Disclaimer;
I don't own Victorious. Dang. I'd make some ladylovers out there pretty happy if I did, though.
Warnings;
This fanfiction contains femslash - Jade and Tori. It's rated M and for a reason. (Girl on girl lovin' abound.) If you're not into this kind of thing, it's cool, but please don't read this.
Author's Note;
Part six is (finally) here.
You could say I got sick, or that it just got worse. I've also just been caught up with starting college and getting more hours at my job as well as trying to get healthy again. So first off, I apologize for the delay. I sat and wrote on this when I could, and I know where everything's supposed to be going; I just haven't had the patience to write as much as I'd like, (and all that needs to be done.) But now that I have a laptop instead of having to sit at a desktop, (which I was and still am just too weak to do for more than a few minutes,) I'm hoping to get more done.
Updates may be a little farther in between until my health gets a bit better and schedule even out, but I'm going to make sure every update I make is worth it, and write everything that needs to be said in each chapter. I want this story to progress, not sit at a standstill; I have too much to say before it ends.
Also, thank you for your reviews, kind messages, favorites; everything. Every time I get one, I honestly just want to give you a hug, weird as that may sound; it just makes my day. But seriously; with all sincerity, I thank you for your support.
Let's get to going.
Can't Stop
Part Six
It was half past ten when there came a knock on Jade's door.
It was Tori who awoke to the sound of a soft rapping on the wood; she stirred beneath the comforter that she hadn't recalled pulling over herself and raised her head, looking around. For a moment, she was startled - it wasn't her bed, and it certainly wasn't her room, (filled with dark things and jars of items that she didn't care to question anyone about, as she didn't want to know.) When she heard a slight murmur come from the girl beside her, she turned to her, and looking over the mess of dark tangles that covered her shoulders and the pillow she rested her face on, Tori began to remember what all had happened the night before.
The sound of a louder knocking and the call of Jade's mother's voice brought her back to reality, and immediately, she felt herself begin to panic.
As much as she hadn't wanted to wake her a moment before, she began to nudge the girl beside her, shaking her shoulder rather violently. As she had come to realize in Yerba, Jade could sleep through damn near anything - including the war that had been raging on the island country they'd been visiting. Obviously, it would take a bit more than "a gentle touch" to rouse her from her slumber.
"Jade," she whispered sharply, finally pulling on her shoulder and rolling her over. The dark-haired girl groaned something nearly inaudibly before moving herself toward the brunette, her arm stretching itself over the girl's waist. Tori pressed on her again, and this time, closer to her ear, she hissed, "Wake up!"
Jade's eyes opened, and with an obvious look of annoyance on her face, she glared daggers at the girl who was half-sitting up next to her. When the expression turned to one of amusement, Tori remembered she was naked, and she proceeded to pull the covers up over her chest.
"Jade," came the voice from the other side of the door, sounding impatient and obviously unhappy. "Are you going to school today or not?"
"Shit," Jade spat in a hushed whisper, looking over at her alarm clock. "I thought she was at work!"
"Well, answer her!" Tori said quietly, pressing her shoulder.
The dark haired girl gave Tori a pointed look before she complied.
"No, I don't feel good," she called back in a groan that sounded too practiced to not be.
Her mother gave a sigh, and there was a silence for a moment, the two girls looking at each other.
"Well, I'm not going to be here. Can you take care of yourself?"
Jade couldn't help but snort at that - as if her mother was ever there to take care of her in the first place. Shaking her head, she replied, "Yeah, I guess so."
They exchanged what seemed like rather halfhearted goodbyes before the sound of heels hitting the wooden floor came from the hallway and down the steps, and a few moments later, the front door closed. Tori had been holding her breath the entire exchange, and now that Jade gave her a small smile, she couldn't help the laughing sound that came from her throat.
"I didn't even know she was home," Tori said, though she still looked rather relieved.
