You're just another fuck up; did you ever think that you were special? One night and one broken condom later is all you ever were, and you couldn't even make this easier on us you go and become a fucking cock-sucker-

If there had ever been a time that Tino had ever been more grateful for his alarm than that moment, he didn't remember it. Never mind that he had set it completely wrong, p.m. instead of a.m. He didn't even bother to turn off the clock and the shrill ringing; instead he decided to cradle it against his cheek with his hands and listen. If he went deaf he really wouldn't mind that much. Death metal would probably make him lose his hearing young, anyway.

He was tired, so fucking tired, but he wouldn't dare go back to sleep. He couldn't go back to sleep, not there, not then, never mind the fact that it was 11 p.m. on a Friday night and he should be sleeping. If he went back to sleep then, he would wish that he had never closed his eyes in the first place. These words that followed him to sleep weren't nightmares, just memories- sometimes he prayed that one day, something, someone, anything would come along and hit him so hard that he couldn't even remember his name. Amnesia would have been a blessing at that point. Really it would have been a blessing at any point before that, too.

The alarm clock screamed on, and he continued to lay there. Just because he couldn't sleep didn't mean that his body wasn't still exhausted. The shrill ringing eventually made a song if you listened hard enough. It was a screechy, terrible song, but some sort of strange melody non-the-less. When he started to hum along, trying to add to the strange symphony blaring in his eardrums, was the point where Tino mentally slapped himself for being so pathetic. He reached his fingers up the device to turn off the noise and eventually managed to hit the right button after a few failed tries.

After tossing the clock beside him on the sheets, he rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He wanted to do something, anything to occupy himself so that his mind wouldn't drift, but there really wasn't anything he could do. Not at this hour, anyway. Almost everyone he knew was at a party, and Berwald seemed like he would be one that would sleep early, even on a Friday night. Usually he would call Eduard and maybe listen to him rant about something petty and unimportant, but he quickly remembered that they still weren't speaking. Ah, shit. He sat up on the edge of the bed and reached for his phone, moving it in his hands while he thought what to do.

It was possible to call Eduard and apologize. He had done it before, and even though at first the teen tried to put up a front of 'you're-going-to-have-to-make-the-effort-to-be-a-better-friend', he could never follow through with it. It would be easy to apologize…then again, it may not. He wasn't about to break up with Berwald, and he was pretty sure that Eduard might actually stand firm on the fact he didn't like the Swede, whether Tino was dating him or not.

With a heavy sigh, Tino threw himself back on the bed, and twisted his hands in his hair. Fuck people. He may as well occupy his time with something else until a more sane hour- or at least until he could fall back asleep.

He stood up and walked over to the mirror, groaning when sleepless eyes stared back at him. Face. His face looked terrible right now. He had some acne on the side of his jaw that was very luckily easily concealed with some cover-up, and his hair was so fucking messy. Looking downwards, he saw his stomach- there was still fat on it, and he hated that. Sure, no one could have a flat stomach, but he wanted to. That should count for something. Then there were his thighs- too wide and not nearly firm enough, and he despised them. He kind of regretted standing in front of this mirror now.

Walking away from the thing, he decided on a shower. Maybe he could relax enough to sleep again if he took one, or at least stop feeling so disgusting.

It was eleven at night and Berwald was still wide awake. He didn't feel very tired yet, even though logically he should have from waking up so early. He had finished his school work already and was extremely bored. The internet, though entertaining, could only interest him for so long some days, and tonight was one of those instances. He didn't feel like reading anymore, either. Really what he wanted to do was go down to wood-shop and work, but Mr. Biya was not on campus right now due to some personal matters, and the substitute had left for the weekend. That meant the room was locked.

Almost frustrated, Berwald decided to go take a shower to clear his head. There was probably no one in the bathroom for now save for someone taking a drunken piss, and maybe a couple of fuck-buddies hiding in an empty shower. Ah. At this hour anyone who saw one another had adopted a kind of a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy, and Berwald didn't mind one bit.

