I was considering not updating today, but I don't want to keep you guys waiting.

I don't even have the words for how I feel about the news of Cory Monteith's death. I'm just so, so sad for Lea and his family and all of the Glee cast and crew and also my fellow Gleeks. One million and one hugs go out to everyone in this incredible fandom who is grieving today. You will be so sorely missed Cory x RIP.

Chapter 9. Case of you.

When Finn got home that evening he felt incredibly frustrated, angry at himself, angry at Blaine and he had no idea what to do with all of these feelings. He tried shouting into a cushion, and that just made his face feel hot, he cried but didn't feel the relief that usually comes after a good hard cry, he tried killing people on his xbox, but other people's voices pissed him off, he tried playing his drums and it relaxed his body a little, but Kurt banged on the wall to shut him up and his head still felt wound up like a spring. So he sat at his small desk that was usually neglected in the corner of his bedroom and took out a plain school work book. Finn decided to write his feelings. He had never ever kept a diary or even a blog, but now felt like a good place to start. He wrote the date at the top and began to scribble:

"Hey. Finn Hudson here. Some things have been happening lately and it has been really confusing. So I want to write some of them and try to make sense of some stuff. MOM IF YOU'RE READING THIS PLEASE RESPECT MY PRIVACY AND PUT IT DOWN. I've always been straight- I LOVE girls, they're so soft and they smell really great, but then I met Blaine Anderson. This guy, I have no idea what it is about him but he's not really soft, and he does smell great but he's my step-brothers boyfriend. Before he was, we sort of did a couple things at a party and then we got really close but he was already with Kurt so was off limits, but then we couldn't help ourselves and we talked to each other as if we could actually be together. It was bad and wrong and I would never ever want to hurt kurt. But I have urges like everybody and we all know how hard it is to control some of them. Today blaine told me he never wanted to see or speak to me again. I feel like I've been crushed like a bug. I feel like I'll never be happy again right now. But I guess the most important thing is that Blaine is happy. I shouldn't have gone at him like that, but this whole thing has been so stressful, and he just wouldn't tell me what he wants from me. I'm so confused right now. But I know there's one thing I have to do and that is say sorry to everyone. Blaine has made me realise I've been a jerk and that's not fair. I'm going to break it off with Quinn.
Finn."

The rest of the week the glee club was fraught with tension. Rachel refused to talk to almost everyone except Kurt because of the solos denied to her. Quinn was ignoring Finn since he broke it off. Mercedes still wasn't talking to Finn and she had been avoiding Kurt too. Finn was avoiding Kurt, Sam wasn't talking to Finn or Quinn, Brittany wouldn't talk to Artie and there were more and more arguments coming out of the woodwork every day. Finn wondered how they were all even going to make it to Regionals, let alone perform. It had all blown up over facebook on the weekend when someone had posted a picture of someone else looking ugly and wouldn't untag it, so it turned into a glee-club massacre. Old arguments were dragged up from last year, new ones were picked and now the glee club was in tatters. When for the fourth day in a row Mr Schue entered the classroom and everybody was sitting in silence, looking away from each other, he decided to act.