"Yeah. . . Me either," she replied, nearly snorting at her own words as she remembered having worried about that the night before when Tori was, again, making too much noise, (and she had to admit that she'd enjoyed every sound.) "Now, I'm going back to sleep, so don't wake me up again."
The blue-eyed girl gave her another small smile before she buried herself in the comforter again. Tori eyed her, still sitting leaned against the headboard of the bed. When Jade felt the girl's stare on her, she looked up, capturing the girl's eyes with her own.
Tori's face grew hot as she caught a glimpse of the other girl's bare chest that was slightly hidden from view by the thick, dark hair that seemed to fall everywhere over her shoulders and face. When her eyes lingered there, Jade gave a wry grin, and she pulled herself up to the girl's level to place a soft, easy kiss on her lips.
x-x-x
Noon came and passed before Jade so much as shifted beneath the sheets; the scent of something smelling too familiar stirred her, and she rolled over to find that Tori was getting dressed beside her, pulling one of the other girl's shirts over her shoulders and already in a pair of shorts that were a bit tight on her.
"Hey," Jade murmured sleepily, pushing some of her thick hair out of her face.
"Hey," Tori replied with a small smile, suddenly feeling self-conscious as she adjusted the shirt. "I went ahead and took a shower. . ."
"That's fine," Jade said as the girl's voice trailed off. Then it was her soap she was smelling.
Lying on her side and watching her, the dark-haired girl couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed that she hadn't woken up with Tori beside her - or that Tori hadn't waited long enough for them to both get in the shower. But as Tori moved away from her and began to bend over to pick up some of the clothes that had been rather carelessly tossed about the room earlier, she couldn't help the sore feeling in the pit of her stomach at the memory of what had gone on between them the night before.
It shouldn't have been as easy as it was. None of it should been - from having the girl topless on the hood of her car to taking her completely in her room. But it was almost as though, for her, each movement was natural, and each touch all too comfortable; the way she moved her lips against her, or how their bodies seemed to even each other out, the way their fingers just fit.
She couldn't recall things coming so easily between them before all this.
The thought of things becoming so incredibly intimate so quickly made her feel sick to her stomach, and even now as she watched the girl's hips as she moved around her room, she couldn't help the thoughts that began to flood into her mind.
"You shouldn't have done it."
"She's going to regret it."
"Don't you remember Cat?"
She could have sworn at the image of the redheaded girl that used to lay in bed beside her on a day like this.
But as she watched Tori turn back to her with a shy, small smile on her lips, looking as though she hadn't remembered a thing that had happened the night before in the bed Jade was now lying in (completely naked,) the image disappeared, and for a moment, her mind was nearly silent.
Somehow, Jade knew in the back of her head that she was going to be hurt again.
And she was okay with that.
x-x-x
Tori's mother had finally called at around two o'clock, asking if she'd made it to school alright. Jade had contemplated this before; the woman wouldn't make her kid a damn sandwich had she asked for it, and she hardly listened to a word she said - or so she had heard Tori say before, and at first, she hadn't believed it, (unless the mother only neglected Trina; she decided that was understandable.) Jade had thought that no one could possibly be as condescending or unfeeling or unloving as her own mother, (except, perhaps, her own father.) But after the brief and rather impersonal conversation Tori's mother had just shared with her daughter over the phone, she came to the conclusion that there was a possibility that Tori's parents came close. The woman either trusted the girl completely or she simply didn't care. Unless it concerned herself, Tori's mother was honestly not all too overbearing about her daughter's whereabouts.
Well, that was blatantly obvious, now that she actually thought about it - they'd ended up in a Yerbanian prison half a world away, slept over at a sketchy teacher's house with three boys (if Robbie really counted,) and had passed through a dangerous part of some ratty old city on their way to Pasadena - in a cupcake. She half-jokingly mused that if Tori had just told her that she'd slept with another girl, her mother wouldn't have been fazed in the slightest.
The thought of Tori actually doing that caused her to laugh out loud as she picked at some of the food on her plate.