He took a change of clothes, boxers and an old t-shirt, before walking down the hall to get to the showers. As expected, the only boy he passed in the hall was falling-down-drunk and probably wandering back to whatever dorm the other drunkards were in. Berwald tried to ignore the boy as usually did, because he couldn't be fazed by every drunk he met. There were just too many of them for that.

So, when Berwald did finally arrive at the bathroom he felt lucky that there was only one other person in the showers, and they were probably bound to finish before he was out. He took his usual stall (which happened to be right next to the occupied one) and started the water. His glasses fogged quickly, and he set them on the ledge before leaning his head under the water.

It was amazing how fast the tension escaped his body in a hot shower. It seemed as though his jaw unclenched and set into a calmer expression, and not the usual 'terrifying' one his face seemed to set into automatically (it wasn't that scary though, right?). It was actually a very serene moment until he heard a low moan from the next stall. Fuck. He should have known that he couldn't have a normal evening. For some reason though, he felt a little aroused by the moaning. Frustrated, he turned the water on cold and tried to beat down the erection that was threatening to spring.

More moaning. This person must have been alone, because there was no reply to the moans, no speaking or slapping of flesh to accompany them- didn't this faceless somebody know that someone else was right next to them?

Meanwhile, Tino's cheeks were flushing pink as he stroked himself. Tonight he had decided to treat himself, and was also very lightly fingering himself from behind. He had never put in anything more than one, but he quite enjoyed the sensation of being full. Yes, it hurt his wrist to crane at that uncomfortable angle, but the orgasm he got from it was worth it, and far more worth it than one he got only from rubbing his hand over his cock. There was just something about being full… he really was a fag.

Stop. His mind told him to stop. Stop thinking, stop feeling so fucking guilty for something that you can't change, don't want to change. Stop thinking of that fucker. Think of better things. Think of sexy things, think of big dicks and blow jobs and-

"Berwald." He barely breathed.

His eyes shot open and he gasped a little. He never thought of anything when he got himself off. Nothing. Not even a favorite porn actor or a favorite act, just sensations and what caused them. But tonight, for some reason, he was thinking. And he thought of Berwald.

"Berwa-ahld." He moaned, louder now. It was sexy, thinking of someone else. Usually he just imagined faceless people doing faceless things, but now it was Berwald and himself, and that was hot. "Hn, fuck, Berwald." He moaned again, stroking faster now. Fuck me fuck me fuck me…

Berwald dropped the soap. His name. It was his name being moaned, which could only mean-

Well, it could mean that he had a creepy-stalker crush that he had never heard of, but he highly doubted that. He wasn't very attractive, or approachable. At least, not to anyone that wasn't Tino. It had to be Tino. He almost panicked a little as he tried to figure out how to react, and what to do. Should he stay quiet, and pretend like it never happened?...

Or should he take the more reasonable approach and find out if it was Tino so he could soothe his aching erection (even ice cold water couldn't cure it). A few more moans made the decision for him.

"Tino?" He called over the stall. The moaning stopped instantly.

Was that Berwald? Tino would have cringed at the fact that someone had heard him at such a moment if it weren't for the possibility that the low, smooth voice really was Berwald's.

"…Berwald?" He replied, softer than the voice that called to him. He hoped it was still audible.

So it was Tino. Berwald was still nervous to a degree, but he did want to talk to him- something, anything- he just couldn't stand not talking to him when he was right there, moaning his name.

"Ya'alright?" He asked, feeling rather stupid the second after he said it. The soft, breathy laughter that rang off of the tile made him not regret it so much, he just loved hearing the Finn.

"Hah-ah… Well, it depends on what you mean by alright…" Tino said, a bitter-sweet smile plastered on his face as he leaned against the shower tiles and probably further damaged his poor wrist. No, he was not alright currently, head hurting from spinning with too many thoughts and feeling grimy, ugly, disgusting, sick and fucked-up but most of all aching for release- he may get just a little better in a moment though, if things went his way. He carefully pulled his finger out and rinsed it with the bar soap and some water before speaking again.

