The walk to get to Berwald's room wasn't far at all. Tino was honestly surprised he had never known that the other boy was on the same floor as him; he was sure that he would have had to have seen him at one point or another. Or maybe he had and just wasn't remembering. Either way, his musings were cut short when he realized that he had arrived at his destination. Brushing some hair out of his face once more, he knocked lightly at the door. Berwald was quick to answer the door, and the Finnish boy couldn't help but stare a little. The other man was wearing little more than boxers and an un-buttoned button-down shirt, leaving not much to the Finn's imagination.
The taller of the two shifted a little and pushed his glasses up a bit further on his nose. Admittedly he had done this slightly consciously; he had been given the choice of putting on more clothing while he waited for Tino to get to his room, but he didn't really want to. He was comfortable. The more the other stared, though, the more self-conscious he became. Was this really indecent? This was an all-male boarding school, and hell it wasn't like Tino had never seen a shirt-less man before, right?
"Heh, hei Ber." Tino finally said, smiling to break the silence.
"Hej." Berwald responded, relieved. He was half-expecting Tino to turn on his heel and vanish. "Come in?"
Berwald moved out of the doorway enough to let Tino walk in past him, and closed the door almost tentatively after. He was mildly surprised to see that the other had already made himself at home in the edge of Berwald's bed, his back pressed up against the wall and his feet resting on the edge. Deciding to follow the Finn's lead he moved next to the Finn in a similar position. He had his back against the wall but his legs were tucked slightly closer to his chest so that his feet weren't awkwardly hanging off of the bed.
"What's on yer mind?" The Swede asked softly. He sucked at talking to begin with, but small talk was even harder for him. He had no idea what kept Tino, a very talkative person, with him.
With a small, awkward smile, Tino giggled slightly. "Oh… a lot of things."
"Like?" Berwald pried, gently as possible. He didn't want to force the other, but he looked like he could use some encouragement.
"Well… Do you ever just really hate people sometimes? I mean, when they're such jerks and you just want to tell them off but it feels like it wouldn't even be enough if you did that?"
Why that was a profound statement. If there was a person that Berwald had expected this from, it was the ever-bitter, ever-cynical Nikolai; even Mathias was more likely than Tino to say such a thing. Trying to ignore his initial surprise, Berwald thought about the question carefully.
"I suppose." He finally answered. He did hate certain people at times, even though it wasn't really in his nature to call anyone out on anything. Still though, he was trying to encourage Tino to keep talking more than anything else. That was the priority.
"Well… I kind of told someone off today…"
"Who?"
"Eduard. He was just… god Be, he was just being such a jerk! I couldn't stand it!"
"Thought ya' were friends?" Berwald half questioned. He wasn't really sure about that anymore, but he was still curious.
"I… Honestly, I think you could say I was friends with anyone and it would almost always be a lie."
Tilting his head, the Swedish male waited for the other boy to elaborate.
"It's just… It's hard to explain…" A sigh. "Berwald, I just hate them all. All of them. I mean, there's no good reason to be mean to them so I'm not, but there's just no real reason to be nice to them, either. Someone asks how your day was and they don't even wait for the answer."
Berwald resisted the urge to point out that Tino was the only one who ever asked how Berwald's day was; and he always listened to the answer. Tino rambled on.
"They don't care, they never care, and they're just so brainless! It's like they're just programmed or something. And really, even if they do listen to a thing you say, it's never anything good and then they decide that everyone and their mother need to hear it. It's just terrible! And when they don't know someone they concoct all of these stupid, usually offensive, outrageous urban myths because they have no lives. And then all they care about is how you look, but it's not even like when we were younger and people actually cared about your face. All people look at is your ass, your hips, god, it's so fucking disgusting! It's like we're not even people anymore!"
Tino couldn't stop. He just had to let it out, and so he told Berwald about how all these people were was empty, hollow, shells of something, and how they had no decency or respect for other people, and how all they could do was look at anywhere but your face and all they cared about was anything but your face-
And surprisingly, Berwald listened to all of it.
Tino eventually forced himself to stop, and the other watched him take deep breaths in before asking a question. "D'ya hate me?"
Violet eyes looked up at him, almost surprised at the question. He didn't hate Berwald, no, not at all. Sure he did have selfish reasons for being with the man, but he didn't hate him. He was very fond of him, especially compared to many others.
"I don't hate you. Berwald, I really, really like you." He smiled softly and moved onto his knees now, scooting closer to the other man. "I can't believe you'd think for even a second that I didn't like you."
Gently now, he cupped the man's face in his hands and leaned closer to him, tilting his head so that their noses wouldn't collide. He may not have been particularly experienced, but he knew enough from talk not to make silly mistakes. Soft lips met slightly more dry ones sweetly, pressing harder after the initial contact. The other seemed surprised at first, but once he relaxed a little Tino took the chance to slide his tongue over the other's lips to moisten them slightly before pressing between them to part them.
Berwald was melting. What Tino was doing was heavenly, and he couldn't resist just giving in to his advances. He opened his mouth slightly and felt the tongue poking and prodding around his mouth quickly and eagerly, and it sent a pleasurable shiver through him. His mouth was still open when Tino finally broke the kiss for air because he didn't even comprehend that it was already over.
