This part originally didn't exist and this fic jumped straight to what is now going to be part 5 - but was previously 4 (which now means I have to slightly rewrite 5). Anyway I hope this is ok.
He looks to the child in his arms. She has fallen asleep, in his care, while they wait for her 'mother' to come through the operation. She is the pictured of innocence, red hair fanned over his chest, framing her face like an auburn halo. She moves every so often, flexing her fingers or moving her tiny lips. He watches her and feels his heart constrict, he can almost imagine that this is his child – the one that he currently believes to be nestled, safe and secure, within Jac's womb.
The test is still in his pocket. He feels the weight of it – only he knows it is his mind playing tricks. The true weight of the item is minimal and yet he is acutely aware of it. Of the information it holds.
He still isn't sure how he feels, he thinks he is pleased. He has enjoyed having Eve for these few hours, he has always liked children and yet he is scared. Scared that even though he is the father of this child, he won't be allowed access as he would like, he'll be the babysitter when she can find no other; the last resort. He is saddened by the thought that he may be cast aside, forced to watch the pregnancy develop from afar, taking whatever crumb of information she will offer and being grateful for that. He thinks of the woman he knows, and her independence, and how sharing this with him will not come naturally.
The fact she wants the baby gives him some hope, that fact that it is a child – a tie – with him gives him this hope. But it does not relieve the fears, the panic rising in his chest as he tries to imagine how this is going to work between them, the raising of a child in a loving environment. They can't muck this up, they cannot afford too.
He sees a figure approaching the doorway, and for a moment he dares to hope it's her. That she has come to talk to him, to seek his support and comfort and how in the next few moments he can tell her the reality of their situation. He tries to imagine her face, how she will react. There had been tears before, devastation if he is honest with himself, so he hopes he will bring her happiness.
He feels his heart leap slightly as he hears the door opening, and feels it drop when he sees his friend appear in the doorway. His best friend, with a small smile; he wonders what she thinks seeing him here with the child in his arms. She doesn't know that this is his future, but there is something about her look at that troubles him.
"She came through the operation" it is she who speaks first, stepping closer in to the room. He smiles back at her now, looking at the sleeping child and then back up to his friend. It is a relief, the little family to be reunited though for how long they cannot be sure, decisions regarding Eve and the young girl who has raised her will need to be made but for now they can be happy.
"Can you watch Eve?" he switches the subject, shifting slightly and trying to work out how to transfer the child to his friend without waking her. It has been a long day, and the child deserves her sleep. Besides he is near certain that children do not appreciate being woken from their slumber. He watched as a strange expression passed over Mo's face, "I need to speak with Jac" he added, hoping that would be enough of an explanation. Her expression changes considerably then, and it confuses him all the more.
"You'll be lucky" the words are muttered, and he notices that she cannot quite meet his eyes as she says them. He tries to question her solely with his expression, needing her to explain further her comment. He hears the way she sighs, the way her mouth twists downwards as she thinks, her mind trying to work out how best to phrase this. He knows her too well, can tell so many things from so very little, "She disappeared after the surgery, I don't think I've ever seen her leave so quickly other than when the e" he watches as she pauses after the first sound of the last word, her brain stopping her mouth before it ran away with herself. He sees now why she cannot meet his gaze; there is something she is keeping hidden though he doesn't know what.
"Mo" he only needs to say her name, he knows she'll understand his question from just that. His tone is low but quiet for fear of waking the child who has remained so peaceful against him. He sees his friends gaze track downwards, to look at the child in his arm, her expression so strange before she glances back up at his face though still her gaze does not meet his.
"When the pains caused her to run out, y'know the second failed esophagectomy" he knows she is covering, has changed what she was originally going to say. He cannot compute what the original sentence was supposed to be, perhaps an explanation of those pains and yet hadn't she told him it was simply period pains – an excuse he had been forced to accept and it made no sense that Mo would know the truth over him. The fact that she had potentially opened up to his friend, over him, hurts; it stings for a moment as he tries to comprehend but then he feels the stick again, the weight of it dragging down the pocket and he tries to push the idea of it away. Was it possible that she had been pregnant then, that she was further gone than he thought; that he hadn't been told because the child was potentially not his but the paediatricians – but that does not fit. He had asked her, today, and she had not denied the child was his – she hadn't exactly confirmed it but was her denial enough to do so – he isn't sure and besides she would be around 17 weeks and he is near certain that her slim frame wouldn't be able to hide a rounded abdomen of that gestation. But those pains, could they have been the miscarriage of that child, the one whose parentage she had not known; or perhaps pains caused by her own hand at taking the child away. But that didn't fit with how she had reacted, this time to the negative; that she could commit that act yet be so upset at the 'loss' of this child or perhaps that was why. His mind is a jumble and he cannot seem to unscramble it.
"Why?" he forces out the word, unsure what he is actually asking for clarity about. There's so much he needs to know, he doesn't even know if his friend knows anything more than him and yet he wants answers from her. He can see conflicted reflected in his friend's face.
"I don't know, she seemed off in theatre; not quite on her A-game but" she pauses, and he watches as for a moment she sucks in her lips and closes her eyes, considering before she looks out towards the window, "not quite in the same way as she has been" she concludes, and he understands that. For weeks, Jac has been slightly off – from that day she'd had the pains first he thinks. But he understands why she is off today, he tries to think of her, of how she will try to act like everything is normal when moments before she had disappeared from him in tears. He knows she will have pretended to be strong, and yet obviously she hasn't done quite a good enough job because Mo has noticed. In fact, as he thinks of it Mo has been more aware of Jac in generally over the last few weeks, just little things like her face when he had given the time of the operation and Jac's response that she was doing the surgery or earlier that day when they had shared a look as he had approached them, enquiring as to their conversation; so little of this makes sense to him.
"Any idea where she went?" He asks finally, thinking that he is not going to get answers from his friend. She is careful in her responses, like she is protecting Jac even though he doesn't understand why. He knows what he needs to do, he needs to talk to the consultant; to tell her. He has to do this. He sees Mo's eyes widen and again that conflict, and something he thinks may even be guilt.
"She seemed distracted, like she needed to clear her head, to think" is the answer that comes finally. It is measured, yet uncertain like she is trying to balance things between protecting her and being honest with him, "maybe she had somewhere she needed to be even" she adds, lips twisted slightly and much more guilt colouring her face like she has said something that she shouldn't have even though he doesn't understand it. He understands so little, other than what is on the viewing window of the test stick.
"I need to find her" the sigh escapes his lips as he says the words, and he sees the way she nods as if she understands, though he doesn't get how she can; how she can understand something that makes no sense to him. He stands, still holding the child, and gently he passes her over watching for a moment as she shows signs of stirring before she settles back in to her slumber. He looks up at his friend, forces her to meet his gaze.
"She has a lot going on; be gentle yeah?" the words are soft, spoken in her most gentle tones as she cradles the child against her. He sees in her face, the care and concern and he nods, he already knows this but it seems to mean more coming from her. He strokes a strand of red hair away from Eve's face, and gives his friend a very small smile before he slips away from the room and prepares himself to comb the hospital for her.