"Hei, Ber?" He said, as his voice dripped with something, softly.

"Ja?" Berwald replied, tentatively.

"Unlock the door to your stall." Tino asked, turning off the water in his own. "Please."

Under almost every other circumstance, Berwald would never take a request like that; it was just too fucking awkward. However, this was Tino. Tino changed everything. Carefully, he undid the lock on the door, but let it sit in place. Tino would open it if he was serious. He could here damp footsteps made by bare feet walking out from the stall next to him now, and in only a moment the door was being pulled open.

He didn't get much of a chance to think after that. Soft lips crushed against his own and suddenly there was Tino, pressed flush up against him. He knew that he was a romantic at this point, because the first thing he did was wrap his arms around the Finn and pull him closer. He wanted to hold him, even with his aching erection he wanted to hold him. Tino didn't seem to mind as he quickly poked his tongue into his Swedish lover's mouth and got closer.

The kiss tasted sweet, and Berwald melted into it easily. He was still dazed when they parted for breath, the shower-stall door still half open and water splattering all over the floor. Neither male could bring themselves to care though, because there were far more important manners to attend to- like some much needed touching.

The Finnish boy bought their mouths together again, and this time Berwald was reminded of his painfully hard erection when it was brushed up against. He let his hands wander the body before him, every slight curve and protusion- it was beautiful. He found his hands resting on pronounced hip bones before he slid one downwards to trace the outline of a soft thigh. This time when they broke for air, Tino had something to say.

"Ber I- I know this is abrupt kind of but-" Tino stopped, gasping for breath.

"But?"

"-I trust you. Do you trust me?"

Berwald nodded in response, before deciding a verbal answer would be better. "Yes." He said.

You shouldn't. I'm not someone that you want to lov- "Then I hope you don't mind-"

"Go ahead." Berwald finished for him. He knew the other was worried about Berwald thinking it was too soon, because it was true that they had been going out for only roughly a month at this point. Hypothetically, the Swede would have said that it was too soon at this point, but once again it was Tino. They were both naked, both aching, and Berwald thought that he was kind of sort of starting to lo-

Tino kissed him breathless before he could even think again.

I'm sorry, Berwald.

There were more kisses following that one, Berwald thought, or was it just one long kiss with little parts in-between? He couldn't really tell through his hazy thoughts, and he only finally comprehended that they had stopped when Tino very slowly took a step back (though not out of his arms) and started to kneel. Now the Swede's eyes followed him to the floor, so that the view he got was one of damp blonde hair and his own erection almost touching swollen lips.

I'll make this worth your time.

Tino had heard things about giving a blow job, and so he wasn't ignorant. Inexperienced maybe, but not ignorant. Never be ignorant. He worried slightly about his gag-reflux, because damn Berwald was huge. No amount of practice on bananas and popsicles last summer ever prepared him for this size. Still though, he wanted to try. He had to when his boyfriend was right in front of him, horny and aching. He had to try.

Maybe he'd even-

So, tentatively, he gripped the base with one hand and the tip with the other before parting his lips and gently sliding it into his mouth. Teeth, careful with the teeth- he opened a bit wider to avoid scraping him. He let go of the head as it slid in and instead placed his hand on Berwald's thigh to steady himself.

A heavy groan fell from Berwald's lips, and he twisted one of his hands into Tino's hair in a weak attempt to keep his balance. His mouth… god, he had such a perfect mouth. He never could have even imagined that it would feel so good. It was barely an inch in yet, but it was sliding in further fast.

"Hn…" Tino moaned around the length, the vibrations striking his lover's every nerve. He managed to get about half of the length in before he bobbed his head back off of the length, only to take a little more in the next time. Slowly, he found a rhythm of bobs and sucks, earning a chorus of groans and gasps from Berwald.

"Tino…" He gasped out, to which the boy on his knees responded with a long lick to the underside of his shaft. The scene before him was surreal. His favorite masturbation fantasy was happening, was right in front of him, and was so much better than anything he ever hoped for. Pale eyelashes brushed over flushed and filled cheeks, and wet lips glistened with some strange mix of saliva, shower water and pre-cum. It was painfully arousing, and he bucked his hips forward for more.