With a smile, Tino climbed into Berwald's lap and wrapped his arms around the other's broad shoulders before leaning in to kiss him again, more confident this time. The Swede more than welcomed the advances and leaned closer to the shorter male, eyes glazed over. Kisses stayed heated and the amounts of time that they broke for air between them seemed too long in Berwald's mind, but not long enough for his lungs. It was the most pleasant confusion he had ever felt. Soon he felt himself getting dizzy and placed his hands on Tino's waist to steady himself. Even more encouraged now, Tino moved his hands to rest on Berwald's sculpted chest, and he could feel the man's heart pounding. He couldn't help but grin after they broke apart from their current kiss, and he rested his forehead against the Swede's.
"Hi." He said simply, softly, even though it held so much more meaning. Berwald could only stare back dumbly, and Tino giggled and kissed both cheeks playfully. "You're cute."
The Swedish teen blushed a little and kept his hands where they were, reluctant to move and ruin the moment. The other just grinned wider and kissed down his cheek and jaw gently, only-half playfully. He punctuated each kiss with a small 'mah' sound stopping once he got to the crook of Berwald's neck and resting his head there while breathing the other man in. "Hn, you smell good." He giggled. Berwald held the other close while he tried to catch his breath. It was actually quite peaceful, just laying with the other.
They both knew that there was time that could have been used being wasted, but neither one could bring themselves to get up and leave. It was serene, and there was no real reason why they should have moved. Tino couldn't even remember when he had fallen asleep, or why he had woken up. He just knew that apparently Berwald has been sleeping, too, because he looked quite startled when Tino sat up and yawned.
"Hn… sorry Ber. Did I wake you?"
"S'alright."
Smiling sheepishly, the Finn leaned over and pressed a kiss to his companion's cheek apologetically. "Didn't mean to… it is rather late though. I really should be going, I'm sorry."
It wasn't hard to see the disappointment in the other's eyes, and Tino did feel some guilt for that. He certainly would have stayed the night, but he had some other matters to take care of this particular night. "Er… Would you like to do this again tomorrow? I'm free then; it's just tonight I have some homework that I put off and I really have to finish it. But I'm free tomorrow, I promise." Tino chewed his lip slightly, willing the other to say yes.
"F'course."
A smile. "Great! Well, I'll wake you up tomorrow again. You go back to sleep now, okay?"
With a nod Berwald agreed, and then got up and led Tino to the door. A few more short kisses were exchanged in the doorway for the purpose of stalling, and eventually the Finnish teen finally turned and walked down the hallway, as much as he didn't want to. That or he really didn't want to take care of certain other matters.
This was when he had wished that he had just stayed asleep in the other's arms.
"… Hei, dad."
"Hello. You know you should really say something more quickly; I was about to hang up the line because I wasn't sure if you were even there."
"Okay. I'm sorry."
"School still going well?"
"Mmhm."
"That's not an answer."
A sigh. "Yes, school is still fine."
"Grades still high?"
"Haven't dropped."
"Still a faggot?"
"Yes, I am still gay."
"You're sick."
"I know."
"How could you decide to do this?"
"I didn't."
"Then why don't you stop?"
"I can't."
"Have you ever even known a girl?"
"Yes."
"And?"
"I still like men. You can't change these things, dad, it's just me."
A pause in breath. Silence. "You're disgusting."
"I know."
"You'll make your mother cry."
"I'm sorry."
"I hate you."
"I'm well aware."
"Your mother's birthday is soon."
"I've mailed a card."
"Good."
Yet more silence.
"Why couldn't you turn out right?"
"I don't know."
"Figure it out."
"I can't. Can you?"
"No."
"Then how am I to?"
"You know that you're a fucking fag. Don't you know why?"
"No, I do not know why I am gay-"
"Fag."
A pause. "I just know that I am."
"You're ill."
"I know."
"I still hate you."
"I know."
"Don't forget to call for your mother's birthday."
"Will do. Good night, dad."
"Good night, faggot."
A click on the line, and there's complete silence in the room. It rings in his ears, and the phone receiver, and it's fucking everywhere-
He shattered it with a heart wrenching sob, dropping to his knees. Why? Why did it always have to be like this? It wasn't his fucking fault that men were just so much more attractive to him! How could his father blame him for it? It was simply the truth to him! Tino liked men, the scent of a man, the way that he was kissed and held in such strong arms- why was it a crime to like that? It wasn't fair! Had he been a woman his father would probably have even encouraged him, been thrilled that his daughter was so popular with the boys, and then he could tell him about Berwald and he would be elated-
But Tino was a boy. Tino was a freaky little boy who liked men and wanted a dick rammed up his ass and to be taken and taken over by a man- Fuck what was wrong with him.
His sobbing was starting to get faster and he couldn't stop shaking. He curled into a ball on the floor and let go, sobbing and trembling and hiding his face in his hands as though it would help him stop hurting somehow. He knew it wouldn't though, it never did, there was only one thing that had ever worked and so frantically he made the same choice that he always made-
The room was red before it went black.
On this chapter: notes. I have many of them.
One: I am so sorry that this took so long. Real life happened and it sucked. A lot. I'm hoping that I won't take so long in the future.
Two: No smut yet, I'm sorry guys. I really didn't mean to imply that in the last chapter because I just feel that it's just slightly too soon; but I promise you things will pick up a little more in the near future. For now, I have simply left you with some snogging.
Three: I have fixed Berwald's speech here to make it more intelligable. I didn't have the heart to get rid of all of his slurs, but most are gone.
Four (this is in general): As many of you may have already noticed, these characters are a different characterization. They are darker, grittier, and over-all just not the same as the near-cannon fandom characterizations. I write like this because I enjoy these concepts, and I hope that if you're reading this that you enjoy them. If not, you are free to stop, and please don't hate. I'm just here for fun, just like everyone else~
Reviews are loved and very much appreciated