Chapter Four

"Why are we here?"

Leonard glanced at Sheldon, who looked as though he was on the verge of having a panic attack. His efforts to keep from being touched by the other customers in the store had wound him up so tight, so stiff, that he could have passed for one of the store mannequins. He stifled a laugh at the memory of one small girl who had remarked on how real Sheldon had looked, until he had turned and spoke to her, causing the girl to scream and run frantically back to her mother.

Turning his attention back to the question poised, Leonard responded. "Hank said something about needing a dress for tomorrow night. Penny said it was a tradition to shop on Black Friday. You made the mistake of asking them to pick up something for you and I was stupid enough to suggest I would drive."

They were standing outside the fitting rooms for the women's dress department at JC Penny's. Penny, of course, had liked the idea of shopping at a store with her name in the title, and Hank preferred the department store prices to the designer boutiques lining the rest of the mall. Sheldon was clutching a George Foreman Grill protectively to his chest while Leonard played idly with the hangers lining the dressing room rack, trying not to blush whenever he accidentally touched something that could pass for women's underwear.

As they waited for the girl's to come out and model the wares they had picked out, Leonard could see his friend needed a distraction. "Sheldon," he began. "How did you come to the conclusion to date Hank?"

Sheldon made a face. "I don't really see where that's any of your business."

"Enlighten me."

The retort actually served to loosen the tension in Sheldon's shoulders a bit, and he took a step closer to his smaller friend, inclining his head slightly. "A query for you first. I never inquired as to why you've wanted to date Penny, despite nearly three years of pining since she moved in across the hall. If you can provide five valid reasons as to why you're involved with Ms Kessler, I will return the inquiry about Ms Ward."

The challenge to Leonard aback. He didn't want to say that more and more he was starting to feel dating Penny had been a mistake. It wasn't just pride, it was the fact that he would be confessing that Sheldon has been right all along about their relationship. There was very little chemistry or compatibility between them, but he had worked for so long for them to actually be together that his ego wouldn't allow him to admit to anyone, even himself, that it had been the wrong outcome.

"Well, she's beautiful."

There was such a long pause that Sheldon spoke again. "That's one, Leonard."

"I'm thinking!"

Sheldon wasn't prone to violence, but Leonard's one and only response to his query, and such a shallow one at that, made him want to 'karate chop him in the throat' as Penny would say. "How about the fact that she genuinely takes an interest in what you like, and doesn't belittle your own feelings about the subject if it's something she doesn't enjoy?"

"Well..."

"She's nice to your friends, even Wolowitz, who crosses the line of social decorum at least once a day."

"True..."

"You can tell when she's pleased about something, especially something that is normally beyond her realm of intelligence, because her voice rises an octave above normal range and she does this sort of... squeeing thing."

"Plus, she's a really good kisser." Leonard paused, taking in the last comment Sheldon had made. "Wait, I thought you didn't like Penny's vocal range."

"We're not talking about what I like, we're talking about what you like- and you couldn't even come up with five things about your girlfriend on your own." Sheldon shook his head.

Feeling put out, Leonard attempted to get back at him. "Well, name five things about your girlfriend, then, if you're so good at this."

Sheldon scowled, unimpressed with Leonard's challenge. "She's funny at times, and appreciates my practical jokes." He held up a finger, continuing to add another digit with each point he made. "She has a chameleon-like way of fitting into just about any situation while still being true to herself." Two. "Her cooking skills are more than acceptable, and she goes out of her way to understand my tastes." Three. He didn't add that Penny did this too, as he was making his point about Hank at the moment. "Despite her lack of scientific understanding, she uses what knowledge she does possess in a creative and forthright manner- and her trenchant observations of those around her are generally both amusing and sound." Four. "Her accent is at just the right pitch to be pleasant on the ears." His entire hand was now raised. "And not once did I mention her looks or sexual prowess." He wiggled his fingers at Leonard before lowering his hand.

"Are you saying she's not a good kisser?"

"I wouldn't know, we haven't progressed to that step in our relationship."

"What?!" Penny asked from her changing room stall, in response to a similar statement made by Hank.

"Well," Hank replied as she pulled a shirt over her head. "We did hold hands once."

Penny, who was likewise in a similar state of undress, rolled her eyes. "What are you, nine?"

