"Wakey wakey, sleepy head." An obnoxiously cheerful voice sings. Tony doesn't remember making a waking up robot but he's seriously considering destroying it the second his brain comes online.
Then a heavenly smelling cup of coffee is placed under his nose and all of a sudden he wants to marry this robot and make beautiful robo-babies.
Sitting up, he grabs the cup and inhales deeply before taking a large, perfect, scalding gulp. Four gulps later, Tony freezes mid sip when the details of his current predicament resurface.
Slowly looking up he sees HB - Nope, he reminds himself - BA smiling innocently down at him with a plate of eggs, bacon and toast.
Tony spits the coffee in his mouth back into the almost empty cup and slams it on the small wooden table beside the bed.
HB's - for fuck's sake - BA's eyes widen to Bambi proportion with hurt, and good, Tony thinks, he hopes he feels terrible. Even though the expression makes Tony's heart hurt a little, he ignores it and continues to glare.
"You have to eat something," the blonde says placing the aromatic plate in front of Tony.
Tony scoffs, "I don't want your fucking food Blondie," he bites out, meeting H-BA's warm blue eyes. The staring match is broken with a loud growl from Tony's stomach.
H- fuck it, you know what? HB is just going to have to be his name since BA clearly isn't sticking.
HB giggles-fucking giggles!-and crouches down to so he's at eye level in front of Tony.
"You're hungry, you should eat. You have to call to Miss Potts tonight and you'll need your strength." Stupid HB and his stupid way of saying things so matter-of-factly that Tony starts to believe them himself.
Leaning in close, Tony snarls, "I'm not doing shit for you." Well, he hopes it comes out as a snarl, because this close he can smell that intoxicating mix of apples and cinnamon again and-god help him-he just wants to run his tongue all over this guy's body.
HB sighs and stands. "I'll just leave it here for if you decide to eat, ok?" he says with a smile before turning around.
This is it! Tony thinks. He springs up from the bed narrowly avoiding the plate and makes a swing for the blonde's side. Next thing Tony knows his face is being pushed against the wall and his hands are pulled behind his back.
He hears the blond sigh lightly behind him, and then feels his warm body pressed to his back. "I meant what I said about not hurting you Tony, but if you do things like that my reflexes kick in and I could really injure you. So, in the future," he presses even closer to Tony's back and leans down to speak in his ear, "let's just play nice, ok?"
Tony nods dumbly with the tiny range of motion allotted to him, and, oh hello inappropriate boner.
"Good," HB says cheerfully turning Tony around. HB starts running his eyes over Tony's body, assumingly to check for injuries, but his eyes linger at Tony's crotch for far too long to simply be clinical.
When the blonde swallows and licks his lips, it sends a shiver down Tony's spine. Lust-blown blue eyes quickly snap up to meet brown ones and Tony involuntarily bucks up slightly releasing a small whine.
HB steps forward slowly, allowing Tony enough time to move away, but when Tony doesn't move, signaling his consent, he leans closer and captures Tony's mouth in a possessive kiss. It's even better than Tony remembers, and he almost completely loses it when he feels the bulge in the other man's pants slide over his.
He grabs hold of the blonde's shirt trying to deepen the kiss, and thanks every god he can think of when HB allows it and even reciprocates, sliding his tongue into Tony's mouth.
Tony is moaning and writhing after only minutes and god bless his probably deranged kidnapping heart, HB finally takes pity on him and sticks his hand down Tony's pants.
Big, warm hands slide up and down in a perfectly tight grip, twisting with every stroke, and when HB moves his mouth to bite down on Tony's neck while thumbing over the slit, Tony is gone.
He sees stars, and is pretty sure he blacks out for a minute because when he regains focus HB is standing an appropriate distance away looking utterly too put together - minus the obvious bulge in his pants - for someone who just did the dirty.
If Tony wasn't currently standing propped up against a wall with his dick out and cum in his pants he would not believe that the man in front of him just made his atheist and hedonistic self see God with only his hand and a perfectly timed bite.
"Fuuuuuck," Tony breathes, still trying to catch his breath.
"Eat the food and don't forget your call with Miss. Potts tonight," HB says, voice even, but he hesitates for a second on his way out, "I-I'll bring you something to clean yourself up with." The blonde is still facing the door but Tony thinks he sees the beginning of a blush on his porcelain skin.
HB leaves and Tony's legs give out under him making him slide to the ground. Tony is suddenly struck with the burning desire to know this guy's name, so he makes it his singular goal for the day. Along with, y'know, escaping of course.
He eats the food without noticing as he thinks over every detail of the night they met. They had talked about art (HB said he's an artist), food (HB said he loved to cook, especially bake), and family (none left, but he 'values his friends like family'). Tony remembers tons of similar details, and he doesn't know if they're true, but nothing about a name.
