Chapter Three
Thanksgiving was almost upon them. Penny was planning a nice little get together at 4A and after two weeks of organization she was starting to realize if she wanted to have everything prepared by Thursday afternoon she was going to need help.
Hank was not looking forward to Thanksgiving. For her parents it was a holiday that they often chose to leave the country for- in favor of some exotic location, or snazzy ski trip. When she was younger she was usually left with her uncle's family in Florida, and when she reached an age where they actually thought to include her on their little vacations she usually declined. Eamon and Lydia Ward tended to act like they were on a second (or third, or thirty-third) honeymoon every time they left the country together, and Hank often felt like a third wheel.
So no, Hank wasn't looking forward to Thanksgiving, and why should she. It was just another day to her. At least it was until Penny knocked on her door early Wednesday afternoon.
At first she didn't hear the knock. After all, this was one of the few times during the week she could get away with listening to her stereo at full blast and know it wouldn't disturb her neighbors. She was singing along to Sublime's Bad Fish and was quite content to do so until she heard a shout.
"HENRIETTA LOUISE WARD, YOU OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!"
Picking up the remote she turned down the volume and quickly bounced across the room to answer the door. "Why, Penelope May Kessler, as I live and breathe."
Penny inclined her head. "Was that really necessary?"
"Hey, you middle name me, I middle name you."
The blonde chuckled. "I need your help."
Opening the door wider, Hank made a sweeping motion with her hand, and Penny stepped inside the apartment. She hadn't been into 4C since that first day they met, and Hank had mostly been living out of boxes at that time. There were a number of book shelves, a fairly decent collection of DVDs on one of them, and most of them were additionally lined with toys ranging from a graduation owl Beanie Babie to a Darth Vader action figure in combat with a female Jedi that Penny didn't recognize. There was a decent number of superhero posters on the wall that she knew the boys would envy, in addition to several collages of what the blonde could only describe as "geek memorabilia" that Hank must have made herself. The wall nearest to the door had a large picture of the Milky Way Galaxy, and next to her computers were a cork board and white board on either side. There was an L shaped desk for her desktop pc, with two flat screen monitors adjacent to one another, while an open laptop sat on the far end. The desk was currently a clutter of yellow papers, composition books and post it notes.
All in all the place reminded Penny of 4A, with perhaps a little more chaos involved. "Have the boys seen this?" she asked, gesturing about the living room.
"Maybe if I weren't afraid Howard might try to kidnap me. It's bad enough he keeps greeting me as the Future Mrs Wolowitz (ha!). If he knew I frequently kept pictures of scantily clad elf-like females on my walls he'd probably never leave me alone."
Penny nodded in understanding.
"Speaking of-" Hank paused to go over to her desk, reaching over to a page tacked to the cork board and pulled it down. Returning to face Penny she held it up to the blonde for inspection. It was a drawing of a blonde woman wearing a high ponytail and clad in an outfit that could only be described as several scarves tied together to cover the most private bits of her anatomy. Granted, a bikini covered even less, but it was safe to say that this outfit left very little to the imagination. "How would you feel about wearing this?"
An incredulous look crossed Penny's features. "Sorry, Hank. You're not my type."
"No!" Hank couldn't help but laugh, and it took her a moment to collect her thoughts. "I should've started at the beginning. Monday I meet with the casting director so that she can review my personal choices for actors. Then the studio is going to make a few calls, do whatever networking thing studios do, and finally they'll start the auditioning process. All I can do is get your foot in the door. You have to get the part on your own."
Penny's face had paled. "Are you saying-"
Hank bit her lip. "It's not huge, okay? She's got about 27 lines (provided they didn't cut anymore) and spends most of her time on screen in scantily clad outfits like this one. But I could see her looking like you, and if you're interested I can get you an audition."
"A. Real. Audition."
"No, a fake one." Hank shook her head. "Does that mean you're interested?"
She had to assume that the enveloping hug the blonde gave her was a definite yes. "Oh my God, Hank. You are incredible!"
Hank couldn't help smiling, but she swiftly extracted herself from Penny's embrace to drive her point home. "No I'm not. And I want to be clear from the get go that all I am doing is telling the casting director that I want you to audition for this role. I can't make them give it to you, and I don't want you to hate me if they choose someone else. Obviously I'm going to be rooting for you the whole time, but all I can do is cheer from the sidelines. Everything else is on you."
