There was a monster under his bed.

It wasn't just under his bed, though. It was in his ear, in his head, and in his mind. The monster was going to eat him up. Yes, yes it was. It was going to cut him open through his stomach and strew him all over, liver and kidneys and all of those other icky little intestines. In fact, it would probably make them the main part of its feast. His skin could wait until later- or maybe he wouldn't eat his skin at all. No one could know that the monster feasted. Oh no. No they could not.

He would probably sew Tino back up, after he had eaten all of his insides. He would tell him not to upset his mother, now, and he mustn't let anyone think that something was wrong. If the child services or the nice police-man ever came to the door (how many times had he lied to them, again?) he must say there was nothing wrong. There was never anything wrong! Life was wonderful, beautiful, when you were so fucking hollow! He didn't deserve all of those organs, anyway.

What would the monster do with his other organs, though, his most personal ones? Monsters weren't faggots, they didn't eat boy parts. Maybe it would make Tino eat his own. Balls deep, it would say. Faggots like it balls deep. But Tino wouldn't swallow, oh no, he would never swallow. He would just-

Slender fingers wrapped around his neck and he squeezed, squeezed hard, squeezed until he fucking bruised himself and until- He was only gagging. It wasn't tight enough. Tighter. Tighter. Fucking tighter. He yanked at the strap of the choker now to help him, the corners of his eyes tearing as he bit his lip while he yanked.

Yes. Tight. He could feel his nasal passage and throat screaming for air as they were denied it, and his head started to tingle along with his toes. Oh, such a wonderful feeling to lose all consciousness! He would smile if his lips weren't wide open, trying to take in oxygen that they couldn't possibly get to now.

Eventually, slender fingers loosened without their owner's permission, and his lips twisted into a morbid, toothy skeleton grin as he slumped back onto the bed into unconsciousness. He looked like dead, lying there, but that simply couldn't be the case. After all, he mustn't let anyone think

anything

was

wrong.

He was fine.

Being unconscious was a beautiful thing. Monsters couldn't get you if you didn't think.

Eventually though, Tino came to. The monster was still there, and Tino was still horrified. How had that even helped? Usually it did, right?

Sure.

The monster probably watched him in his faux-sleep, watched him and planned where to make all of the little cuts and incisions for when he was ripped apart. Curling into a ball, Tino crawled over on to the corner of his bed and sobbed. Please, please go away, please leave me alone.

He whimpered, burying his face against his still too big thighs. His stomach was churning, and Tino wondered if he let himself throw up now if he would maybe get a little closer to that flat stomach he had been wanting. Maybe then the monster would see that there was nothing more to take from him. Head spinning, he leaned over the side of the bed and dry-heaved a few times before he felt his throat burning in an ever-so familiar sensation. It wasn't as good as vodka, it was never as good as vodka, but it was something. It was supposed to be something. He winced when the cut on his lip stung before he spit a little, trying to get the rotten taste out of his mouth.

See? Look what you made me do. See there's nothing even worth taking, so you shouldn't even bother with my-

But all that was left to take was his icky-little intestines, though. The monster had already eaten him alive in every other sense; he had no life outside of these damn walls. Before, he could never have friends because they would ask about the bruises on his arms, his cut and swollen lips and black eyes; he could never talk in class because then the teachers might like him and then they would worry about him and then the nice lady from child services would come to the door and Tino would have to lie all over again just like before. Lie and say he was fine, just fine, always fine, no, he wasn't missing anything important, he was just fine.

It wasn't before anymore, though. It was different now, or at least it was supposed to be. He knew people now; he talked to people, hell he got invited to parties and everything! But they didn't know him. They never saw the cuts and bruises from where glass shattered against his skin and where fists met his face- they healed up the first few weeks of school, usually- and if they did see, they'd never care anyway. If they cared then the monster would get them, too. The question was, would he eat them as a side-dish or invite them to help eat Tino up? The more the merrier, he always said. Surely, there was enough of him to go around.

So, not wanting to risk either, Tino suffered alone as he let the monster tear his life to pieces, shattering a little every day he did. Just when he thought there was nothing more to lose there was always something and it cut him in a way that not even broken glass from bottles of Vodka could.

You're a fucking faggot-

Tino wailed, sobbing onto his skin. He knew he wasn't thinking straight right now. He had already hung up the phone, he had already heard the monster leave, and he wasn't here right now so why wouldn't it just leave him alone?