The two of them were sitting at a small, scarcely-known cafe that was barely registrable from the rest of the houses on this side of town. Had there been any more than three other customers in at the time, it would have been incredibly cramped, but the place was almost completely desolate aside from the two of them and what looked to be only one waitress on duty.
It was a was dimly-lit and tiny room, but the place smelled of things freshly-baked and had a very comfortable, homey atmosphere to it that you really didn't find all to often in the area, so it was something of a safe haven for Jade, (whose home wasn't half as relaxed as this little cafe seemed to be.)
Tori, who had lived in LA for all of her life, was unaware that these kinds of places even existed in the over-crowded and bustling city - and she was sometimes pleasantly surprised when she came upon something she would have never known about had she not been shown. The city was big, and she was beginning to become aware that it would be impossible to know more than a little bit of what it had to offer, as it obviously catered to many different tastes and lifestyles.
The fact that any place in the city would play such soft, almost-country-sounding music was enough of a shock to her, but there they sat at a small table with an obnoxiously bright yellow tablecloth and antique-looking wooden chairs with (comfortably) cushioned seats as some up and coming artist picked a guitar on the stereo system overhead.
"I didn't know you liked this kind of music," Tori said with a small laugh before taking another bite of the salad before her.
"I don't," Jade murmured, shaking her head. "I come here for the coffee."
Tori knew at least part of her statement was a lie, as the coffee they'd set on the table was probably brewed content from a Folger's can and was served black. Jade had piled on the sugar and made it drinkable, but it wasn't anything special like what they served at an actual high-end coffee shop.
But maybe it was the sound of the guitars and mandolins and the softly spoken voices of the people playing them as she sipped from her mug that calmed her, as she seemed much more relaxed than she had on the drive over here nearly twenty minutes ago.
Tori was about to ask her how she'd found this place when her cellphone vibrated.
It was a text from Beck.
She looked up to Jade, whose eyes were closed as she took a sip from her cup, and quietly, Tori read the message.
"Can I come see you after school?" it read. Tori looked at the clock in the top right corner of her screen and swore. It was half past two, and school let out in less than half an hour.
She contemplated her reply as she looked to Jade who, now looking back at her, seemed a bit annoyed at her texting while they were eating. For a moment, Tori looked between the girl before her and the phone, trying her hardest not to look as perplexed as she was as she decided on something to say.
"Yeah sure" was all she replied, but as soon as she pressed the send button, she felt as though she was going to be sick.
"Who was it?" Jade asked, her brow quirked and her tone slightly bemused.
"Trina," Tori replied more quickly than she'd meant to. "She said she didn't see me at school today."
Jade gave her a stare that looked as though it was waiting for something more to be said, and as Tori fumbled with her purse, the blue-eyed girl only smiled as she shook her head and grabbed the bill from off the table before her.
"I'll take you home, then." Her voice was more of a forced statement than a pleasant offer, and although it should have been simple enough, there was a look of suspicion in her eyes that Tori couldn't help but feel hurt by.
x-x-x
As her car pulled to a stop at in the driveway of the Vega home, Jade looked to the girl beside her one last time, expecting some explanation for having their time together cut short. The excuse of Trina threatening to tell her mother unless she was given details was obviously false; Tori was a bad liar, especially to Jade, who had a way of silently calling her out on things, (when she didn't do it so blatantly before others.)
"I'll text you," Tori said, her eyes not meeting Jade's. The dark-haired girl took in the sight of her; her warm palms that were placed awkwardly in her lap, her trembling lips, the way her voice seemed as though there was more to say than what had been said. And even as she felt a bout of anger coming over her at the obvious lies being told to her, Jade felt as though she couldn't be angry at her - not at the moment, anyway.
As Tori moved to get out of the car, Jade captured her chin with her thumb and forefinger, stopping her and gently pulling her closer to her. She leaned in and met the girl the rest of the way, and as Tori looked to her in surprise, Jade caught her stare with her own, holding it captive as her free hand moved to brush a few strands of stray brown hair from the girl's face.
