New Story time! Many people, who read A Healing Hand, asked me if I had hands on experience with cancer because I really hit the nail on the subject, truth be told, I don't have hands on experience with cancer. My grand,other had cancer, and died from it, but I was too young to comprehend what was occurring at the time, all I knew was my grandma was very sick. I just have some really good google skillz :D

This is going to be a funny tale, cuz, we all like humor!

ALL AROUND Disclaimer: Not my, all of JE characters belong to her, I know, jeez, beat to death about it, why don't cha! D;

Now, onto the show!

Warning in advance; there will be lots of smut, some violence, and extreme OOC, cuz it's AU DURRR! :D

Worst Night Ever

UGH!

Stephanie couldn't keep the smile off her face, as she ate her pasta dish. This one had potential, and she liked when they had potential. Stephanie took a sip of her wine as she listened to Mr. Potential rattle on about his job.

"It's great work," The man said flashing Stephanie a smile, "Working with the children and seeing their happy faces, I mean, I love seeing their faces as I explain the solar system to them, or pointing out where a galaxy is positioned."

"Wow, who knew being an astronomer would be exciting work, Hunter?" Stephanie commented sipping her wine, "I would love to see the observatory, if that's possible, I don't know if that's possible…"

"Oh nonsense," Hunter said leaning forward, "Fourth dates are always finished at the observatory, now, if you're done eating, my dear, we'll have truffles at the observatory, whilst we look at the stars."

Stephanie smiled and said, "I can't wait, maybe you can show me the big dipper…."

"Oh, I plan on showing you everything..."

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

Heidi let out a low groan of bliss as her date bit the inside of her thigh roughly. Heidi knew that that would leave an ugly dark mark, but she loved it, she fucking loved it.

"Oh yeah, baby," Heidi moaned, spreading her legs and wrapping them around her date's head, "Bite down! Oh yes harder!"

"Are you a masochist?" A rough voice asked, a firm hand pulling at Heidi's long black locks, "You like it rough, baby?"

"Mhmm," Heidi whimpered as she was turned on her stomach, her bottom raised up in the air, "I love it rough!" Heidi made sure to wiggle her bottom, enticing her date, "Hurry! Fuck me, spank me! hurry!"

The man growled above Heidi's frame and then said, "I'll do all the above," pouncing on Heidi who squealed with happiness.

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

Stephanie let out a soft moan as Hunter pulled out of her, running his fingers down Stephanie soft stomach. They had made love over and over again in the observatory, watching the stars and trying to reach them through different ways.

"Wow," Stephanie said with a smile, looking up at Hunter, who smiled and kissed Stephanie again, "That was wonderful, we have to do that again, what time is it, maybe we can…what are you doing?"

During Stephanie's confession, Hunter had rolled away and got up, taking the used condoms head had and putting them in the trash can. He pulled his clothes on and then said to Stephanie, "That was great, but I have to get home, the wife is set to get home soon."

"Wife?" Stephanie said her face slack, "Wife, you're married, you're fucking married?!"

"Yeah, the wife hasn't been in the mood for months, I thought you would have put out on the first date, shit, didn't think it would take four dates, shit…" Hunter said fixing his pants, "Jeez, almost six in the morning, well, you can leave now, I'm sure you can find-"

Hunter grunted in pain as Stephanie punched him in his face, her eyes dark with rage, "YOU BASTARD, YOU MEN ARE ALL ALIKE! So much for fucking Mr. Potential."

Stephanie fixed her cocktail dress, grabbed her purse and walked past a withering Hunter, "Dick!" making sure she kicked him in the balls as she walked out.

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

Heidi let out a purr of satisfaction, sliding from out of the man's embrace, letting her sore bottom graze the bed sheets. She gave him a smile and said, lustfully, "I had a wonderful time, mister lover boy, but..I have to be going now, you know, I have a life and all that jazz."

"You're leaving," The man said sitting up in the hotel bed, "Why are you leaving so soon, we could go out and get breakfast, my treat."

"Uh…sorry, but I'm not looking for a relationship," Heidi said sliding on her skirt and blouse, "I told you that yesterday night over cocktails, I'm not looking for a boyfriend, I'm just out looking for a good time."