"What the hell is going on with you guys?" He yelled. "Quinn? Artie? Why are none of you talking?" Neither one responded, so Mr Schuester shook his head and walked to the piano.
"I don't care what is going on in here, who isn't talking to who, but you guys had better fix it before Saturday or we won't even bother performing and you'll be the ones who miss out." He stormed from the room, but they all remained seated. Nobody even moved until Santana turned to Rachel.
"This is your fault." She scathed and suddenly the room burst into shouting and yelling and pointing. Before he even knew what he was doing, Finn was jumping out of his seat and standing in front of them all.
"Stop! Stop! Guys... I don't know what's happened to us this last week, but we can't lose regionals. Not after last year."
"Oh save it Finn!" Mercedes yelled. "You're the biggest hypocrite of all of us!" She slapped her hand over her mouth, shocked that she had been so abrasive.
"Don't take this out on him Mercedes!" Kurt yelled back and Mercedes sank in her eat a little.
"No." Finn said. He moved to the front of the room and stood there looking around.
"No she's right, Kurt." He took a deep breath and began to speak to the group.
"Most of the problems in this club this year have been caused by me." He shrugged. "And I am so sorry for that. I didn't mean to be such a jerk, especially to my brother, or to Rachel, or to Quinn or to Santana or to Sam, or to anyone else that I've argued with." He paused and looked around. "And because of that, I'm not going to perform with you guys on Saturday."
"No, Finn. You don't have to…" Quinn cut in but he stopped her.
"I'm not leaving Glee. You guys are like my family, and I'll still be there, wearing what you guys are wearing and shouting at the top of my lungs for you, but I don't deserve to perform alongside you all."
"I'm sure we all appreciate the gesture. But, it's not necessary." Santana said.
"I think Finn's right." Mercedes said. "Finn, I love you, but you have gotten on my last nerve this year. I don't think you deserve to perform at regionals. But I do think you deserve our forgiveness."
"We'll be weaker without his voice." Kurt said.
"You won't." Finn replied. "It's not like I have any solos and I can be useful in other ways. And you definitely won't be weaker without my dancing." He managed to crack a smile from most of them, and even a laugh or two.
Finally the group agreed and Finn sat down. He felt relieved, apologising to them as a group, sacrificing his role in regionals, and they were all talking again, so it worked. He felt good to have finally said sorry, like a weight was off of his shoulders, but now there was just the small question of ironing things out with Blaine, as much as it hurt him to admit, it was time to end it once and for all, but on good terms. Finn couldn't push it, so he decided to wait for the weekend and hopefully bump into him at regionals.

"Just before our love got lost you said, I am as constant as the northern star and I said "Constantly in the darkness...where's that at? If you want me I'll be in the bar"… On the back of a cartoon coaster, in the blue TV screen light…" Blaine's fingers fumbled across the keys as he sang. It was the day before regionals and he felt heavy and dull again. His body ached and even singing felt like a strenuous task. "I drew a map of Canada oh Canada… with your face sketched on it twice... You're in my blood, you're my holy wine, you taste so bitter and so sweet… oh I could drink a case of you…Darling…" His eyes flicked up to where his friends were sitting, Sebastian was watching him intently, whilst the others, Wes, Nick, David and Thad ignored him and continued to shine their shoes.
"…And I would still be on my feet, oh I would still be on my feet…I met a woman, she had a mouth like yours she knew your life…she knew your devils and your deeds and she said "Go to him, stay with him if you can, but be prepared to bleed"…you're in my blood, you're my holy wine…"

Sebastian didn't feel empathy often, in fact it was hard for him to do so, but seeing his friend this way hurt him. He wanted to shake Blaine and scream in his face to go get what he wants, but he knew Blaine wasn't like that. He knew Blaine would never hurt anybody for his own ends, he knew Blaine wouldn't talk to him about it properly either. He had been fine all week, studying, singing, being his old self a little, laughing and fooling around, but for some reason the closer it got to Saturday, the more down he became, he had complained to Sebastian about having headaches and feeling sick. Sebastian had seen Blaine through break-ups before, he had seen him at his worst when he first came to Dalton and was so withdrawn and painfully shy, but he'd never seen him like this. Sebastian knew what was going on was hurting him, but why was it affecting him so much physically as well? His usually olive skin looked pasty and tired, and the glint in his eye and smile was gone. Sebastian walked up to the piano as he watched Blaine finish his song and hang his head into his hands.
"B? Are you okay?" Sebastian nudged his shoulder and Blaine's head shot back up.
"Yeah I'm fine, just really tired." Blaine stood up. "I'm going to go to bed." Sebastian watched him leave the room and half stumble to their dorm. He shook his head as he sat back down with the others.
"Guys." He said, leaning back into the sofa. "I'm not sure if Blaine is going to be able to perform tomorrow." He wrung his hands as the others began to question why and shrug off his concern.
"He's just tired. He had two tests this week and all of this practice. I think I'd be the same." David said.
"He has been really quiet, maybe something happened with Kurt?" Wes suggested.
"He looks sick. Like, sick sick." Sebastian said with his eyebrows knitted together. "Can we come up with a plan just in case?"
They agreed and came up with some alternatives if Blaine wasn't able to perform, although they all decided him feeling sick was nothing that a night's sleep and a strong coffee wouldn't fix.