And then, in that way that only Jade could manage, she pressed against the slimmer pair of lips with her own fuller ones, just hard enough to cause Tori to shake as her hand pulled her closer by the hair. The kiss softened before Jade pulled herself away, Tori following her lips for a moment, before finally they looked to each other.
The look in Jade's eyes spoke volumes to Tori, and in silence, the message was conveyed.
Remember who you belong to.
x-x-x
Tori froze.
She'd just set her purse on the coffee table before the couch, and suddenly, the feeling of someone watching her caused her blood to run cold. Looking up, she noticed for the first time since entering her house that Beck was sitting at the table across the room from her.
"Beck," she said, sounding both surprised and relieved. "What are you. . . How did you . . .?"
"Your mom let me in," he said, looking only slightly amused. When Tori looked toward the window to see if her mother's car was in the drive, (although she could have sworn she hadn't seen anyone's car there at all,) Beck continued, "She went shopping."
"Oh," Tori said, moving over to him rather slowly, (hesitantly.)
For a moment, she merely looked over him; from the lack of the normal curvature of his lips - which seemed slightly frowning even, if only from being in thought - to the way his eyes seemed to burn into her relentlessly. He looked more intense than she could recall having seen him before, and in a way much more seriously, (if not downright gravely,) than normal.
"I thought you were sick today," Beck said, looking her over.
Tori took a seat at the table adjacent from him, and when he looked her in the face, she gave him an awkward, forced half-smile. He raised his brows back at her, and immediately she felt as though something heavy had just struck her in the chest.
"You know I wasn't sick," she replied quietly, although there was a tinge of venom behind her words.
"Yeah," Beck said, looking away for a moment. "I know."
Tori felt as though she should give him some sarcastic slap, to tell him that it was none of his concern what she did or who she did it with, to keep his nose out of her business, that she could handle herself. It was a quick, fleeting burst of anger, and she looked to him through pressed brows. However, when his eyes looked to the other side of a room and he heaved a sigh, the feeling immediately died down, and she realized that there was no way she would be able to say any of this to him; not after having knowingly ignored his request - advice? - to be tread carefully with Jade.
She had more than just a simple hunch that he was well aware of what had happened, and the idea of him imagining her with his ex-girlfriend - Jade's hands on her hips, tongue between Tori's teeth - made her feel sick to her stomach, but at the same time, it stirred a feeling inside of her that couldn't be described as only 'shame' or 'discomfort'; there was something exhibitionistically erotic in the mix of sensations going through her in that moment.
They sat there in silence as a few moments passed.
Things had been different. Tori had realized it last night; things were beginning to grow intense between herself and Jade, and the rest of the world - the rest of the people - around her seemed to have become completely insignificant by comparison. The only thing on her mind was the girl she'd been lying next to the night before, and half the day after that; they were becoming something of an inseparable pair, although they weren't always together.
Tori couldn't tell how things had gone down the way they did. It wasn't but a few months ago that Jade seemed to absolutely abhor her, but as she'd come closer to knowing the girl, even only over these past few weeks - or had it been longer than that? - she realized that 'hate' was a term too simple to describe the way Jade had felt about her. Even now, as the two found themselves enveloped in each other's arms with lips and hands touching where they pleased, there was a sense of walking the line between two worlds, two emotions. Although Tori couldn't quite place a name for this world of two sides, she found that she was more than fine with not knowing how to describe it. To her, and perhaps to Jade as well, the thing the two of them shared wasn't meant to be described - it was just them.
Her thoughts were drifting again, and she didn't feel Beck's eyes lingering over her own as she looked off somewhere beyond the walls of her home.
