Making his way over to Stuart's bed, with a rather wobbly, drunken gait. Murdoc grabs the back of a nearby chair and slowly drags it behind him as he approaches the bed. Pausing for a moment when he gets there and wavering gently back and forth on unsteady feet, while gazing down at the slightly stunned singer. Placing the chair firmly next to the bed and taking his seat. Murdoc attempts to cross his legs, rather unsuccessfully. Then gives up and instead drops a boot down on the mattress within inches of Stuart's pillow.
"And hello again. You lovely kiddies you," the bassist drawls with a drunken smile and opens his book.
"Um Muds?"
"Mm?" Murdoc responds with a slight look up over the top of the pages.
"Are you drunk?"
"Yep," the older man replies brightly with a jerky nod of his head. "Because this knob can't sleep, and I just want to. Here's another tale of whatever about a bird with a fascination fer amphibians. Ahem! You ready?" Glad to see that he's drunk enough to at least be momentarily pleasant, Stuart smiles and gets comfortable.
"Yeah."
"This princess person went fer a walk by herself in the forest, obviously bored or just something." Thinks about it for a moment, although finding it difficult because of how drunk he is. Murdoc eventually waves it off and swigs from his rum bottle instead. "Now she has this golden ball with her that she likes to chuck around and bounce off the back of the heads of people when they aren't looking and that."
"That was real mean of her." Stuart pouts sadly.
"Yeah. But she's rich, so what do you expect?" The bassist shrugs, looking through the side of the bottle to see how much he has left.
"Oh. But I'm rich Muds and I don't bounce balls off people?" Murdoc stares at the singer blankly for a moment in confusion. The catches onto what the singer actually said. Amused by his mistake, he laughs so heartily at it, that he actually falls off the chair. Landing with a reasonably solid thump.
"You knob," he sighs when he finally stops laughing.
"What?" Stuart asks, clearly annoyed. Pointing up at the younger man from his position on the floor, the bassist waves his finger at him with a smile.
"I thought you said that you don't bounce your balls off people, then I... Never mind." He sniggers at it again and sighs deeply, before finally hauling himself back onto his feet and sitting down again. "So the idiot princess comes to this puddle thing and chucks her ball. Trying to catch it, she misses and it bounces into the pond. She rolls her eyes and stomps over to get it. But she sees that the pond is deep and she can't swim and besides which, she's is too stupid and prissy to grab a stick and give it a bit of a poke to see if that works. So she flops down and has a little tear about it. "Oh sob. Cry cry, whinge, boo hoo." The pussy. Then she cries out "Bugger it! If I could only get my ball again, I'd give all my clothes and jewels, and everything that I have in the world. To the silly bastard who falls for my helpless chick bit and gets the stupid thing for me." Now it turns out the silly twit isn't alone and a frog put its head up out of the water and says, "Oi you silly tart! What are you bawling about?'"
"Did the frog really say that Muds?" Murdoc thinks about it for a moment.
"Um, no." He drawls in reply. "Actually it said ribbit ribbit. But this is one of those daft kids stories with magical animals in it. That like to talk a load of bollocks to kids, to trick them into thinking the world is a great place to live in."
"Oh, is it?" Stuart squeaks, slightly surprised.
"No. And it don't take kids too long to recognise that either. Which is why they tend to grow up bitter and spiteful. And end up hating their parents for lying to them so much. Then one night, while their parents are in the middle of humping each other, the kid waltzes into their bedroom and shoots them both in the head." The singer stares wide eyed at the bassist, then realises his mistake.
"I meant is it one of those kinds of silly stories Muds?" he explains.
"Oh... I thought you'd asked if it was a perfect world? Never mind. Ahem. So she turns to the frog and says, "Oi you prick, I'm a princess and my stupid ball has fallen into yer damn puddle there." The frog looks her up and down a bit, then says. "Oh, big deal. What do you want me to do about it you silly tart?" So the idiot princess gets all huffy and crap. "Listen prick. I'll give you stuff if you get it for me. Cause I'm all prissy and weak and can't do it for myself." Then she pretends to faint to see if he'll fall for her helpless bit, like many have before. But the frog ain't having none of it and he just looks at her and says. "Stupid cow. I don't want yer crappo stuff. But if you let me crash at yours and eat from your plate, and sleep with you. I'll get your damn ball." The idiot princess thinks about it, then decides to say that she'll give him what he wants. But when he gives her the ball she'll just leg it before he has a chance to do anything about it. So she says, "Whatever." So he dives in and gets it, coming back and spitting the ball at her feet. She grabs the ball and legs it, ignoring the frog who's yelling at her fer being a conniving cow.
"I don't like her. She's really mean," Stuart grunts angrily and folds his arms over his chest with a huff.
"Eh," Murdoc shrugs, clearly uninterested. "The next day, just as the idiot princess was sitting down to her morning meal, she hears someone at the door. "Oi bitch! Open the damn door?" So she gets up and takes a look to see who it is. Seeing that it's the seriously pissed off frog. She slams the door in his face and sits back down again. The king asks, "What the buggery's up your arse?" So she replies, "Oh it's just some stupid frog that I tricked into getting my ball out of a puddle. I promised to let him stay and eat, and get a leg over later. Just ignore him." The frog calls out again. "Oi bitch! Open this damn door or I'll crap all over your front step, then set fire to it! You evil cow." So the king says, "Stop being so damn rude you spoiled brat. Go and open the door for him. Because if he does shit on it, your the one who'll be cleaning it up." Sniggering at that, Stuart smiles at the older man.
"I like this story."
"Heh." Murdoc grins back, quite amused himself. "So she does the whole rolling her eyes bit and opens the door. The frog hops in all pissed off. "It's about bloody time. Now pick me up and put me next to your plate on the table. I'm hungry." So she did and he ate all of her food. He burps and pats his stomach. "That was disgusting. Time fer bed." So she takes him upstairs and he gets his leg over." He wakes up the next morning and leaves, taking her purse with him. Pissed off because her gold card was in that purse, but glad that he's gone. The idiot Princess waves it off and goes about doing her usual thing. Which was just a whole lot of standing around looking useless, weak and pretty. That night there's another knock on the door. "Oi bitch! Open the door." So she does and it's the frog, so he eats and humps her again. Then he does it again the next night. But when the idiot Princess wakes up the following morning. The frog has gone, but he's left a dumb handsome Prince standing there instead. He gives her the old, "I was enchanted by some dumb arsed fairy, who had changed me into a frog. Until some idiot Princess comes along and lets me eat her food and hump her for three nights." She bats her eyes at him and smiles. Then says. "Oh cool. We can get married now right?" So he laughs his head off and says, "Fuck that bitch. I'm gay. Tah tah." And he bogs off back to his kingdom, to marry the captain of the guard instead. Duh End." Stuart stares blankly at the bassist, not at all sure that he understood.
"But I thought-?"
"Nope. He was gay," Murdoc interjects, closing his book.
"But-?"
"Gaaaaaay," Murdoc drawls quite deliberately.
"But-?"
"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay." Seeing the cold glint of evil in the bassist's bloodshot eyes. Stuart gives in.
"Oh. You know what? I don't like this story any more."
"Tough it's all your getting. Now go to sleep," Murdoc grunts, then stands up and taking the book and his rum bottle with him. He staggers to the door and pretty much hurls himself out of the room and into the corridor.