Shaking, he tried to distract himself. Think of good things- there was no way to do that. Feel good things, vodka, maybe you should drink some- no! Monsters like Vodka, too. Sensation, think sensation, there's surely sensation better than being drunk. Slender fingers ghosted over hip-bones before slipping even further down between his legs.

Tino moaned softly when he finally brushed over his length, stroking harshly. Focus. Focus on this. For some reason he still wasn't even the slightest bit hard. He reached up and touched the scars and the still sore bruises on his neck, pressing them so that they stung. Why wasn't this helping? It was supposed to help. It was supposed to make things better.

He stroked harder, trying to let go. Don't think, don't think about what will happen when the monster comes to cut you up and eat you, don't think about the way that he'll force you to help him-

His shaft throbbed painfully now, and Tino wondered if that was what his heart would feel like once it was torn out of his chest. Stickier was the first thing that came to mind. His heart would be stickier. Would it taste the same as a dick?

Horrified at the image, he stopped stroking himself and closed his legs. He needed to do something, anything to get away from this. He didn't want it, couldn't stand it, and he'd do almost anything if he could just be at peace for longer than an hour of being knocked out. Trying to think clearly now, he thought of things that he could do-

Berwald. He could go to Berwald.

With that hastily made decision, Tino stood up and about launched himself across the room, grabbing a pair of underwear and yanking a too-large t-shirt. His thighs were sticky now does cum feel the same as blood when it- and he hurriedly pulled on the underwear over his still half-erect shaft before almost running to the door and down the hallway.

Three in the morning was not when Berwald expected to be awake. In fact, he wasn't even sure what woke him until he heard the tapping at his door. Who the hell would be here at this hour? Groggily, he got up and staggered across the room and to the door before opening it a crack.

"H-hei Ber…" A soft, breathy voice cooed, and he almost instantly recognized it as Tino. Tino? Why was Tino even awake right now? Berwald opened the door fully now, looking down at his lover. His hair was disheveled, and his eyes looked… they looked like something. He wasn't sure what, but the mixture of the dark circles and red rims under the violet pools didn't make him very comfortable in the slightest.

"Hej. Ya'alright?" Berwald asked, slightly concerned. Sure, it may just be a case of insomnia, but something seemed off about the way Tino was looking at him.

"Mmhm…" Tino mumbled, non-committal in his answer. "I was wondering, do you mind if we sleep together again? I don't want to sleep alone…" He almost whispered, a soft and melancholy smile gracing his features.

It almost broke Berwald's heart, the look that was on his love's face right then. He looked so tired, so beaten, so subdued- it was enough to make Berwald gather him into his arms and scoop him up so that he could cradle him to his chest.

"Ya never hafta sleep 'lone 'gain if ya' dun wanna." He murmured against the crown of Tino's hair, pressing a light kiss against it. Tino sleepily leaned closer and yawned, nudging against Berwald in response. It earned him a few more kisses and some comforting circles rubbed onto his back.

"I might take you up on that offer." Tino said, voice still light.

"Go 'head." He replied, turning a little to push the door closed with his foot before he carried the Finn back to his bed. He lay Tino down on the mattress before crawling in next to him, once again meeting with those tired eyes. It was almost horrifying to see Tino- his usually sweet, happy Tino- like this. He wasn't entirely sure what this was, but he knew that it wasn't right. He was sure of that much. He opened his arms then and pulled Tino against him again, rubbing his back slowly. He would stay up until he knew that Tino had gone back to sleep, he would rest easier that way.

Pressing closer, Tino breathed in Berwald's scent. He knew it was irrational, but he enjoyed it very much, and right now it was hugely comforting if not also slightly arousing. He was still half-hard, and he didn't plan on going to sleep without something- he just couldn't cope like that. So, slowly, he wrapped both of his thighs around one of Berwald's and pressed against him, moving his lips up to the man's jaw.

"Berwald." He cooed, pressing up against the man a little more. The Swede sucked in a breath when he felt something poking against his leg, and the breath on his jaw was making him a little hot himself.

"Ber… I'm horny…" Tino whined, quietly. There shouldn't have been anything more that needed to be said. He didn't want to talk much longer, talking meant thinking, and thinking meant that-

"Hn… that so…" Berwald mumbled, not knowing how to respond. Tino still seemed off, so off, but he couldn't deny himself his own wants. He knew what he wanted to do, and that was to relieve his now aching shaft, but for some reason his words couldn't convey that correctly. Maybe it was guilt for being aroused right now, or maybe it was shame for being so insensitive, but for whatever reason words were failing him and threatening to fuck up a perfectly good opportunity. So, instead of trying to explain himself, he reached behind Tino and groped at his ass through the underwear.

