I just want to say thank you again for all the great reviews, they are very, very appreciated.

This chapter is a bit longer then the rest, and is, as promised more brotherly bonding. and, to everyone wondering why Sam cant remember...

enjoy!

D: I dont own supernatural

SOMETHING LOST

Chapter 14

They had been silent for hours, both brothers lost in thought, lost to their own inner turmoil, as the car growled its way down the highway. His brother's revelation had hit Sam like a tone of bricks. Dean had nearly lost both him and Kerri, and, at the tender age of eleven, he had believed that it was all his fault. Sam was sorry that he had disobeyed his brother, afraid that he had put Kerri in danger, but most of all he was angry. Angry at John. How dare he put Dean in that position, how dare he leave an eleven year old in charge for two weeks. It was unacceptable, unthinkable, and so completely John Winchester.

But there was something else, something more, eating away at the younger man, something bubbling to the surface, running through all his senses. He didn't remember it, like everything else concerning the Harrison family, he didn't remember. And he couldn't understand that simple fact, couldn't come to grips with that strange bit of reality. How in the world had he managed to forget so many years of his life, so many things that would have been burned into any normal person's memory forever.

And he knew, beyond a doubt that there was something more, something his brother was hiding from him.

"Dean." Sam finally began, his mind ready to burst. He needed answers, needed reassurance, needed to know why he had forgotten.

"Hhmmm." Dean answered, eyes still closed as he leaned against the passenger side window, his tired and injured body slumped low in the seat.

"I need to ask you something."

"I'm sleeping."

"No, you're not."

"How do you know?"

"Because you're talking to me."

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

"What do you want?"

"Um, it's just." Sam suddenly found himself at a loss for words, every emotion he had instantly stampeding through his mind. There was so much he wanted to know, so many questions he wanted answered, but he knew he was treading on shaky ground. Something had happened between the two families, something big, something that had seriously effected his brother, hell something the had seriously effected all of them. He knew that he needed to know, and knew that he wanted to know, but he suddenly found himself unable to ask the questions, afraid of what he may receive as answers.

"Spit it out."

"I don't remember the watcher."

"You were seven."

"I don't remember Kerri, either."

"Yeah, we've established that."

"Come on, Dean, help me out here."

"Sam." Dean began tightly, finally opening his eyes, his weakened body shifting in the seat as he turned towards his brother. "What the hell are you getting at?"

"I don't remember."

"Yeah, I get that, but a lot of people don't remember things from when they were kids. I mean, you didn't remember the Striga before, why would you remember the watcher?"

Sam suddenly froze, Dean was right, he had forgotten about the Striga was well, and he instantly had a whole new understanding of what he was asking. "Dean, I don't really remember anything before I was a teenager. I mean, I remember stuff, but it's just in bits and pieces, like the memories are there, but shattered in a way."

"So?"

"So! So, that's not normal."

"What are you now, a shrink?"

"Dean, please, just be serious, just this once."

"What do you want me to tell you?"

"The truth."

"What truth, I'm not hiding anything from you. How was I supposed to know you didn't remember any of this?"

"Why have you never mentioned her?"

"What?"

"Kerri, you obviously care about her, a lot. So, why have you never mentioned her before? And, why is there nothing about her family in Dad's journal? It's like she was just, erased."

"Our dads had a falling out." Dean answered quietly, his eyes falling back on the road before them. He wished with everything he had in him that Sam would stop pushing, that he would take his half-assed answer and be silent. But, then again, he knew his brother, better then anyone else, and the quiet voice that broke through his mind didn't surprise him at all.

"Come on, dude, that's weak."

"Well, it's the truth."

"Dean, please, tell me."

"God damn it, Sam, can't you just leave something alone? Can't you just let go, just once in your life."

"I need to know. Ever since I gave you that note you've been like a different person. You're on edge, Dean. Please, just tell me what happened."

"Our dads were friends when we were younger, but there was still a lot of friction. Dad didn't like the way Tom raised his kids, didn't think he was doing a good job, and he didn't really want us to be around them."

"What do you mean?"

"They, um, she now, I guess." Dean stopped as he stumbled over his words, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before he once again continued. "Kerri and Evelyn weren't raised to be hunters."

"I've gathered."

