02. R is for Regrets
"I didn't order this." Emma said confusedly, looking up at the brunette as she sat the mug of hot cocoa down in front of her.
"But you look like you need it." Ruby replied in a sing-song voice, her hands on her hips as she flashed the sheriff a reassuring grin. "You've been studying the countertop for the last twenty minutes like its filthy and I swear I cleaned it, so you can't possibly be staring at it."
Emma scrunched up her nose, the scent of the hot cocoa hitting her and making her stomach roll. Everything was making her stomach roll lately and coming to the diner had probably been an awful decision. But it was easier to sit in a room full of people, keeping her mind clouded with noise, rather than sitting at home staring at a bowl of unappetizing cereal and letting Killian's voice echo in her mind. "I'm not really in the mood. Sorry."
She offered the waitress a sympathetic smile, her head tilting to the side as she pushed the cocoa back across the counter.
"Are you getting sick, Emma?" Ruby frowned as she stared at the woman, before her brows shot upwards. "Emma!" She stepped forward and pressed her palms against the counter top, dropping her voice low as she spoke. "I thought you smelt different."
"What the hell?" Emma's shook her head at Ruby's words, "That's wildly inappropriate…. No." She realized exactly what Ruby meant by that and she tensed. She had half expected her mother had already told her, but she was thankful that things had been kept under wraps at least.
"I can hear two heartbeats Emma, I'm not stupid." Ruby widened her eyes, tilting her head as she stared at the woman. "Who were you with?"
Emma flushed pink, "It doesn't matter who, he doesn't want to be involved and I… I really don't want to talk about this Ruby." She drummed her fingers against the countertop, her eyes clenching closed. "Please get rid of the hot cocoa before I have to rush to the bathroom."
The scent was making her sick and the worst part of that was the fact that she desperately wanted hot cocoa to curl up with and calm down. Because she hadn't calmed down since the day she walked out of Killian's cabin.
She could only feign a brave face for so long.
"I'm sorry." Ruby said quickly, removing the mug from the counter and taking it back into the kitchen. She returned moments later, heading right back to Emma. She wasn't going to let the subject drop. "Who though?" She questioned, keeping her voice low. "You didn't sleep with Neal befor-"
"Before he died?" Emma gave Ruby an incredulous look, "No. I made that mistake eleven years ago, that was never going to happen again." Her hand went instinctively to her stomach. She inhaled deeply before she gave up. She had to tell someone - she needed someone who wasn't her mother to talk to. "It's Killian's."
"Who?" Ruby's brows knit together and her eyes rose above Emma's head. "Oh, Hook!"
"Yeah, Hook." Emma said distantly, rubbing her temples. "And he doesn't want to be invol-"
"Talking about me love?"
Ruby cringed as Emma looked up and met her eyes, "I meant he was right behind you."
"I gathered as much, now." Emma snapped, tilting her head to see the pirate settle up at the counter beside her. "Common curtsey would say that when you came in and saw me here, you should have left."
"You know, I don't think you left the cabin the other day with me saying I never wanted to see you again." Killian waved his hand for Ruby to come back the second that she started to wander away. "I'd like a hot cocoa please."
Emma's brows shot upwards, "That's my order."
"I liked it when I was a kid. 'Course I suspect that this world makes it painfully sweet, I'm used to bitter." He tapped his fingers against the counter top, eyeing the waitress before he turned his attention back to Emma. "Is there a problem with me drinking hot cocoa now?"
"No, it's just… What I get and…" Emma shook her head, "I can't drink it now without getting nauseous."
Killian frowned, "I'll take water." He didn't even bother turning his attention back to Ruby, he kept his eyes trained on Emma's face, before they flickered to her stomach, concealed by her leather jacket.
"Oh, so now you care or something?" Emma said, a little more bitterly than she'd intended to. She splayed her palms out over the countertop, keeping her head ducked as Ruby passed by with an all too fake cheery smile and his glass of water.
He drank the water in silence. She turned her head just enough to watch him, but remained silent until she couldn't take not knowing any longer. Him being there made no sense. He'd never come into the diner before – at least not that she knew. It didn't make sense for to just be there when that's where she was.
"Why the hell are you here?"
Killian arched a brow, "Well, you see… I got hungry." He forced a smile, his eyes going back down to her stomach, "And I wanted to see you."
"Maybe I don't want to see you." Emma said tightly, gripping her own water glass tightly in her hand. "How did you know I was here?"