"First off, we've only been officially dating for a week. And we haven't even gone out on something that could constitute as a normal date yet anyway... Secondly..." She sighed. "I don't do this often. So I don't mind taking things slow."

"I can understand that, I guess... I just..." Penny paused, reaching over to take a shirt off one of the hangers as she considered how to approach her next question. "Hank?"

"Yes, Penny?" Hank was staring at the dress on the hook in front of her, not really wanting to put it on, but knowing she should.

"Why Sheldon?"

The tone of her friend's voice made her chuckle. "What, you want a list or something?"

"Just give me your top five reasons."

"I'll give you five, but they're in no particular order." Hank smiled. "He's tall. Like a pretty, blue-eyed mountain I'm going to climb one day."

The imagery made Penny halt in buttoning the blouse.

"He's like an onion, you know? He's got all these layers to discover. I don't want to change him, I just want to peel him apart.. see what's hidden underneath."

"Okay... So he's a vegetable and a pile of rocks..."

"And he's funny! Oh my God, does he make me laugh. I know he doesn't always mean to, but his habit of taking things so literally, I can't help it." As she spoke she continued undressing, laying her jeans across the small bench in the dressing room before turning to remove the dress from its hanger. "I kind of love his ego too. I know it can make him come off as a jerk sometimes-"

"Sometimes?"

"Okay, most of the time, but self confidence is hot. I like that he isn't afraid to be exactly who he is, and he's proud of that person." She continued speaking as she pulled the dress over her head, smoothing it out across her figure as the fabric fell into place. "Four kind of ties in with my fifth reason, which might be my favorite."

Penny was now donning the skirt she had picked out to go with the blouse, pulling it up over her hips as she spoke. "Which is?"

"He has magnificent candor. You know with Sheldon that he's going to be honest in his opinions and even though they're more often negative than positive, it makes those compliments and praises all the more special because you know they're genuine."

"Wow," Penny replied. It was funny how hearing someone else say it could put one's view of someone in perspective.

"What about you?"

"Huh?"

"Lets here your top five favorite Leonardisms."

"Oh," Penny said, still caught up on Hank's somewhat enlightening explanation of Sheldon. "Well... He's nice..."

Hank had a point, Penny's subconscious pointed out. Sheldon did have very pretty blue eyes. Why had she never noticed that before? And he was definitely tall- taller than most of her ex-boyfriends (and definitely her current), though not as wide... And she did find herself going to Sheldon for advise before anyone else, because when she did good he was always quick to tell her.

"Penny?"

"Yeah?"

"He's nice and?"

Still caught up in her thoughts, Penny spoke without really considering the topic. "He's generous to a fault, in the most humble way because he doesn't even realize the kindness he's doing." She remembered how easily he loaned her money, without a care for giving it back. "He makes me feel like I could do just about anything I put my mind to, even though I'm not as smart as him or his friends..." Like with the Penny Blossoms experiment, how quickly he offered his help and encouraged her in her efforts. "And yet he challenges me to better myself, because he seems to genuinely believe there's more to me."

Penny paused, smiling to herself. "He's willing to show me his weaknesses because he trusts me enough not to take advantage of him when he's feeling less than perfect. And he's genuinely grateful for the little kindnesses, even though sometimes it seems like he expects them."

Hank opened up her dressing room to step out into the hall. "It sounds like you and Leonard have something really special," she said with a smile.

"Leonard?" Penny asked as the other girl's voice brought her back to the present. She opened up her own door, giving a weak smile back. "Yeah, I think so."

How could she possibly tell Hank that she was talking about Sheldon? How could she come to terms with the fact that she felt more for him than she ever would with her own boyfriend. As the two girls walked out of the dressing area to show off their ensemble choices she had to wonder how she could have possibly gotten herself into this predicament....

And what the fuck was she supposed to do about it now?

It was Tuesday afternoon, December 1st, and Hank couldn't help but wonder where the time had gone. It seemed like only yesterday she'd just moved to Pasadena, and now here she was, almost three months later with some new friends, and even a boyfriend.

She'd been gone all weekend. Her editor had flown her back to New York for an interview with one of those late night talk show hosts, and then Monday she'd sat down with her publishing company to review the schedule for her latest book. Her spare key had been left with Sheldon and Leonard, just in case, and Penny had driven her car back from the airport. It was cheaper that way, even though she'd had to take a cab home.

