May 5th
Dear Alex,
Here you go. Three photos, 'cause you're special. One of Amira and me; me and the guys; and finally just me. I figured you'd enjoy this shot of me wet and half naked. It was hot, give me a break, and our uniforms feel like they weigh a hundred pounds. I swear, they get thicker and heavier. I'm starting to wonder if the government is trying to kill us by smothering us in our uniforms. It can get up to 120, sometimes even 130 degrees here. More than one guy has gone crazy from the heat, done things. I've yet to lose it. Not sure if that's good or bad. But I have you to keep me grounded.
It's funny you mention adopting a dog. We have since I last wrote you. His name is Rex. It was either that or Crab, and Rex sounded better. Honestly, these guys I work with – no idea how to come up with decent pet names; I'm ashamed. Anyway, Rex is a border collie. Brown, black and some white in his fur. He's a handsome animal, and friendly when he wants to be. He's good for slow days on the base. Whenever I go for my morning run, he's always right on my heels.
Yeah, yeah. The whole reverse psychology thing. Okay, do NOT worry about me. Go out, have fun, flirt, get drunk. I'll be perfectly fine. Party it up with Nikita, get that stick out of her ass. Or rather, get out the stick that's in Michael's ass. Y'all are too serious. The key to living is to remember to have fun and laugh. Life's too short to take things too seriously. It's the little moments that count.
I'll write you again before I leave, I promise. I look forward to these letters almost as much, perhaps more than you do. I love you, Alex. I hope you know that. I'll see you soon. You're always going to be my girl.
Love,
Sean
May 11th
Dear Sean,
Oh, Amira is so pretty. And none of the other guys in your platoon are as handsome as you. By the way, I thank you oh so much for the wet and shirtless photo. It's helped me through many a lonely night. Heat can certainly make people do drastic, out of character things. Not just heat, though. People are capable of anything when pushed to their limit. I know from experience.
Rex is definitely a better name than Crab. He sounds like a beautiful dog. I hope he doesn't get too attached to you. What will happen to him when you guys come back? I mean, will he stay in Fallujah or will one of you bring him back to the States with you? I hate to think of poor Rex on his own again after all you guys took him in and sheltered him.
You're such an ass. You're lucky I don't always share what you write with Michael or Nikita. Michael would just give you his usual smoldering glare, but Nikita would probably track you down and kick your ass. And I'd stand by laughing. I'd eventually step in and help you, don't worry. But I'll take that advice. Some of it. You're right. Life is too short. We ought to have fun. It's hard, though. Division -… it's like a cancer. I feel suffocated here. I've… I've been thinking of leaving lately, to be honest. I haven't told anyone that yet, not Nikita or Birkhoff. I have been contemplating life outside Division lately. Life with you. I mean, how long can I go on by Nikita's side? She's been hiding stuff from us all. Just like Percy did and I don't like it. I took a bullet for her and almost died. I love Nikita, but I don't think I'm willing to die for her. We're different people now. We're not the same as when we first met.
Anyway. I'm sorry I always ramble on about Nikita, but she's been the biggest part of my life these past two years or so. She's had a big influence. It's hard to let go of her, but I try to remind myself that she'd want me to be happy. She would, wouldn't she?
And Sean, these letters are always the highlight of my days, my weeks. Everything. I don't know what I'd do without you.
Love, Alex
May 21st
Dear Alex,
I leave soon, so I'm attempting to write as much as I can remember before I have to go. We're not sure what will happen to Rex. We'll take it up with our C.O. I'm sure one of us will get to bring him home, but I'm not entirely sure. He's a good dog, and clean, too. We've made sure he's healthy. Sometimes I think we treat him better than we treat ourselves. Funny how that works out.
Are you serious? You've… thought about leaving Division? Leading life away from all that, from Nikita? If you are serious, when we get back there's something we need to talk about. Something that's been on my mind since coming here.
As for Nikita, she's complex. She's a lot of things. I don't pretend to understand her. I don't think anyone truly understands her, not even Michael. Just talk to her. Bring all this up with her, and if she gets angry and says it's none of your business, remind her that you are there fighting with her and putting your life on the line for her. Tell her she owes you the truth. If she can't let you go, doesn't want you to be happy or doesn't seem happy at the idea of you being happy, then she's selfish and deserves whatever she gets. She doesn't control you, Alex. Yes, she saved your life. She has multiple times. She's saved mine, too. She's saved Ryan, Birkhoff and Owen as well. She's saved all of our lives and we've all repaid her. You more than anyone. You owe her nothing anymore, Alex.
I have to go, but I'll write as soon as I can. I love you.
Sean