Breaking Benjamin- Without You

Goo Goo Dolls- Iris

*Paul POV*

"You did WHAT?!"

"I didn't have a choice," I sighed, running my hands over my face. Sam and the rest of the pack had been crowded around the living room for nearly an hour now, scolding me for the decisions I'd never wanted to make. "They were gonna take her, Sam."

"So you decided shoving her off a cliff would be a good solution?"

"Sam!" Emily scolded, putting her hand on his arm. "He didn't have a lot of options!" I hung my head down and shook it lightly.

In my defense, they were making this sound way worse than it actually was. I hadn't shoved Haley off of the cliff, technically I'd just scooted her. And seeing as I too launched myself into the water, I didn't think it was very fair of them to act as if I'd let her take the plummet on her own.

The truth was, they'd been closing in on us. Leeches, nearly fifty of them, all led by that irritating, rat-faced Jackson. They'd wrecked our house, nearly killed us twice, and I wouldn't have been surprised if they'd been hiding in the woods the entire week Haley and I had spent in the cabin.

Heat spread through my body at the thought of the cabin. The thought of Haley. The thought of the nights we'd spent in my old bedroom, tangled in between the sheets, her dark, heavy curls sprawled wildly across the pillow. I closed my eyes and sighed again, water welling up in my eyes, although I knew for a fact I wouldn't be able to cry. Not in front of the pack. They were family, but they'd still never seen me cry, except for the memory of me having a mental breakdown in the bathroom, my head cradled in Haley's lap a few days ago. That was one of the downsides of being in a pack. There was no such thing as a private moment.

"Look, at least they're both alive alright? Give it a rest, Sam." Embry murmured. He was right. It was good that we were both still alive. But what the Hell had I just done? My mind flashed back to the twist that had taken place only hours ago when the sky was still black, thunder and lightening flashing across the heavy sky as Haley and I sprinted for our lives through the thick trees.

"No!" she'd screamed, clamoring off of my back at the sight of the cliff's edge. "No, no, no, no! Paul I can't!"

I hadn't given her anymore time to talk. Even as a wolf, I wouldn't have been able to protect her from all the vampires that were coming our way. My shoulder had been dislocated nearly twice, two different ankles sprained, and I was losing blood so quickly that only the thought of keeping Haley safe had been enough for me to push forward. I nipped at the back of her ankles, nudging her with my nose until finally, with one last worried glance over her shoulder, Haley jumped.

Her eyes were black and heavy with fear, and again, just like the incident in the middle of the road that had gotten us in this situation in the first place, when we'd been sitting in the middle of a GMC pothole death trap, it looked like she knew. It looked like she'd known all along that it would come to this, and that terrified me. As she jumped, she believed in her heart that she would die. A heavy, searing pain shot through my chest as I realized she didn't think I could protect her. She saw as plain as day that I wasn't enough to save her, and she'd accepted it.

I jumped over her small frame as she launched herself into the air, curling around her so I could take the main impact of our fall. The freezing air whipped around my fur, Haley's curls trailing wildly through the air as her scream filled my ears, her fearful eyes pinned on the water below us. It hit us like a ton of bricks. A ton of icy, stinging, bricks.

It flooded my lungs and tore through me like a blade, every nerve in my body coming alive at once in an excruciating mix of fear and exhilaration. I could feel every inch of my body shrinking back into human form, my fur melting into skin as I snapped my eyes open.

Haley.

In the black of the water all I could do was reach frantically for her, praynig to God she wasn't to far away for me to find. I hadn't held onto her when we'd hit the water. I'd let her go. I'd be the reason she was dead, if I couldn't find her.

And I didn't. Not for a good minute and a half, my lungs burning for air-a burn that I wouldn't satisfy until I found her. Either I would drag her to the surface, or we would both die here, in the depths of the water, perhaps missing for the rest of our lives. I wouldn't leave her.

The moment her fingers brushed my lower back, heat shot through me like one of the lightning streaks from above had pierced through the water and found it's way to my body. I snatched Haley's wrist in an instant, paddling my legs as hard as I could until I broke the surface, the small, brown girl hanging limply in my arms.

"No," I breathed, back tracking towards Quileute land. "Come on Baby, come on, we're almost there." I didn't even know if it was she or myself I was trying to motivate. "Come on. We can do this."

I sank into the sand, trailing my fingers over Haley's lips, which were a dangerous shade of blue. My hands closed around her shoulders, shaking as lightly as I possibly could. With the amount of anxiety and pain flooding my chest, it was hard not to slap her awake. Fuck, I was so screwed.

