Chapter Fifteen: Mistletoe is a division of athlete's foot.
"Hey! Where's the Christmas tree, un?" Natsuki groaned and pulled herself into a sitting position, looking about her room with a severe bed head and aching muscles.
"Look in the back rooms!"
"I have, un! I didn't find it!"
"I got it! It's in here with the decorations, but..."
"What the hell happened to our Christmas tree?"
"It appears to have been sacrificed to Jashin, Deidara."
"Not to mention it was probably dead from being stuffed in a box all year too..."
"So... Who's getting the new one?"
"Kakuzu!"
"What?"
"We want you to get our new Christmas tree."
"Does it cost money?"
"No, un."
"Well my answer is still no either way."
"It's just going out and lopping a tree down-"
"Ask someone else."
Natsuki yawned, only bothering to half cover her mouth. "Remind me how I got dragged into this again?"
"I got forced into getting the new Christmas tree and I wanted to make your life miserable."
"Thank-you for that sarcastic comment Kisame. I appreciate it." Natsuki playfully glared up at the man. He grinned down at her and she turned to look where she was going. Falling over would just be embarrassing. Her hand swayed freely without her cane in use and he reached out to try... just holding it. And if she didn't pull away or anything then that meant she liked him, right? Suddenly, she had dashed off and he yanked his hand back, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. "Hey Kisame! Look at this one!" He sidled up to where she was stood, pointing at a tree.
"It's a little... big, don't you think?"
"I want to try climbing it."
"What? I thought we were looking for a tree?"
"You are, I'm not." She grinned back at him, running to the base of the tree and disappearing into its thickly-covered boughs. Needles showered the snow where she had dislodged them. Kisame shook his head and watched. A few minutes later, she popped her head out of the top of the tree. "Hey! Kisame, I did it!" He took out Samehada, not really wanting to use it for this purpose, and took a swing at the trunk of the tree. It wobbled dangerously and Natsuki yelped. "Kisame! Stop that, I'm gonna fall out!"
"I thought Itachi was training you?" He laughed back.
"What difference does it make?" Another swing with Samehada and the tree began to topple over. Natsuki leapt out of the branches, sprinting down the tree as fast as she could with it falling from under her feet, screaming all the way. She slammed into Kisame's chest, clinging to him until her legs stopped feeling like jelly. "Stupid shark, that was mean." She muttered.
"Well, let's take this tree back."
"And uncaring to top it all off!" He only chuckled.
"Hey! You got one, un!" Deidara grinned, running up to them. Natsuki huffed and looked away, but Kisame grinned back. Suddenly, a silver bur shot towards them. A bomb detonated and it flew into the ceiling, flopping to the ground when the smoke cleared. "Hidan?" Natsuki asked. Well, he was stupid enough to fall into that kind of trap, but still... S-ranked criminal ring any bells?
"Don't you dare sacrifice our Christmas tree or I swear to God, Hidan, I will incinerate all of your spare ribs with my C4 clay! You hear me? No spare ribs for a thousand-thousand years and I'll pay Kakuzu to do the job!" Hidan slunk off after that, muttering about destroying Christmas or spare ribs. Natsuki thought he'd make a good Grinch in the future. Itachi popped his head out of the lounge, waving them over. "Bring it in here." Kisame shifted his grip and began dragging their Christmas tree through the corridor. Natsuki and Deidara followed, the latter bouncing on his heels in excitement.
Sasori looked up as a large tree suddenly entered the room, Kisame hauling it in. Natsuki made a bee-line for him, scooping up Chikakon on her way over. She sat on the floor next to him as he busied himself with a little carving. "What's up with Deidara?" She asked, eyeing the blonde skeptically. The puppet-master raised his head lazily to see what Natsuki was talking about.
"Oh, he always gets like this near Christmas."
"Okay. Why?"
"He said it was because they never really celebrated Christmas in Iwagakure, and we let him drink." Natsuki blinked.
"Really? Isn't that a tad bit dangerous?"
"Yeah, but we can't stop Hidan from drinking so it's only fair."
"Right..." Somehow Natsuki got the feeling that she was going to have to be on her guard this Christmas...
Nine hours later, no such thought was in her mind. Why? Because she and most every other member of the Akatsuki were stone-dead drunk. All but her and Hidan were so intoxicated that they had passed out on the lounge floor. Now the two were in a liquor-holding competition, trying to gain victory by drinking ever-more alcohol. It hadn't helped much that the others had been egging them on for the past half hour before passing out entirely. The only Godsent was that they hadn't turned to violence. Yet. For the moment, they were satisfied with glaring at each other between swigs of alcohol. They were in close competition, neither gaining the upper hand for long. "Ah won' lesh you bea' me you 'ashinsh-" Natsuki's head cracked against the floor.
