A/N: Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, etc. Hopefully this chapter doesn't disappoint.

Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time, any of its affiliates, or DC or Marvel comics.

There was something rather self-satisfying in playing with your latest, greatest toy in the privacy of your personal space- where no one could touch you, Regina thought as she splayed her fingers over the power mechanism on her new laser. It was powerful to be sure, but also highly impractical for a town such as Storybrooke. If she had designs on New York City, perhaps a laser would be more suited to her plans, but as it was, the laser was merely for her own personal pleasure. There was very little that would stop her from admiring the thing of beauty mounted on the work table, except-

"What are you doing, darling?"

Regina nearly jumped out of her skin at the intrusion. Lairs were supposed to be sacred spaces, weren't they? Certainly not when curious mothers, such as Cora, were involved, it seemed. "Didn't I ask you to stay at the house with Henry, Mother?"

Cora nodded (well, Regina had asked, and she had watched Henry...right up until the point when he told he was going to find dynamite and blow up the well, then she got bored), though her interest was still piqued solely by the sleek machine half-hidden behind her daughter. She pointed at the monstrosity taking up a third of the plain wooden work desk shoved against the wall. "What is that?"

"It's a laser," the younger brunette answered flatly as she moved away from her precious new toy. Testing out its strengths and weaknesses would have to come later, lest she be tempted to use it on a moving target (and wouldn't that be a shame?).

"Is that how you plan on taking out Swan? With a laser to burn her to a crisp?" Cora very nearly clapped with excitement at the possibilities of doing just that to the lithe blonde who managed to thwart her last devious plan to take over Storybrooke. "I can't say I'm not fond of the old methods, but surely you've already exhausted all other options if you've resorted to this newfangled technology, yes?"

"It isn't newfangled technology, Mother, and I have no intentions of using it to eliminate Miss Swan." Regina rounded the corner and braced her hands on her mother's shoulders, subtly directing the older woman back to the stairs that would lead her out of the mausoleum. Better to have her far away from technology than nearby to blow them both to smithereens because of her curiosity.

The Queen of Hearts resisted at the bottom of the stairs, turning pleading eyes back on her daughter. She gazed longingly at the expensive piece of weapon with a sort of lust in her eyes that made Regina only want to rush her out of the room faster. "Would you show me how it works, sweetheart?"

"No," came the succinct reply.

"Regina, dear, how do you expect me to be prepared if you won't show me-"

"You don't need to be anywhere near the laser, Mother," the dark brunette reiterated slowly, as if speaking to a young child instead of the woman who had raised her. "Do you remember what you did to my answering machine?"

For a brief moment, Cora looked affronted but the expression dropped as quickly as it had come. She shrugged from her daughter's grip and faced her, casually observing the other toys- the cars, the guns, the knives- all of which she wasn't allowed to play with, and it was all because of a tiny mistake concerning a now-mangled answering machine that had been requisitioned to the junkyard after her mishap. "It was saying the most terrible things about me, Regina. Surely you don't believe I should have let it continue, do you?"

Her therapist had once told her to take deep breaths and envision herself on a beach somewhere, to relax in the feeling of serenity; unfortunately for the cricket (always chirping away about this or that), his methods didn't work effectively then, and they sure as hell didn't work when dealing with her mother. "You decided to destroy my answering machine because of recorded messages from a drunken idiot down at the Rabbit Hole, so what makes you think I would let you touch an actual weapon?"

"It was saying the most horrendous things about me," Cora argued. "And you. What kind of mother would I be if I didn't take a stand for you against the drunken fools you choose to co-exist with?"

That funny, fuzzy sensation that often came when it was time to refute Cora's oddly held beliefs that she was the epitome of a good mother lingered on the tip of Regina's tongue, baiting her with the irrefutable proof scarred into the skin of her back for an hour of tea time missed, but she held firm. "Of course, Mother. I'm sure hearing Leroy call you a whore to the Dark One would sting a bit."

"I was never his whore," Cora bit into the silence that swirled between them, whispering harshly as she dragged her daughter's body closer to hers. "I would never have been his whore; I loved him."

The dark brunette batted away the long talons gripping the sleeves of her black blazer as she straightened to her full height (plus stilettos). "Then why aren't you down at Town Hall with him negotiating for the release of his precious Belle from captivity? And, second question, why did you marry Daddy if you were so in love with Rumple?"