It was definitely unexpected when about an inch and a half more of the erection in front of him was pushed into his mouth, and consequently part-way down his throat. Though he coughed the first few moments after, it wasn't at all unwelcome. It was nice to see the Swede react to him more. He tried his best to relax his jaw so that the other could continue to thrust his hips. The hand in his hair pulled him back and forwards, too, meeting the thrusts whenever they came.

This was face-fucking. Tino had always wondered if he would like it, what with his other 'interest', and it turns out he did. Very much. It was hard to breathe, and that was deliciously arousing. He moaned, pushing his face closer, trying to get just that little bit more that he needed. Let go, Tino. Just let go.

Though his head was spinning and he was barely thinking straight, the Swedish teen was thinking straight enough to know that Tino needed some relief, too. Reluctant as he was, he pulled out from the soft lips in front of him and took the other's face in his hands to look up at him.

"Wanna re-locate?" He asked, between breaths.

His head still spinning from lack of air; it took Tino a moment to process the words and their meaning. Re-locate. Re. Locate. That was a funny word… words… Re-locate. Like move, right? That might be a good idea, if they planned on getting any further than this, and Tino sure as hell did. He managed to stand up so that he could meet Berwald's eyes better.

"Yeah." He breathed. "I only have a towel, though."

"Ya can borrow my shirt.'

"Thanks."

The shower water was already running cold, and so neither so much as shivered when they stepped out onto the also cold tile floor. Berwald scrambled to get his clothes, wondering why in hell it was all taking so long. He still had a raging erection, and he would fucking die to have some attention given to it again- breathe, Berwald. Just breathe. The whole night's still ahead.

Throwing the shirt to Tino, Berwald yanked on his boxers and quickly ran back into the shower stall when he remembered his glasses were still there. They were probably horribly crooked when he put them on, but he could see enough to see that the shirt basically swallowed Tino's slender frame. One shoulder was left uncovered by the fabric, and the hem brushed over pale thighs. It was sexy.

"Come on." Tino urged, wrapping his hand around Berwald's wrist and pulling him out into the hallway. He was almost running, slender feet barely hitting the ground as he glided down the hallway. Berwald allowed himself to be pulled, although his steps weren't nearly as graceful. His feet thudded every time they hit the ground. It was a nice added percussion to the hollers of the hooligans from the drunkard room down the way.

They ran to Berwald's room, probably because they both knew how to get there (and Tino didn't want to go back to his room and face the earlier train-wreck). Once there, Tino yanked the door open and was promptly slammed into the wall by Berwald for a rough, lust-saturated kiss. Moaning, the Finnish teen wrapped his legs around his lover's waist, but not before swinging one of his legs out to hit the door shut.

"Hn-mm…" Tino moaned, quietly, licking at Berwald's bottom lip. His lips were glistening with saliva already from the heavy kissing before, and it smeared onto his Swedish boyfriend's chin sloppily. Berwald was too busy to notice or care, though, groping at Tino's ass while he held him up. It was soft, but still firm, and that in Berwald's mind was a perfection that he didn't know could exist.

The Finn broke the kiss and panted hard before gazing up at Berwald again. "Bed" he managed to gasp. "Move to the bed."

The Swede honored Tino's wishes and carried him over to his bed, lowering him onto the mattress and climbing over top of him. Wide, hazy violet eyes stared up at him, and for some reason it made him even harder than he had been previously.

"Hey." Tino smiled, fidgeting a little awkwardly. He had never felt self-conscious before with Berwald, but now was a different story. He no longer had the upper hand in this- this thing that was happening. He was maybe, maybe on equal ground if not a bit lower.

That really fucking scared him.

Gently, lips kissed at the crook of his neck, at his collarbone, and it drew a soft moan from his throat. Berwald learned quickly what felt good to him, and Tino appreciated that. He threaded his hands through choppy, short hair, and held the man's mouth to his skin.

