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I don't own glee or any of the characters in this story ( sadface )
Chapter 6. Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?
Blaine had arrived back to Dalton on Monday morning. He was perilously close to being late for class so he arrived already dressed, threw his bag into his room and stumbled through his day. At 6, when he had finished his Spanish study group, he returned to his dorm that he shared with Sebastian. Sebastian was doing some homework lying on his bed when Blaine gently knocked and then entered the room. He threw himself onto his bed, face down. He loved the familiar smell of his dry-cleaned Dalton sheets. This room that he shared with Sebastian felt more like home that his parent's big house did. Their room was white, with a big bay window. It had a seat in the window, then 2 desks and 2 bookshelves on either side. Blaine's side was perfectly clean and tidy. He liked to keep it tidy. He had photographs of his parents and a signed portfolio shot of his brother, pinned to a corkboard behind his desk, an excel – created and colour-coded schedule in a frame on his desk and his books, CD's and DVD's were organised mostly alphabetically. Sebastian's side of the room was a little more lived in. His cork board had "To Do:" written on the frame, and was a collage of men he found attractive enough 'to do'. His books, CD's and DVD's rarely found their way back to the shelf, but Blaine didn't mind. He actually really loved having a room-mate as laid back as Sebastian. It reminded him that spontaneity was just as important as organisation, and some of that had rubbed off on Blaine when it came to his social life, but for school he couldn't leave his schedule and sticky-notes behind.
"Rough weekend?" Sebastian asked, taking his eyes off of his laptop and lowering his thick rimmed glasses. Blaine mumbled something into the covers, refusing to lift his head.
"And what on earth was Friday all about? You just ran out like your ass was on fire." Sebastian closed the laptop gently, leaving it resting on his slender knees.
Blaine rolled himself over so he was facing the ceiling and shuffled his body up, so his head was hanging off the bed, upside down. His face began to go red from the blood rushing towards it, but it felt weirdly comfortable.
"I went to see Finn." Blaine sighed heavily.
Sebastian threw his laptop off his legs and towards the bottom of his bed. He propelled himself forward so his legs were folded underneath him and placed his hands over his mouth. Blaine giggled at his friends dramatic actions.
"Yeah..." Blaine sighed again. "…Although it didn't change much." He turned himself over and moved backwards, so he could rest his chin on his arms, folded in front of him.
"What? Are you crazy?" Sebastian blurted.
"I guess everything you said made me think." Blaine threw his arms over the side of the bed, dropping his head back into the covers. After a pause, he turned his face to the side, said. "And I guessed you told all the guys, it was bound to get back to Kurt eventually." He then turned it back, so once more his face was buried into the bed.
"Blaine!" Sebastian moaned. "I didn't tell a soul!"
Blaine's head shot up quickly, he looked at the boy sitting opposite him. "You didn't?" Blaine said, soaking the information in. He sighed. "Well it's done now. Nothing has changed anyway. Kurt gave me another chance, Finn made it clear he wanted nothing more to do with me..." Blaine sat up, mirroring Sebastian's posture; legs folded and chin resting on his right hand.
"So this is good… right? You wanted to stay with Kurt, yes? You said the thing with Finn was just a drunken thingy."
"I guess." Blaine said, pulling his arms up to loosen his hair from its stiff gelled style.
"So why are you moping?" Sebastian furrowed his eyebrows and rocked on his butt a little, trying to get a better look at Blaine's reaction. "Unless it isn't what you wanted... B, why are you being so cryptic? Like literally, when I want something, or someone, I try my hardest to go get it, no matter what."
Blaine laughed.
"I'm definitely not as ruthless or forward as you, Bas. And I'd die if anyone got hurt. They all made it clear that the way it was before was fine, so I have to respect that."
Sebastian went quiet, his eyes wide.
"Oh my God." Sebastian breathed. "This is just like High School Musical…Stick to the status quo!" Sebastian began to laugh quietly at first, but was soon clutching his stomach laughing.
Blaine couldn't help but join in. "One guy plays the cello!" Sebastian yelled as he rolled over, his cheeks ached from laughing.
"The cello! What is so taboo about a cello?" Blaine said between gulps of air. "…and the guy that bakes!" The two of them laughed together. "Can you imagine, bursting out in song all over Dalton!" They laughed even harder. Blaine's sides ached and both were gasping for air. As they were trying to regain their composure, David's head popped round the door.
"Guys, we're watching a movie in the common room if you want to join."
