AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sigh, yet another ending! Once again, I'm sad I've finished this fic, BUT - I've got Safe & Sound to work on AND another AU series, a continuance to this one. So watch out for that.
Again, I apologize this is so short. I wish I could write really long fics, but I'm tired at the moment and not feeling well, so this is it. I really hope you guys like this. I just want to say I've loved and appreciated all the feedback from you! It means the world to me. Salex fans are the best and I hate that we got screwed over. Sean and Alex should've been endgame.
Everything was settled. A few days after Nikita left and when Alex had accepted Sean's proposal, they made plans to leave the city. Leave the States, actually. They didn't talk about marrying yet, but they were both ready to get the hell out of here and go somewhere new where no one knew them. They'd gotten on the internet and researched dozens of places – Colombia, Argentina, Aruba, China, Brazil, Greece, Morocco – but Alex wanted to go somewhere relatively small but abundant with places to go, trails to run along, things to do. It took a few days to actually decide, but they finally agreed on a place.
As the time to leave soon approached, Alex began to worry and question herself. She never questioned her relationship with Sean, not exactly. She loved him and wanted to be with him, but a part of her wondered why he was choosing her. She'd always wondered that, to be honest. Out of everyone he'd ever met, why was she the one he chose? There were so many other and more suitable women out there, and at that thought she grew jealous trying to imagine Sean with someone else.
Noticing Alex's preoccupation with something, Sean took a seat on the edge of the coffee table, sitting in front of Alex. He placed his hand on her knee, getting her attention. She snapped out of her reverie and looked up at him. "What's going on with you?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.
Sighing heavily, she slowly shook her head and looked back down. She was quiet for a long time, but Sean remained patient and just watched her, not pushing her to answer right away. "Why me?" she finally asked, looking up at him again.
It was Sean's turn now to take a deep breath and exhale heavily, thinking over her question. "Why not you?" he began, smiling at her. "Do you remember what I told you at Birkhoff's beach house? I said there was no one else like you. I meant it. There is no one else like you, I've never met anyone like you. I know you're damaged, Alex. And I get it that those who are damaged always expect to be alone, never imagining someone could love them. You have a beautiful heart," he continued, reaching up to stroke her cheek. "You're kind and caring and smart. And you kick ass. You've been used and manipulated. You've given your love to people who have betrayed you and hurt you, who abandoned you. I understand why you had such a hard time saying I love you. You're afraid whoever you say it to you'll lose. You said it to Nikita and then she left."
"I know when I told you I loved you that I made the wrong decision by leaving. It wasn't smart and it wasn't fair. You didn't deserve that. I was a jerk, I know." Alex began to shake her head, but Sean stopped her. "I love you because you give your heart to people, and even though on occasion you get hurt, you're still an innately kind person. I love you for that. I want to be the one to make you happy, Alex. More than anything because you make me happy."
"When I was first at Division, I was closed off," he continued. "I had my wall up, distancing myself from people just like you were. We were alike. We both were guarding our hearts, afraid to fall in love and have something good happen to us. Ever so slowly, though, you brought my walls down and I saw yours come down, too. I was finally able to feel something."
"I felt something with you, too, Sean." Alex said, her eyes misty. "I do. I still do. And you do make me happy. So much happier than I have been in a long, long time. I'm just afraid of losing you."
Sean reached out and cupped her cheek as he said, "You're not gonna lose me. I promise. I'll always be here," and then leaned in and kissed her. He slowly moved, sitting beside her on the couch and not breaking the kiss as he did so. She reached up and placed her hand on the side of his face, gripping him as she deepened the kiss.
After several moments, Alex pulled away and leaned forward, resting her head on Sean's chest. He wrapped his arms around her and leaned back against the couch, holding her in his arms. Smiling, he dipped his head to kiss the top of hers and then ran his fingers through her hair. She needed this so badly, to be held and feel affection. She'd been lacking it for so long, depriving herself of it. Having Sean back was a relief to her, not having to worry about him anymore. Not having to worry where he was, what he's doing, how he is, etc. Feeling him against her and having his strong arms around her gave her strength.
When the day came for them to leave, Alex packed only what she really wanted or needed. She didn't want to take everything with her, not wanting to have reminders of this life with her. Anything that made her think of Division she didn't pack. She stared at the gun in her hand, trying to decide if she should take it. She scrapped that idea, realizing she wouldn't get past the metal detectors in the airport if she brought it along. She'd dump it.
Once they were finished packing, Sean took the bags out to the car, storing them in the trunk of the cab he'd called. He went back upstairs to join Alex, looking over the apartment to make sure they'd packed everything. When he was satisfied, he went and joined Alex in the living room. He watched her, a little smile on his face as she turned around in a circle, examining and bidding farewell to everything. "Gonna miss this place?" he asked her, his arms crossed over his chest.