It had become such a nice, comfortable environment that Hank had become a little lax in her work, spending more time with her new compatriots than she did working (except when it came to the research aspect). Her editor was quite disappointed that she'd had nothing but notes of scientific babble to show them, and she had promised to show them something more substantial within a few weeks. And so she was looking forward to curling up in her desk chair and devoting more time to dialogue, character development, and actual plot for the next several days.

Or, at least she would have been if someone hadn't gone into her apartment while she was in New York and completely reorganized her desk.

Dropping her bag by the door Hank quickly moved over to her work station, opening the tiny cabinets and drawers that were attached to the desk- noting little labels on everything and the meticulous pattern which could only have been done by one person.

"SON OF A BITCH!"

The residents on the third floor probably didn't appreciate the stomping movements that Hank made as she moved from 4C to 4A but she wasn't in the mood to care. She pounded on the door with a heavy fist.

"SHELDON LEE COOPER, YOU OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!"

It was Leonard who answered the door, quickly moving out of the way as the tiny brunette stormed inside. Penny, who was seated on the couch, started to say hi but quickly stopped herself when she saw the expression on her friend's face.

"Where is he? Where is that anal bastard? SHELDON!" Hank called down the hall toward his room.

Leonard glanced at Penny, his eyes wide as she shrugged back at him in silent answer to his unspoken question. "Hank, he's not here- his sister-"

"That coward. Stupid son of a bitch," she mumbled in her rage, her hurried steps making their way to Sheldon's desk. Picking up the first writing utensil she could find, she moved to the whiteboard to the right of his desk and started drawing on it.

"Um, Hank. That's a per-" Leonard quieted when Hank turned a scathing glare his way. "Manent marker," he mumbled the rest of his sentence under his breath.

Penny stood and moved over to stand next to Leonard, watching Hank work with unabashed curiosity. She didn't know what Sheldon had done, but knowing her own experience with the absent physicist, she couldn't blame Hank for reacting. There was only so much one could take without retaliation, unless, of course, you were his cowardly roommate.

And when Hank stepped back, revealing the finished product, Penny couldn't help but smile. Even Leonard cracked a grin, albeit a very small one. A crude drawing of a hand flipping the bird was now covering what had been a formula for the Enterprise outmaneuvering a Romulan ship.

Feeling slightly better, Hank threw the marker back on Sheldon's desk and turned to leave, just as he walked in the door, Missy following behind him. He didn't notice any changes at first.

"Hank, good. This is my sis-"

Shaking her head, Hank quickly interrupted him. "No. You don't get to play nice with me, you sneaky bastard." She approached him, jabbing a finger to his chest. "You don't fuck with a writer's work station, you hear me?" Without waiting for a reply, she turned her attention to Missy, giving her a weak smile. "Hi, sorry."

And then she was gone.

"Oh Shelly, you certainly know how to dig those holes, don't you?" Missy shook her head. "What did you do this time?"

"I merely-" He paused, mid sentence, finally spotting Hank's handiwork. He made a sound that was a cross between a gasp and possibly a squeal of outrage, and made his way over to the whiteboard to erase it.

Missy followed behind him, moving to stand with Penny and Leonard as she watched her twin scrub frantically at the ink that wouldn't fade. She exchanged a smile with the blonde standing next to her before speaking to her brother. "You're going to have to apologize to that girl."

Sheldon stopped scrubbing to give his sister an indignant look. "Excuse me? She vandalizes my work and you expect me to apologize to her?"

"Knowing you, she was probably justified."

"Thank you, Missy. I did so miss your canny observations on my behavior and those around me." He paused. "THAT was sarcasm."

Missy snorted and turned her questioning to Penny. "Was that Shelly's girlfriend?"

Penny nodded. "And knowing Hank, you'd probably be a big help right now. Let's go get her and grab a drink, yes?"

"Sounds great." Missy gave her brother one last look. "I'm going to assess the situation and when I get back you are going to fix this. I am NOT going home to tell mom that you already blew it with the one girl who seems willing to put up with you."

"He didn't know." A hiccup.

"He didn't ask."