"Only if it's high school musical." Blaine added, and they both started laughing again, almost crawling to the common room to join their friends and watch a movie.
Blaine's week crept along, he found himself urging Thursday to hurry up, when the Warblers would be performing their Regional set list, mixed in with a few other songs for some parents, teachers and other students. For the first time in a long time, he felt nervous about performing. In their various practices he had made a couple of unprecedented mistakes, he got some lyrics wrong or moved the wrong way. He found himself more and more distracted when people were talking to him. After their final full run through on Wednesday, when Blaine had taken a step right instead of left in one of their songs Blaine felt and looked utterly deflated. When everyone had left the room, Wes pulled him aside.
"Blaine, I'm not sure what's going on with you, but you seem like your head is just somewhere else." Wes looked concerned for his friend.
"I'm so sorry, Wes." Blaine looked down, but then back up quickly. "I'm going to keep practicing tonight, I won't mess this up for us."
"Don't apologise. We were just worried about you and you don't have to assure me that you can do it. I know you'll be great, but if you need help, or to talk, then I'm here, as usual."
Blaine gave a small smile, Wes was always great at being reassuring. Blaine felt a little less heavy when he knew that his friends were there for him.
"Can we just go over the steps for that one again?" Blaine asked, the corner of his mouth turning into a smile.
"Sure. I'll call Seb, David and Thad back too. I'm sure they wouldn't mind." Wes smiled brightly and put his bag back down. He walked towards the door and whistled, and they all filed back through the door, chatting and laughing. A grin spread across Blaine's face. They practiced for another hour. By the end, not only did Blaine feel ready to perform, but he felt happier. Instead of the fairly serious practice they were all used to, the informality of this one did them all good. The pressure of performing had gotten to Blaine, but having fun with it had reminded him why he loved performing so much. The guys all left Blaine there. He told them he wanted to practice singing for a little longer. He sat at the grand piano, running his fingers gently across the black and white keys.
"What shall I sing..." he said quietly to himself and the empty room, playing with a few keys, listening to the sound for inspiration. Then it came to him. He began to play the melody and then added in the chords and then began to sing, quietly at first, but progressively louder.
"I have...I have you breathing down my neck, breathing down my neck, I don't…don't know what you could possibly expect under this condition so..." His fingers moved more effortlessly across the keys as he continued singing, feeling the song more with every line.
"Slow down… this night's a perfect shade of dark blue, dark blue, have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you, I see the world could be burning and burning down, dark blue…" He moved the whole of his body to the music, standing and then sitting when it felt right.
"We were boxing; we were boxing the stars…" His voice felt loud and powerful, he felt utterly liberated, singing a song that meant so much to him, with no one to perform to. "If you've ever been alone, you'll know… If you've ever been alone, you'll know." As he came to an end, he couldn't wipe the grin from his face. He slowly lowered the lid of the piano, picked up his bag, and jogged from the room, still smiling.
Finn felt like a ghost walking through the halls of McKinley. He had discarded his letterman jacket in favour of checked shirts and clothes that he felt would make him blend into the background. So far, since Monday he had been Slushied at least once a day, twice on Tuesday. He took the punishment each time, somehow convincing himself it was deserved. Most of his friends were still ignoring his existence, apart from Quinn, Kurt and Puck. Rachel looked away and bit her lip every time he was around; Mercedes, Tina and Artie fell into hushed whispers and judgemental looks, and the other New Directions member's seemed fairly indifferent.
On Monday, when Rick 'the stick' Nelson had thrown the punch at Finn, Puck appeared from nowhere and helped Finn up, dusted him off and told Rick to back off. Finn left without saying anything, but later they had spoken over xbox live, Finn thanked Puck, Puck said "no problem man." And then everything was normal. They played a game of Call of Duty and killed people and that was it. Finn didn't have to explain himself, he didn't have to tell Puck why, or what had happened and Puck didn't ask, they just played a game. Later, when Finn was signing off he decided to say something.
"Dude, why haven't you mentioned what happened?" Finn said.
Puck sighed. "I've been a crappy friend to you Finn. I don't care what you did with Blaine, or whatever. It has nothing to do with me. My boy Kurt forgave you and who am I to judge?"
Finn laughed lightly. "Cool. See you tomorrow then, man."
