Chapter 23: Mrs. Know-It-All
Sakura sighed as she sat atop her bed, flopping back onto it without a care in the world as she finished her packing. When Kakashi-sensei had come by to tell her they would be leaving for the next boat, she had initially believed there wouldn't be another to come around for the week they had been promised. Though she was panicked when Sasuke came to her house, only to tell her the next boat would be coming by in the early morning.
So, with that information in mind, Sakura had spent most of the night racing around her room. Trying to find the right clothes for climate change. Being sure all her ninja gear was put away in storage scrolls for her to pack. And taking extra care that her personal hygiene was top-notch, less she be made to share a room with either of her teammates.
Truly, having allowed both Naruto and Sasuke to see her with a "morning face" was a bad idea and one that had only been forgotten by the extreme dangers of the Chunin Exams and Sound Invasion.
"Sakura! Are you packed? Your teammates will be here any minute!" Sayuri's voice sounded from downstairs. Sakura begrudgingly got herself up from the bed, grumbling that with all the hard work of her packing, her teammates could kiss her ass at the moment.
"Yeah! I'm packed!" Sakura yelled back, checking herself in her bedroom's full-length mirror.
"Well get down here! You need to eat before a big mission like this!" Sayuri shouted, mirth in her voice, "Can't protect the world's best actress on an empty stomach, now can you?"
"Well, I guess not…" Sakura mumbled, her stomach beginning to grumble its own hunger at her, "Okay, Okay!"
Sakura grabbed her backpack, and tugged-
Promptly falling down as she did. She grumbled under her breath as she picked herself up from the floor.
"Oh come on! I am not this weak! Its just a bunch of scrolls!" Sakura yelled to herself as she used both hands and barely managed to pull the pack a few inches.
"Hiya, Sakura's Mom!" Naruto's voice sounded loudly and energetically from downstairs as Sakura groaned. If Naruto was there, then Sasuke wouldn't be far behind.
"Hello, Hokage-sama. Welcome to my humble home." Sakura heard her mom greet, "And you as well, Uchiha-sama."
Oh no, Sasuke too…
"Good morning, Mrs. Haruno." Sakura strained to hear as Sasuke was always too quiet. Though she had to admit, Naruto was always too loud.
Why couldn't she have normal teammates again…?
"Sakura's Mom! You don't have to call us that stuff!" Naruto said, "I'm just Naruto when on everyday missions like this, and he's an asshole, so call him Sasuke."
WHAP! Sakura winced from upstairs with her hands still clenched around the straps of her pack. She could practically see Naruto's face implanted into her house's clean floorboards while Sasuke's hand was still in the air from where he smacked the back of Naruto's head.
"See what I mean!" Naruto yelled as Sakura barely heard Sasuke grunt at him. The months of working and growing closer to her teammates told Sakura that Sasuke's grunt meant for Naruto to shut up.
"Yes, well… Naruto… Sasuke… Sakura is upstairs packing. She'll be down in a minute." Sakura's mother covered for her as Sakura breathed a sigh of relief.
"That's okay! We'll help her!" Naruto said cheerfully, probably with a big goofy smile as she heard his heavy footsteps going toward the stairs.
"Naruto, you can't do that! Sakura has to pack her own things!" Sayuri said, almost frantically as Sakura groaned and smacked her forehead, dragging her hand down over her face. Naruto was still a clueless idiot, even after Sakura had heard from Ino that she, Hinata, and Tenten were all living with him.
"Why? I helped Sasuke pack, and he helped me. It's no big deal; we're teammates." Naruto said, probably with an oblivious shrug.
"It's because she's a girl, dope. Mrs. Haruno doesn't want us to see her daughter's unmentionables by helping her. Remember; we have to treat girls different than boys." Sasuke said as Sakura felt her face heat up in embarrassment.
"Unmentionables? What that?" Naruto asked, and Sakura banged her head against the mattress of her bed. Now Naruto was just being a bastard.
"Ya know." Sasuke said as Sakura began banging her head harder. So Sasuke was gonna play along. Sakura suddenly felt pity for her poor mother, probably standing there, gaping with her face clashing red with her pink hair, "Things like her bra and panties."
"Oh, those!" Naruto said loudly, snapping his fingers, "I hope she's packing the little green ones! I like those."
"I like the blue ones better." Sasuke responded as Sakura could hear her mother sputtering out nonsense, "They're form fitting."
