thank you all again for the wonderful reviews, they really do help me write. i am very sorry for the long wait, but it was my 26th b-day on saturday and i have been away. this next week will also be very busy, so there may not be many updates before sunday.

thanks for hanging in there.

enjoy. let me know what you think!!

D: just for fun.

SOMETHING LOST

Chapter 16

The car swerved as Dean griped the wheel tightly, his hands shaking, fresh blood flowing down his weakening arms. He could feel the attack growing again, the air around him charged and cold, the pain intensifying with each passing moment. But still he pushed on, knowing he had to get to the motel, had to get Sam to safety. That was the only thing he could think about, the only thing that was keeping his failing body going. He had to keep Sam safe, had to get to Kerri. His brother had yet to move, his eyes still wide and unseeing, breathing still shaky and shallow. It was becoming frighteningly apparent that the younger man was shutting down, his heart and mind regressing back to that horrifying day. And Dean knew that it was all his fault. Had he just run faster, dug deeper, stopped his father from yelling, found some way to be perfect, some way to make everyone around him happy then none of this would have happened. And, on top of it all, he had let his little brother suffer with the memory alone for twelve years.

The small motel come into view as Dean bent low over the steering wheel, the pain ripping through his body was becoming too much for him to bear. But he had to get to help, had to keep Sam safe. Nothing else mattered to him but Sammy; waking him up, helping him recover from the long buried nightmare. He always wanted to be there for his little brother, always wanted to keep him safe in the ever growing darkness. Even when Sam was away at school, even when he had shut him out of his life, he still held on to that belief, that purpose, that one thing that made him who he was.

He could see Kerri waiting in the parking lot, her keen eyes landing on the car the moment it entered the driveway, swerving and lurching its way through the lot. Every fiber of his being was grateful that she was there, his tired soul needing someone to lean on, someone to help him through the twilight that was slowly setting in. But he learned long ago not to get his hopes up, not to rely on anyone other then himself.

He had been let down so many times, had the ground beneath his feet shaken so often that he learned not to pray for things, not to expect his wishes to come true. He knew he couldn't let himself rely completely on the girl before him, knew that no matter how much she cared, how much she wanted to help, that she too would eventually leave him, just as everyone always did. No, he had to take care of his family on his own, had to be the wall they leaned against, the constant they had come to expect. He needed to be there for them because, if he wasn't, then no one else would be.

Kerri jumped back as the car sped towards her, Dean barely visible against the steering wheel. She was amazed at the strength her friend possessed, Dean having the ability to push on when any normal person would have long since fallen. He was more then a rock, more then a hero, more then a human being. He was a big brother. That was all that he was and all that she knew he would be, but it was and would always be enough. Being Sam's big brother gave him a power of will that few people in this world could lay claim to. It made him smarter and faster, and made him want to be better in every way, the idea of failing the younger man something he couldn't fathom. His little brother was his world, his responsibility, and Kerri wouldn't be surprised if he defeated death itself to stand by his side.

"Dean?" Kerri called as she ran over to the driver side door, the impala lurching to a stop a few feet from her. "Sam?"

"Kerri." Dean's weak voice rose up to meet her ears, his forehead still pressed against the steering wheel, body shaking violently as new burns began to blossom on his already charred skin. "We gotta get, Sam."

"What happened to him?" She continued as she pulled Dean up from his seat, the hunter leaning most of his weight on her as he willed the world to stop spinning. But he didn't answer, instead shrugging out of her tight hold as he stumbled towards the passenger side, his eyes never leaving his little brother. All breath left her as she looked down at the seat the older Winchester had just vacated, blood covering the leather interior. This attack was worse, much worse then the others. They were running out of time, the entity attacking Dean slowly pulling him down, slowly stealing him from a world that needed him desperately.

"Dean?" Kerri asked again as she rounded the car, blue eyes immediately falling on Sam's empty brown orbs. But, even though his vacant eyes scared her more then she would ever admit, she could see no blood, see no injuries on the younger man. There was something wrong with him, of that she was sure of but Dean was far worse, and Kerri knew what had to be done. "You're hurt, Dean. Get inside and I'll get Sam."

"No. He's my responsibility."

"Dean, get inside. I lined everything with salt, it shouldn't be able to get you."

"No. Sam comes first."

"You can't help him if you're beat to hell."

"Watch me." He stated coldly, pulling his little brother up from the seat. He was weak and hurting, there was no denying that, but Sam came first, Sammy always come first. He was silently grateful that his little brother, while nearly catatonic, was still able to function, still able to walk. Dean shouldered as much of the taller man's weight as he could, Kerri supporting him from the other side as she steered the brothers into their room.

Together they laid Sam out on the far bed, Dean collapsing onto the other like nothing more then a rag doll the moment he knew that his little brother was safe. He was beyond exhausted, his weakened body finally giving out as darkness began to cloud his vision. The last attack had been awful, but Kerri was right, the minute he stepped over the threshold the female spirit had relinquished its hold, had left him barely conscious, but thankfully still alive.

He could feel his friend sitting on the bed beside him, feel her hands running over his sweaty skin, her touch gentle as she changed his bandages and treated his wounds. His mind was swimming, taken over by fever and fatigue, his tense body relaxing as Kerri continued to care for him, continued to do her best to keep him alive.

"Sammy, help, Sammy." He began weakly, trying to swat her hand away as she felt his forehead once more.

"He's not hurt."

"There's something wrong with him."

"He's in shock. I covered him with blankets but there's nothing more I can do for him right now."

"Please, help him first."

"Dean, you're bleeding and your burns are starting to become infected. I promise I will look him over after I fix you up."

