Now, I'm not sure how much longer it was until I woke up again, but I didn't even have to open my eyes to know Stella wasn't beside me.
But someone else I knew was.
"I thought I told you to stay in Chicago?" I murmured as I opened up my eyes and looked over at the blonde sitting on the table in front of my couch. The soft smile on her face made me smile myself. Now there's a sight for sore eyes.
"You can't keep me away from you forever, Mac," she said. "Remember? We're married now, Mac Taylor," she reminded me, holding out her hand with the ring I had finally bought her.
I nodded and sat up slowly. "Yeah, I'm not that old," I said, allowing myself a slight laugh.
She smiled and leaned in and kissed me. That was a long overdue favor, so I kissed her back and then we just sat there for a moment, so close to each other our noses touched.
"I missed you, Christine," I say.
She smiles softly and she puts her arms around my neck and I put my arms around her in return.
"I think I missed you more," I hear her whisper in my ear.
I smile and then she finally reveals the biggest reason for her coming back to New York. I saw it coming, but it still didn't change my reaction.
"Stella said you were sick…and hurt. I was worried about you," she said.
I look back at her, seeing the worry in her eyes and shaking my head slightly as I struggled to tell her something to put her mind at ease.
She laid two fingers gently against my lips so I ended up just looking back at her, my slightly brighter blue eyes filled with concern about her. "Mac, there's nothing you can say," she said softly and I had to stop looking at her eyes. I just couldn't handle it; she was making me feel a bit uneasy because there was nothing I could say.
"You're going to be ok," I heard her say, her voice still quiet. She gently took my head in her hands and made me look back at her. I swallowed hard as we just looked searchingly in to each-other's eyes for a long moment. "You have to be, you hear me? I can't lose you."
I sigh softly and lay one of my hands on her one of hers, still on my cheek, and my gaze doesn't waver no matter how much it was killing me to see the worry, fear, and concern in her eyes. "I know. I'm doing my best," I say, my voice showing just how much I've been affected by everything.
"You know…when you were shot and you were in the hospital, that was one time too many of feeling like I'd lose you. I can't lose you, you have to be ok," she said. She was almost crying and the only thing I could think of to do was pull her in to a hug, which was exactly what I did.
"I know you're scared. I'm scared too, sweetheart. Trust me, I'm scared. I'm doing my best and I'm doing it for you and the team. I just don't know if it'll be enough yet or not," I said as she buried her face in my shoulder.
She was shaking. It brought memories flying back to me, of losing her, not knowing where she was and working with D.B. to try and find her. I was so worried about her and I had been so willing to take the law in to my own hands the second I felt that's what was needed. Memories of waking up in the hospital to find her by my bedside and how she had been there every day through my recovery after getting shot.
I owed her so much and here I was scaring her again and scaring myself. I sighed. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry," I murmured.
CSI: New York
I leaned against him, he was scaring me witless. "Don't apologize, Mac!" I said, looking up at him finally. The pain in his eyes nearly threw me. The pain in his eyes wasn't because he was hurting physically, although I knew he was, but that pain showing in his eyes was the pain the he had because he was scaring me and he had me worried.
I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes. "You don't owe me anything for what I did after you were shot. Nothing. You love me and I love you. That's all I need, Mac," I told him, taking one of his hands in mine and looking down at my hand as I held on to his.
I was just so scared for him. I wouldn't have stayed in Chicago if someone had a gun to my head. He'd scared me when he was shot, and here I was scared again. I just couldn't lose him.
The very real possibility he wouldn't be able to keep fighting what this new world was doing was what ate at me and scared me the most. I wasn't going to leave him now, I just wouldn't. He needed me and both he and I knew it.
The fact that he knew it made me realize how much of the old Mac had been worn away by this struggle to survive. I would have usually expected him to not admit it, but the look in his eyes told me he knew fully that he needed me and, as I searched his blue eyes a bit more, he wanted me there.
"I was wrong sending you away, I can't do this without you."
It was the first time he'd spoken in a little bit. I put a hand on his shoulder.
"Come on, let's go to bed. It is 3 in the morning after all."
He nodded and we stood together, his hand in mine and we went to bed together. I fell asleep knowing that I was where I was needed and where I wanted to be. I also knew that it may not be so peaceful in time, but I wasn't going to leave him.
He needed me and I needed him. It was the only way we were going to make it through these few dark and horrible days.