"I have my ways. You seemed off today." The pirate let his shoulders sag, lifting his water glass to his lips, but not taking a sip. "But don't be flattered too much, I've come here before." He added tersely, eyeing her.
"Morning sickness and a shitty life," Emma gave him a sickeningly sweet smile, "It would make even the strongest feel like hell." She reached in her pocket, pulling out a few dollars and laying them on the counter. "You've made two hot cocoas now and no one drank them. Here's the money for them."
"You're leaving?" Ruby questioned, scooping up the money and eyeing the pirate and the sheriff, her brows knit together "Okay…"
"I need to get to work." It was her day off, but no one needed to know that. She met Killian's eyes, "It was nice to see you." She lied, turning her eyes to the floor and making her way out of the diner.
She needed air. She had thought, for the briefest time, that she could finally breathe when he was there. But now it felt like all of the air in the room had been sucked out, while he was there near her. He made her heart hurt in ways that she didn't want it to hurt.
Neal leaving her hadn't even left her this broken. Walking away from Killian had hurt far more than she'd expected it too. It was like leaving behind half of herself and even after a few weeks to push it all aside, it was still there aching beneath her ribs.
The way he looked at her stomach told a completely different story than the one that his words had. There was compassion in those too-blue eyes when he looked at the place that would one day swell with his child. He wanted it, but no doubt like her – he was terrified.
Emma stopped in her tracks, halfway to the station and halfway from the diner. She should go back – sit down and talk to him, like an adult, instead of rushing off like others had done to her. Running away was cowardly and she was interested in ever being seen as a coward. It was bad enough that Henry had seen her as one, all because she'd lied to protect him.
"Fuck it." Emma muttered to herself, turning back around and heading for the diner. She wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to fix this and make it work and… convince him that she needed him involved in this. Need – her walls were coming down. All thanks to him.
She pushed the door open to the diner and stopped dead in her tracks.
"What the hell are you doing?" Emma shouted as she surveyed the scene before her. David had Killian face down on the counter, his arm twisted behind his back and the hook was lying on the floor. There was shattered glass beside it and a glint of crimson reflected in the clear glass.
"Hello beautiful." Killian flashed her a lopsided and clearly pained smile and it only proved to make David press his cheek harder into the top of the counter.
"Let him go!" Emma's hands went to her hips and she stared daggers at her father, "And explain yourself. Now."
"Not here."
"Really?" The blond gritted out, her eyes widening, "If you didn't want this to be public, explain to me why you've got Killian like that?"
"I-.." David hesitated, releasing the pirate who didn't move after he was released. "I couldn't let him get away with what he's done to you Emma."
"You're about eleven years late on the real person I'd like you to punch out for me." Emma said with the slightest hint of remorse – he was dead, she shouldn't be like that towards him now.
Killian finally stood up, his hand going to his cheek, wincing when he found blood there. "Bloody hell." He hissed, grabbing a napkin off of the counter and holding it to his cheek, his eyes clenched together.
"Get out of my way David." Emma said firmly, motioning for her father to step aside as she moved to be in front of Killian. "Let me see it." She said in a tone so much different from the ones she had used with him earlier.
Killian slowly pulled the napkin away from his cheek, biting down on his bottom lip to silence a hiss of pain, his eyes clenching shut. "It could be a lot worse." Emma said gently, grabbing another napkin and slowly wiping at the gash in his cheek. "I'm guess this glass was involved?"
"He fucking slammed me fast down into my own glass." Killian winced, his eyes flickering towards the prince. "I should go Emma… We've made a scene." He looked around the diner, feeling their eyes all on him.
He was always going to be the odd man out.
"We'll talk…" Emma said assuredly, letting her fingers linger against his cheek as she pressed the napkin to his cheek again. "I don't regret this." She whispered, her gaze flickering up to meet his too-blue eyes. "I want this to work."
"Aye, lass." Killian said distantly. "Not here." He insisted again, nodding his head to the hook on the ground, "Can you get that for me?"
Emma nodded, leaning down to pick up the hook, handing it to him casually. But he took that as an opportunity to catch her hand, smoothing his fingers over it.
"Thank you, lass." Killian released her hand, twisting his hook back into place, "I'll see you later." His eyes lingered on her face as he stepped past her, the faintest smiling curving his lips. Maybe he had been too rash before, too scared. Maybe time and seeing each other had made him realize he could do this. Even if he didn't deserve it. He had regrets, but he wouldn't let their child be his biggest regret.