The next morning Blaine woke with a pounding headache. He took some Tylenol and began to get ready in silence, letting Sebastian sleep for a while longer.
"Are you okay today?" Sebastian asked as he got up and watched Blaine sit in his computer chair with his head leaning over the back.
"Uh huh." Blaine said, he leant forward and put his head in his hands. The light felt too bright.
"Are you sure? You can stay here you know." Sebastian said, walking into the bathroom to get ready.
"Really, I'm fine." Blaine said as he got up and went in search of coffee, hoping it would straighten him out a little. No matter how hard he tried to jack himself up, he just couldn't. He was packed with caffeine but on the bus to McKinley, seeing Kurt and a few of his friends, even brushing his teeth that morning had felt like so much more effort than it was worth and it was all a blur.

The morning of sectionals and Finn had woken up with a cold sweat pooling on his forehead. He had had a rough night, he was nervous about sectionals, facing the warblers, but mostly seeing Blaine and talking to him. His stomach hurt and he had a speech rehearsed in his head, something to tell Blaine how sorry he was.

Finn sat down in the auditorium in the aisle seat. He'd been helping everybody all day, running from room to room, fetching water and ice and sewing kits and polishing shoes. He felt grateful to be sitting down for a while, and of course he was looking forward to the first performance from the Warblers. There was something about their performances that he loved, they were real showmen, and of course he got to look at Blaine without raising suspicions.

When they were filing onto the hot stage, Blaine knew something was wrong. This wasn't emotional anymore, it was physical. The lights were dimmed but felt painfully bright and the crowd sounded so loud. Blaine shook his head at Sebastian who was looking at him. He plastered his most convincing smile on his face and begged his body to co-operate with him.

The curtain lifted and the lights on the stage went up. The warblers stood in neat rows, their blazers and grey trousers neat and every single one of them had a grin on their face. Suddenly they began harmonising and Blaine's voice emerged from the centre of the group.

"Ride, ride turn off the light, we're gonna lose our minds tonight, what's the dealio?" He jumped into the middle of the stage and Finn was mesmerised. He made sure not to stare too intently, but considering the last time he had seen Blaine he had been so angry ago he couldn't help but look. Blaine looked different, a little thinner than last week, his grin wasn't as natural as the others and his olive skin looked pale and slightly sweaty under the harsh stage lights. He shifted his gaze alternately between each warbler and then back to Blaine, so it didn't look like he was staring, although Kurt was in the seat in front of him, so he wouldn't have known. But he knew the New Directions were still all secretly wary of him, especially Mercedes.

The first song came to a close and earned a standing ovation from the crowd, New Directions included.

They began their second song, it was entirely different.

"Now and then I think of when we were together..." Blaine sang and Finns heart leapt from his chest. If he was singing to anyone in the room it must have been Finn. He looked down at Kurt shifting slightly uncomfortable, unsure why this song had been chosen, but Blaine sang it so incredibly it didn't even matter.

Blaine's eyes skimmed the crowd from the stage, it had been difficult during the first song, with all the movement and flashing lights, but now he could see them more clearly. He saw Kurt, sitting in the audience beaming proudly at his boyfriend.
"Now you're just somebody that I used to know..." He shifted his gaze from Kurt and suddenly it fell on Finn. He felt his stomach lurch and almost lost it, but luckily Sebastian stepped in for his part of the song "Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over." he sang. Sebastian had a great voice, if only Blaine could concentrate on that and not Finn or how dizzy he felt. They held eye contact for an awkward amount of time, neither wanted to shift. Kurt was still beaming; thinking Blaine was looking at him. But Finn knew, he could feel his eyes boring into his, he could tell there was something wrong with Blaine, and that he was asking Finn for help. Surely someone would notice that look, and the thin walls they had all built back up would be knocked down once again. The song ended and Blaine looked pained and breathless. He whispered something to Sebastian and discreetly left the stage. No one but Kurt and Finn seemed to have noticed. The third song was sung by the tall thin warbler as a solo, and Blaine had disappeared entirely from the stage. Kurt looked concerned but continued to sit and watch Sebastian perform. He was sure Blaine was fine, maybe it was stage fright, but he'd check on him after, just in case. Finn on the other hand, he couldn't wait. Suddenly he stood up and began clapping along to the beat of the song, soon the whole auditorium had joined in and he could slip out without being noticed.