"Kinda, yeah," she admitted. This had been her refuge from Division. The one place she'd been able to feel normal, something she hadn't been in a very, very long time. And being normal was something that had Sean curious. She'd once had a normal life, loving parents – could Alex be normal again? He thought so. There was always hope, even if it didn't seem like there was. "But this isn't home," she added, looking up at him and smiling. She walked over to him, standing in front of him. "Home is wherever your loved one is."
Sean studied her as he looked down at her, slowly smiling at her words. He was quit for several moments, just admiring how the sun shone on her, brightening her hair and eyes. "M home's with you," he finally said. He reached out and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her in for a hug.
Stepping forward, she lifted her hands and placed them flat on his chest as she leaned against her, turning her head and resting her cheek against his chest, right above her hands. The idea of living a normal life did scare her, but living it with Sean made it seem less scarier, more nerve-wracking now especially considering she'd soon be his wife and he'd be her husband. Husband and wife. And then they'd be parents. And grandparents, and – she stopped herself, getting way, way ahead and looking too far into the future. The idea of being a mom did sound nice if not slightly weird.
"Ready?" she heard Sean ask her, and she pulled away and looked up at him, nodding. "Let's go then," he added, keeping his arm around her as they walked side by side to the door. Sean gave the apartment one last look, feeling sad just like she had. Only slightly, though. He hadn't spent much time here and besides, he tried not to become emotionally attached to places. He'd learned that all his years in the SEALs. Not being a SEAL anymore would be weird, but he was happy to finally give it up. It felt like the right time.
"So, we're gonna have to catch two flights," Sean explained. "We fly to London and then we get a flight in London to the Island. And then we have to take a ferry to get there. It's about three or four days' worth of traveling. You up for it?" he asked, turning to Alex as she got her passport out.
"Oh, yeah," she answered, looking up at Sean as they stood in to get on the flight to London. "I'm ready to leave this place behind," she added, a hint of sadness in her tone. She thought back to her goodbyes with Ryan, Birkhoff and Sonya, none of them seeming surprised by engagement news and the fact that they were leaving just like Nikita and Owen – a pairing Alex was still surprised about. She'd miss the people here, but not the actual city or state. She had a feeling they'd all eventually meet again someday soon.
Sean grinned at Alex, stepping forward when it was their turn. Sean handed his boarding pass to the attendant, stepping forward and then waiting for Alex as the attendant checked her pass. Once she was cleared, Alex fell in line beside Sean, walking down the hallway leading to the plane.
They put their bags away, getting settled into their seats as everyone else did. Several minutes passed and soon the plane was filled to the brim. Out of habit, Alex glanced around and studied everyone, taking in little details here and there. Like how one young guy nervously tapped his foot against the floor. A young girl chewing her nails, a little boy, playing a game on his nintendo, an older woman reading some book. Someone was already requesting a drink to calm their nerves and Alex surmised he was a nervous flier.
When the flight attendant announced they'd be taking off soon and advised everyone to buckle up, Alex did just that. She zoned out as the attendants went on to display proper plane etiquette, already familiar with it. Sean zoned out, too, spending the time gazing at Alex. When the attendants finally shut up and the plane began to move forward on the tarmac, Alex let out a sigh of relief. She clutched the arms of her seat as the plane began to lift off. It was similar to being in an elevator, she thought. She felt empty in the pit of her stomach, then as they leveled out she sighed in relief and looked out the window.
"Guernsey here we come," she said, grinning. She stared out the window a while longer, studying the cotton texture of the clouds and seeing if the clouds formed any sort of shape – like a dog or a shoe, anything like when people played that game, trying to discern a shape among the clouds – before she finally turned to look at Sean.
Their gazes met and they smiled at one another. "To the start of something new," he toasted, reaching out and lacing their hands together. He brought her hand up to his mouth, kissing it before placing it back down between them. Smiling, Alex shifted in her seat and rested her head on Sean's shoulder. At first she was afraid to fall asleep, fearing she'd sleep through the entire flight and continue to sleep after they landed. It was a bit irrational, but she feared the possibility nonetheless.
The warmth of Sean's body and him stroking her hand with his thumb only encouraged her to sleep, however, and she soon gave in and closed her eyes. As the time passed, Sean felt and noticed the difference in Alex's body, how she sagged and relaxed against him, trusting him to support her. With her asleep, he used the moment to admire her without any qualm, glad to witness her in such a vulnerable state. When she slept she always looked so happy and peaceful and beautiful. There were nights after they made love that he'd hold her in his arms, spending hours just gazing down at her and admiring her sleeping form. To watch someone as they slept was one of the greatest pleasures, he thought. When someone slept you got to see another side of them, a softer more human side. The side they didn't like to show the world.
To think Alexandra Udinov (soon to be Pierce) had a soft, vulnerable side. Chuckling, Sean leaned down and kissed the top of her head. He leaned his own head against his headrest, closing his eyes as the hum of the plane became his focus, the sound and vibration lulling him. Shifting in his seat, he leaned his head against Alex's, a smile on his face as they headed on their way to start a new life.