ok, this is a short chapter with just a little more background. let me know what you all think. Thanks again for all the great reviews, they keep me writing.

D: still dont own anything, i have been searching ebay, i swear.

SOMETHING LOST

Chapter 15

Dean's mind was racing, his heart bounding a mile a minute, vision swimming as he jumped out of the car, following his little brother as he stumbled towards the bushes. Everything around him was happening so fast, one minute he was talking to Sam, the next he was watching him race from a still moving car. In that instant every ache and pain in his body seemed to be erased, every bit of his consciousness suddenly focused on his ailing brother.

He could still remember the look in his baby brother's eyes when the demon dragged him down below the earth, still remember the mud beneath his nails as he dug and dug, every fiber of his being trying desperately to get to the young boy beneath him, to save Sammy from the darkness. It was almost as though he was living that day all over again, the terror tearing into his body like knives, the helplessness racing through his veins like cement. He was losing him, losing the only thing that mattered to him, and nothing could make it stop.

And now, here he was all over again, kneeling beside his shaking brother, rubbing his back as the younger man continued to heave into the bushed, unbidden tears streaming down his too pale face. He could almost feel the horror returning to his kid brother's body, almost feel the memories as they bombarded him, drowned him, stole him away all over again. Dean had no idea that he had suppressed such memories, had no idea that that was the reason he had forgotten Kerri. And he wished now that he had seen it sooner, that he had stopped the terror from taking him over once more.

Sam hadn't spoken for weeks after the attack, his deep brown eyes never blinking, only shutting when sleep became to big an enemy to fight. And the nightmares of Jess paled in comparison to the dreams he suffered after the assault, dreams that scared the twelve year old so badly that he had given himself panic attacks on a near nightly basis. The older Winchester had no idea that his little brother hadn't come to grips with the encounter, that his slow recovery was the result of him forgetting it rather then dealing with it. And he had no idea that it would all effect him again in such a powerful way.

He could feel Sam slowly begin to relax, his tall frame slumping against him, head falling heavily on his aching shoulder.

"Sam?" Dean asked, his voice small and shaky as he looked down at his brother, the younger man's face hidden beneath his mop of hair. "Sam?" He was greeted with an overbearing silence as he shifted slighting, lifting Sam's head towards him, his breath catching as his eyes fell on his little brother's face.

Sam's eyes were wide and unseeing, just as they had been all those years ago, just as they had been when he refused to step on soft earth, refused to move away from the concrete sidewalks he had come to see as safety. Those big brown eyes were again staring into space, again lost, again empty, and it broke down all of Dean's resolve. He couldn't lose him again, he wouldn't. Dean's trembling hands searched his pockets, pulling out his cell phone as he cradled Sam's shuddering body, leaned his chin against his brother's cool forehead.

"Hello?" The soft voice broke him out of his reprieve, Dean unconsciously tightening his hold on Sam as the voice sounded again. "Hello?"

"Kerri?"

"Dean? What's wrong?"

"Where are you?"

"Uh, just outside of Meeteetse. Why?"

"Can you get a room there?"

"Yeah, of course. Dean wha-.."

"Call me with the name." Dean hung up quickly, shifting Sam in his arms as he tried to stand, his injured body rebelling completely. He took a few minutes to catch his breath, silently grateful that Sam hadn't managed to run that far from the car as his vision began to swim. "Sorry, Sammy." Dean mumbled as he less than gracefully drug his brother to the passenger side of the car, leaving more then a few bumps and bruises as he struggled to get his very big little brother into the seat.

Dean wasted no time as he pulled his beloved car back onto the highway, racing like hell on wheels to the town of Meeteetse. It was only forty miles away, but to Dean it might as well have been on the other side of the country. He could feel his body growing weaker once more, feel cold fingers dancing up and down his spine as he pushed harder and harder on the accelerator, his mind a jumbled mess of the past and the present. The memories of that fateful day running over him.

"Come on, Sammy, just stay with me. We got you out, you're fine now. Just please wake up, I promise everything will be ok."

