He spent most of the flight in contemplative silence, only half listening to his friend and fellow SEAL mate beside him go on and on about something. Sean thought of Alex, how they'd react to seeing each other after almost eight months apart. Some other couples and families had it worse. Some went a year or more without seeing each other. With only two weeks of leave, he'd make sure they spent as much time as possible together. His only worry was Division. That place always drew you in.
Finally getting off the second plane, Sean stretched cautiously, being careful of his arm. He didn't have to wear a sling anymore, but it was still sore. The airport was crowded, more than it usually was. He saw a lot of men in uniform, such as himself, a few he recognized from reputation, a few from personal acquaintance. He nodded and saluted to a few of them before focusing his attention on the people surrounding him.
He didn't see her at first, and his heart dropped. Had she not shown up? No, she'd been adamant in her letters about being here, about missing him. Still, a part of him was thinking the worst. What if something happened after their last letter? Several minutes passed and he still didn't see her anywhere, but then finally someone moved and Sean's breath caught in his throat.
Alex stretched as far as she could, looking over people's heads and shoulders for Sean. The airport was annoyingly packed and people were being rude and bumping into her and cutting in front of her. She was about to go stand somewhere else when a man in front of her moved to the side and then she saw him. She swayed slightly, needing someone to pinch her to let her know he was really standing only a few feet in front of her.
Slowly, a smile start to spread across her features and she ran forward, jumping into his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his shoulders, burying her face into the side of his neck. The backs of her eyes began to sting as Sean put his arms around her and buried his face into her shoulder, holding her tightly against him. The people around them stared at them for a few moments, some smiling happily, some sadly. Neither was ready to let the other go, so they remained embracing in the middle of arrivals, people stepping around them.
Alex slowly and reluctantly pulled away to look at Sean, and he set her down on the ground. Smiling, his own eyes a bit misty, he lifted a hand and ran it over her hair and then brushed her cheek before cupping the side of her face. After what had happened, he'd feared he'd never see her again. Just as he thought that, Alex frowned as she looked him over. She brought her own hand up and brushed her fingertips over his temple, inspecting the still healing scars from the mortar attack.
"Mortar," he explained, his eyes closing briefly and then opening again at her touch. "Happened during our silence. I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want you to worry. I got shot, too" he added, rolling his left shoulder where he'd gotten a bullet. "I'm okay, though. Better. Trust me. I'm just glad to see you."
Alex frowned even more at hearing about the mortar attack and him getting shot. She was mad that he had kept both events from her, but a part of her understood. In retrospect, she probably would have done the same thing. She had, actually. She'd been keeping a lot of major news from hin. Instead of telling him everything right away, she decided to wait. She didn't want to ruin the moment. "I'll chide you later," she said, and then leaned in and crushed her lips against his.
Cupping the back of her head, Sean kissed her back, and eagerly. Going eight months, give or take a few weeks, without seeing her or kissing her or even touching her had been hell. Now that they were finally together, he wasn't going to waste a single moment. "What do you say we get out of here and go somewhere more private?" he asked, and when she smiled and nodded he pressed his forehead against her's. He smiled himself, closing his eyes. Alex placed her hands on his chest, her eyes closed as well as she savored the moment. She tilted her head slightly before finally pulling away.
He slipped his arm around her and followed her out of the arrivals section, picked up his bags as quickly as possible, and then exited the airport. It was a two hour drive back to her apartment, back to Division. Once they were on the road, Sean glanced over at Alex, asking the question whose answer he dreaded most. "So, how are things back in Division?"
Alex took a deep, nervous breath, chewing the inside of her left cheek. She'd hoped this conversation would've come later. Much later. Might as well get it over with, she thought. "Yeah, um, about Division," she began. She racked her brain for the right words to use. "You see, a lot happened while you were gone, Sean. Amanda, for instance." She glanced at Sean, who gestured for her to continue. "Its just -" she broke off, struggling with what to say. How could she tell him Amanda had captured her, messed with her head? And that because of Amanda people were dead? Telling him that Division itself was dead was easy, but the rest... not so much. "Amanda had me for a while. A few days. She had Nikita, too. She messed with both our heads. I did things, Sean – I – I – people are dead because of me. I messed up."
