I don't want you to be alone after Burt leaves."

"Why not?" Kurt asked, not looking Blaine in the eyes, unsuccessfully trying to hide the tears in his own.

"Because I know how sad you are."

Kurt pressed the back of his hand to his eyes. When he took it away, the tears were gone, but his eyes were still red. "I'm fine. I'll be fine. You have to go. You're going to be late." He let go of Blaine and reached around him to take his bag, carrying it for him to the front door.

Blaine took a deep breath and looked around, checking to see if he'd forgotten anything besides the love of his life. Kurt opened the door for him and they stood on opposite sides of the threshold.

"Call me if you need to talk to someone," Blaine made him promise. "I'll always listen."

Kurt nodded. "Okay."

"I…" Blaine began, but was too nervous to tell Kurt he loved him and then wait there awkwardly, hoping that Kurt would say it back. Maybe his feelings had changed since Thanksgiving. Maybe Kurt would only say it on the phone, and not in real life. So he reached up to kiss him on the cheek and changed his wording. "Please remember that I love you," he said, and walked away without giving Kurt the chance to say anything back at all.