June 5th - Letter One
Dear Sean, I feel kind of foolish for writing to you since you said you wouldn't be able to reply for a while. However, you also did say for me to write you nonetheless. So I'm writing you. It's been a couple weeks since our last correspondence and it's painful, to be honest. People don't appreciate letters anymore. I hadn't realized until now how romantic they were, how much I cherished the letters I got from you and just how eager I always am to find one in my mailbox. Not getting anything from you… I'm trying not to worry. I can go a little overboard sometimes, exaggerate and make things seem worse than they really are. I'm trying not to do that.
But deep down in my bones, I know you're okay. If you weren't, I'd feel it. I read somewhere that when you're in love or if you're just really connected to a certain person that you can feel their pain, or you can sense when or if they're dead. I wish I could remember what people called that belief. I read it at a random time so long ago. It'll come to me, I'm sure. Or sometime in the future I'll stumble across that theory again.
Love, Alex
June 12th - Letter Two
Dear Sean, I had a nightmare the other night. It was about you. I dreamt you got shot. It was just – there was so much chaos, so much blood. So much blood. I've barely slept these past few nights. I've actually stayed overnight in Division a few times instead of at our apartment. Our apartment. It's so lonely without you. So quiet. I don't like quiet. Not anymore. I think too much when it's quiet and me thinking too much isn't always a good thing, you know? God, I hope you're okay.
Love, Alex
June 28th – Letter Three
Dear Sean, I finally confided to Nikita. I've been growing more and more annoyed with her and we've been fighting more and more. We just – we don't see eye to eye anymore, I don't think. I just, I couldn't take it anymore, the way she's acting. I yelled at her for the first time in a long time and I think she saw my frustration, my struggles. We had a little girl time last night and I finally opened up to her. I told her about our letters and also that it's been close to a month since we've last written. She gave me her usual speech. Be strong, Alex. You're a survivor. She also said you can take care of yourself and can get through anything. I hope she's right.
Love, Alex
July 10th – Letter Four
I got a bad feeling the other day, Sean. A really bad feeling. I felt like I'd been shot in the chest. Again. And my head hurt, too. I also felt a bit suffocated. I'm worried. Are you okay, wherever you are? You're probably not even going to see these letters.
I've been pushing myself harder at 'work.' Nikita's noticed. Everyone has. Even Michael who's basically ignored my existence for over a year. Sometimes I hate everyone around me. I sometimes even hate myself. And it's times like these when I realize who the one person is that I don't hate, that, I in fact…
I'm holding on, Sean. You hang on, too.
Love, Alex
July 22nd – Letter Five
I got curious the other night and did some research. I was a bit disappointed to find there is no saint or Navy SEALs. You guys should have your own. I mean, the military does, so do cops and other emergency personnel. Or are you guys that cocky?
Anyway, I did some research on military saints and came up with a lot of results. St. Michael is the patron saint of all those in the armed forces. And the prayer to him goes a little something like this:
Saint Michael, the Archangel
defend us in battle.
Be our protection
against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him we humbly pray,
and do thou, or Prince of the Heavenly Host,
by the power of God,
cast into hell satan and all evil spirits
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.
I've been praying that every night with you in mind. You and your SEAL mates. I know you'd want me to pray for them, too. And I've never been the praying type, Sean.
Love, Alex
August 25th – Letter Six
I don't even know where to begin. How to begin. So much has happened. So. Much. I'm afraid to write it all down on this piece of paper, afraid if I do then all of this will be real. Right now everything seems so surreal. I don't know what happened. I just – things got so out of control, Sean. I need you. I miss you. I… can feel you're alive and well. Those feelings of dread, of pain? They're gone, well, duller.
When you write back you can be sure I'll have a lot of interesting things to share with you.
Love, Alex.