"Heidi do you know how long I've wanted you?" The man asked, getting up and grabbing Heidi's small wrist, "A long time, you're so smart, and sexy, and a sex kitten in bed, shit, you turn me on and much more, Heidi, I love you."

"Oh boy," Heidi said rolling her eyes and turning to the man, " It's not going to work out, it's not me, it's you,

Heidi yelped as the man grabbed Heidi by her waist and kissed her soundly, "Come on baby, let's get back into bed, and talk about it, what do you say I tie you up and spank you?"

"No," Heidi said with a sigh, pulling away from the man, "I have to go now, I told you…."

"I don't give a fuck, I want you, Heidi, marry me!" The man said grabbing at Heidi who dodge his hands.

"I gotta go, call me!" Heidi said before she ran out the hotel room, making haste to the stairs, not the elevator, least he catch her here, demanding they get married. Jeez, they're all the same!

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

Stephanie let out a sigh, walking into the New York City apartment she lived in with her roommate. She threw her keys into the handmade glazed jar her roommate made and walked into the kitchen to grab some orange juice. As she did, she pressed the button on the messaging system she and her roommate used so that they didn't have to give out their cell numbers to guys they didn't like. She busied herself drinking some orange juice and making herself a bagel.

"You have 200 new messages," The female voice said, before it dove into the messages.

"Heidi, it's me, Walter, look, I know you said you don't want a relationship-"

"Message erased, next message:"

"Hi, Heidi, it's me, Franklin, I know you must be annoyed with all my calls…" Stephanie growled lowly, deleting the message, before she listened to another one, "Heidi, it's me Fabio!"

"Damn it!" Stephanie roared, looking down at the answering machine, "Are you all for Heidi?!"

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" Stephanie turned to look at the large cage that dominated the corner of the spacious living room. Inside the cage was a African grey Parrot, who was bobbing its head and making loud noises, "Are they all for Heidi?! Next Message…"

"Okay, Hercules," Stephanie said going over to her roommate's bird and giving him a piece of her bagel, "I know I shouldn't curse around you, you're like a broken record."

Hercules grabbed the piece of bread and said, "Oh, yummy, yummy, in my tummy," eating the bread.

Stephanie turned, hearing the door to the apartment open and in came her roommate, Heidi Evanston. She was looking a little rough around the edges, her black hair was a bit messed up, as was her blouse. Stephanie smiled at Heidi who glared at her and stole the last bit of her bagel, "How was the bad ass last night. He looked like he could have broken you in two."

"Please, I woke up this morning, tried to leave, but he wanted me to stay with him, get married and shit..bleh!" Heidi said with a sigh, sitting down at the breakfast bar, "How was your night, did Mr. Potential live up to your standards?"

"No," Stephanie said with a huff, sitting beside Heidi at the breakfast bar, her eyes cut with rage, "That dick! All he wanted was a fuck and tuck, do you know, he's married, he's fucking married!"

"Ouch," Heidi said getting up and making herself a bowl of cereal, "Sorry about that, he seemed to have a lot of potential too."

"Yeah," Stephanie said watching Heidi eat over the sink, "I thought so too, how come I find the ones who just want to fuck, and you find the ones who want to marry you?!"

Heidi shrugged her shoulders and rinsed her bowl out, "I don't know, I think it's because you're trying too hard, and I'm not trying at all," Heidi said kicking her shoes off, "I just want to have a good night out, and then go home, that's all I ask for, shit."

Heidi gave Stephanie a look and said, "You're taking my men, Stephanie , and I'm taking your men."

"Your men look like jerks and jack asses!" Stephanie said puffing up and glaring at the woman, "Yet, they seem to want to commit to you! Are any of them married?"

"No," Heidi confessed, picking her shoes up and going over to the bird cage and opening it, letting Hercules fly onto her shoulder, "Happily unmarried and unwilling to marry, or so I thought…."

Stephanie let out a moan and got up, flopping on the couch like a fish. She wiggled around a bit, ignoring the conversation Heidi had with her bird and then turned and looked up at the ceiling saying, "The Dick has cursed me, simple as that…"

"A least you're not working at the Tampon factory…." Heidi chirped watching Hercules fly and land on Stephanie's stomach, "And you're not in Trenton, where your mother can nag and nag and nag and nag and nag-"

"Point taken," Stephanie said looking up at Heidi who leaned on the couch, "But…I just want a man that I can marry!"

