Chapter Two
It seemed within a few weeks that Hank had become the indispensable sixth member of their little gang.
The two females of the group had quickly bonded over fashion accessories, an admiration of geeky boys, the undeniable attraction of Mark Harmon on NCIS, and a healthy addition of Kahlua to their coffee after two hours of chatter. For Penny, Hank was like the happy medium she had always looked for. Someone who could relate to her on those things she deemed girlie and normal, as well as someone who wouldn't condemn her for hanging out with the fabulous foursome she had adopted has her own three years ago. To Hank, Penny was the girlfriend she'd never had (at least since the 3rd grade) due to a penchant for frequently choosing to geek out rather than play it cool (even though, as Penny pointed out, Hank could blend in with the masses if she chose to).
Leonard was happy that even one of Penny's (now) friends was willing to hang with them because it gave Wolowitz someone else to hit on and Koothrappali another female to ignore. The fact that she could intellectually debate with him for hours about the whether the Dragonlance series was better than the Lord of the Rings series was an added bonus. She had almost convinced him that the childlike Kender had an up on Hobbits, and he had managed to get her to concede that Gandalf might have one up on Fizban (even if Fizban was both comedic relief and a GOD).
Both Howard and Raj had admitted that while Penny was oftimes painfully beautiful, Hank was probably the most attractive female geek they had ever encountered (in real life, of course). The also couldn't help but admire how well she seemed to put up with Sheldon's idiosyncrasies.
Not that things were always perfect between those two, despite the fact that it was blatantly obvious to everyone who wasn't Sheldon that the tiny writer was completely smitten. Even with her crush, Hank didn't go over to 4A for two days after an argument with Sheldon.
It had started out small. Because she was writing a new book she met with Raj three times a week for help with her research (which mainly involved communication via email, with occasional verbal diatribes from Hank that Raj responded to by scribbling frantically on a whiteboard). On those days she had offered to drive Sheldon into the office (for obvious reasons), and one of them happened to fall on a Wednesday.
Geek that she was, Hank had no problem accompanying Sheldon to the comic book store. The argument had come from the fact that once they entered they both went to completely opposite ends of the store. Sheldon, was of course, a DC fan first and foremost, while Hank had always preferred the Marvel Universe. Her mistake had been in insulting Superman, who had always been the lamest superhero, in her opinion. Then she had the audacity to suggest that Tony Stark made a better billionaire gadget hero than Bruce Wayne, when everyone knew Batman was THE BEST superhero in the history of those who would be called superheroes.
Perhaps it wouldn't have ended so badly if Sheldon hadn't chosen to mock, not only her intelligence but her own skills as a writer while giving his opposing argument. She told him quite simply to go fuck himself and find his own ride home.
It was Leonard who had had to listen to the reasons why it was not only improbable but also quite ridiculous for one to procreate with oneself, as there was obviously no chance in reproduction by that result, not even with a hermaphrodite, who despite having both reproductive parts, could not reproduce, and were usually incapable of reproduction period.
Somehow, Leonard assumed it was thanks to Penny, Hank had decided to forgive Sheldon, and on Friday evening she knocked on their door holding her SNES, several games (including the entire Donkey Kong series), and a serving dish containing raspberry squares that tasted remarkably like Poptarts with a softer crust.
It seemed that Penny had made Hank understand that Sheldon was either incapable or unwilling to admit a fault or apologize (unless prodded by his mother), so she would have to be the bigger person in the situation. Having already become attached to the group, Sheldon and Penny especially, Hank couldn't stay away for long and so swallowed her own pride in favor of Sheldon's. She apologized for leaving him at the Comic Book store and for arguing with him (though she made a point not to admit she was wrong about her arguments). It seemed to be enough for Sheldon, and the two commenced with vintage game night while Penny and Leonard headed out for dinner and a movie.
The scene they returned to could almost be considered intimate, though by no means was it sexual. It seemed that Hank had attempted to get Sheldon to watch The Boondock Saints and they had both fell asleep half way through. Sheldon's head was now resting on Hank's shoulder, while Hank's own head was inclined against his. She had her legs tucked up beneath her with her knees bent toward him, and his right hand now rested on one of those knees.
The first thought that went through Penny's mind when she happened on the scene was She's in my spot.
