"Oh my lovely Sephy!" They heard Sephiroth grunt, he was apparantly gagged. "No no, don't you try to struggle my dear!" Sephiroth started making louder noises like he was trying to break free from something, and protest. "Sephy!" She screeched, "Stop, moving! Oh, I didn't mean to yell at you like that sweetheart, please forgive me!" Angeal tried to peek through the crack, he saw the side of a big muscular looking woman with long blonde hair, a white blouse, a pink skirt, and matching high-heels, in front of a table, with Sephiroth's feet tied to it This is no ghost but, how in the world did she tie up Sephiroth? Let alone pick him up! He's the toughest man in SOLDIER! She may look strong but still! Zack made a slight shuffle with his feet which echoed throughout the tunnel and through the cracked door. "Sephy, are those people stupid enough to interupt our alone time together? You stay right here, I'll take care of them." Her voice changed again "They will never bother us again!"
Zack screeched and almost fled, but Angeal grabbed him "Stand your ground SOLDIER!" The door opened revealing what actually appeared to be a buff hairy man, with 5 o'clock shadow. "What in Gaia's name!?"
"That's not a ghost, that's a man!" Genesis laughed ridiculously, sending Zack giggling histaricaly down to the floor with him.
"How rude! I'm obviously not a man! But of course you sexist pigs wouldn't understand that!"
"Uhhhhh, why did you take Sephiroth?" Angeal asked.
"Your asking me why I 'took' my lover down to our honeymoon suite!?" Reno and Cloud were heard laughing like mad on the other end of the earpiece.
"I'm sending this to the Shinra mainframe immediatly!" Genesis said.
"Already on it!" Cloud replied laughing.
"You will not, Cadet Strife!" Angeal roared, Cloud grew silent.
"Dooooo iiiittttt, doooo iittttt! This is your conscience speaking."
"Zackary Fair!"
"Doooooo iiiitttt, doooo iiiittt! I am the other part of your conscience!"
"Genesis Rhapsodos!"
"Yo, do it I've got your back!"
"So do I!" The other two replied.
"Live a longer life, or have the time of my life, I dunno..."
"Strife, Fair, Rhapsodos, and Sinclair, if you do this you will be-" He couldn't take it anymore he had kept silent to long he couldn't suppress it anymore he laughed so hard he started choking and gasping for air. "F-forget, that... I'll back you up too!"
They heard a loud protest from Sephiroth, like he was trying to scream 'I'll kill you all!' repeatedly through the gag.
"Sending, it'll be up on every device with a screen in the Shinra building, in 6 hours, all of it."
"Wait a minute! No! You better edit out the bit about my blanky or I'll tear you to shreds!"
"To late already hit send..."
"You son of a #%$^*! I'll murder you every way imaginable! You won't live to tell of this! I'll break that $^$%^$% laptop over your %^$#^^& skull!"
"Geez calm down, I was just kidding I didn't hit send yet! I'll edit it out sheesh!"
"Wha- really?"
"Yeah, I'm not that crazy!"
"Awwww Cloud why? We would've helped you out with him too!" Zack whined.
"Yo dude, seriously? Man your a chicken s%$^!" Reno complained.
"Sorry guys..."
"Excuse me, you forgot about me! How dare you laugh at me and my honey pie!"
"Release, the General.. Mam.. We don't want to involve the Shinra army do we?"
"Release? What do you mean release!? He's here of his own free will! He's my sugar pie honey dumpling! Now if you don't wanna get hurt I suggest you leave!"
Zack snorted loudly "Dude, your against three SOLDIERS!"
"Just because your in the army doesn't mean your so tough!" He snapped his fingers before his voice changed "I'll kill you!" He roared, lunging at them.
"How are we supposed to fight in this cramped tunnel?" Zack yelled.
"I'll make it bigger if you want!" Genesis yelled happily.
The whole party yelled "No!"
"Geez, I was trying to help out!"
"That weak guy is right, it's to cramped in here, let's go into my backyard."
"Weak!?"
Genesis laughed loudly, Zack glared the worst glare he knew, but it didn't even phase Genesis. "Follow me." It replied. The transvestite led the SOLDIERS right past Sephiroth, who glared at them like 'Get me out of here! Or you will regret it!'
Angeal asked "Can Zack stay behind with Sephiroth since he's too weak to fight?"
"Geal!"
Angeal slyly winked at him. "Hmm... I guess it's okay but, I'll know if he tries anything, Sephy will tell me! Then I'll come rescue him! Like a knight saves a princess!..." He/she let out a lovelorn sigh. Genesis tried to control his laughter. Until this was all over at least. Zack kept fighting to hold his back, but every few seconds one would slip. Sephiroth glared menacingly at Zack, which made his laughter worse. After the transvestite, Genesis, and Angeal left. Zack pulled out his phone.
Sephiroth grunted like 'Don't even think about it!' "Just two pics Sephy, for my profile page!" 'Don't!' Zack took one whole picture of Sephiroth and, one picture of Sephiroth and himself. Then sent them to the laptop, and erased them from his phone. "Okay Sephy, time to free you from your psychotic transvestite stalker wife..." Sephiroth gave a glare that could wilt a flower, scare the living daylights out of Bahamut, and send a behemoth running away tail between its legs, unfortunately Zack was none of these, "Now, Sephy, don't look at your savior like that, you know, I could just leave you here after hiding this video camera..." Sephiroth paled considerably "But, I'm your best friend so I would never do that... Now let's undo this gag." He undid the gag and Sephiroth spat it out.