Even though Finn wasn't entirely alone, he sure felt it when he was being shoved into a locker for the 9th time that Thursday afternoon. It had almost been a week, and people were still calling him things and shoving him around. He couldn't wait for the end of the day, when he could go home, pretend everything was fine at dinner and then slink back to his room and watch T.V. But he had glee today and then tomorrow and then everyday next week in preparation for Regionals.
He made his way to the choir room, where he sat at the back with Quinn. Kurt was sitting up front with Rachel, today was his last chance to beat Rachel for a solo. Mr Schue came bounding into the room and everyone settled down.
"Okay, Regionals." Mr Schue scrawled across the whiteboard. "Ideas, please?" Mr Schue looked around the room expectantly, but his shoulders slumped slightly when Rachel's hand shot up first.
"If I may, Mr Schue?" She got up and stood in front of the group, her face morphed from a grin into a sad, sombre looking expression and she began her rendition of James Morrison's, the Pieces Don't Fit Anymore. The whole time she looked at Finn, who felt the most uncomfortable he ever had. Everyone could see her eyes gazing at him, welling with forced tears.
"Rachel, you weren't even with him when it happened." Quinn said when Rachel had finished. "Get over it already." She rolled her eyes and turned away. Finn gave her the smallest smile in appreciation.
"Quinn's right Rachel, even Kurt has forgiven Finn." Kurt nodded at Sam's mention of his name.
"What did that even have to do with the theme?" Mike Chang said quietly to Tina, but everyone heard. Tina shrugged and clutched her boyfriend's hand tighter.
Santana stood up. " I think it's about time we focused on regionals next week instead of hosting a week long Rachel Berry pity-party about relationships that didn't even exist." Santana added, then sat back down.
"It's not up to you guys when I will start feeling okay again. But in the meantime I would appreciate it if you would let me use glee club as an emotional and artistic outlet and gently and constructively criticise my solos and the emotion behind them. Thank you." She straightened her skirt and returned to her seat.
To Finn's surprise, Quinn raised her hand.
"We want to sing something, Mr Schue." She moved down to the front of the room and was joined by Santana. Together they performed Dionne Warwick's 'Anyone Who Had a Heart.' It was incredible. Finn's mouth was slightly open the whole time. He was so used to hearing Rachel and Mercedes sing these huge love songs, that the simplicity and clarity of Quinn's voice, combined with Santana's power blew him away. By the end of the performance, Mr Schue was silent. The whole room was silent, until Finn began clapping with a huge smile on his face. Kurt looked at him with raised eyebrows, and Finn went quiet again.
All throughout Mercedes and Kurt's performances, Finn couldn't concentrate. The song had made him start thinking about Blaine. He'd managed to avoid it for days, but the lyrics from Quinn and Santanas performance just resonated in his head. Then he grew worried, what if they could all look at him and know how he felt about Blaine? He sunk lower into his chair, willing for the hour to be over.
"Finn, do you have anything prepared?" Mr Schue called on Finn, snapping him out of his daydreams and thoughts.
"Uh no." Finn said. The eyes of the room were on him.
Mr Schue looked surprised.
"What's going on?" He looked at Finn.
"Nothing." Finn responded, sitting even lower into his seat. The rest of the group kept quiet, and then suddenly, their hour was up. They all slowly filed from the room, Finn being the last to leave after assuring Mr Schuester that everything was fine, but he'd been sort of ill and didn't want to have a solo in case he choked.
He slipped out of the door, staring at his feet as he rushed towards the door out of the school. He felt claustrophobic and desperate for clean air. Before he made it to the end of the hallway and into the safety of the parking lot, Mercedes appeared in front of him. His eyes fogged over as she began to speak.
"Listen to me Finn." She said, pointing a finger at Finn's chest. "I know what you told Kurt, and I know what I saw and I know that those two don't add up." She crossed her arms across her chest. Finn stared at her blankly. He didn't know how to respond because he hadn't even really processed what she said. He glanced around, the hallway was empty and her eyes wouldn't leave his face. He shuffled awkwardly.
"Finn?" Mercedes furrowed her eyebrows.
"Yes." He said a little too quickly. He felt stupid, like he'd forgotten his own name and Mercedes saying it had forced him to remember.
"well…?" She moved her head forward a little.
He nodded. Slowly at first but then sped up.
"Yeah." He said quickly. "Call me." He stepped around her and walked quickly to the end of the corridor and out of the door. Mercedes was left, standing there, sort of stunned.
In that moment, Finn felt extremely lucky that he was so tall. His strides managed to carry him two blocks away before he even realised what Mercedes had been saying to him.