"I mean, Kerri can take care of herself, and they always knew what was out there, but, they were never trained the way we were. Tom, he said that kids should be allowed to be kids. That it wasn't fair the way Dad was treating us. He wanted us to stay with him, to go to school. He promised Dad that we'd be safe."

"And then the watcher?"

"Dad never knew about the watcher."

"What?"

"I didn't tell him."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because, Sam, what do you think Dad would've done if I told him? I mean, after the Striga, he never really trusted me anymore. If I told him that I let you get lured into the forest while I watched tv! He'd never let me near you again."

"Dean, you're my brother, he wouldn't keep us apart."

"Dad's a good man, Sam, deep down I know that. But, after mom, he was just so scared all the time, so worried about you. It blinded him. I didn't want him to take you away from me."

His brother's confession was like a gun shot, Sam's already fragile world falling apart just a little more. He knew, deep in his bones, that there was nothing Dean could have done to make John cut him out of their lives, to take away the one thing he relied on, the one thing he would always give his life for. But, he also knew how his older brother's mind worked.

Dean had always been hard on himself, always seen Sam as his number one priority, his reason for breathing. And Sam was both saddened and grateful for that attention. And he suddenly knew why John thought that his older son could do no wrong, why Dean had always looked perfect in his eyes. Dean never told him of the times they had been left alone, the numerous times something had almost taken him. And he suddenly understood just how important he was to the older man, just what Dean was willing to do to keep him safe, keep them together.

"Dean, please, what happened? Why did he take us away from here?"

"They were on a hunt, a pretty big one. There was this demon, it was pulling people under the earth. It nearly wiped the whole town clean. And, I guess, after they got rid of it, they started arguing again. I'd just taken the GED like Dad had asked, and well, Tom wasn't too happy about it I guess."

"Wait. You don't have a diploma?"

"I passed the test, so technically, I finished school."

"Yeah, but."

"Look, Sam, this all happened twelve years ago, you can't change it by complaining about it."

"Sorry. Why wasn't Tom happy about it?"

"He said school was important, he was a college professor. He was a good hunter, but well, he was never as paranoid as Dad was about it. You know, the statistics of being attacked again and all. This was before we knew anything about the yellow eyed Demon. Anyway, they came back in the house fighting, and Dad told us to pack, to say good-bye."

Sam could feel the darkness creeping up around him as his older brother spoke, his heart seizing in his chest as an unknown fear began to boil from somewhere deep within him.

"Pathetic really, since it was Dad that screwed up."

"How?" Sam asked, though his mind was millions of miles away.

"It was right around the anniversary of Mom's death, and, you know, he always got more emotional that time a year, more distracted. They thought they destroyed the demon, but it was just laying in wait, following them..."

If his brother kept speaking then Sam didn't hear it, his entire world suddenly lost to darkness as the long suppressed memories ran over him like a tidal wave, the younger man barely able to pull off the road before he leapt from the car, body heaving as he fell into the bushes. And suddenly, with a force and fear he had never before imagined everything came rushing back to him.

Wyoming 1995

He could hear the angered voices rising as his father and Mr. Harrison made their way up the back steps, both men shouting so loudly that the twelve year old was sure they could be heard in the next county. He closed his eyes as the basement door burst open, willing any deity that was listening to help keep him calm, help keep him together.

The constant fighting, the constant worrying, the constant moving, it had all become too much for him, his young soul already battered more then a man three times his age. He liked it here, liked the girls, liked the school, liked Mr. Harrison's library. The creepy forest he could do without, but everything else about the place he loved. And he was terrified that it would all be taken away, like everything else in his life had been.

"...you're talking about his future, John. Hunting isn't going to last forever, some day he will get the chance to do more, be more, but not if you steal what few opportunities he has now."

"My boys stay with me. I am their father, discussion over."

"No, John, it's not over. Dean is a good kid, he has such great potential. You're going to kill him, you're going to ruin what little chance at a real life he has. He's only sixteen."

"He's old enough to be a man. He passed the test, he technically graduated. When the time comes Sammy will do the same. It's all they're gonna need."

"Listen to yourself. These are your children you're talking about."

"I know."

"Why can't you just leave them here?"

"Because it isn't safe here. You're girls, they aren't trained at all, hell they don't even look over their shoulders when they're outside."

"That's because they're children."

"You know what's out there, what's waiting for them."

"Nothing is waiting for them! Yes, there is evil, and darkness in this world, but you can't let them fall prey to that. If you do then the darkness wins."