"Alex," Sean began, sympathy and pain his voice at seeing her so distressed. He reached over and brushed the side of her head with the back of his fingers. "Whatever happened, it can't be your fault," he continued, trying to console her. The thought of Amanda around Alex, corrupting her mind – it angered him and made him wish he'd been here to save her. Keep her from harm.
"It is," she said, pressing her lips together. He saw her chin quiver, her eyes water. Tears streamed down her face. She let them fall, not saying anything for several minutes. She found comfort in Sean caressing her cheek, brushing her temple. It was soothing. After a while, she was finally able to talk again, get her crying under control. "Division's dead. For good this time. We blew it up." Alex turned to look at him, smiling slightly at the shocked look on Sean's face. "Don't tell me you miss it?" she asked, teasing him a bit.
"No," he said, laughing as he digested the news. "I mean, I'm a bit upset you guys blew up that hellhole without me, but hell am I glad it's gone." Sean grinned, and then just as quickly stopped smiling as he caressed Alex's cheek with the backs of his index and middle fingers. "It's really gone?" he asked, and she nodded.
"It's gone." Alex smiled, more happily this time despite her eyes still watering. It was like a burden had been lifted off her chest and shoulders. At the same time, it was weird to be free of Division. She'd made that place her life, for so long her goal had been revenge. Now what? What was she supposed to do? Being free, it felt weird. She had Sean, that she was thankful for.
"What about the others?" he asked. "Nikita, Michael, Ryan, Birkhoff, Sonya, Owen?"
Hesitating again, Alex inhaled and exhaled heavily as she focused on the road again. "Yeah, that's a bit more difficult to explain," she said, slowly. "You know how Owen's been trying to figure out what Amanda knows about his past, and that Nikita has been helping him with everything? Well, it turns out Owen is actually Sam Matthews. He left everyone. Just took off. A few months after that, Nikita left, too."
"What?" he asked, almost shouted. He didn't care about Owen, but he was curious about why Nikita left. "She left with Michael?"
"No. No, she left. She left all of us. Left Michael. She left the ring for him and just took off before any of us could stop her. She tracked down Owen – Sam, and I guess – I guess they're together now. Michael found her and Nikita rejected him. He came back devastated. He shut us all out. And – and Michael's dead, Sean."
This was even harder for Sean to process. Division being dead, that was easy. But Nikita with Owen and Michael dead? He didn't know where to begin. As he thought about it, though, he wasn't too surprised. He'd gone on missions with the two of them, had seen them interact. He had always sensed something between them. He remembered the way Owen had looked at her. It was hard to believe Michael was dead, though. "How? How did Michael die?"
"He took on more than he could handle," was all she said, gazing at Sean. It was hard for her to even think he was dead. With Nikita AWOL and Michael dead, she'd had no one she could really turn to. Until now. "He was bitter about Nikita and Owen and he just fell into a dark place."
Sean tried to remember that life was unpredictable, that not everything went the way you wanted or thought it would. It just didn't seem fair, though, that Michael was dead and that him and Alex and Nikita and Owen would get a happy ending. When it seemed that was all there was to share, Sean grew quiet and didn't ask anything more. He processed all the information, keeping his hand on Alex's shoulder for a while before finally dropping his hand and resting it on the glove compartment between their seats. Alex looked over at him and then down at his hand. Keeping her hand on the steering wheel, she reached her other down and slipped her hand in his. She gave it a squeeze and Sean looked up at her, smiling. He lifted her hand and kissed it, then set it back down again, keeping a hold of it as she drove.
Feeling her hand in his prevented Sean from completely zoning out, but it also made him more impatient to be alone with her. He also felt wrong to want to be alone and intimate with Alex, considering Michael was dead. That's proof that life is short and unpredictable, though. That no matter what you should appreciate every moment you have with the person you love, even make your own moments. Not only did he feel bad for wanting that, he also felt bad for what he wanted to ask her. Perhaps another time while he was here. When the timing was more right.
Having spent enough time in his own thoughts, Sean turned his head and gazed at Alex. He watched her for almost all the trip, smiling each time she glanced at him, smiling as well when she saw him watching her. A few times she even blushed. When they were finally home, they got out of the car and Sean grabbed his bag from the trunk, carrying it with his good arm and hurrying inside behind Alex.