So when HB comes back with two buckets of water, a wash cloth and fresh sweats, Tony tries to ask. Actually he starts with, "I see you took care of that yourself." Gesturing to HB's bulge-free crotch, "I could've helped y'know."
And yes, Tony realizes that he's offering to give his kidnapper a hand job but since he woke up yesterday he's felt weirdly open, so at this point he's just enjoying the ride and feelin' good.
All that gets him is a shy smile and a hurried exit.
Tony uses the unnaturally clean metal toilet in the corner of the room then wipes himself down with the water and changes into the clothes, that-oh sweet baby Jesus-smell just like HB. Tony's now pretty sure that he'll be getting an erection every time he passes a bakery, which actually doesn't sound so bad.
He tries to get a name again at lunch but doesn't even ask because HB brings him a big slice of apple pie along with lunch and Tony becomes too busy stuffing the pie into his face to do anything.
HB seems happy with Tony's reaction because he gives a wide satisfied grin before leaving Tony alone with his new apple flavored best friend. After pie, Tony feels better than he has in a long time. When dinner time arrives, HB returns with more pie, and Tony lunges for the new piece of his magic pie.
"You can have pie after our call with Miss Potts," HB instructs, taking a seat on the bed, placing the tray protectively between him and the wall.
A voice in his head tells him that something must be wrong because, right now, Tony sees no reason why he shouldn't give him a million dollars for a slice of pie. But he ignores it taking a seat at the end of the bed and folds his legs under him to sit close to HB. "I want you to answer some questions for me first," he says, eyeing the pie hungrily.
His mouth is watering but he had set one goal – along with escaping of course! - for today and he will learn HB's name if it kills him, or worse, loses him his pie privileges.
"Ask away," the blonde invites, tilting his head curiously to the right, making him look like an adorable puppy causing Tony to shake his head in order to focus.
"Was everything you told me about yourself when we met true?" Tony realizes that he would normally never ask a question like this, it encroaches on the territory of feelings, and he's never been good at that. But he feels calm and strangely open for one of the first times in his life, plus HB is so warm and kind, which makes him want to say whatever he feels.
Tony quickly files that under the large 'weird things I have to analyze about the last two days' folder in his mind.
"Hm, I don't remember everything I told you," HB says knitting his brows in concentration, "but I don't make a habit of lying outside of work, and I do really like you Tony, so I would say 'yes'."
"Well you're not actually an artist right? You're extremely impressive kung fu skills made that pretty clear, so are you like a spy or something?"
HB looks sheepishly down at his hands. "It doesn't really matter what my job is. I do this sometimes to put my talents to better use, but art is my real passion, although, I just don't have a lot of time for it."
"Can I see something you've made?" Tony finds himself asking in favor of the more obvious 'how is kidnapping me and asking for a million dollars "putting your skills to better use"?'
He doesn't even really like art. Pepper has spent millions on pieces he wouldn't even hang over his toilet, but the idea of seeing HB's passion played out on a canvas or paper with any medium fills Tony with genuine interest.
HB looks surprised that Tony would ask. "I-uh-how 'bout I send you a painting when you get out of here ok?" Tony doesn't believe that'll happen but he nods anyway. HB did say he didn't lie…
"Is that all you wanted to know?" the blonde asks brushing Tony's hair gently away from his forehead then sliding his hand down to rest on the side of Tony face, thumb brushing against his cheekbone.
Tony feels a burst of warmth rush to his heart. Letting his eyes flutter shut, he brings his hand up to rest on HB's, holding it in place. "I wanna know your name," he murmurs, enjoying the feel of HB's pulse on his skin and the warmth radiating from the big hand.
Suddenly the warmth is gone and Tony's eyes fly open to see HB looking flustered. "I-I can't tell you that."
"Yes you can, I promise I wouldn't tell anyone, I just-I keep calling you Mr. Hot Blonde in my head, and I wanna to stop, I-I want to know your name," Tony pleads moving closer to press his forehead to blonde hair.
And he really is starting to hate that name, HB,it makes the other man seem like less of a person, like he's just a body to be ogled, and he's not, he's…more.
HB chuckles. "Hot Blonde huh? I guess I should take that as a compliment?" He gives a small sigh before pulling Tony in for a kiss. "I...Steve. My name's Steve."
"Steeev," Tony says testing the name on his tongue, "I like it," he says honesty.
After a while of making out and saying 'Steve,' Tony is given his victory pie early while Steve calls Pepper.
Next chapter:
"Pepper I've been kidnapped, the guy's gonna send you drop off instructions for where to put the million in cash. Do everything he says and I'll see you soon" Tony says hurriedly securing the rest of the pie in a safe spot on the floor before rushing into Steve's lap.