Beck wasn't blind, and he certainly had some sort of idea for what she was feeling. He watched the way her hands trembled as she held them together before her on the table, the way her lips trembled as if she was remembering the dark-haired girl's touch against her skin; everything, in some way, he knew he could relate to, although he wasn't sure if he should tell her just how he felt about her - Tori - feeling those things now, so blatantly, right before him.
He wasn't upset. He shouldn't have been; it wouldn't make any sense to feel any sort of anger toward the girl that he knew had been attracted to Jade for some time, even when he had been dating the girl. They both had similar feelings for the girl, (although he told himself that his own were all in his past as he worked to move on, to forget her,) and he couldn't bring himself to feel any jealousy for the brunette sitting next to him, as it would simply just be completely pointless.
What was happening was going to keep happening, no matter what he did, no matter how much he detested the idea of his girlfriend so easily forgetting him; it was inevitable. But he felt as though he could at least try to keep Tori from getting hurt the way he had been.
Yes, he'd let her walk away. He'd let the girl he loved remove herself from his life, taking his heart with her, and he hadn't tried to fix anything thereafter. But inside, even as she reached the end of her countdown outside the Vega home, he knew that it had been the biggest mistake he'd ever made, and would probably be the last one he would so consciously and intentionally make. He'd known things would hurt for a while, but even now, months after things had ended between him and the dangerous girl he'd come to love, he couldn't shake unbearable sensation of falling - as if he still hadn't reached rock bottom.
The breakup could have been officially ended by Beck's failure to go after Jade, but in the end, he wasn't the only one to blame. Things had become tense between the two of them toward the end of their relationship, and whenever Beck so much as talked about another girl, Jade was on him; physically and verbally. If his mind slipped, or if they had a small argument, he'd always find the woman making her way into his lap, his hands on the sides of his face, her eyes (darkened like some predator's,) and without any words more than, "shut up," she'd capture his lips in her way of claiming him.
After a few months of fighting and screaming and tears, almost always followed by a session of heated sex, he found that he couldn't ride her rythm anymore; she was so hot and passionate one moment, and the next, she pushed him away and wanted nothing to do with him; and Beck simply couldn't take the strings of his heart and emotions being plucked so roughly any longer.
But only less than a week after their breakup, he'd come to a realization that he wished he'd come to so much sooner.
Jade only needed his reassurance when both their minds were slipping elsewhere.
And as he looked to the girl sitting next to him, he knew where Jade's had been.
Beck gave a quiet sigh, and Tori looked to him for a moment, watching as he leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling. By the way his brows were slightly furrowed, and his lips curved into an easy but concentrated pose, she could tell he was in thought.
In that moment, a thought came to her that she hadn't previously paused to dwell on all too much; what had his warning about Jade really meant? 'She doesn't let go,' he'd said. Doesn't let go. The words lingered there in her mind as her fingers absently reached for her lips, to where she had bitten her the night before so unwittingly violently, and where she had placed that fleeting, wanting kiss only a few minutes before, (though it was beginning to feel as though it had been hours ago.)
"What did you mean?" she asked aloud, having hardly heard herself say it. Beck looked to her for a moment with raised brows, and when Tori noticed his eyes on her, she continued, "I mean. . . When you told me to be careful the other day."
Beck thought, quietly studying her face as his fingers wrapped and unwrapped themselves on the table before him. What had he meant? It had made sense when he'd said it, but now that he was looking to her, (smelling Jade's shampoo on her,) he couldn't bring himself to think the way he had at the time he'd given her that warning, and it seemed like it had been a million years ago.
But then it came to him, and the thought slapped him in the face. He had been so lost in the physical scent of her - and the idea of her body, and the memory of her voice as he touched her and loved her - that he had forgotten why in the first place things had gone awry. Then, the boy realized that his gaze had been settled on Tori's neck, where a mark was showing slightly from behind her hair, and he raised his eyes back to face, (which was now slightly reddened.)
"What I meant," he began slowly, heaving a sigh with his words, "was that Jade isn't exactly stable. Emotionally, I mean."