"Because you won't let me take any of your precious cars down and none of the taxi's will come out this far from town," Cora explained bitterly. There had been a squirrel in the road when she had chased it off with Regina's older model Mercedes...straight into a tree, but that didn't mean she shouldn't have another chance at driving, did it? "And, to answer your second question, it was the giggle. Sometimes Rumpey used to giggle while we were in bed together and it-"

"Stop right there!" Whatever happened to 'Love is weakness, Regina.' There were times (and this was one of them) when Regina wished for the ability to make her mother disappear into thin air (poof! gone.) or that she had been more discerning in her selection of assassin when she had planned for her mother's demise years prior. Trusting Captain Hook to eliminate a sixty-year old woman was, apparently, beyond his skill level. Perhaps, upon further reflection, she should have asked him to prove himself on a bunny rabbit first. But, really, she didn't need to know that Rumplestiltskin used that creepy, high-pitched laugh when he was-

For the sake of her mental health, she wasn't going to finish that thought, Regina decided. "Mother, do you want to go down to Town Hall to listen to the negotiations?"

Cora eyed her warily before she asked, "Will you let me drive?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Squirrel."

"It was one time," the Queen of Hearts argued with surprising conviction. With her hands bound to her hips and scowl firmly in place, she might have looked intimidating to someone who was not her daughter. As it was, the cost to repair the vehicle outweighed any intimidation methods Cora might try to enact. "And the squirrel had it coming to him."

It was going to take a very long time to process that last bit of information, possibly enough time to consume several very expensive bottles of wine while soaking in the tub thinking about how to eliminate Emma Swan's pants...no, that wasn't quite right. Again,...several very expensive bottles of wine while soaking in the tub thinking about how to eliminate Emma Swan- much better. Now- "Did you want to go or not, Mother?"

Several long beats later, a reluctant, "Fine," broke through Cora's lips as she shuffled towards the new vehicle, trailing her fingers along the sleek metal that comprised her daughter's equivalency of the Bat mobile. All things considered, at least her daughter had the decency not to dress up like a disgusting creatures who hung upside down and dove at moving vehicles to catch bugs. That would have been far too much disappointment- not that she was not disappointed in her daughter's lack of ambition to rule the world- for her to handle. "Why don't you have one of those suits to make you fly? I heard there's a man in...oh, I don't remember, but he uses one."

"Because I prefer to keep both of my feet firmly on the ground, Mother," Regina returned once she had settled herself in the driver's seat of her shiny, new car. The extra cost was worth it to bribe Michael, the mechanic, into adding in the extras she desired, even at the additional expense of listening to him complain that the weight of those toys would pull from the considerable horsepower. It would all be worth it once she sent Mary Margaret "Snow White" Blanchard-Nolan rocketing through the air, perhaps even with her pesky Prince Charming by her side- hopefully they could "find each other" when they were a couple hundred feet above the air. "How much of a distraction are you going to be at these proceedings?"

Cora huffed indignantly. True, her time with the lovable imp had been limited since she had threatened to roast him over the fire pit in Regina's backyard until he squealed his love for her and her alone, but she had changed since last Monday night. She was a new person (with new clothes and a new plan that involved taking out the little hussy who dared mess with her scaly imp), but her daughter didn't need to know that. Instead, she wiggled her fingers in the direction of the underground garage door that would lead them out of the cemetery and indicated that Regina put that pedal to the metal.

As she drove through town, bright lights cutting a swath through the darkened recesses of treacherous alleyways, Regina considered, not for the first time, dropping her mother, Rumplestiltskin,and Belle into a padded room and letting them battle it out themselves. It would certainly give her the edge when it came to battling for Henry's affections if she weren't constantly finding herself in the middle of some scuffle that didn't involve Emma Swan. Perhaps there, too, she could find a way to show her son that evil was in the eye of the beholder.

If only the blonde didn't annoy her so much.

Really, it was Emma's fault that they had reduced their tenuous acquaintanceship into a muddled mess of Good versus Evil. If Emma hadn't gone and joined Team Beta, she and the Evil Queen would likely be in Regina's backyard soaking in the hot tub while drinking champagne and toasting to taking over the town. Regina caught the tickle in her throat before it burst forth and crammed back to where it belonged. She might have even been convinced to let Emma take the first turn with her laser, if only the irritating blonde hadn't up and joined the relentlessly good ranks of Team Beta.

"You missed the turn."

Regina's foot slammed on the brake as her head swiveled to meet the unimpressed expression on her mother's face. "What?"