Heidi frowned and took a look at her friend Stephanie. Stephanie was by no means ugly, she was quite attractive. She was a piece of work at 5'9, a nice toned body, thanks to Heidi, curly brown hair, and bright blue eyes, why was she having trouble finding a potential boyfriend?

How Heidi and Stephanie became friends was a complete mystery. Stephanie had just left Trenton, and was sitting in a shop in New York City. She couldn't take her mother's constant whining about getting a job at the tampon factory, and marrying Joe Morelli or about her divorce from the Dick. She hopped in her car and left, going as far as she could in her POS 90' Civic. She made it to New York City, and found herself stranded there, when her car broke down. Or course, she didn't want to call her parents, so she did the next best thing; she when to a pastry shop and ate to her heart's content. She had gone up to the counter to get the last double chocolate brownie, when this short frail woman got there at the same time wanting the same brownie. Needless to say they got into a fight about it, the girl behind the counter offered to split the pastry in half for them, so they didn't have to fight, and then the woman, who Stephanie had the fight with, offered Stephanie a place to stay while she went out into the city to look for a job. Who knew you could make friends over chocolate!

Stephanie moved into the huge apartment this woman had, found a job in the marketing department of NBC, worked her way up to Regional Office Manager and got a brand new car, take that Helen Plum, and Stephanie did it all in three years. At the age of 33, she was living the life in the big city.

Heidi sighed and said, "You can have one of my men, if you want a potential husband so badly, they seem willing to marry."

"Yeah, you," Stephanie said sitting up and looking at Heidi, "I mean, what's so special about you?"

Heidi gave Stephanie a glare and huffed, turning away from her. Stephanie sighed and shook her head. Truth be told, Heidi was anything but ordinary. She was a spunky woman who was maybe a few years younger than Stephanie, Stephanie didn't know Heidi's age, and Heidi wasn't about to disclose it. she was short, 5'3 and looked as if she weighed about as much as a sack of flour. She had skin the color of milk chocolate, with amber eyes of honey and long black hair she kept in a neat ponytail, most of the time. What she lacked in body, she made up in with attitude. She was a free spirit, having been raised in an extremely liberal household. She was quite wealthy, how she got her money, Stephanie didn't know, Heidi told her that she found a Platinum ore behind the house she once owned and made a fortune off of it. Stephanie didn't believe her, not for one bit. Heidi seemed to never work, and spent most of her time dating men, and corrupting her pet bird. Whenever Stephanie bought men home, Hercules would start to mimic the sex noises that Stephanie made. That's what she got for doing it on the couch in front of a parrot.

Stephanie sighed and said, "Look, Heidi, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have insulted you, that was quite rude of me, I'm just angry that you attract guys that want to marry you, while I attract guys that only want to fuck me!"

"Look, what you need to do is forget about this," Heidi said sitting beside Stephanie, "You're 33, if I was your age, I'd be out trying to live my life, not trying to tie it down to someone else!"

Heidi had a point, why was she trying to look for a new husband? Oh yeah, that damn biological clock that was ticking loudly in her ears….

"I'm 33, about to turn 34, I just, feel like I'm growing so old, and I don't have any children," Stephanie moaned, making Heidi roll her eyes, "I can just hear this voice in the back of my head, and it sounds like my mother, it keeps saying that soon, my will dry up, and I'll never have kids!"

Heidi narrowed her eyes at her friend and said, "Have you been talking to you mom again? You always get like that when you talk to her, or after you watch the Golden Girls."

Stephanie shook her head and said, "No, I've been thinking hard about all of this, Heidi, and, without my mother's help, came to the realization that I need to settle down and have some kids."

"Then got to the sperm bank, and get some popsicle sperm, in this day and age, you don't need a dick to get knocked up." Heidi said getting up and walking around the couch to get her purse, "I have a few numbers to some sperm banks. My friend had been in the same boat as you, but she found out about these wonderful places…and she got to use the sperm of a rocket scientist, she hopes the baby will grow up to be a genius!"

"Heidi, that sounds so wrong," Stephanie said to her friend, pushing the cards that Stephanie gave her away from her face, "Look, can we like, talk about this later, I have to get ready for work."