"Incredible. I promise that the audition is enough and I will not hold it against you if your casting director turns out to be an idiot."
With a grin Hank wrapped an arm around Penny's shoulders. "And she really will be if she doesn't pick you. I'll be sure to get you a copy of her big speech for your audition. It won't be for a few weeks so you'll have plenty of time to practice."
"Thanks again, Hank, really," Penny said, beaming with genuine pleasure over what she considered was an incredible gift.
She shook her head. "I wouldn't have even suggested it if I didn't think you'd be good for the part. Now then, you said you needed my help with something?"
Penny slapped her forehead lightly. "I completely forgot! Yes- Thanksgiving! I'm feeding the boys tomorrow and I may have overestimated my capabilities in the kitchen. Will you help?"
Spend the holiday with a group of people who had, in the span of two months, quickly become her little California family? "Absolutely. And I know what my first contribution will be." She walked over to her fridge and opened it, revealing a hearty collection of unopened wine bottles and retrieving one of them. "My Uncle Pat always said it wasn't Thanksgiving without a good bottle of wine and a nice, healthy buzz."
"Your Uncle Pat sounds like a man after my own heart," Penny replied, linking arms with Hank as they head over to 4A to evaluate the situation and decide what to tackle first.
Wednesday night was Halo Night. Hank confessed that while she had an ever-growing collection of video games she had absolutely no talent whatsoever with first-person shooters, so she and Penny focused their attention on Thursday's meal while the boys played.
The two females had both agreed that they wouldn't mention Penny's audition to the boys until they knew whether she got the part. This way, if (when, said Penny) she got it it would be a happy surprise for everyone.
The meal, which had been reviewed twice by Sheldon, would be the quintessential Thanksgiving feast, just like Mrs Cooper used to make. Well, almost. Both Penny and Hank had pinkie swore not to Sheldon that the secret ingredient in the gravy was beer.
It was probably unnecessary to crack open that second bottle of wine, particularly since only Penny and Hank were drinking (all the boys declined in order to put their "game faces" on, and Sheldon wouldn't have said yes, anyway), but they had settled into a comfortable state of inebriation and giddiness over planning that when Penny finished off the last of the first bottle Hank bounced right over to 4C to pick up a second.
The little skip step was probably not the best choice. Because it was a loading screen, Hank felt no qualms about passing in front of the television. Not noticing that one of her laces was untied, she skipped right onto the loose string and started to fall, face first, to the hardwood floor. With a talent only an experienced lush could possess, she managed to turn her body in such a way that she landed half on her hip and half on her butt almost directly in front of Raj, the wine bottle hugged protectively to her chest.
For about five seconds the room grew silent. It seemed that even the Halo loading screen was in awe of Hank's fall. And that silence was quickly broken by Penny's laughter, which Hank easily joined in on.
Leonard and Howard cracked a smile, Sheldon seemed more concerned that the game was being interrupted than anything else, and Raj stared wide-eyed at the girl on the floor.
"What's a matter, Raj-Podge? Nothing to say to the girl who falls at your feet?"
His answer was a weak smile as he offered a hand to help her up.
She smiled ruefully and took his hand, holding the wine bottle with the other as she pulled herself back to her feet. "Sorry boys," she said, backing away toward the kitchen with a mock salute. "You can commence with the mutual slaughter, now."
Before Leonard could unpause the game, Howard gestured to him and moved around the coffee table toward Hank. "Madame, if your posterior is in need of a gentle hand-"
"Wolowitz?"
"Hmm?" Howard turned to glance at the lanky man who had called his name.
"No," Sheldon said, with an air of finality.
Everyone (but Hank, who was now beaming) in the room turned to give Sheldon a look that clearly said "wtf?" but even as he gave his version the Jewish Engineer slinked meekly back to his chair near the door.
There was a brief moment of silence until Leonard started the game again, realizing that they weren't going to get anything more out of Sheldon. Meanwhile, Penny turned her "wtf" look over to Hank who beamed right back.
"More wine?" the brunette asked as she uncorked the bottle.