Tori watched him for a moment for any signs of humor, but when he looked to the table with a soft, pained smile, she nodded her head.
He continued, "She doesn't just want somebody to be with her and. . . Well, love her. She needs them."
Beck shook his head slowly, his eyes wandering from the table to the walls again, to where he'd stood when Jade had given him his last chance. "And I wasn't there when she needed me. I was just so. . . so sick of her taking her mood swings out on me, you know? I just couldn't be her punching bag anymore."
"I'm sorry," Tori said quietly, averting her gaze from him. The way the dark-haired boy's words had a hint of bitterness behind them made her uncomfortable, and she shifted in her seat slightly, trying not to think of the night before when Beck was telling her what actually had happened to Jade and himself.
"I'm not mad at you either," he said quickly, looking to her, and her eyes met his for a moment. "I'm not mad at you at all. That's not why I said that." His eyes lowered to her lips for a moment, and he didn't ask why the lower one was so swollen.
"But, then. . ." Tori gave a slight, nervous smile. "Why did you say it?"
This time, Beck knew his answer.
"So you don't hurt her next."
x-x-x
Beck had left a few hours earlier. Tori had gone upstairs to her bathroom and had attempted to cover the mark on her neck as best she could, as beck had pointed out that it was quite noticeable beneath her hair, and as she stood in front of the mirror, she'd realized that she had worn one of the outfits she was sure Beck had seen Jade in a million times before.
The brunette was lying on her back, her eyes searching the ceiling for something else to think about. For the first time in a long time, she was thinking about someone other than Jade. Her mind was elsewhere, in some place other than her own, cold, lonely bed, as last night she'd realized that the only place she truly wanted to lie was next to Jade.
Her lip was hurting. Tori had put on some chapstick to get rid of the taste of blood rising to the skin, but the feel of Jade's teeth there still lingered, and she couldn't help but run her tongue over the place where the indention could still be felt, (although she hoped could not be seen.)
But her mind was on Beck, and on how sincere he had sounded, and how accepting he was of things, and of how he hadn't shown even the slightest bit of accusation toward her. She wasn't thinking of him in any way less than innocent; rather, she was thinking of just how amazing a boyfriend he'd probably been to Jade.
Now that she thought about it, Beck had always seemed to have known how to handle Jade's harshness, and how to hold her when she was upset, and how to keep her from simply lashing out at the world and the people around her when she most wanted to simply break. And how he had gone from being able to redirect her anger and what she could only assume was something close to 'suffering' to being nothing more than the thing that absorbed the impact, she could not wrap her mind around.
Beck had been so honest, but at the same time, Tori could tell there was a lot he was keeping from her.
And for what reason, she did not know.
x-x-x
She turned over beneath her pitch black comforter again, her face pressed into the pillow that Tori had rested on the night before.
Reaching for her phone on the far side of her mattress, she turned on the screen, and there were no new notifications; and in her inbox, there were no new messages.
It bothered her - Tori not being honest with her. Jade felt as though the girl was hiding something from her, and she wanted to know what it was before things went any further than they already had. She wanted to make sure Tori knew that she was serious, and she wanted Tori to know that she wasn't going to simply let her walk out on her like Beck had.
Her chest hurt for a moment at the thought of that happening all over again with the girl she was beginning to ache for - for the girl she wanted here right now instead of somewhere else, keeping her secrets to herself.
Jade had come to finally realize that not only did she want Tori to be hers (and only hers,) but she wanted to be Tori's one and only as well.
Her instinct told her to run, to let the girl go while she still could, to just stop before things got out of hand. But all she could think as she remembered the very feel of the girl sitting next to her was so entirely simple that she couldn't bring herself to dwell on her instincts any longer.
Closing her eyes, her cheek resting on the pillow, (now cold beneath her skin,) she couldn't help but repeat the thought in her slipping consciousness.
She's what I want.
And sleep came quickly and effortlessly.