Grateful the Berwald wasn't asking questions, Tino pressed into the hand and grinded against it, moaning softly as he did. "Hn..." He whimpered, aching even more now than before. Berwald continued to grope and rub at him, and the Finn just arched closer to the touches and kissed his jaw.

It was great to feel that tongue against his skin, and it made the Swedish teen grope a little harder before reaching his hand up to the waistband of the underwear. He could feel the other nodding against his skin, and with that as permission he pulled the garment down to about the Finn's knees. Moving his hand back up the back of Tino's thigh now, he managed to coax a soft moan from his lover again. It was tempting to grope at Tino's butt again, but he knew that he should really be a better boyfriend and pay another part of his body some attention. So, he ghosted his hand around the other's hips and found his member, starting to wrap his fingers around it.

Tino flinched, almost yanking his hips away. Images of blood and throbbing internal organs still plagued his mind, and he was desperate to get away from them. He didn't want Berwald to stop though, he couldn't stop now, right now Tino really needed him.

"Finger me." He whispered, before Berwald could really recoil. "Please."

Berwald, slightly confused but still horny, tried to pause long enough to think. They had only really had sex once, and he didn't know what Tino did to get himself off- maybe it was normal? He had never thought that it could be enough for anyone, but maybe it was enough for Tino. So, huskily, he leaned in to breathe into Tino's ear. "Lube." He murmured, pressing his fingertips at the Finn's lips. No time was wasted as large fingers were taken into the hot, wet mouth, and lubed generously.

It was amazing, having that tongue working on his hand. Berwald couldn't quite figure out how Tino managed to move the muscle so carefully and deliberately, but he didn't much care as long as it continued to make him feel so damn nice. He grinded against Tino's thigh before removing his fingers from the soft lips and giving him a deep, lustful kiss.

"Ya' ready?" He asked once they parted, panting slightly.

"Please." Tino gasped out, now aching for touch. He was not going to be able to go without anything for much longer.

Not needing to be asked again, Berwald moved his hand back to Tino's ass and groped for a few moments until he managed to find the tight, hot hole. He pressed a finger at it as a heads-up, but Tino didn't want to wait. He bucked against the hand with a soft whine, and at that Berwald pressed the digit in.

A mix of a moan and a sigh was drawn from Tino's lips, and his eyes fluttered as he relaxed into the sensation. Berwald's hands worked wonders on him, it seemed. He felt the finger moving around inside of him and let out another small wail, panting slightly. He was pretty sure it brushed his prostate, and he tried to squirm against it. He wasn't disappointed when another finger pressed his way in, and he tried to relax his muscles to allow it further.

"Hn-nngh, Be…" He moaned, letting his head rest against Berwald's chest. His hair was sprawled over Berwald's skin and his bangs were caught in his eyelashes, making it extremely hard to see anything in the already dark room. Berwald's hands, his heartbeat, the way he was panting a little himself while he pleasured Tino- it was enough to drive him completely mad, but in the most pleasant of ways.

The moan only egged Berwald on, and he started to thrust his fingers now instead of just wriggling them. It earned more gasps and moans from his lover, and he pressed in even deeper with each thrust. He felt himself aching as well and started to grind against Tino's thigh. It was dirty and desperate, and he could feel his own pre-cum slicking the skin that he was rubbing against, but he couldn't bring himself to stop. He needed release.

"Hah- aah- aah…" Tino almost sang, arching his back so that his thigh pressed more against Berwald's length and so that he could get more of Berwald inside of himself. He was seeing stars if he was seeing anything at all, light-headed and losing himself completely. Berwald could feel himself getting close, and he captured Tino's lips in a hard kiss. He could feel the Finn panting heavily for air, but he just needed to kiss him. He wanted this act to have some semblance of love in it, whatever that may have been.

He was choking. He was getting fucked, and he was choking and oh god couldBerwald read his mind? It was exactly what he had been wanting for, and he found himself holding his breath while the kiss continued so that his head would start to feel that familiar tingling sensation-

He was barely conscious when he came, and the only thing that registered in his brain was a dull, pleasurable sensation.

Berwald eventually broke the kiss when Tino came and bucked his hips against his lover a few more times before he released as well, covering the Finnish teen's leg in his seed with a heavy groan.