Sam could feel hot tears streaming down his cheeks. The look in his father's eyes gave everything away, the pure anger that was now flowing through the man destroyed every fiber of his young son's being. He could see Dean staring at them cautiously from the living room, Evelyn on the sofa by his side. His brother looked as though he we was willing his father to stop talking, willing the older man to keep his anger in check, to keep the hateful words at bay.

He was so strong, such a perfect soldier, and Sam suddenly wished that he was by his brother's side, knowing that Dean could make it all right, that his big brother could protect him from what they both knew was coming. Behind him Sam could hear Kerri's choked sobs as she lowered herself onto the steps, he glassy blue eyes staring intently at Dean, knowing what the other three already knew, knowing what Tom and John knew. It was anger and fear speaking, terror and stubbornness driving them, but it was still happening, and it was suddenly too much for the youngest Winchester to take.

"Boys." John called out, knowing all four children were listening. "Get your things and say good-bye."

"Dad." Dean began tentatively, taking a few steps closer to his father. "There's nothing new to hunt. Why can't we stay?"

"We can't stay because I say we can't. Now you and your brother get your things, and don't forget anything." He said, rounding on Tom. "Because we won't be coming back."

Sam felt like he was drowning, his father's words so final, so concrete, so unmoving. He was about to lose everything, about to be torn away from the only home he had ever known, from three people he loved like family. "No." His voice was small, barely louder then a whispers, but to everyone around him, it was like a scream. Sam took one more long look at his enraged father before he did the only thing his twelve year old mind could comprehend, he turned and ran.

"Oh, god." Sam moaned as he leaned again into the bushes, bile rising unchecked from his tightening stomach, the horror growing within him as the memory continued. He would have done anything, anything for it to have stopped right then, for what he knew was coming to be forgotten once more, for the terror that he faced to be washed again from his mind. But the floodgates had been open, and there was no holding back the torrent.

He didn't know where he was going to run to as he pushed open the heavy front doors, bursting out onto the porch, the early evening air biting at his exposed arms. He didn't know where to go, he just knew that he had to get away, because maybe, just maybe, his father would have forgotten what he said by the time he returned. Maybe they wouldn't have to leave.

His aching body barely registered the change in the ground as he jumped off the final step, his tired legs pumping harder then he ever thought they could. He could hear the frantic calls of his brother, almost feel the sixteen year old's footfalls behind him, but he didn't care. He needed to get away, needed to run.

But the very air around him was changing, the ground beneath him quaking, shaking with a force he had never before felt. He slowed and stumbled slightly as the earth continued to shake and shutter, the terrified voices of his friends and family sounding so far away as a new noise broke through the heavy air.

It was a screeching scream, a completely otherworldly and unholy din, and it was the most terrifying sound the young boy had ever heard. But that was nothing, nothing compared to what was racing towards him across the clearing. The screeching grew louder as the figure approached, nothing more then a head, shoulders and grotesquely long arms reaching above the cold earth. Its eyes were jet black and bulging, mouth spread wide in a hideous, hungry smile, teeth bared as the screeching changed into a manic laughter.

Sam's eyes widened as the creature approached, the demon racing towards him with a speed the child had never thought imaginable. And, without thinking, he ran, ran as fast as his short legs could carry him, ran for everything he had in the world as the screeching, smiling, horrifying creature bore down on him, wrapping its long, spidery arms around his legs and pulling him, dragging him down into the ground below. The last thing he saw were his brother's panicked eyes, the last thing he felt were Dean's searching hands before the darkness took him, before the weight of the earth suffocated him.

He could feel it all over again, the sand in his mouth, the overwhelming pressure of the dirt falling in on top of him, crushing his oxygen starved lungs. Everything, the manic laughter, the hungry eyes, the spiny arms. It all came back to him, all wrapped themselves around him, dug into him. He could remember everything about Kerri and her sister, remember everything about his school, about his forgotten childhood.

But it was all so twisted, the black eyes staring back at him from every corner, the terror ripping through him with each breath he tried to take. Anything and everything about the town of Valley made him see that monstrosity, made him feel like he was once again drowning in dirt, once again being eaten alive by the very earth on which he stood. Everything was horribly real, as though the demon could pull him down again at anytime, the hollow and hungry eyes waiting for him in every shadow of the world. It was the reason he had forgotten.