"If you even think about doing that you'll-"
"Die, I know.."
"Now, hurry up!"
"Fine, fine okay." Zack tried to undo the wrist cuffs "Damn, these must be SOLDIER proof!"
"Are you that much of a retard!? If they weren't SOLDIER proof I could have done it myself!"
"Then how are we gonna get you out?"
"Find something!"
"Hold on one minute..." Zack said examining the cuffs "Ahhh I was right..."
"What?"
"They need a key."
"#%^&! Find it!"
"Kay..." Zack searched the room from top to bottom looking for any secret panels or trap doors and came up empty handed. "I'll check this room." He pointed towards the door across from Sephiroth's head, he peeked in "Hoooollllyyyy crud!"
"What's in there Zack?" From Sephiroth's position he couldn't even see the door.
"Bon-bons, men's hair conditioner, deoderant.." He pulled out the deoderant and walked to where Sephiroth could see "Is this yours?"
"... Not anymore..."
Zack dropped it like it spontaneously combusted "Eww yuck.." He said wiping his hands on Sephiroth's trench coat. "Got any hand sanitizer?"
"I dunno, let me check, oh wait, I'm tied up. No I don't have any $%^&*( hand sanitizer moron! And if you wipe your filthy fingers on my trench coat again you will die!"
"Yeah, whatever..." Zack walked back over to the door way. "Oh, gross! Someone's dirty underwear are in here! Oh, god, that smells!"
"Glad I didn't come along." Cloud said. "Point the camera in there so everyone at Shinra can know what's in there!"
"Will do!" Zack said gleefully.
"What did those idiots ask you to do?"
"Who?"
"You know very well 'who'! Cloud and Reno."
"What? No silly, I was talking to Steve just now," Sephiroth raised an eyebrow, as Zack just started animating his conversation with 'Steve' "Are you blind Sephy!? Oh, my god Steve, that transvestite must have blinded him somehow, he can't even see you!"
"Zack stop fooling around." Sephiroth warned.
"Oh, my god! He can't hear you either! No Steve, that does not give you an excuse to insult him!... Steve! Your language is worse then Sephiroth's!... Steve that's rude!... No Steve I will not set his hair on fire for you!... Really? Well if you put it that way..." Zack stepped closer to Sephiroth.
"Zack, don't even think of touching my hair!"
"Bu-but Steve said-"
"I don't care Zack, don't touch my hair!"
"Steve told me that if I lit your hair on fire, when the stalker comes back she wouldn't think you were Sephy anymore and would let you go..."
"No Zack, no! Bad puppy!"
"Steeeeeve you got me in trouble again, why do I always do what you tell me to? That's not true! Your a liar Steve!" Zack started crying "I thought you were my friend! No, go, I don't want you here anymore! It would be better for all of us! Go away! Go away! Go away!" Zack started swatting at thin air "Why are you haunting me Steve!? Please, go away!" Zack fell to the ground as if someone punched him in the gut, he lay whimpering.
"O-kay..."
"Sephy," he wailed "He won't leave me alone!"
"Zack, I think you need to see your psychiatrist again."
"I've tried, but usually they run away after 10 minutes of talking to me..."
"It's amazing they've stayed that long..." Sephiroth muttered.
"You say something Sephy?"
"No, now find that key!"
` Zack got up reluctantly and dug through all the gross objects that used to belong to Sephiroth. "Sephiroth?"
"What?" Sephiroth sighed.
"If this is all your stuff, why are the missing Bon-bons in here?"
"My precious Bon-bons!?" Genesis asked jumping up and down "Gimme!" He said running into the room and pushing Zack out of the way. "Ohhh, delicious delectable yummy goodness, I have found you at last, and you will never be stolen from me again!... Ewww Sephy, put away your stinky old underwear!"
Angeal finally stepped through the doorway "What happened to Sephy's wife?" Zack asked.
Angeal held back a snigger "Uhhh we tied 'her' up out in the hallway. Why are you still tied up?"
"'Cause moron here hasn't found the key to the cuffs yet!"
"Oh, so that's what this key's for." He pulled a pink key with a heart-shaped bow out of his pocket."
"Thank the gods.." Sephiroth sighed with relief. Angeal walked over and undid the locks releasing Sephiroth's limbs. "Why did it take you so long to save me!?"
"Well these two ran around screaming 'she' was a ghost, which was very distracting."
"Ah... Well," Sephiroth got up "Time to check the extent of the damage." He walked over towards the door to his stuff "Don't think I haven't forgotten Zackary... I will delete those pictures and videos..." He then rummaged through his stuff.
"What pictures?" Angeal asked quietly.
"Just some keepers. I sent them to your laptop before I deleted the message off my phone." Zack whispered back.
"Good idea."
"I sent them to a seperate computer already so he won't find it." Cloud said.
"Another great idea."
"Oh, here's the last case of my Lanta."
"WHAT!? Sephiroth, you've done it, you've really done it! I've tried for years, but you won! Congratulations Sephy, after all that's happened, you deserve it!"
"... What...?" Angeal and Sephiroth asked.
"This is big news voices, he's done it, completed the impossible! He's found, The Lost City of Atlantis!"'
"Zack, in the morning, we are definately getting you checked out." Sephiroth said.