"Tino!" he managed to gasp out, collapsing next to him and pulling his fingers out of the tight hole. Strong arms wrapped around his lover, pulling him close. The other didn't reply, but he hadn't expected him to. They were both spent anyway. Instead, Berwald started slowly and gently rubbing Tino's back, content with basking in the afterglow.

He was pretty sure that he had heard his name being called. Where? Why? There was a warm feeling on his back, and he relaxed into it. Was he conscious? Was he dreaming? There was really no way to tell. His lungs seemed to have stopped fighting him, though. What had he been doing before this? He was having a hard time remembering anything. It wasn't long before his body gave up and fell into sleep.

When Berwald's alarm went off that morning, it was almost painful for him to reach over and turn it off.

His entire body cried from lack of sleep, and he knew that sitting up was bound to make his head spin and make his stomach nauseous. How long had he even slept? Probably not long at all. Tino had come to his door at some point after midnight, but he couldn't keep track of how long they had spent awake after that.

Violet eyes were gazing at him now, and Berwald wasn't even sure when they had opened. All he knew was that his lover seemed to be fighting to keep his eyes open, and they almost looked bloodshot- but only almost. Tino always seemed to have some grace about him, and bloodshot was not a graceful word.

"Hej." He murmured, dumbly. He wished he could say more than that, or even think more than that, but he really couldn't. Tino just nodded a little in response, shifting on the mattress but making no move to sit up.

"Ya okej?" Berwald asked gently. He felt kind of ill himself, but Tino's well being took priority over his own in his mind.

Tino seemed to have to think about his answer, or maybe he was like Berwald and had to process his words, but eventually he shook his head. No. He was not okay.

"Ya sick?" He asked again, still just as gentle as before.

Once again, there was a pause before Tino nodded, slowly, almost unsure of himself.

"…Ya don't know if yer sick?" Berwald spoke, trying to help him. This time, Tino nodded more quickly. Poor thing, he probably wasn't sure how to describe sleep-deprivation.

"Okej. Ya' wanna go ta' school today?"

He knew the answer was more than likely to be a no, but he wanted to know if Tino was at least able to think clearly enough to know that he needed rest. If he didn't, Berwald would have to convince him to take the day. Luckily, Tino shook his head rapidly, cringing and pulling Berwald's sheets around himself.

Berwald, though grateful for the answer, almost felt a little bad suggesting the idea now. He leaned down and pressed a kiss against Tino's slightly clammy forehead, taking a smaller hand in his own and rubbing the palm with his thumb.

"Ya wanna stay here?" He offered. Tino nodded again, squeezing Berwald's hand. His lover's lack of speech kind of worried the Swede. Was he really that exhausted, or feeling some nausea, perhaps?

"Ya' can, s'alright." Berwald soothed. "Ya wan' somethin' ta eat?"

Tino shook his head again, and it worried Berwald even more. He had to eat eventually. Maybe he was even sicker than Berwald had initially thought.

"Ya' feel nauseas?" He asked now. Tino kind of tilted his head, as if confused. Not wanting to take any chances, the Swede got up and looked around for a bucket just in case. He eventually found it in the closet, next to his shoes. It used to be Mathias's hang over bucket when they still hung out together, but now it would belong to Tino. It still reeked of Clorox from the last time Berwald had sanitized it, and he hoped it wouldn't be too strong for the Finn.

"Here." he said, placing it close to Tino, but not right in his face. "If ya start to feel sick jus' grab it."

Tino nodded again, and he reached out for Berwald's hand. The taller man let him have it, and his lover pressed a soft kiss against his palm before his eyes started to close again. Berwald knew that he wouldn't have time for breakfast at this rate, but he couldn't bring himself to pull his hand away until he was sure that Tino was once again safely asleep.

Instead of his own screaming, he woke to the sound of silence.

It was a mildly melodramatic statement because he only screamed sometimes, but waking up to just silence, no voices in his ear or in his head was an accomplishment. He breathed in a deep breath of clear air, and for some reason it was incredibly satisfying. Maybe because it smelled good- like Berwald.

Tino's eyes fluttered open slowly. Yes, he was in Berwald's room still, thank goodness. For some unreasonable reason, it felt safer here. It could have been anything, really, but Tino was lying if he tried to deny the fact that Berwald just made him feel secure- at least a little more than he usually was. Logically, he should feel secure wherever he was that wasn't his home, but here was the safest place. That was rational, right? There were no people from child's services asking him questions that he couldn't answer, no school counselors asking him questions that he didn't want to answer.

