Chapter Fourteen – Are You Strong Enough To Stand?

When Olivia pushed open Heather's office door, she was surprised to find Heather sitting behind her desk.

"Sorry Heather, I would have knocked but I thought you were still with Reece. I was going to drop these off for you and leave a note."

Heather smiled.

"Reece got called back five minutes after we sat down. He had an Amber Alert. Speaking of which, he said you might not have eaten."

Heather put a plastic bag on the desk with another smile.

"It's just a burger, fries and a salad."

Olivia shook her head.

"I'm not sure if it's sadder that he's right or that he remembered what my eating habits are like."

Heather chuckled.

"I think he just knows how hard we work. If he didn't drag me out of this office, I would live here."

Olivia settled herself in the seat and started nibbling on the salad, trying to be good, resisting the urge to gobble the fries. Her and Peter had been relaying on takeaways far too much lately and they had decided to try and make a bit of a healthier effort. She could justify the burger and fries if she ate the salad first. Heather laid out her own lunch, much the same as Olivia's and started flicking through the tapes.

"Are these all her interviews?"

Olivia nodded, swallowing her chunk of tomato.

"Yes. I heard bits and pieces of them but some of them are rather graphic."

"Really?"

"Yes. They go into great detail. The one on the back is the Alfonso Cutler interview."

Heather nodded.

"I'll give it a listen after lunch. I have a proposition for you."

Olivia put aside her salad, losing her willpower and starting on the fries.

"And that would be?"

"I want to help you find A.J."

"How?"

Heather moved from her chair to a small fridge sitting in the corner of the office. She pulled out two cokes, offering one to Olivia.

"I can get you into the prison. I can get you into a room with Cutler."

Olivia cracked open the can of coke. Getting into any detention facility, especially a prison, meant reeves of red tape. Red tape that it would take Olivia more than a week to get through and that is only if Cutler and the prison warden both agreed.

"Really?"

Heather nodded.

"I know the warden, Luke Ryder. I can give him a call and organise a meeting."

"That would be very helpful."

"It's more curiosity than anything else. I'm curious to know what A.J saw and heard when she interviewed him."

Olivia finished her fries and started on the burger. She chewed her mouthful before speaking again.

"I have a personal question for you."

"Fire away."

"How did you end up becoming a profiler and criminologist?"

Heather wiped her fingers on a napkin, leaving the edges with faded grease.

"When I was seven, my parents and younger sister were murdered by a serial killer."

Olivia's throat went dry, the burger becoming dust in her mouth. She pushed her food aside, her appetite now gone.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

"Why not? We all have a story."

"Did they catch him?"

Heather shook her head.

"The police weren't the best back then. They tried to find him but they failed. In the end it was my grandfather who found him. There's nothing like a former army sergeant on the path of revenge."

"So he's in prison?"

"No. My grandfather took him into the woods at gunpoint. He then disabled him and left him there. My grandfather went to the police three days later and confessed. He was dead when they found him."

"And your grandfather?"

"He was never charged. He was a good man. He raised me after that."

Olivia watched as Heather cheerfully finished off her food, humming to herself. How in the world was Heather so well-adjusted?

"My grandfather tried to explain it to me but it was never enough. I spent my time trolling through book after book, trying to find the answer as to why my family was chosen. My grandfather helped me find ways to get through the anger and grief. I learnt self-defence, how to fire a gun, how to hunt and how to be tougher than I seemed. I refused to a be a victim again. My life path was decided for me when I read Silence Of The Lambs. I knew what I wanted to do."

"Did you find your answers?"

"Yes. But they weren't what I expected. Then again, they never are."

Olivia shifted in her seat, uncomfortable with the sudden intimacy of the conversation. Heather caught Olivia's eye, cocking her perfectly shaped eyebrow.

"Do you know what I let you ask me your question?"

"Why?"

"Because you're damaged. Just like me. There's a ghost in your eyes."

Olivia took a sip of her coke with a small smile, hoping it reached her eyes.

"I'm not that damaged. Compared to what you went through."

Heather shook her head.

"There's no level to damage Olivia. Some people can have perfect childhoods and come out as monsters. And then you get those individuals who can come from scum, becoming doctors and pillars of society. It's not about the lemons, it's what you make out of them."

Olivia shook her head, pushing herself out of the seat.

"Thank you for lunch."

"Olivia? Did you ever talk to anyone about what happened?"

It was her voice, that had to be it. Smooth and gentle, it reminded Olivia of what Peter sounded like when he was trying to coax something out of her. Olivia tried to swallow the fear, her heart starting to pound. Her voice was small when she spoke.

"No."

"That's must have been difficult."

"It's easy when you know how."

"Not so easy now. Why?"

Olivia turned back to Heather, expecting to see judgement or pity but what she saw surprised her more than the urge to trust Heather. It was clear on Heather's face, she admired Olivia. In the same way that perhaps Olivia admired her. It took strength to make it in this very male dominated world, let alone to make a name for yourself in it. And Reece wished to marry her, which said a lot for Heather's character just on that point alone.