"You know Raj," Howard said from across the room. "More women might fall at your feet if actually spoke to them. Pass out from the shock, you know."
Raj replied with a rude hand gesture in Howard's direction.
Smirking, Leonard asked, "Do you need help with the translation there, Wolowitz?"
Making a face Howard replied with a, "Thanks, but I'm fluent in jackass."
"Oh my God, cookies!"
The room did a collective head-turn in Penny's direction.
"Okay, how did that make you think of cookies?" Leonard asked an eyebrow raised.
At that Hank gasped, realizing what Penny meant. "Yes! We'll never get everything done in time if we don't make them tonight!"
Both females immediately gulped down the contents in their wine glasses and headed for the door, chattering with each other about the different types of dough and colored icing the needed to buy.
"Why do you need cookies?" Howard asked. "Aren't you making pumpkin pie?"
"Yes," answered Hank, "But I hate pumpkin pie. Plus, the cookies will have a theme." She gave him a gamine grin as the two girls disappeared out the door.
The four remaining exchanged glances.
"Should they be driving in their condition?" Raj asked after a moment.
"Ah, damnit." Leonard put down his remote and headed out the door after them, pausing only to retrieve his keys from the bowl.
The remaining boys were quiet for another moment until Sheldon looked up, having obviously been in deep thought, and posed a new question.
"Who doesn't like pumpkin pie?"
8:00am
Knock, knock, knock.
8:01am
Knock, knock, knock.
8:02am
Knock, knock, knock. "PENNY!" A groan. "PENNY KESSLER, WAKE YOUR HAPPY ASS UP!"
8:03am
A sigh. "Fuck this, I'm going back to bed."
The sound of a door opening. "Good morning, Hank."
"Good night, Sheldon."
8:25am
Leonard entered the kitchen in his bathrobe, the crooked glasses and extreme bedhead made it obvious that he had woken up, thought coffee, and acted on instinct. He poured himself a cup and was just stirring in a small helping of milk when he started to become more coherent. Glancing around the room, he turned his attention to Sheldon, who was typing away at his desk.
"Weren't Penny and Hank going to be here at 8?"
Sheldon didn't even pause in his work to answer the question. "I believe Penny has reinforced her 'karate-chop-to-the-throat-if-you-knock-before-11' rule, and Hank has gone back to bed."
"Huh," Leonard replied. Though silently he couldn't help wondering when they were going to get to eat that evening.
9:04am
"HANK!" Knock, knock, knock. "Ooh, that's loud, mm. HANK, WE OVERSLEPT- GET UP!"
The door opened and the tiny brunette inside the apartment glared at the blonde standing outside her door. "Correction. I was up on time. YOU didn't answer your door."
Penny winced. "We don't have time to argue trifles."
"You're right," Hank replied, reaching over to grab her purse from the hook by the door and stepping out of the apartment. "We can argue in the car. Come on."
"Wait, where are we going?"
"To Denny's. It's the only place open this early that's going to serve me a bacon cheeseburger and chili-cheese fries. I don't know about you, but I'm sorely in need of hangover food."
Penny was willing to admit she could use a hangover cure. Perhaps the midnight margaritas hadn't been their smartest decision, especially when they had promised to be up so early. But the thought of food made her stomach turn a little, and she told Hank as much.
"Trust me," the other girl replied as the headed down the stairs.
10:17am
The two girls who climbed up the stairs were much more fresh, alert, and ready to face the daunting task of Thanksgiving dinner.
"That's amazing, is that some sort of family secret or something?"
"What's that?" Hank asked as she knocked on the door to 4A.
"Where did you learn to cure hangovers with greasy fried food?" Penny asked.
"Lorelai Gilmore™," she replied in a voice that stated she clearly thought Penny knew the answer.
11:30am
Despite the slight delay in getting started, everything seemed to be going according to plan. Penny was elbow deep in turkey, and Hank was mixing ingredients for the gravy. Sheldon had seated himself comfortably to enjoy the parade, seated with a laptop so that he could both continue work, and provide his own commentary on the parade to one of the many message boards that he was a member of, while Leonard was currently in the shower.