Penny blinked. She didn't know where that thought had come from and she wasn't sure that she liked it. Still, her eyes hadn't strayed from the pair on the couch, from the hand that seemed (to her eyes) to grip that knee almost possessively... The very hand which touched the corner of her mouth a month ago when Sheldon had fed her chocolate. She was so caught up in her own thoughts that it took her a moment to realize Leonard was talking to her.
"Penny!" he hissed quietly at her. "Do you think Sheldon realizes he has a girlfriend?"
Shaking herself mentally Penny turned back to Leonard with a forced smile. "Do you think Hank realizes how much ground she's gained in becoming his girlfriend tonight?"
Leonard stifled a chuckle. "Should we wake them?"
"Nah, they look so cute. Come on, let's go across the hall and make some noise."
His hand in hers she led him to 4B, all the while wondering if she was going to be able to shake the image of Sheldon's hands sliding up her legs when it would be Leonard's exploring that territory.
It had been seventeen days, two hours, and twenty three minutes since that Saturday morning Sheldon and Hank woke up on the couch together.
His first coherent thoughts was that it was 6:20 and if he didn't hurry he would miss the beginning of Dr Who. His second was the location that he awoke in, which was not his bedroom. The third was the fact that an obviously female voice was now mumbling sleepy incoherent nothings as a body stirred beside him. As his sleep-fuddled brain processed these thoughts his eyes shot open. He stood up quickly, the action causing Hank to half fall into his spot, although it surely worked to wake her up.
"What time is it?" she asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
Having no idea how to respond to the situation before him, Sheldon responded with the only thing that made sense to him (though even it was a baffling statement to make). "I'm going to miss Dr Who."
"Am I supposed to know what that means?" She dropped her legs to floor, rotating her neck in a circle and giving a sigh of relief at the cracks that loudly echoed the room, relieving the tension from having laid in one position all night.
He shook his head at her as if to say, yes you should know what that means. "Every Saturday I wake up at 6:15, pour myself a bowl of cereal, add a 1/4 cup of 2% milk, and turn on BBC America to watch Doctor Who." He paused, glancing at his watch. "It is now 6:23."
She stared at him for a moment, not really believing what she heard. Sure, she had three weeks of Sheldon experience to learn that he was not like the other boys, but it never failed to amaze her how deep some of his neurosis ran. She exhaled deeply and stood up. "Go brush your teeth. I'll fix your cereal and you'll get back in time for the opening sequence."
He gave her a look as if her head had just spun around and she had spoke in tongues. "You can't touch my food."
"You've got to be-" she paused, rubbing her face with her hands, half because she was still sleepy, and half out of her own incredulousness. She looked back up at him with a terse smile. "I'll be touching the box, the carton, and the outside of the bowl. I promise not to touch one single kernel. You'll be safe, I promise."
He stared at her suspiciously for a moment as if debating whether she was out to trick him. "Well..."
Hank glanced down at her own wrist, looking at the imaginary watch that said it was a freckle past a hair. "If you don't go now you'll miss the introduction."
Seeming to channel her earlier frustration it was Sheldon's turn to exhale loudly as he placed a hand on his belly. He stood there for a few seconds before saying, "third box from the left" and turning to go to the bathroom.
It took Hank another few seconds to realize he was actually entrusting her with his meal. Once she did she quickly got up and went to the kitchen. With the cereal poured she looked for a measuring cup, making a face at the one she found labeled 'urine cup' and looked for another one. She wasn't going to take a chance at over or under pouring and measurement had never been her strong suit.
By the time that Sheldon came back from the restroom, teeth clean and shiny, the tv was on (announcing that coming up next was another episode of Dr Who), and Hank was pouring exactly 1/4 a cup of milk into his cereal. She quickly handed him the bowl and spoon, a small grin crossing her features.
"Thank you, Hank. You have been most helpful in a situation that could have been quite devastating." He took the offered items and carried it over to the couch, settling in his spot just as the show started.
"Anytime, Sheldon." As she made her way to the door she paused in her step when he spoke.
"You're not staying?"
Hank shook her head. "I haven't been this coherent before 8am since I pulled that all-nighter trying to finish chapter 23." She gave him a wink as she opened the door. "Enjoy your show, Shel. I'll see you later."
When Sheldon thought about it, that was when things first started to change between him and Penny. Actually, that wasn't entirely true. Sheldon remained the same as always, it was Penny who didn't behave as she normally did. And so he decided to ask her about it the next time they were alone.
"Penny?"
"Yes, Sheldon?"
"I have noticed that you have not been responding to me as you normally do as of late."
She frowned. "Excuse me?"