"Haley!" I demanded, still shaking, more violently now. "Haley come on, please, come on." I turned my head to the horizon, the orange sun beginning to peak shyly over the brim of the water. "HALEY." I cried louder. How long had we been in the water? How long had we been running? It felt like hours since we'd jumped, like the sky had just been an eerie, dangerous shade of black before I'd taken a chance that I was beginning to regret.

Tears brewed at the rims of my eyes. Not here. Not like this. She'd deserved so much more than to die like this.

"Haley, damn it, I love you, do you hear me? I love you! I can't stop," I pleaded. "I can't stop trying okay? I hear your heart beating in there, you've just got to wake up. PLEASE, wake up!"

Sometimes, in the tiniest of moments, I begin to believe that there is a God, and that he truly does love me as much as some people say.

A rush of wind hissed past Haley's lips, her eyes fluttering open frantically as she began to sputter saltwater. She turned on her side, clinging to the sand and curling into a ball as she coughed and coughed and coughed for what felt like years. She panted heavily, her chest heaving until finally she rolled onto her back, the grey-blue light reflected in her dark pupils. Relief cascaded over me as I watched her move, watched her breathe. Confusion flooded her expression as her eyes darted between my face, and the trees, the sand beneath her. Yes, yes, there is definitely a God.

I skimmed a finger over Haley's cheek.

There is a God, but maybe he hates me.

Haley flinched away from my touch as if I'd slapped her.

"Hales?" I asked, hurt flooding my voice.

"Don't touch me," she hissed, scrambling to her hands and knees and backing away. "Where am I? Who are you?"

Dread sank into my stomach like stones. No, no, no, not like this. No.

"Haley it's me, it's Paul," I said cautiously, holding my hands up in defense. "You're on the beach, remember? We had to jump, do you remember? It's me." I held another hand out to her, but it was only met with narrowed eyes and more backing away.

"Oh God," I whispered. "Oh God, Haley. You don't remember anything do you?"

"Take me home!" she demanded, her eyes wild and terrified. "Take me home right now." Tears welled up in her dark brown eyes, her heart beating at hummingbird's pace.

Fuck. She didn't know who I was. In that second, the entire world had seemed to lose it's value. If this girl, this one right here in front of me, didn't acknowledge my existance, or acknowledge her own location, there was no hope. My entire life had become meaningless in that short of a time span.

"Listen, just calm down," I tried, moving slowly towards her. "We had to jump from that cliff right there," I said, pointing up towards the sky where we'd launched ourselves. "You might have...I think you might have hit your head on one of the rocks maybe, I don't know. Haley I don't know what happened but I DO know that you remember me. You have to know who I am. You have to."

For a moment, something flashed across her face, her eyes light up as she watched me, but it was all gone within seconds, and again she began to recoil like a cornered animal.

"Stay away from me." she hissed again. "I'll find my own way home."

"Haley, you can't-" But I hadn't even had time to finish. Within two strides of her sprint, Haley's knees buckled beneath her and she hit the sand, her eyes closed, her curls spread out before her as if she'd fainted mid-run. I swore loudly, running to her side and scooping her into my arms as quickly as I could. Her heart was still beating, but it had been weak. She was exhausted. She didn't know me. Someone was hunting her. This was all my fault. This was all my fault. This was all my fault.

It had been chewing me from the inside out the entire walk home. I couldn't go to Sam's. Haley had specifically said, 'Take me home', and so that is where I would take her. Each step through the thick trees had felt heavier than the last, and I couldn't keep my eyes off her. One thought had threaded itself through my mind more than the others, one screaming above the rest. She doesn't know you. And if she doesn't know you, she'll wake up and send you away. It was killing me. It would kill me, and for the first time I'd wondered if that's what terminal patients felt like. Knowing you only had a certain amount of time left to live. All I had left was a good twenty minutes more until we'd reach her house, and then she'd forget me forever, leaving me with no purpose.

For once I'd been beginning to think that being a wolf wasn't so bad, that maybe, with someone to love you past your flaws, you could be anything or commit any crime or hold any flaw-and you'd still be okay. But I was wrong. I was stupid. And I knew that now.

Haley began to stir in my arms, and in a frantic haste I'd inched through Yaya's front door, being as silent as possible as she bustled about the kitchen in her slippers, Adam snoring upstairs in the bedroom.

I'd kept my eyes trained on Haley's face as I laid her onto the couch, and brushed a curl from her face as soon as my hands were free, wondering if it'd be the last time I'd ever get to do it. I savored this single moment, this single opportunity to take in every inch of her perfect face before her eyes began to flutter open.

I was gone by the time she woke.