The doors to 4A, 4B, and 4C were open as the girls were taking advantage of having three ovens at their disposal, and though they spent most of their time in the boys' apartment, they wanted to keep an open ear and nose to the cooking that was occurring in the other two residences.
The scene was pretty homey, all things considered, and as Sheldon spared a glance for the two girls working in the kitchen he couldn't help but smile. It was at that moment that Penny happened to glance his way as well, and she smiled back, noting that his expression made him seem softer, more approachable. She vaguely wondered if that had something to do with Hank, and she paused in her stuffing to wonder why that thought would make her feel a little uneasy.
Caught up as she was, distracted from her work, she was the first to notice two gentlemen standing in the doorway. One was tall, with reddish blonde hair and a body that looked like it belonged on a movie star or underwear model, even covered by the dark blue suit he was wearing. His companion a shorter (though not, Penny noted, "Leonard" short), with cropped dark brown hair, and a familiarity in his features. She noticed that as both gazes found Hank they smiled. She wondered how her companion knew these two men.
"That better be my dad's gravy recipe you're playing with, Ms Ward."
Recognizing the brunette's voice, Hank looked up with surprised joy. "Noll! What are you doing here?!" She quickly brushed her hands off with a towel and ran across the room into his arms.
"As if I could come all the way out to California without stopping to visit my favorite cousin," Noll said as he hugged her, while Penny and Sheldon both watched with curious (and slightly disinterested in Sheldon's case) glances.
"What he means to say is that he'll use any excuse to fly a private jet, even if it means we leave the hotel 4 hours before dinner," the redhead added.
"Oh shush, you're just mad that the pilot wouldn't let you sit in the captain's seat."
Hank grinned up at him from Noll's arms. "Hi Charlie."
"Hello, Midget," he replied, holding his arms as she moved over to hug him. "Are you shrinking? You look smaller since I last saw you."
"That's highly unlikely, unless he only saw Hank in the early hours of the day when the cartilage of the spine is expanded. But even then, it would not justify his comment on her appearance now as it is still relatively early."
Penny smiled, stifling a chuckle at Sheldon's response while the two newcomers gave him varying incredulous looks. Hank backed out of Charlie's arms to look over her friends, both old and new.
"So," Noll began, breaking the silence caused by Sheldon's remark. "Your mom said 4C."
"I am, but we're having Thanksgiving with the boys, and 4A seems to be the regular hot spot on this floor for gatherings."
"So I guess we won't be rescuing you from loneliness to come to dinner with us, then?"
Hank smiled. "Not quite. Come in, meet everyone! Well," she conceded. "Almost everyone."
It was convenient that Leonard came out at that particular moment, though the presence of two relatively attractive men in his apartment caused him to back up a little bit and regard the situation with his traditional nervousness.
"Guys," she began, turning to address the room and holding her arms up in a way similar to Vanna White advertising a puzzle. "This is Noll, my favorite cousin." She gave him a wink before continuing. "And this is his boyfriend, Charlie."
Leonard, realizing he had nothing to fear from a gay couple, looked visibly relieved and came further into the room to be a part of the introductions.
"Charlie, Noll, this is Leonard. He's actually one of Maggie's professors." To Leonard she added, "Maggie Tanner is one of your grad students, she's engaged to Charlie's brother."
"Oh, hello," Leonard said with a nod of recognition.
"I like her," Sheldon interjected, surprising his roommate. "Quiet, thorough. Doesn't ask a lot of stupid questions. Smarter than Leonard."
He made a face. "Oh, how would you know?"
"Easy. She asked me for advice on her thesis."
"Why would she ask you if she's my grad student?"
"Because she knows how smart you are."
Through out the conversation Penny had washed her hands free of turkey and now walked over to stand by Hank, glancing over her shoulder to give both of the boys a look before smiling at Noll and Charlie.
"This is Penny," Hank said with a smile as the blonde shook their hands.
"Pleased to meet you," Penny replied.
"She lives across the hall and is Leonard's girlfriend," Hank added.
Her cousin exchanged a look with his boyfriend that clearly said Really?
Before they could vocalize their question Hank turned to gesture toward Sheldon, who had not moved from his spot. "And that's my- uh..." she trailed off, realizing that while they had agreed to be a couple they had not yet told their friends about the change in status. Whether subconsciously or not, she was not unsure of how to proceed.
