Gone Forever
John had a bad feeling that that song was likely about someone who had told Sherlock that he had to run away from the pain. Well look where that got him; doing coke and too far from home. John wondered if that Sherlock ever got homesick. But, whatever was at his home had obviously driven him away. How could Mycroft not have found him?
John was snapped out of his thoughts by a voice. Sherlock's voice. It came through rather crackly.
"I usually don't dedicate my songs but, this one is for my dear brother." He said the word as if it were a foul insult.
Don't know what's going on
Don't know what went wrong
Feels like a hundred years I
Still can't believe you're gone
So I'll stay up all night
With these blood-shot eyes
While these walls surround me
With the story of our life
During the short pause, John thought back to what Sherlock said. His brother. The song made it sound like he misses Mycroft. John found that that wasn't true when he heard the next lyrics.
I feel so
Much better
Now that you're gone forever
I tell myself
That I don't miss you at all
I'm not lying
Denying
That I feel so much better
Now
That you're gone forever
During the next pause, John turned slightly to look at Lestrade, who was standing there with his head in one hand, and his other on his hip.
Now things are coming clear
That I don't need you here
And in this world around me
I'm glad you disappeared
So I'll stay out all night
Get drunk and fucking fight
Until the morning comes I'll
Forget about our life
I feel so
Much better
Now that you're gone forever
I tell myself
That I don't miss you at all
I'm not lying
Denying
That I feel so much better
Now
That you're gone forever
First time you screamed at me
I should have made you leave
I should have known it could be so much better
I hope you're missing me
I hope I've made you see
That I'm gone forever
And now things are coming clear
That I don't need you here
And in this world around me
I'm glad you disappeared
I feel so
Much better
Now that you're gone forever
I tell myself
That I don't miss you at all
I'm not lying
Denying
That I feel so much better
Now
That you're gone forever
And now you're gone forever
And now you're gone forever
When John looked back at Lestrade, he was no longer sure how much of Sherlock's past Lestrade actually knew. John paused the video.
"Hey, Lestrade. How much… when… did you know about this?" John asked softly.
Lestrade was not as calm. "No, of course I didn't. You know him; you think he'd tell me anything?" Lestrade took a breath and started again, quieter. "All I knew was that he had run away from his home when he was 17. I knew he started coke when he was 16. I knew that," he faltered. "I knew… that his parents… they weren't the most caring; or forgiving. I had talked with the maid of the Holmes manor. She had said that… She told me about the punishments Sherlock would get for doing almost nothing wrong. He would have to stand in a corner for hours, or was locked up in his room for days without food, and one time, when his father found Sherlock's cigarettes, he made Sherlock smoke all of them in a row. Instead of punishment, it only kick-started his nicotine addiction."
"So," John started. "Where was Mycroft during all this?"
"School. But that isn't to say he didn't know; he did, but he didn't do anything about it. I did feel a bit bad for him though; sometimes their father made Mycroft administer the punishment. His father made him do the physical ones, though. And apparently it wasn't a slap or anything, it was punches and kicks and beatings so hard the maid had to take Sherlock to the A&E."
"What about his mum?" John asked, remembering that one comment from the night he met Sherlock. I upset her? Me? It wasn't me that upset her, Mycroft.
"She wasn't well," Lestrade said.
"How long did this go on for?"
Lestrade let out a shaky breath. "Well, the maid had only worked there for six years, but she said it was obviously going on before then. Sherlock was seven when she got there."
"Jesus," John breathed
"Yeah…" Lestrade agreed, then started the video.