"Blarg..." Natsuki threw an arm over her face, squinting up at the ceiling. Her head throbbed and felt like a swollen balloon. She didn't even know if balloons could be swollen in the first place... Two pairs of eyes looked down at her and she swatted at them. "Whaddaya want? Huh? Whadisit?" Sasori looked at Itachi, who looked back. They both looked at Natsuki.
"Natsuki, you are very, very drunk." Sasori stated.
"Severely so." Itachi added, a smirk itching at his lips.
"We suggest you sleep it off."
"Do you want help?"
"... Did I win?"
"Alright, back to bed for you."
Natsuki drifted in and out of wakefulness over the next two days, going straight back to sleep whenever she registered the pestering headache was still on her tail until finally, it faded away. Just in time for Christmas day to arrive. She honestly wouldn't have known if Deidara hadn't gone streaking through the corridors yelling it out and rubbing it in Hidan's face. She groaned, face-planting the pillow. "Shut-up Deidara..." With a heavy sigh at the sound of cursing and sacrificial terminology, she hauled herself out of bed and into the shower.
"Alright Chikakon; three, two, one..." They both wagged their tails as fast as they could, water flying out of their fur. "Damn it!" She laughed, seeing Chikakon sit down triumphantly. "Alright, you won this time, but next time you won't be so lucky!" Natsuki finished drying her tail out before changing out of her towel and into a set of her normal clothes. Yanking her damp hair into a high ponytail, they left to find everyone else.
It didn't take long to find them as they were all in the lounge. It was actually very nice, seeing as the only arguement was between Hidan and Deidara, and Deidara and Sasori. The others were finding it immensely amusing to watch Deidara try and uphold two arguements at once. Rolling her eyes, Natsuki trudged over to Itachi, sat in his armchair. Repeat, his. She sat beside it, letting Chikakon curl up in her crossed legs. "So what do you usually do today?"
"Hn?" He pulled his nose out of his book, "Oh, we usually just sit around and actually talk for once. Then when Deidara wants to, we exchange presents." Natsuki couldn't help laughing a little.
"Really? That seems so... normal?" Itachi only shrugged.
"On New Year's Eve we all drink to the new year and dress in kimonos too-"
"And sometimes we get to go to a festival!" Deidara interjected excitedly. Itachi promptly whacked him across the face and he fell backwards. "Ow, un!" He yelled, shooting back up. Natsuki snickered at him, safely on the other side of Itachi. "Wait..." The two of them looked over at her.
"What?"
"A minute ago, you mentioned presents..."
"Yes..." Itachi nodded.
"I've gotta go!" She leapt up, Chikakon tumbling off her lap and dashed from the room.
Natsuki skidded into her workroom, slamming the door shut behind her. Flip! How could I not think that they would exchange presents? Sure they're criminals, but I should know by now that they still act like normal people! She grabbed her tools and a metal pipe. Now I have to do a rush-job on their presents, but what the hell should I make?
Natsuki straightenned up, wiping her brow. "Phew..." All wrapped in the only plain brown paper she could find sat nine oddly-shaped presents. She scooped them all up in her arms and waddled out into the corridor as carefully as possible. She saw Kisame milling about the kitchen as she neared the lounge. "Hey!" He looked over, a beer in one hand. "Drinking already?" She cocked her head, grinning cheekily. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. What've you got there?" He tipped his head to her bundle of presents.
"You'll find out when Deidara decides it's present time!" She let them down on the table, shaking out her arms to get the blood back in them. Her fingers tingled.
"Hey you two fuckers! Get in here already!" Their heads snapped up to Hidan's rash voice.
"Don't order me around!" She yelled, flinging a fork at his head. He ducked and let out a brash laugh.
"Just come in here!" Sasori smirked, waving them over. Natsuki missed the dark look flashing through Kisame's eyes. They were just stepping through the doorway when Deidara suddenly shot up, "Stop!" They froze, staring at him. A wicked grin spread across his face. "Gotcha."
"What?"
"We got ya' fuckers." Hidan pointed up and their heads craned to see what he was hinting at.
Mistletoe.
Natsuki frowned, head whipping down to glare at the two dogs named Deidara and Hidan. She knew they wouldn't let up on their tricks just because it was Christmas. Especially not because it was Christmas. "Do it! Do it! Do it!" They chanted, laughing between words. Natsuki could feel her face heating up and her brow furrowed. Kisame had turned a delicate shade of purple. "It's repulsive." She snapped, back straightening as her temper flared. "It reminds me of people's feet. I don't see why people think mistletoe is so romantic, it sounds like a division of athlete's foot." And with that said, she whirled around with a sour pout on her face and stormed away. "Hey! We just thought it'd be funny to see you kiss fish-face here!" She paused in her step at that. Fish-face? But then Kisame barked out a laugh. "Yeah, yeah you religious zealot." She carried on, Chikakon running after her.