"You missed the turn," Cora repeated. "To Town Hall, dearest, you needed to turn left at the light you blew through. You're lucky the sheriff isn't on duty, else you might have had to string him up by his bootstraps for giving you a ticket."

"That's the reason you aren't allowed to get your driver's license, mother," Regina retorted as she swung the sleek machine around at the next light, executing a perfect (if she did say so herself) illegal u-turn. "You can't torture the sheriff for giving you a ticket for an offense you committed. Also, clearing the streets of vermin is not reason enough to murder my Mercedes."

"But you should have seen Mary Margaret's face when I did," the Queen of Hearts cackled in an unrestrained fashion. It had done her heart good, up until the sleek black car had been forced to stop on account of the presence of that misplaced tree, to see Snow White's big, wet crocodile tears as she flung herself in front of the poor little critter (who was fine, by the way). At least he didn't have to wait for a taxi or beg his daughter for a ride into town whenever Rumple refused to give her a lift in his Cadillac (sans neat laser beams and spikes).

"As pleasant as that always is-"

"Turn here!" Cora demanded as she pointed the way to the backside of Town Hall (because Evil had to make an entrance and the front door wasn't going to cut it).

Regina turned more from muscle memory than by the command. That padded white room was becoming more and more viable as an option, especially if it mellowed her mother back into the sadistic control-freak of yesteryear than the out-of-control, demanding, golden imp-lover she was today. The parking lot was clear, giving her the choice of spots in which to leave her precious vehicle while she went inside to test the theory that one cannot simply die from boredom.

She made to unlock the passenger door when she discovered her mother had already scooted from the car. Even as she followed, albeit reluctantly, Regina could feel the weight of two nights without sleep dragging her down. Sometimes, Evil really did need to take the night off, but her mother was a pusher and had her doing research throughout the nights to determine Team Beta's weak points (For future reference: Prince Charming, the Blue Fairy, and Pinocchio- the kid was made of wood, after all, and she could shoot fireballs. Hello, kindling.)

When she reached the doors, she was almost pleasantly surprised to find Emma Swan holding the door open for her, two coffees held in her hands, as she leaned against the heavy door. "Almost thought you weren't coming, but then I saw Cora and, well, we all know what happened to your car. Sorry about that, by the way."

Almost pleasantly surprised moved into cautiously optimistic that the blonde's intent in the early morning hours was not to get into another fist fight, but that waned when one of the coffee cups was thrust into her hand.

"I, um, you like your coffee black, right?"

Regina eyed the younger woman with a critical eye, awaiting the other shoe (or anvil) to drop. When nothing came after a few moments, she handed the travel cup to her mother and encouraged her to take a sip (two birds, one stone).

After a long sip, Cora clutched at her throat, making an irrefutably horrendous gagging sound as she trailed her feet about the room, hot liquid slamming dangerously against the sides of the cup as she did so. "You're trying to kill me," she accused, pointing a finger at her daughter, who merely redirected the blame onto none other than Emma Swan. "You're trying to kill me with...is that hazelnut?"

Nimbly, Regina plucked the travel mug from Cora's fingers and downed a long sip of her own, confident now that the blonde was not, in fact, trying to poison her. "I'll assume you brought this from Granny's?"

Emma nodded, a bit concerned that Regina would willingly hand over a potentially poisonous cup of coffee to her own mother without so much as batting an eyelash. "You looked tired the last time I saw you, and you said you hadn't been sleeping well. I thought the coffee would help keep you awake through this thing."

"The hazelnut gives it a bit of a kick, don't you think, dear?"

"Y-you were going to?" Emma waved between Regina and Cora, who had long since recovered from her faux-poisoning death and had sidled up to Rumple's side. "She's your mother."

"Oh, please, don't act so scandalized. If I wanted to off her, I would have done so earlier," Regina retorted as she sipped the savory brew. The blonde was quite the thinker, ducking cleanly onto her good side with the offering of gourmet coffee instead of the dull brew Granny's was famous for. "That was merely payback for keeping me awake the past two nights for research purposes."

Grumpy as she was at having been forced to this shindig by the ever-perky Mary Margaret, Emma would give the other woman props for ensuring the Evil Queen would be in attendance. She scooted to the side and allowed Regina to choose their seats, flopping into one beside her as soon as the dark brunette had chosen. Front row, lovely. That meant she couldn't take a nap and dream about superpowers that allowed her nemesis' to appear naked in her bedroom (only one, though)."So, research purposes?"