"Because of Mike Cullen."

The words were out before Olivia could stop them. She hadn't meant to say anything. She had intended to stride out of the room and head home. To forget that today had happened. To try to forget the promise she had made Peter.

"Who is Mike Cullen?"

Olivia sat back down, her legs sudden weak beneath her. She hadn't felt this confused or scared since finding out she was pregnant.

"He was A.J's ex-husband."

Heather nodded slightly. Olivia took a sip of her coke, trying to ease the dryness, trying to get her focus. Slowly, she started to speak again, her voice infinitely small in the office.

Two hours later, Olivia moved out of Heather's office. She felt strange, off balance. All she wanted to do was find Peter and to see Etta. She needed that more than anything else right now. She fought the urge to call Peter, knowing that he would be busy with the body. So she made her way home. It was all on autopilot . When she got home, the front door was unlocked and she pushed her way in, surprised to hear Peter upstairs. He was home early. She took off her coat, making her way up the staircase. When she entered their room, she didn't think twice before stripping off her clothes and opening the bathroom door. She pushed aside the shower curtain, making Peter jump as she stepped into the tub.

"Liv, what are you doing here?"

He looked at her face and paused.

"Liv, are you ok?"

Olivia shook her head, moving closer to him and capturing his lips, pulling his wet body against her own. She was done talking. What she needed was something familiar and powerful. What she needed was Peter and his ability to make her forget.

Peter didn't push for information. He knew something was up, she could tell by the way he talked to her, his tone balanced and careful. He didn't ask questions when Etta finally came home and Olivia insisted on keeping her daughter in her arms. She needed Etta right now. She needed the comfort of the soft, chubby arms demanding her attention. She needed Etta's smile, which her daughter so readily gave. It wasn't until Etta was in bed and they were making dinner that Peter finally spoke about her behaviour.

"What happened this afternoon, Liv?"

She had been trying so hard to push her conversation with Heather out of her head. She had managed to do it for most of the night but it came back to her now in waves, making her heart pound and her palms sweat.

"Something unexpected."

Peter put a plate of fish, potato salad and mixed vegetables in front of her, pairing it with a glass of red wine.

"Are you going to share or do I have to keep guessing?"

There were rules in their relationship, things that they had promised each other when they had gotten married and had Etta. No lies, no betrayal and no secrets. They had both seen what happened to relationships when the rules were broken. Olivia took a mouthful of food, not really tasting it, trying to get her words straight in her head. Peter ate too, his eyes on her, waiting.

"Heather's parents and sister were murdered by a serial killer."

"That explains her career choice I guess."

"She said that she told me because my eyes carried ghosts."

"She sounds like a smart woman."

"She is."

"So you told her?"

Olivia swallowed and nodded slightly, lowering her eyes.

"Liv?"

She looked up to catch Peter's small smile.

"It's a good thing."

"It made me feel sick. I still feel sick. And oddly disorientated. I don't understand why. I can talk to you without feeling horrible."

"It's your body's way of coping with the purge."

Olivia pulled a face.

"That's a lovely image."

"That body was interesting."

All over again, she loved Peter. He knew precisely when to push and when to leave it alone. He knew that when she was ready, he would learn more. She also knew that he needed what she had given him to just make sure she was ok. Olivia took a sip of wine and continued eating, happy for distraction.

"How so?"

"Well for one thing, there was no missing person report."

Olivia frowned.

"What else?"

"It looked like she was strangled to death. Walter is convinced that there were drugs. He's waiting on the tests. But I think he's right. This girl is covered in track marks. Even between her toes. She's a long time user. She also looked as if she had been raped as well. As I said we won't know until Astrid is finished running the tests."

"I wonder why there is no missing person report."

"Same reason that a rapist had to call in A.J's absence I guess."

Olivia swallowed her piece of fish, suddenly remembering the promise that she had failed to keep.

"I forgot to tell you. Ella got an A+ on her science project. She wanted me to tell you that you now owe her a movie."

Peter chuckled.

"Small price to pay for good grades. I hate to think what she's going to charge me in a few year's when he friends start driving and she needs a car."

"Peter, I told you, you need to learn to say no."

"It's you Dunham women. I have no willpower."

Olivia smiled, finally finishing her dinner. She sighed as she looked at the clock.

"I need to have a shower and to sleep. Heather think she can get me into the prison."

"Really?"

Olivia nodded as she sipped her wine.

"Heather wants to speak to him too. She's curious to see what A.J was talking about on the tapes."

"Do you need me there?"

"I'll have Heather. And all the guards. I think I'll be ok."

Peter nodded, rubbing his hand over his chin.

"You know that I'm there if you need me right?"

Olivia put down her glass, moved around the table and wrapped her arms around Peter's neck. She pressed a kiss to his forehead before finding his lips, caressing them sweetly with her own.

"I know. And I love you for it."

She gave Peter one last kiss before starting to clean up the kitchen.