The frigid snow numbed her feet and rendered her fingers almost unusable as she climbed up to the top of the roof. There she sat in the snow, glowering out over the naked trees and feeling the chill wind on her cheeks. Chikakon pressed himself into her side and shivered lightly. "I'm sorry Chikakon, you can go back inside if you want." He jabbed his nose into her side and she chuckled, pushing his head away. "There aren't any grasshoppers about this time of year, you should know that by now." But he didn't leave her side. She looked down at him and sighed. "Hey, guess what?" His ears perked and he looked up at her expectantly. "I learnt a new trick from one of Itachi's scrolls. I nicked it from his room a while back." She pressed her hands together in a long series of signs, maintaining the careful balance of chakra within herself. "Phoenix flower jutsu." She muttered, spheres of fire shooting from her pursed lips over the rocky ledge. Chikakon leapt to his feet, staring in wonderment at his master's talent. "Alright then." She sighed. "I think I've sulked long enough, no point in wallowing in my own embarrassment, it'll only get worse."
"Hey! She's back, un!" Natsuki huffed and glared lightly at Deidara.
"Shut your trap, dog." He stuck three tongues out at her, but otherwise left it at that.
"Can we open your presents now?" He asked eagerly, bouncing on his heels.
"Hmmm... I don't know about that, I mean that was a pretty mean trick to play on me and Kisame. I don't think I can forgive you just like that-"
"Pleeeeaaasssssse? Please, please, please I beg on m knees?" She laughed as he actually knelt at her feet. "Whatever, go ahead."
"Yes!" He leapt up, dashing into the kitchen and handing everyone's presents out. "We've been waiting forever for you, un!" He said, eyes glittering in excitement as he placed nine presents in front of her before moving on to giving Itachi his pile of presents. "Really? I'm sorry-"
"Don't be." Sasori smiled lightly. "A bit of patience wouldn't do him any harm."
"Hey Hidan, want your presents, un?"
"Just give 'em to me you fucking arsonist terrorist brat of a-"
"Oh, but I thought you didn't celebrate Christmas?" Deidara teased, waving Hidan's presents above him.
"Christmas ain't about fucking presents as far as I heard asshole, they're just an added benefit so hand the fucking things over!"
"Pfft! No way in- Hey, un!"
"Ha! You let your fucking guard down-" Natsuki rolled her eyes and zoned out of their arguement. She instead cast her attentions to the range of presents sat before her. Some were wrapped delicately and with intricate care; others were more shoddily wrapped, as if the hands had fumbled or weren't too bothered with appearances.
She picked up the smallest present first, turning it in her hands before carefully peeling the lilac wrapping apart. A small box rested in her palm and she opened it to find a little fox figurine, a polished version of the one that Natsuki had seen Sasori carving ages ago. She showed it to Chikakon whilst thanking Sasori. He in turn thanked her for the expertly hand-crafted knife that she had made for him. It would be perfect for placing the finer details on his masterpieces and he promised to take special care of it.
Moving on to the next present, she found it was a sapling of a plant. A bamboo to be exact. It was easy to guess that it had been from Zetsu. She smiled at it, swiping it away from Chikakon when he tried to eat it. He shoved the next present into her hand with his nose and she rubbed between his ears. It was a messily wrapped one and if she had to bet, she'd say it was from Hidan. And what a surprise she found. "Hidan!"
"Wha-at?" A severed hand suddenly thonked him on the head and all was said. She scrunched up the wrapping paper carefully and threw it into the kitchen, moving on.
Itachi had gotten her a book called 'Tale of the Utterly Gutsy Shinobi' by some guy named Jiraiya whilst Deidara had given a lump of clay that, when she opened the present, he detonated and streamers went everywhere. That had given her quite the surprise, but she didn't mind too much. The woman she had seen attending her battles when she first joined the Akatsuki, the only other female in this organisation to her knowledge, had given her a pretty origami flower, but she wasn't there so Natsuki couldn't thank her for it. Pein, she had never had an inkling of a thought that he might actually participate in the festivities, but her had. He had given her a scroll on the types of jutsu. She rolled her eyes at it, but upon reading the first section, found it quite interesting. Kakuzu had also given her book, but it was much older than Itachi's gift and she felt that she needed to wrap it in swathes of velvet just to keep it safe. But then she came to the last present. It was wrapped all in silvery-blue paper and she opened it gently, not wanting to rip it. She snorted, trying not to laugh. Kisame looked over at her, a smirk tugging at one side of his lips. She pulled out a huge scarf, wrapping it around her neck. It covered from her neck to her nose and wrapped around three times, still with long loose ends. She stood up and spun in it, whipping Hidan in the face accidentally-on-purpose. He yelled, hurling a paper ball at her. The scarf deflected it and she threw one of her own paper snowballs at him. "Paper fight!" Deidara yelled, screams and yells filling the room as people tried to avoid being hit.
Oh... I'm so sorry, I was late again! And it didn't even turn out that good...
Anyways... Dr. Suess is a ninja O.O
Next time in Weapons Dealer... Chapter Sixteen: Festivities.
"S- stop it Kisame. You're drunk, please..."