"Still- he probably thought he was doing me a- hic- a favor." Hank was sitting at her desk, several folders open in front of her. "Damnit, where did he put that- Ooh, colored tabs." She flipped through a folder, a look of admiration mixed with distaste crossing her features.

From the sofa Missy sat down her glass of wine on the coffee table. "Listen, Hank. I know my brother. He thinks I don't, but I've been known to surprise him from time to time. And this, this is pure arrogance on his part. He thinks he can just control people, that his way is the only way. He doesn't take anyone else's feelings into consideration when he does stuff like this."

Penny, who was curled up on the opposite end of the sofa in an intoxicated ball, spoke up. "Not true!"

With another hiccup, Hank added, "I do like colored tabbies."

Missy sighed, retrieving her glass to drain it's contents. "Then why were you upset with him?"

"Because!" She gestured at her desk. "Look at this! I don't know where anything is! I had the.. the.. hic Receipt thing, from the one store, that I scribbled some dialogue on. And it was sitting next to a piece of notebook paper that described the atmospheric conditions of the... um..." She furrowed her brow. "Ice planet that they were going to be on when that line came up... Not-Hoth... I forget what I was going to call it." She waved an arm, brushing the thought away as she turned back to Missy. "And they were near the article on winter fashions that I tore out from Vogue. Where is it? How am I supposed to reconnect my scattered thoughts if they're put in separate folders labeled "Magazine Clippings" and "Location Descriptions"... Hmm." She paused, considering the logic before shaking her head. "I can't work like this! Hic."

Penny snorted. "You're drunk."

"Sides the point, Penny."

She giggled in response. "Is it?"

Missy looked at them both for a moment, rolling her eyes as she carried her now empty glass into Hank's kitchen. "Well, what do you want to do?"

Hank frowned. On the one hand she felt uncomfortable with the orderliness to her workspace, the lack of connection between things that she felt were pertinent to one another. But on the other hand, the little flag post-it notes with Sheldon's intricate handwriting were a nice touch, and it wasn't really his fault that she was feeling pressured to complete her work.

Perhaps she had overreacted, as Penny said. And maybe Missy was right- Sheldon's friends rarely overreacted at him, and it made him think he could just interfere without regard for anyone else.

So what was she going to do?

"Penny," she said after a moment.

"Hmm?"

"Will you go next door and get me that whiteboard?"

Penny sat up, rubbing an eye with her palm. "Wha... Why?"

"Please, Penny?"

The blonde sighed. "Oh alright." She left to go to 4A, and Missy inclined her head as she watched Hank pull her own whiteboard down from the wall with a sigh.

"What are you going to do?" she asked, repeating her earlier question.

"Try to fix it." She stared down at the board, which was covered in doodles and notes that went as far back as 2005. She reached for her phone, snapping a few pictures of the board with the camera feature before she picked up the eraser with a sigh. "Goodbye, memories."

It took her a good few minutes to get the board wiped clean. Some of the oldest marks were quite determined to stay on, and it was only after she scribbled over them, erased, and then repeated these steps several times that the board became completely white again. She had just finished when Penny reentered the apartment, whiteboard in hand.

"Thank you, just set it here, please," Hank said, pointing to a spot by her own whiteboard.

Realizing what her friend intended, Penny asked, "Do you really think you can recreate this... science mumbo-jumbo?"

"Well, I'm going to try. It's all copy/paste anyway, just.. by hand."

Missy walked around to stand on the other side of Hank, watching as the smallest girl in the room began painstakingly following the steps that it seemed Sheldon had taken on the original board. "You're a nice girl," she said with a smile.

Hank glanced back at her. "Nah. I just really like your brother."

Missy might have shaken her head at that response but the other third of the remaining females in the room could understand why Hank felt that way.

"What are you doing?!"

Hank didn't even glance back at Missy, nor did she remark on her lack of waiting for an invite before entering after she had knocked. "I'm watching Mrs Winterbourne and not working, what does it look like I'm doing?"

Walking over to sit next to Hank on the couch, Missy glanced at the movie then back at her brother's girlfriend. "I thought you were going to go apologize to Sheldon."

The response was a curled lip before Hank ignored the question entirely in favor of quoting dialogue from the movie. "'I taught my boys the tango so they could woo all the women. She is a women. Woo her!' I changed my mind."