"Her boyfriend. Sheldon. Hello." He gave a wave that was as short and cryptic as his words.
Leonard glanced at Penny, catching her eye. Did he just say boyfriend? he mouthed to her.
Penny shrugged and turned back to their guests. "Would you boys like to stay for dinner?"
Noll shook his head. "We really just stopped by to make sure the Midget here was acclimating herself to Pasadena, where the nice girls live. We've got to pick up this one's parent's in a few hours so we can go celebrate with the bride and groom to be." He nudged Charlie.
"Oh yes. Show us your place before we leave so we can assure your mother that our dirty homo genes have not rubbed off on you, and you're not living in sin with some buxom blonde in a bikini who's just sleeping with you for your money." He winked at Penny as they turned to exit the apartment.
"It was nice to meet you all," Noll added as they left, Hank following behind.
"You too," Penny called after them.
"Bye," Leonard said, moving over to stand next to Penny.
A moment passed.
"Bye," Sheldon said as an afterthought.
12:02pm
"Well, the stuffing is done," Hank said, carrying a platter as she returned to the apartment. "I figured you would want this now." She carried it over to Penny, who had returned her attention to the turkey.
"I did, thank you," Penny replied with a smile.
Leonard was now watching the rest of the parade with Sheldon, and for a moment the sounds of the tv were the only ones in the apartment.
"Penny?"
"Yes, Hank?"
"Do you just want me for my money?"
"Of course not!" Penny replied. "I'm after your fashionable accessories and your DVD collection. Not to mention your hot bod."
If the girls had thought the males in the room were not paying attention to their conversation, they could be sure they were wrong with the two looks that came their way after that statement.
4:28pm
T-Minus 32 minutes until dinner. The girls were happy because they were making really good time, and the food would be ready by the time Raj and Howard arrived at 5. The Wolowitz family dinner started at 3, so they had planned to eat as little as possible and slip out at about 4:30 to have dinner with everyone else at 4A.
Penny was starting to get excited. This was the first dinner she would be hosting, and even though she had help, she couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment at the meal they had created.
Not even the ringing phone could deter her chipper attitude. She was smiling as she said, "If that's Wolowitz, tell him I don't care how pushy his mother is- we're eating at 5 and that's that."
Leonard smiled at her while Sheldon reached over to answer the phone. "Hello, mother, Happy Thanksgiving to you, too."
He stood, moving to pace behind the couch as he spoke. "Yes, I know. We haven't eaten yet so-" He paused, rolling his eyes at her response.
Hank walked back into the apartment, having been across the hall in Penny's kitchen. "Remind me to go back over there and check on the cornbread in 20 minutes, would you?" She said the Penny as she moved back into the kitchen to start cleaning up some of their mess.
"No, Mom." A beat. "She's dating Leonard."
Leonard shifted his weight on the couch to look back at Sheldon, who looked thoroughly annoyed at the conversation.
"I'll be sure to tell him- No. I-" He sighed. "Hold on." Walking around the couch, Sheldon moved over to Hank and passed her the phone. "It's for you."
Hank raised an eyebrow as she raised the phone to her ear. "Hello? No, ma'am." She shook her head at Sheldon as she listened to the voice on the phone. "Well, we just started dating recently." She bit her lip to keep from laughing. "I am a real girl, yes."
The voice on the phone got louder, and from her position Penny could hear words that sounded like "Thank you" and "Jesus".
"Hank." This time she didn't even bother to keep from laughing. "Yes, ma'am, I'm sure that all my parts are distinctly female. It's short for Henrietta." She smiled. "Yes, ma'am." A beat. "It was nice to talk with you too, Mrs Cooper. Happy Thanksgiving." She passed the phone back to Sheldon.
He took the phone, barely getting it to his ear before his mom was questioning him. "Yes, she does sound like a very nice girl."
Hank glanced back over at Penny and the two shared a grin.
"I doubt very seriously that she'll stop calling herself that just because I ask her nicely." Covering the mouthpiece with one hand, he glanced back at Hank. "Would you consider giving up your atrociously masculine nickname?"
An eyebrow raised. "No... But thank you for asking."