"Weak links in Team Beta."

"Oh." A long beat. "Was I one of them?"

Regina shook her head, thoroughly enjoying the coffee and, surprisingly, the company. It was far better than dealing with her mother or, god forbid, Dr. Whale and his x-ray vision. There were only so many times she could have a conversation with the man before she grew uncomfortable knowing that while he used his powers for evil, he also used them on evil to bypass the standard clothing conventions like the horny monster-builder he was. "Surprisingly no, but I was terribly concerned to find that you still sleep with a teddy bear."

"I do not!"

"Ladies and Gentlemen, if we might get started," Rumplestiltskin drawled silkily, eyeing the bickering Evil Queen and her blonde sidekick as he addressed the room. "I've informed you of my terms, and I should like to see a decision made by the end of the night, tonight- you have until midnight. Otherwise, I and the rest of my evil companions will unleash-"

"I'm out," Regina spoke up, one finger raised to catch his attention. "I'd prefer not to take part in whatever hell you plan on unleashing."

"Fine, fine, fine," Rumplestiltskin amended in that high-pitched tone of his that never failed to give Emma a case of the shivers. "My evil companions, with the notable exception of Regina, will unleash- well, now you've gone and ruined it, dearie. How am I supposed to make a decent threat if you go and beat me to the punchline?"

"Uh, guys, if Regina's out, then I'm out. No offense, but it's just not worth if Regina's not there." Emma shrugged her shoulders and slouched into her seat. Problem solved, no more getting woken up at three in the morning for some lover's spat that did not include her as one of the offended parties.

"Emma!" came Mary Margaret's predictable squeal.

The blonde shrugged again in response. "We all know what's going to happen if I get in the middle of this. Cora's going to poof me away from the fight and into the woods the second I throw one punch. I have shit to do, unlike the rest of you, like hang out with my kid in the park." (Or hide my teddy bear before Regina can find its hiding place under the bed). "Unlike the rest of you, I don't really care who's doing the Dark One."

"Emma!" Neal, said Dark One's spawn, exclaimed from three rows back. "This is the fight of good against evil!"

"Oh, it is? Sorry. I thought it was the fight of who gets to screw your dad next, which, by the way, is disgusting. Belle left him because he went all psycho crazy on her; Cora wants him because he went all psycho crazy again, and I don't really get why you care because you'd be the first casualty. "You don't even have any superpowers!"

Regina nudged her none-so-politely in the ribs. "Actually, that isn't true, dear. He does have the superpower of showing up when and where he isn't wanted. That alone should qualify him for status as Team Beta's resident pain in the ass."

It was probably impolite to snort into the palm of her hand at the expense of her ex, Henry's father, but Regina had a point. For all his bluster, Neal was next to useless in a fight, except that one time when Cora had humored his failed attempts to stab her with his sword before she turned him into a unfortunate-looking toad for the better part of a week (it had taken three shots of tequila and the continued promises to pay for Ruby's medical treatment should she catch anything slimy before the werewolf agreed to catch the toad and bring him back to Cora so she could undo what she did)- that had been amusing.

"Give me back my Belle!" Rumple hollered, the sound echoing through the large conference room as he pounded his cane on the floor to emphasize his middle-aged gimpy imp temper tantrum.

"Yeah, no. See, she's a person and-" Emma trailed off, unsure of how to inform the limp-haired man that she was not in the business of handing over people when certain golden-hued other people threw tantrums like she had stolen their favorite toy during recess.

"Have you not thought to woo the girl back to you, Rumple?" Regina offered, much to the chagrin of her mother.

At the head of the table, the Dark One appeared contemplative for the briefest hint of a second before his features twisted into a scowl. "No. Give her back to me or I will burn this town to the ground."

"As productive as this is," Regina drawled, "might you like to join me for breakfast at Granny's, Emma? I'm sure Henry would want to see you this morning, if he hasn't already snuck out and back into the house with the help of a certain werewolf."

The blonde stood without further explanation needed and directed her gaze to Granny, informally acknowledging that she didn't care to listen to the rest of the proceedings when she could be watching the Evil Queen do unspeakable things to a spoon. "I sort of already saw him this morning, but yeah I'm good for breakfast. Did you know he stole dynamite from the mines and thought he could blow up the well in the woods to get rid of evil?"

Regina nodded as they walked out of the conference room. "I'm well aware. I placed a GPS tracker in his sneakers last week after he threatened to run away to New York with his 'real' mother and father."