It was just that easy to fool them all, though. Sometimes he wondered if he was really that good at hiding things, or if they were just that good at not seeing things that they didn't want to see. Could it really be that he painted such good illusions, using smiles and well placed laughs and assurances of oh, I'm kind of a klutz, don't worry, nothing's wrong-

He highly doubted that he was that good- but maybe people were just dumber than he thought.

That was a painful thought to think, but somehow its bitterness felt rawer and truer than anything else he could have talked himself into believing. Slowly, almost mechanically with the way his bones ground against each other, he forced himself to sit up. He could see Berwald now, sitting on the edge of the bed, near silent as he worked on the papers in front of him. It made Tino wonder how long he had sat there, being silent and confined to the edge of his own damn bed in his own damn room because his boyfriend was an inconsiderate bastard.

It honestly made him feel guilty.

"Hei." He said, catching Berwald's attention and making him put his work down.

"Hej." Berwald responded, turning so that he faced Tino now instead of the wall opposite the bed. Really, his stare could be considered terrifying. His aquamarine eyes always held such intensity, but for some reason the Finn loved being on the receiving end of that gaze. Maybe he was a masochist. But sometimes, when he looked back at him, he saw something in those lovely eyes- something indefinable, yet completely intoxicating. He never missed a chance to drink it in.

"Thank you." Tino said, looking to the side. He didn't know what he was thanking the Swede for, and he wasn't even sure if he could explain it if he tried, but he owed him a thank you for something. He could figure out that much.

"Yer welcome." Berwald responded, lips pausing while parted as though there were something more to say. There were so many things that he wanted to ask. 'Are you okay' seemed way too vague, and 'what are you thanking me for' or 'what happened last night' both seemed almost rude.

The Finn also seemed to sense the need for something hanging in the air, but he didn't have the words to fill it, either. Instead he just shifted forward onto his knees and crawled over to Berwald, wrapping his arms around the man's shoulders and straddling his lap. He was welcomed, the other's arms wrapping around his waist.

Peaceful wasn't an adjective Tino was able to use often. Usually his head was spinning way too fast with monsters and all of the stupid people that he had to pretend that he was happy to be around day by day- but right now, he really wasn't thinking about any of that. All he thought about was Berwald, and the way he could kind of hear his heart beat if he listened close enough. He pressed his ear against his chest so that he could hear more clearly.

Nothing right now was feigned. There was no pretending to be fine, no having to force a smile onto his lips that didn't belong there, Berwald was there even when he was sad- and he didn't force him to lie about it. He just comforted him. Held him. Touched him. And for some reason, it made him-

"Love you." Tino murmured against Berwald's skin. Maybe it was irrational, not thought out, impulsive, pre-mature, but Tino couldn't really stop the words from slipping past his lips and out into the air.

He didn't regret it, though.

Berwald's heart felt like it had stopped, even though Tino could hear it beating faster. The Finn looked up at the taller man now and scooted so that their lips connected, and in a matter of seconds a tongue had pressed inside of the shorter teen's mouth, ravaging him. It was good, dizzying, and when they parted for air Tino's mouth was still open slightly.

"I love you too." Berwald responded, pronouncing every word carefully and clearly. He cupped Tino's cheek gently, stroking it with his thumb and making their eyes meet again.

Berwald was really too kind to him. Hell, the way he looked at him was even different than the way everyone else did. For once he didn't feel like he was a specimen on a cutting board, waiting to be sliced open by some monster or raped by the millions of eyes that he was on display to. It made him crush their lips together, pull Berwald down over top of him and opened his legs so that he could give him all he had because Berwald was the only one who deserved it.

Author's note: It wasn't that bad, right? I warned anyone who was squeamish ahead of time not to read, but I honestly don't think that it was that gory- maybe a little disturbing, but hopefully bearable. I guess it's all in how sensitive you are.

So, long time no see, hm? I'm really sorry about that. You see, I almost lost my muse for Choke. Don't worry, I'm not dropping it, never planned to, but let me tell you it was difficult to move forward. Seriously, it was fucking terrifying to write on this thing because it felt like I botched everything up every time I added a sentence. Every time I sat down to write, nothing would flow correctly and I ended up deleting paragraph upon paragraph of work because it all sounded so bad. That being said, I give a huge thank you and lots of love to m'wife for helping me get things back on track.

I sincerely hope that you enjoy this chapter. Really, I did my best on it and I hope that it still flows as nicely as the last few chapters did.

Reviews rock my world so hard, you wouldn't believe it. Please leave one if you can~