Setting his bag on the floor, he sighed and looked around. He was glad to be back. He wanted to do a lot of things. Shower for as long as he could, sleep in an actual bed, eat decent food, and most of all – make love to Alex. "It's good to be back," he finally said.
Alex grinned and went over to him, slipping her arms around him and pressing herself against him. "What do you want to do first?" she asked, running her hands up and down his back.
"Hmm," he murmured, running his hands up and down her back, too, thinking over what he wanted to do first. He knew what he wanted to do first, actually, but he didn't want to seem like a pig.
"Food or sex first?" she asked, smirking at him.
Not even bothering to answer, Sean leaned forward and slid his hands down to the backs of her knees, gripping her legs and lifting her up, wrapping her legs around his waist. He ignored the slight pain in his arm and carried her into the bedroom, crushing his lips against hers. Without breaking the kiss, he set her down on the bed, on top of her as he kissed her. Alex reached down and pulled her shirt off, breaking their kissing as she pulled it over her head and tossed the blouse on the floor. Sean stripped his army jacket and shirt off as well, and then looked down at Alex.
"God, you're beautiful," he said, crawling back on the bed and lowering himself down. He pressed his lips against her abdomen, trailing kisses down along her torso. She tipped her head back, taking a deep breath as she shuddered from the sensation of his lips on her skin. Closing her eyes, she lifted her arms and placed them above her head, playing with her hair, a little smile on her face. "I've missed doing this," he continued, kissing up her torso now, then between her breasts. As he pulled himself further up, he slid his hands up her arms and kissed along her collarbone.
Taking a deep breath, Alex arched her back and tipped her head back more. She let go of her hair and grabbed the quilt under her, grasping onto it as she felt Sean kiss up her neck. Her breath caught in her throat, her chest rising and falling with heavy breaths. Her cheeks flushed with pleasure and it spread down to her neck and even to the deepest part of her bones. Unable to stand it any longer, Alex wrapped an arm around Sean and flipped them over.
Straddling his waist, she leaned down without hesitation and crushed her lips against his, taking his face between her hands for a few moments before reaching down and unzipping his pants, tugging them off along with his briefs. Sean placed his hands on her thighs and then ran them up along her body, feeling every curve of her before cupping her neck between his hands and deepening their kiss. He felt like they had more talking to do, but like hell if he was going to stop all this after being gone so long. He wanted her badly right now. He craved her and she craved him.
Alex pulled away from kissing him, tracing her fingertips along his brow-line for a moment. Smiling, she dipped her head and pressed a kiss to his eyebrow. Sean smiled and closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around Alex and holding her against him as she kissed over his scars from the mortar attack. He found it soothing and it made him love her even more. Trailing kisses down his cheek, Alex made her way back to his lips and sought out his tongue as she reached down and positioned his length inside of her, lifting herself up a bit to get him inside. Once she felt him inside her, she let out a breath and sighed into his mouth, sucking on his upper lip.
She dug her fingertips into his shoulders as she gyrated on top of him, still devouring him with a kiss. After a moment, when she began to lose her breath, she pulled away and tipped her head back. Sean placed his hands along her waist and lowered himself back down on the bed, gazing up at her. He ran his hand across her torso, then trailed both hands up to cup her breasts. When she leaned back, Sean slid one hand down between her breasts and then down along her abdomen before finally resting both hands along her waist again. He gripped her tightly, tipping back his own head as she started to move faster against him.
Flipping them over one last time, Sean placed his hand on her thigh and drew her leg up, pressing a kiss to her clavicle. He hovered his lips above hers, brushing them against each other as Alex tipped her head back and placed her hands in the middle of his back, digging her fingertips into his flesh. She drew her other leg up, her muscles tensed in anticipation. Sean brought one hand up and ran his fingers through her hair, twisting a thick strand of her brown hair around his hand before letting it go.
When they both climaxed, Sean remained on top of her, crawling back on the bed a bit to trail kisses down her torso. He kissed every part of her – the outline of her ribcage, her hips, her thighs, her knees, everything, and Alex relaxed there with a smile on her face, gazing down at Sean as she ran her fingers through his hair.