Berwald continued to lick and kiss at the soft skin in front of him and wondered what he should do next. He was pretty sure the reason Tino and himself had came back to the room was so that they could go further, but he wasn't entirely sure. He wanted to be, though.

"Tino, whaddya want to-"

"Make love to me." Tino responded, before he could even finish the sentence. It would sound too final if he did, and maybe he would be more comfortable not knowing until it was over. As soon as the words left his mouth though, he wondered if 'fuck me' would have been a better choice…

Love. That was the first time in this relationship the word had ever been mentioned. Berwald only hoped that it wouldn't be the last and only. Slowly, he leaned in and kissed Tino's lips again, almost chastely, before pulling back and offering his fingers to Tino. "Dun have lube." He mumbled, shyly.

Tino nodded in understanding and took the larger hand in both of his own, pulling it closer to his lips. He tried not to think, just taste, feel. Don't think about what you're about to do, just do it. Don't think that you may actually end up lov-

Berwald groaned, panting as Tino's ever-skilled tongue worked on his fingers to get them lubed. It was good, so good-

Tino continued lick, trying to push the hand further and further into the back of his throat to the point where he was gagging and-

Pulling the fingers away from his lover's lips now, he leaned in and kissed Tino's temple gently, making him blush just a little deeper than he already was. "Ya'ready?" He asked.

Nodding, Tino moved his legs apart and leaned his head back. He kept his eyes closed, and he forgot to breathe for a moment. Dammit, he thought this would be easy… A tear slid from the corner of his eye, and he almost slapped it off of his cheek.

Furrowing his brow, Berwald leaned in and kissed both of Tino's eyes. "Look at me." He said, softly. If Tino was going to stop, now would be the time. He never wanted to hurt him.

Opening his eyes, Tino forced a smile and laughed his usual, ringing laugh. "S-sorry I'm just k-kind of a prude, I've never... Ah, g-go ahead."

It was his first. Berwald leaned in and kissed Tino's lips now, gently, before pressing a finger at the puckered hole. Tino took in a breath of air and nodded, gazing up at the Swedish boy with a set stare.

Gently, he slid his finger inside and almost gasped at the tightness. It was wonderful, and he wanted more of it. He started to gently worm the finger inside, deeper and deeper, causing Tino to moan. The Finn's cheeks were flushed and he was panting, eyes wide open now. It was huge, compared to his own hands, and whoever said bigger was better was obviously correct. He knew he was supposed to relax and loosen up, but he just wanted to clench around the finger and pull it deeper. He was kinky, and he knew it, and this was wonderful.

The sight underneath of him was erotic, and Berwald thrusted his finger a little faster. He was relieved that he didn't hurt Tino, and he loved watching him writhe for it. He wanted to add a second, so he pressed it at Tino's entrance and waited for a sign of either approval or disapproval.

"Hn, ye-aaah…" Tino moaned, softly. He bucked his hips forward, and Berwald took that as permission to slide the second inside. Tino bucked against it, panting and whimpering in enjoyment. It hurt slightly when Berwald scissored them, but he was a bit of a masochist and he knew it. He felt wonderfully dizzy, and eventually he felt another sharp stab of pain but couldn't figure out why. He just continued to moan and gasp softly, erection twitching painfully. He needed more.

Tino had to know that he was hot, legs spread so wantonly and cheeks so wonderfully red. He just had to. Berwald couldn't take it anymore and kissed him harshly again before pulling back. "Ya think ya can take it?" He asked again, pleading, pleading to whatever forces that would hear him that the answer would be a yes.

Nodding hazily, Tino opened his legs a bit wider for Berwald to be able to move in between them. He whined slightly as Berwald removed his fingers before pressing something much wider at his entrance.

"M'goin' in now…" He mouthed, not sure if his words even hit the air. There must have been some understanding, though, because Tino closed his eyes as though bracing himself and nodded. So, carefully and tentatively, he pushed in.

It was a perfect fit.