"There has always been a set of protocols between us. A give and take, if you will. While you are not my match intellectually, you have always been able to hold your own against me in a sparring match of verbal commentary, and yet I have noticed that you seem to decline even trying as of late. Why is that?"
"Oh sweetie, you have a girlfriend for that now- you don't need me." She went back to stirring what he deemed an ungodly amount of sugar into her coffee cup.
"I-" he began, but cut himself off, internally questioning her statement. He could only assume she meant Hank, as she was the only female he spent an unordinate amount of time with lately.
Come to think of it, she was around quite a lot. Three times a week she drove him to and from work. She had gotten so frustrated with Raj's lack of communication skills that he, Sheldon, had taken it upon himself to help her in her research. She participated in Vintage Gaming Fridays and his Saturday laundry ritual. As he looked back he could not think of a time where Hank had declined his company in favor of anyone else, including their small circle of friends.
Aside from the public displays of affection, which Sheldon disdained- and the private displays of affection, which if had no one but Sheldon and Hank would know about- it was obvious how one could come to the conclusion that they were, for all intents purposes, dating.
But even with that thought clearly processed in his analytical mind, he did not understand how that change in status would affect Penny's behavior toward him. After all, she and Leonard had been dating in actuality for almost three times that length of time and it was only recently that she started to change.
And so he said, more simply than Sheldon had ever asked anything, "What does one have to do with the other?"
"You don't need me to flirt with when you've got Hank around."
His brow furrowed in confusion. "Are you saying that our previous verbal endeavors have been forms of flirtation?"
"I-" Realizing after the fact what she had said, Penny tried to control the blush that was forming while quickly making her way to the door. "I'm sorry, honey, I'm running late for work- we can talk about this later, okay?"
He barely heard the "Have a good day," as she shut the door behind her. Glancing down at his watch Sheldon realized that Hank would soon be coming to pick him up and he, too, would be late if he did not hurry.
If that hadn't been the case he would have given more thought to her response to his question, but as it was he just didn't have the time to think about it... Now, that is.
"Hank, are we dating?"
The car came to a screeching halt. Luckily, it was a red light, and the stop was perfectly appropriate, but based on the hand gestures of the portly man in the car behind her Hank knew that it had been expected she would run right through the yellow light that had just changed.
"Babe, if you're trying to get us in an accident that's a sure fire way to do it."
Sheldon frowned. "You assured me you were a licensed driver."
Hank couldn't help but chuckle at that remark. "I take it you've never been to New York." At the shake of his head she continued. "No one drives in Manhattan unless you're a crazy person, and I was there for three years, give or take. Nevertheless, even with that lull in driving history I can still hold my own on the road. But startle even the safest driver and you can cause a wreck, Shel."
"I didn't mean to startle you," he said, almost sheepishly.
"Where is this coming from, anyway?" she asked, switching her foot from the brake to gas pedal as the light changed.
Sheldon turned his gaze to look out the window. "Penny has suggested that you are now my girlfriend."
She smiled. Leave it to Penny to point out something like that. Still, she couldn't help feeling her pulse rate quicken as she posed her next question. "Do you think we're dating?"
He seemed to consider it a moment. "I can see where one might come to that conclusion, but given our private moments together I am not certain that is a correct assumption."
How very Sheldon, Hank couldn't help thinking. "Better question, Babe. Do you want to be dating me?"
"You are neither malodorous nor particularly annoying. You do not impress social demands upon me that make me uncomfortable, nor do you attempt to impress me with what one might call feminine wiles. Though you will never be my intellectual equal you have thus far been able to hold your own in verbal repartee. I do not agree with every opinion you present me, but I have been told couples who agree on everything lack that 'spark' to keep a relationship at a positive state. Based on the facts at hand I find it amenable that we consider ourselves, in all respects, a couple."
Though she appreciated the analytical process which brought him to (in her opinion) a positive conclusion, she couldn't help pointing out, "A simple yes or no would have sufficed."
Sheldon turned his glance to her, prepared to respond when he noticed she was smiling. If he had to guess, he would say that she was teasing, and assuming her statement was rhetorical he decided not to respond directly to it.
Instead, he took a gander at what he had viewed was acceptable social protocol for these situations. "Would you like for me to hold your hand?"
Hank chuckled. "Not while I'm driving, Babe."
Sheldon nodded, glad for more than one reason that she had declined his offer. "I had not considered that," he remarked quietly as he turned his attention back to the road.