"But last night-"

"Last night I was drunk and in no condition to work anyway. Today I woke up, had a cup of coffee, tried to find a scene I had been working on last week and spent ten minutes distracted by color-coded folders and hilighters." She paused, pulling a package from the table next to the sofa to show them to Missy. "Did you know they come in ten different colors now? And that's not including the different shades from other companies."

Missy smiled. "So you're not apologizing to Sheldon because he bought you hilighters?"

"No," Hank replied with a sigh as she set the hilighters back on the table. "I'll apologize later. I'm just- Ooh, hold, I like this part."

Both girls sat back and watched as Brendan Frasier and Ricki Lake traded kisses for a few moments, until the scene ended with Shirley MacLaine assuring him that his dead twin brother would want him to be happy with his supposed widow.

"Are you drunk now?"

Hank laughed. "No, I'm just annoyed. Annoyed that I let myself get so comfortable here..." She paused the movie and turned to face Missy, biting her lower lip briefly before speaking again. "I don't have many close friends, and the few that I have live in various parts of the world so they don't come knocking on my door asking me to watch Battlestar with them, or to play old school Mario or join them for Thai food." She sighed. "I've gotten so comfortable with everything here, seeing people on a regular basis, that I've let myself get a little lax in my work and I know- I KNOW that's my own fault. So when I met with the publishing company on Monday I told myself I was going to come back here and spend a week with no distractions, no Halo Night, no Anything-Can-Happen-Thursday, just me and my desk and a big pot of coffee."

While she couldn't relate Missy did understand and she smiled. "Then Shelly comes along and messes up your little corner of the universe."

"Yes!" she said, smiling back. "And I was thinking to myself- if I hadn't bothered to flirt with him in the laundry room that one day I wouldn't be in this mess to begin with."

"Would you really want to take it back, though?"

She shook her head. "Not at all. Except... Well, maybe my desk. I liked my chaos."

"You'll get it back. Or you'll use that marker on Shelly's face next time."

Hank laughed. "Probably." She stood. "Come on, lets go visit Dr Cooper."

Missy led the way back to 4A and Hank paused to pick up the whiteboard she had attempted to redo the night before. The other Cooper gave a quick rap on the door with her knuckles before walking right in.

"Missy, how many times do I have to tell you just because you knock first doesn't mean you're automatically invited in?" Sheldon gave his sister an annoyed look, which he then turned on Hank who had followed in behind her. "Especially when you bring unwanted guests with you."

"Hush, Shelly, Hank has something to say and you're going to listen."

Hank gave a weak smile to Missy as she walked further into the apartment, whiteboard in her hand still facing the front door. "I overreacted," she began.

"Yes you did."

She had to bite her lip to keep from retorting back to Sheldon's quick interjection. "I'm sorry."

"Well," Sheldon replied, appearing to give her words some thought until he caught Missy's eye from behind Hank. "Oh alright, I'm sorry too. Apparently despite my best efforts, it is inappropriate to enter one's home without their permission and create a sense of order and logic into their lives."

Both girls rolled their eyes at the forced apology, which in the end didn't really sound like one at all, but it seemed that Hank would take it anyway. "Here, I brought you a peace offering." She flipped the board around to show it to him.

Sheldon stood, taking the board from her and examining it. "How did you get the marker off? I Googled it last night and couldn't find anything helpful."

"I didn't. I just copied over your work." She paused, leaning over him to point at a blank spot. "See this? I wasn't sure if it was a 2 or 3 underneath the black so I left it for you to fill in."

Surprised, Sheldon looked at Hank then back at the board, squinting at the details of the work before looking back up at the to the tiny girl standing next to him. "I feel like I should be concerned over your skills at forgery."

Hank smiled. "Don't worry, I've never seen your signature."

Missy had moved over to perch on the right side of the couch and was now chuckling at her brother's expression. "Alright you two, kiss and make up so I can tell mom you found a real girl, and one who can keep up with you, too."

Sheldon turned his wide-eyed expression to his sister. He had no intention of giving their first kiss, or any of their kisses for that matter, in front of Missy. He was about to tell her such when Hank stood on tiptoes and lightly pecked his cheek.

"Close enough," Missy conceded with a smile, knowing that was the best she was likely to get from Sheldon.