Stretching out beside her, he ran his hand up and down the curve of her waist. Alex watched him, her arm tucked underneath her head as she studied his face. As she gazed at him, reveling in his touch, something came back to her, something that's been on her mind for a while. Something she'd yet to tell him. She didn't feel afraid to say it anymore. "I love you," she said, resting her hand on the arm he had tucked underneath his head just like she did. "I've been afraid to say it," she continued. "Everyone I've ever loved has left me and I felt like if I said it to you that I'd end up losing you, and I didn't want that." She hadn't said the words until now, but she had shown how much she loved him. With looks, with touches. The little things. "I love you, Sean." She blinked several times and then looked down when her eyes began to sting.
Hearing those words from her, well, he really didn't think he'd ever hear them. He would've been okay with displays of affection, but he hadn't realized until now how important it was to actually hear it. When she looked down, Sean hooked a finger underneath her chin and lifted her head so their gazes met. "I love you, too, Alex." he said, smiling, and then leaned in to kiss her.
Alex moved closer to him and cupped the side of his face, kissing him eagerly for several moments before finally pulling away and slipping her arm under his, resting her cheek against his chest as she cuddled against him. Sean wrapped his arms around her and held her, running one hand over her hair as he kissed the top of her head. There was something he wanted to ask her and he almost did it right this second, but something stopped him. He was nervous, still afraid. A little while longer, he said to himself. Instead of saying anything, he held Alex until she fell asleep in his arms. Even after that he kept a hold of her, not wanting to let her go.
When morning came, Sean was laying on his back, staring at the ceiling while Alex was fast asleep beside him. She had her back to him, the sheet pulled up to her waist so he could see her bare upper body. He quietly rolled over onto his side and lightly ghosted his fingertips along her shoulders and down her arms, and then traced the pattern of her butterfly tattoo like he had those several months ago when he'd broken the news about his deployment.
Pushing himself up, Sean leaned over to check if Alex was still asleep, and satisfied she was he got up out of bed and grabbed his army jacket from the floor. He dug around in the pockets until he found what he was looking for. The box in his hand, he snuck back into bed and kissed the back of Alex's shoulder. The sun was shining brightly through the blinds of her bedroom, casting a warm glow in the room. It was perfect, he thought. Simple yet beautiful. When she began to stir, he set the box down in front of her and then lay back down on his side, watching her.
Several moments passed and then he recognized a change in her body. She was alert. Alex lifted the box and opened it, gasping softly as she saw the ring sitting between the padding. She gingerly traced her fingertips over the diamond, afraid she'd break it or something. Sitting up and turning to face Sean, she looked at him questioningly with a pained expression. A good pained expression.
"So? Will you marry me?" he asked her, sitting up. He placed his hand on the bed beside her legs, leaning close to her. He held his breath, waiting for her answer. What if she said no? What if it was too soon? What would happen between them if she said no? All these what-if scenarios ran through his head and drove him crazy.
Alex looked up at Sean and back down at the ring several times, her mouth opening and closing. Her answer was on the tip of her tongue, but why was it so hard for her to say it? Right when she finally opened her mouth to answer him, a knock at the door startled her. She sighed exasperatedly, still gazing at the ring. "I'll be right back," she finally said, deciding to answer the door after a third knock. She gave Sean quick kiss and then got out of bed, throwing on a pair of sweat pants and a shirt before going to answer the door. When she left, Sean groaned and fell back onto the bed, draping his arm across his face. He held the box in his other hand, snapping it shut as he heard Alex unlock the door.
Feeling horrible for just leaving Sean like that, Alex decided to get rid of whoever this was as fast as she could. When she opened the door, though, she stopped breathing for a second and stood there, shocked. She hadn't expected the woman before her to just show up out of the blue like this again, but she should've known better. "Nikita."
Nikita swallowed hard, trying not to flinch at the bitterness in Alex's voice, the cold stare. She told herself she deserved it. She'd abandoned them, even if she'd done it out of love. But now she was here and wanted to make amends. She didn't want any of them to remain in bitter, dark places. Not anymore. "Alex," she said, her tone more soft, apologetic. "We need to talk."