At least, to Berwald it was. Tino's walls hugged him so tightly, and the heat was bound to drive him insane. He grunted and pushed in the rest of the way, mentally apologizing if he hurt Tino but oh fuck he just needed more-

Tino gasped and cried out, the burning sensation so painful it was wonderful. He could definitely call himself as masochist now, he thought, as he pressed his hips against something that should already be breaking him open. "B-Berwa-ald!" He moaned, shakily. "Fuck, hard-er!"

There was no need to ask twice, and Berwald bucked his hips forward even more harshly than he had before, speeding up his pace. Eventually, they found a rhythm where Tino's moans made a wonderful crescendo as the sound of skin hitting skin acted as a metronome.

'Ah-ah-ah-aaaah.." Tino wailed softly, legs as wide as they could open without breaking. Berwald leaned in and captured the Finnish teen's lips, needing to be even closer than he already was while buried inside of him. He was so close. He reached down and gripped Tino's neglected member, stroking frantically.

If Tino could scream, he would have, but he couldn't even find enough breath to make more of a sound than a small cry of pleasure. His legs were shaking violently as he was being stroked, fucked, kissed, and he could feel tears of pleasure rolling down his flushed cheeks. He could barely keep his mouth closed, and if he still had enough coherency to be self conscious he would have been worried for drooling on Berwald's sheets but all he could think about was being pounded, touched- He wasn't sure what was happening when his eyes opened and all he saw was white, and all he felt was bliss.

At feeling the Finn's walls tighten around his shaft, Berwald was only able to thrust a few more times before his vision spotted and his entire body felt light. He may as well been flying, only this was so, so much better. He collapsed onto his lover now, holding him tightly as he rode out his orgasm.

Tino had no idea when he finally stopped seeing white. All he knew was that Berwald was holding him now, and the bed sheets were covered with all different things- sweat, cum, saliva- and that was when he remembered who he was, where he was. He was Tino Vainamoinen, laying in Berwald Oxenstierna's bed, and he had just been reduced to an absolutely disgraceful mess. So that was exactly why when Berwald cupped his face in his hands and gazed at him so kindly, he was puzzled.

"Yer beautiful." Berwald said, softly, kissing his forehead before he buried his face in the crook of the Finn's neck. Tino blushed, leaning his lips down so that he could kiss his head and felt cum dripping out of him when he moved- when had Berwald pulled out?

He slowly stroked Berwald's hair now, letting himself lay limp on the mattress. He would not go back to his room tonight. He would not go back and face everything he couldn't stand to look at- he would just lay here and accept what he had taken willingly.

And surprisingly, even after all the times he was called a fag, he didn't regret it.

Author's note: Try as I did, this didn't get updated any faster, and I feel like a jerk for it. Like, a huge jerk. You guys are so good to me, following and favoriting and leaving all of those lovely reviews, and I appreciate every one of them. I know I missed replying to one or two (I like to thank you guys for the time), so if you're that person and you're reading this: I'm so sorry! I'll get to you next time if you review again, I promise!

Anyway, an explanation (but not a good reason) for why this chapter was so late: First I was so so happy, and then sh!t hit the fan and I was hysterical, and then things got better again today. I'm still trying to recover from all of that, but I should be alright again soon. I do plan on trying to keep a less erratic schedule, I mean, if I can post early I will but I'll try not to wait too long again. This will be worked on more, I'm serious this time.

BUT. Now It is time for actual chapter related stuff: I worked really hard on this chapter, and I hope it kind of shows. I'm totally lying if I say I've never written a lemon before, and a few people could back me up on that, but this is the first full-fledged one I've ever posted. That being said, please go easy on me. I hope you enjoyed it a little, and if you didn't then I'm really sorry.

One last piece, I know I have no right to bug you guys about this, but I would really, really like it if my author-dom didn't die with this story. That's my derpy way of asking for people to at least look at my other stuff (there's not much now, but in the future...) So if you don't have the time (or just plain don't like me for the past few weeks) then don't, but if you have some time to spare that'd be great *hearts*

Go ahead, make my day- leave a review please~?