Wyoming 1995

Dean could have heard the angered voices a mile away, hell he could hear them ever night in his dreams, hear them every day, every moment he let his burdened mind wander. He hated the shouting, hated the anger, but most of all he hated himself for causing it. So many of their fights had revolved around him, so many meals had ended in anger after even the smallest comment about his life. Whether it was his father discussing hunting, or Mr. Harrison discussing school, it always seemed to end in raised voices and slammed doors. Hell, even Sammy was starting to get into the fray, picking fights with his dad, and dragging him into the middle every time.

That was where he had spent his entire life, always and forever in the middle. Sometimes it was good, like when he snuggled in bed between his parents when he was little, and sometimes it was bad, like well, everything these days. Sam and Kerri wanted him to talk his father into letting them stay, Mr. Harrison wanted him to finish school, and his dad wanted him to become a full time hunter. Everyone wanted something from him, but the problem was that everyone wanted something different, and he was just one sixteen year old boy.

He often found himself wondering how he was supposed to keep everyone happy, how he was supposed to refrain from disappointing anyone. It was an impossible task really, so he just did what he had learned to do best. He closed himself off, distanced himself from everyone, hid away his soul and let the world outside see what they wanted, what they needed.

So, when he heard the shouts again, heard his name again, he just closed his eyes and silently counted to ten, Evelyn sitting by his side, mimicking him. She had started doing that a few months before, studying Dean almost as though he was a specimen, and he found it down right unnerving. There was something different about her, there had always been something a little off, but he just couldn't place it.

The banging of the basement door brought him to his senses once more, as he stood and faced the argument, already feeling that this one would be big. He could see Sammy standing near the bottom of the steps, eyes wide and glistening as he listened to the argument, Kerri crying softly from the staircase above him. They all knew what was coming and they all wanted him to stop it, after all, he had been the wall, the buffer between the kids and adults for so long, there was no reason for him to stop now.

The argument was reaching a fever pitch when he heard his father's voice change, heard the edge break through crystal clear. He was about to do and say something that he would regret, that they all would regret. He took a few shaky steps forward, clearing his throat as he addressed his father.

"Dad, there's nothing new to hunt. Why can't we stay?"

It was like being answered by a bulldog. "We can't stay because I say we can't. Now you and your brother get your things and don't forget anything."

It was like the world around him froze, the air leaving his lungs in one long breath. He knew it was coming, could hear it boiling up from somewhere deep inside of the older man before him and he wished for it to stop, willed his father to stop speaking, to think about what he was about to do.

"Because we won't be coming back." It was like glass shattering, Dean's entire existence being erased in those six words, nothing in the world sounding so harsh, so final, so devastating. Nothing that is until he heard his baby brother's choked voice.

"No."

And then he watched in horror as Sammy turned and ran.

He couldn't understand where the fear was coming from, didn't know why his mind was screaming at him to follow, pounding against his skull to save him, help him, that something bad was only moments away. He couldn't describe the overwhelming terror that was driving through his bones as he followed his brother out the front door, followed him across the porch, followed him down the steps. He couldn't understand the fear, the terror, that was until he felt the ground beneath him begin to shake.

He had never seen anything so grotesque, never heard anything so earsplitting, so dread inspiring. He had never imagined such a monster, until he saw it chasing his brother across the muddy clearing, until he saw it wrap its arms around his Sammy, pull the screaming and struggling boy beneath the ground. He had never known such fear until he saw those big brown eyes disappear into darkness, until he felt his brother's hand turn into dirt.

The shrill ringing of his cell phone made Dean nearly jump out of his skin, his body on a sort of auto pilot as he drove, mind completely lost to that unforgettable day. They were within ten miles of the city, his phone flashing as he opened it with shaky hands.

"Dean?"

"Kerri, where are you?"

"Triple stars motel. What's wrong? Did it attack again?"

"No." Dean ground out. He could feel it growing all around him once more, his arms beginning to bleed and burn as he pressed harder still on the gas, willing his car to forget physics and teleport to the motel.

"Then what happened?"

"It's Sammy."

"Is he ok!?"

"Just be ready for us, we'll be there in ten."

"All right, rooms eleven and twelve, south west corner."

"Thanks."

"Just get here in one piece, Winchester."

"I'll sure as hell try."