"Okay, well, I'm going to go and take a shower, and then go to sleep, that man kept me up all night long with a serious spanking session," Heidi said, making Stephanie blush deeply, "Smell ya later."

Stephanie got up, placed Hercules back in his cage and said, "Your mother is nuts, bird."

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

Heidi turned her head to the side, hearing the ringing of the old fashion phone that sat on her night stand in her room. She walked out her opulent bathroom, naked and steaming, and picked the phone up with a bright, "Yes?"

"Heidi, how are you doing?" A woman asked over the phone, making Heidi smile and sit down on the bed, "Everything alright?"

"Yeah," Heidi said sitting back on the soft mattress, "What's up, you never call this early in the morning."

"Well, I was just checking on you, last night, one of our kind was killed in New York City, and I was checking to make sure it wasn't you." The woman said softly, making Heidi frown and sit up, "It seems as though there are Exterminators running around."

"Exterminators," Heidi said softly, "Fucking A man, thanks for dropping that bomb on me," Heidi said, sliding off the bed, "I already have to deal with a hormonal roommate, but now I have to deal with witch hunters too?"

"How is Stephanie?" The woman asked with a chuckle, "Is she fine?"

"Yeah, her biological clock went off, and now, she wants a family, I told her that there were places she could go to-" Heidi started

"Or you could make her a potion," The woman said making Heidi groan, "Does she know you're a witch, Heidi dear?"

"No," Heidi said, sitting down, "And I liked to keep it that way, to keep her out of trouble."

"Okay, well, I have to go, I was just calling to make sure you were alright, be careful dear," The woman said, before she hung up the phone.

"Okay, I will, mother," Heidi said before she placed her phone on the receiver.

Heidi turned her head as her bedroom door opened and Stephanie came in, putting on her suit jacket. she smiled at Heidi and asked, "What are we doing for dinner, tonight, it's your turn."

"Shit," Heidi said giving Stephanie a look, "Well, let's just go out, we can dine and get pissed drunk at this new club that's close to Soho, we can try to get drunk enough to get the memories of bad men out our minds."

Stephanie smiled and said, "Sounds like a good idea, what a way to start the weekend! Be ready at seven tonight, okay?"

"Okay," Heidi said as Stephanie left her room, "Alright, girls' night out! woot woot, this is going to be the best night ever!

Stephanie popped her head back in the bedroom and said, "I know!"

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

"Ugh…girls' night out, the worst night ever," Stephanie moaned roughly, waking up to one of the worst hangovers she ever had, "Heidi, we can't drink like that anymore…."

"Okay, Babe," A Latin male voice said, making Stephanie crack one bloodshot eye open, "You won't drink like that anymore."

Stephanie took her time turning to the voice, she had to file the state in which she woke up. She was underneath the thin beds sheet, okay, but she was naked, and pleasantly sore in all the right spots, not okay. As she turned, she saw clothes scattered around her bedroom, an empty box of condoms and then, her blue eyes landed on a Latin god, lounging in her bed, with only one of her small decorative pillows covering himself. Stephanie looked at the condom box and grunted; XXL, she wondered how that pillow covered it all.

Stephanie sat up supporting herself on her arms and said, her voice still rough, "Ugh….how'd you get in my home?"

"Through the door," The man said, smartass, "You and your friend invited me and my friend back to your place, you two were two shots to the moon last night."

"Friend?" Stephanie asked, before she heard a loud crash from out in the living room. Stephanie watched as Heidi came barreling in, dressed in only a large red flannel shirt and holding the arm of a blond god, who was dressed in only a pair of blue jeans. Heidi's face was flush with rage and from being hung over.

"Stephanie!" Heidi said her hands on her hips, "We picked up bar guys, what the fuck was wrong with us?"

"Worst girls' night ever," Stephanie said earning a nod from Heidi.

"Aye," Heidi said just as the blond god, pulled her to his bare chest and settled his hand on her flannel covered bottom.

"That wasn't what you told me last night," He purred before he kissed her deeply.

"I'm going to be sick," Stephanie said, before she climbed out her bed and headed to the bathroom, "Stay where you are, Rico Suave, no one wants to see your junk."

"That wasn't what you told me last night..."

"UGH!"

TBC...

How's that for a start? Reviews are loved I love your feedback!