"No, check on him now, you have to check on him."

"Dean."

"Please."

"Ok. But don't you bleed to death on me. Promise?"

"Promise."

She knew Dean was hurt bad, knew that he needed real medical attention, not the field medicine she had been trained to use. Not only had his burns become infected, he had also lost a significant amount of blood during the last attack. It was a race against time, and she didn't want to have to lose the self assured hunter all over again, it had been too hard the first time.

She patted Dean once on the chest before moving over to Sam's bed, the older hunter's eyes never leaving his brother's still form. He was putting Sammy's care in her hands, had asked her to look after his brother, share in the burden he had been carrying alone all these years. It was relieving and terrifying, his shoulders lighter, but heart heavier as he watched Kerri work on his brother, her sweet and calm voice echoing through his battered mind and soul.

"Sam?" Kerri asked quietly, putting herself directly into his line of sight. "Sam, can you hear me?" She ran her hand across his forehead, pushing back his bangs as she looked into his catatonic eyes, his breathing even as she checked his pulse. "Sam, honey." She spoke softer still as she leaned in close to him, Dean growing more and more terrified with each passing moment, each minute his brother continued to lay still. "I know that you're in there somewhere, and I know that something has you real scared. But, listen to me, I'm here, and your brother is here, and neither of us is gonna let anything happen to you. You don't have to talk, just squeeze my hand if you can hear me."

Dean almost had a heart attack, the air leaving his lungs as he sighed in relief watching Sam's large hand grip Kerri's small one weakly. He could hear her, he knew they were there. "What's wrong with him?"

"He's suffering from a kind of post traumatic stress."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. My dad was on a hunt once, it went really bad and the only survivor was a little boy. He brought him to our house for a little while after, and he was acting just like this. Did something happen in the car? Did something start to attack him too?"

"Not today." Dean answered quietly, his eyes slowly drifting closed. He could feel Kerri move over to him once more, her mind now focused on his life threatening injuries.

"What do you mean?"

"I told him, about the earth demon."

"The one that attacked him when he was little?"

"Yeah. He didn't remember. He blocked it out somehow, blocked out everything that reminded him of it, too. That's why he didn't recognize you, he only remembers bits and pieces."

"Hey, what happened to him back then, it wasn't your fault."

"Yeah."

"I'm serious, Dean. There's nothing you could have done."

"I could've run faster, I could've gotten to him first."

"He had a good head start and that demon was moving faster then anything I've ever seen."

"Still, I should've been there."

"You were there, you dug him up."

"When he wasn't breathing, when he was blue. He's my responsibility."

"I know that. And you keep him safe everyday. You can't let one time overshadow all the rest."

"You haven't been with us, you haven't seen the number of times he's been attacked. You haven't seen what those damn visions do to him, what happened to his girlfriend. I should never have taken him away from school, that's where he belongs."

"Hey." Kerri stated firmly as she finished dressing Dean's burns, thankful that the cuts, though deep, did not require stitching. She sat up slowly on the edge of the bed, one had resting on Dean's stomach as she stared deeply into his troubled eyes. "He shouldn't be anywhere other then with you. You keep him safe, keep him grounded."

"How do you know. Maybe all he needs is a normal life."

"My sister and I had normal lives, and look what happened. Hell, all of the special kids have been normal. The demon hasn't taken him yet, and that's because of you."

"How do you know?"

"Because, everything you have ever done has been for him, every decision you've ever made has been made because of him. You give him something that few people in this world ever really have. I've seen what this demon does, how it works, and it can't get Sam with you here. All the others have either died or gone with it, but not Sam, he's the only one that's ever fought it."

"How do you know it's not messing with us. How do you know Sam will stay Sam?"

"I don't. But you have to have faith in something, right. You can't be afraid of what might happen in the furture, you just have to hold onto what's happening now."

"He deserves more."

"We all deserve more. But deserving and having are two different things."

"What are we supposed to do? How am I supposed to beat it? You don't know how hard this has been, I don't know if I can keep it up."

"You can. You'll always be strong enough because that's who you are. You're both so afraid of losing each other, so worried that the other one is gonna walk away or die in the line of fire. But you're both missing what's right in front of you."

"What's that?"

"That you're both still here, together. You're the best hunter I've ever seen, Dean. Don't be worried about losing him, be thankful that you have him in the first place."

"I can't be the last one left. I can't be like--"

"Like me?"

"I can't, Kerri."

"Well, let's just hope you don't have to be."

"Why wouldn't you tell him?"

"Tell him what?"

"About the watcher."

"He's your brother, not mine. You know, family bonding and all that."

"Yeah, well, got a nice little chick flick moment out of it. Thanks"

"Aw, you're going soft, Winchester."

"Shut up."

"So, did you cry on each other's shoulders?"

"Shut, up."

"Dean?" The voice from the next bed was quiet, so quiet that they weren't sure they even heard it.

"Sammy?" Dean breathed, pushing himself up off the bed. "Sammy?"

Kerri moved over to check on the younger man, smiling slightly when she saw his eyes blinking slowly, sleep calling him away. "He's asleep."

"That's a good thing?"

"It will help his mind decide what's real and what's a memory. Hopefully"

"How do you know?"

"I have read a book or two."

"Ok, smart ass."

"Funny. You know, you should get some rest, too. I promise." She added when Dean shot a worried look at his sleeping brother. "I'll wake you up when he comes around."

"Ok." Dean mumbled as he leaned back into the pillows, ever ounce of energy spent. "Hey, Kerri. I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I should've come back. I should've kept in touch."

"I'm just as guilty as you are."

"Still, I missed you."

"I missed you to."