Blaine found himself stumbling through the empty halls of McKinley, trying to find a bathroom or that locker room or even the choir room. Somewhere he recognised. He couldn't recall where they had spent their time warming up. He felt dizzy and faint so decided to sit on the floor for a moment, by the lockers, and maybe have a nap. He'd been there a few minutes when Finn came jogging down the hallway looking for him.

"Blaine?" The words resonated in his ears. "Blaine? Are you drunk?" He felt hands grab his shoulders and shake him. He blinked hard and realised it was Finn. He tried to stand up but his legs wouldn't let him.
Finn placed a hand on Blaine's head like his mom did whenever he felt sick. His head was boiling hot.
"Come on." He pulled him to his feet and placed his arm under Blaine's to support him. Almost all of Blaine's weight was against his body, and his head was tucked under Finn's chin. Finn moved forward, trying to get Blaine to walk a little and he was trying, but it was like his legs weren't co-ordinated with his body.
"Blaine, talk to me please." Finn said, slowly guiding him towards the nurses office and teacher's lounge, where someone who could help them would be.
"Fum." Blaine's eyes were rolling as he spoke. "fum I lage juice."
"Yeah, juice is awesome." Finn replied. "More importantly, what happened to you?"
Finn had to stop for a second to move Blaine more into his body. He felt Blaine reach his left arm across his chest to reach Finn's hand that was tucked under his armpit holding him up. Blaine couldn't reach, so he curled his fingers into Finn's shirt, trying desperately to support himself whilst muttering what sounded like random and confused words.
"Blaine, come on dude." He began to move again. The smell of Blaine and the feel of him against his body were super distracting. Finn had to make a decision; it was taking longer to get Blaine to someone, so he'd have to get someone to him instead.
"Blaine, I'm going to have to get some help." He said, leading him into the nearest classroom and helping him onto a chair.
"Wait here." Finn's voice was shaking as he tried to move away from him.
Blaine threw his head back, his eyes looked into Finn's, they were frightened and pleading and his hands clutched his shirt fabric tighter. Then, the moment of clarity was gone, and Blaine was muttering ramblings under his breath again. Finn pulled his fingers away and held onto his hand momentarily before letting it go and stepping towards the door.
"I'll be back really quick okay? Keep talking to me." Finn ran through the door and out of the room, bounding down the corridor to where he knew he would find a teacher to help him. He was terrified but the adrenaline he felt was pushing him.
"Mr Hudson! No running in the halls." Coach Beiste stepped out of a doorway and he ran to her, grabbing her arm.
"Please. Coach. Come." He gripped her arm and dialled 911 as he ran with her back to the room where he left Blaine. When they arrived he thrust the cell phone into her hand and went to Blaine and knelt in front of him.
"Please coach. He's sick. He needs help." Now the tears were beginning to well up. Blaine's head was slouched forward and his muttering was quiet. Finn placed his hand under his chin and raised his head to look at his eyes. Coach Beiste gently moved Finn out of the way and placed a hand on Blaine's head.
"He has a really high temperature and he's disoriented and pale…uh huh. McKinley High School. His name? Finn, what's his name?"
"Blaine, Blaine Anderson." Finn said quickly, taking Blaine's hand and holding it tight.

Title song is "Case of You" by Joni Mitchell. Listen to the version by James Blake on Youtube, it's glorious.