"Sorry, Mom. She likes her name just fine." There was a pause, and then he opened his mouth to speak, closed his mouth, opened it again, hesitated and sighed. "I've got to go, we're about to eat." A beat. "I love you too."
After he hung up the phone Hank stepped over to him, and standing on her tiptoes she gave him a kiss on the cheek.
He appeared to consider her action for a moment, then turned to give her an awkward smile.
"Don't worry, Babe," she said with a chuckle. "You don't have to try so hard."
Leonard glanced at his watch. "Sheldon, we don't eat for at least another twenty minutes."
"I know."
"Are you saying you lied to your mother?"
"If your mother was saying to you what my mother was saying to me you would lie too."
6:12pm
It was epic.
Okay, so it wasn't really, but to Penny and Hank, it was definitely a highlight of 2009... Or at least November.
There was the turkey, of course. Stuffing, courtesy of Grandma Kessler's recipe. Patrick Ward's "special" gravy recipe, thoroughly laced with Guinness. Cranberry sauce and slices, in an effort to please everyone at the table. Mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and corn on the cob for vegetables. Both rolls and cornbread (Hank's insistence), and for dessert pumpkin pie and an assortment of cookies.
Hank personally felt the cookies were the crowning glory to the meal. There was a three dozen- a healthy mixture of oatmeal, sugar and chocolate chip. All flavors were decorated with icing and arranged into fun shapes. She went around a presented each person with one of the shapes specifically designed with them in mind. For Raj, there was a crescent moon cookie, with chocolate chips to emphasize the mountains and craters. Howard got a sugar cookie that was rectangular shaped and looked like an old school Nintendo controller. For Leonard and Sheldon each got an atom cookie (though it was used with a "flower" cookie cutter)- Sugar for Leonard, and Oatmeal for Sheldon. Penny got a heart shaped chocolate chip cookie while Hank set on her own plate what looked like a high-top sneaker, and would have probably been an example of her Chuck Taylors had she and Penny not been thoroughly smashed by the time they got around to decorating it the night before.
Because wine had been served with dinner everyone (save Sheldon) was feeling quite buzzed and comfortable. Raj looked down at the dessert set before him then back at Hank.
"I am so stuffed," he said. "I couldn't possibly eat another bite.
She looked at him sternly, her expression clearly saying You'll eat the damn cookie and you'll love it.
Looking quite cowed, Raj gave a small grin and picked up the treat. "Thank you for my cookie, Hank." He took a large bite.
"Wait, wait!" Howard interrupted.
The Indian, with his mouth full, turned and gave Howard a look that stated What the fuck, Dude.
"A toast."
"Here, here," Leonard added, raising his own half filled glass at the statement.
Everyone paused and looked at Sheldon.
He seemed to take every glance under consideration, his eyes locking with Penny's for a brief moment before he sighed. "Oh, very well," he said, picking up his own glass- the only one still full.
Hank and Penny exchanged glances of their own, their eyes exchanging a secret dialogue of how his amiability to drinking was probably due to a slight buzz from the amount of gravy he had on his meal.
Everyone held up their glass toward the center of the coffee table.
Howard spoke. "To Penny, the loveliest woman on the west coast."
"Howard!" Leonard scolded.
"To the two women who took time to feed this poor starving Indian. It was delicious."
The girls smiled at Raj before Hank added her own commentary. "To Penny, who gave me the best Thanksgiving ever."
"Aww, sweetie!" Penny leaned over to hug her friend.
"Hear, hear!" Howard said.
Sheldon, in his typical fashion, decided to get in the last word. "To Chuck Berry."
"Chuck Berry?" Leonard asked.
"His musicality borders on a genius which even I can appreciate. Who can forget the sexually suggestive hit called "My Ding-a-Ling", the prevalent wonder that is his hit "Rock and Roll Music", which has been covered by many well known artists over the past six decades. And of course, we can all appreciate Marty McFly in his rousing rendition of "Johnny B Goode". It's really no wonder that a man who still performs on stage at his age has made it into the Rock 'n' Roll hall of fame."
They all exchanged glances, before giving a unanimous shrug. "To Chuck Berry," they echoed, and everyone clinked their glasses together.