"Like the biker shorts? Because, personally, I like it when she walks around in the boxers we got her for her birthday. The little cherries on them are so cute!" Naruto said with Sakura feeling as though she'd die of embarrassment soon.
"Yeah, those are nice, but only with the sport's bra we helped her shop for that one time." Sasuke replied while Sakura knew she'd die of embarrassment soon.
"Hey yeah! Sakura's bras are so cute! Especially the little pink one with kunai on it." Naruto gushed as Sakura groaned. She'd never live this day down if she didn't stop them soon.
"Naruto? Sasuke? Is that you?" Sakura shouted, her voice curious as she heard her mother breath out harshly, as though the woman had run a mile, "Can you two come up here? I need some help."
"Sure thing, Sakura!" Naruto said as Sakura could almost tell Sasuke's only reply was to shrug.
Letting go of the strap, Sakura heard Naruto quickly making his way up the steps. Knowing just how far her door opened, Sakura waited just outside of it's swing length as she listened to Naruto hurry down the hall to her room.
When the door swung open, and knowing Naruto would burst into her room hoping to get a peek at her "unmentionables" while she packed, Sakura quickly shot her fist out and punched Naruto between the eyes. Before he could fall back and collapse to the floor, unconscious, Sakura moved in and stopped his descend, covering his mouth to stop him from groaning.
Throwing Naruto to her bed, Sakura heard Sasuke's footsteps coming down the hall to her room as she gently swung the door back closed.
"Gee Sakura, you sure have a lot of stuff?" Sakura said, mimicking Naruto's voice and speech patterns with ease from her many times of being around the loud obnoxious blond, "And what's this thing? Hey, Sasuke! Get in here!"
"I'm coming, you idiot." Sasuke replied as Sakura nearly chuckled at how easy it was to impersonate Naruto.
"Well move your ass, you bastard!" Sakura shouted in Naruto's voice.
"I'm here already! You-" but as he was saying this and opening the door, Sakura hit him with two quick jabs to the stomach, and one chop to his neck, knocking him out. Not letting him hit the floor either, less her mother be suspicious, Sakura placed Sasuke next to Naruto on her bed before going into her backpack.
Pulling out some steel ninja-wire, Sakura chuckled darkly as she pulled the wire out.
"Payback, chumps." Sakura said as she stepped closer to her unconscious teammates, "Payback…"
"Sakura, are you three okay in there?" Sayuri asked, even as she was moving toward her daughter's room.
Opening the door to her daughter's room, Sayuri saw the window close as Sakura stood in the middle of her clean room, the only thing out of place being the backpack left on her bed for her mission.
"Yeah we're good. I was done packing and wanted to ask them if I had everything I needed. After that they said they'd meet me at the village front gate." Sakura said with a smile as Sayuri quirked a brow.
"Really? And why did they use the window?" Sayuri asked as she leaned against the doorframe coolly.
"Because while I'm eating breakfast and whatnot, they're going to go track down Kakashi-sensei and make him be on time." Sakura explained smoothly as Sayuri nodded.
"Yes, well, better men have tried and failed to get Mr. Hatake somewhere on time." Sayuri said with a chuckle, "Once when we were young, the village thought him dead for some big mission he had to go and do as a spy against the Mist village. At his funeral, they arrived two hours late with his false body."
"… Strangely, that makes sense…" Sakura deadpanned as her mother laughed lightly.
"Yes, yes it does." Sayuri said before her smiled dimmed a bit.
"Sakura, we need to talk." Sayuri said solemnly, walking over to her daughter's bed and patting the spot next to her.
"Okay…" Sakura said slowly as she moved to sit next to her mother, "About what?"
"About your ninja career, Sakura." Sayuri said, gazing directly at young Sakura, "I know you ninja aren't supposed to talk about some of your missions or some of the thinking you do, but you can always tell me if you're having a tough time."
"I know that, Mom." Sakura said, looking at her hands in her lap as Sayuri wrapped an arm around her daughter's shoulders.
"Sakura, my eyes have been opened. You were there when Naruto told me about only a few of the dangers you've put yourself in during your short time as a ninja." Sayuri said, as Sakura glanced up at her
"Don't worry, Mom." Sakura said, standing up and breaking away from her mother's embrace, "I can handle it. And I always have Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi-sensei there to back me up if I get in over my head."
"I know that." Sayuri replied softly, standing as well, "But what if they can't make it to you in time? What if something happens to you? You're my only child, Sakura. I love you more than life itself. If something were to happen to you, I… I wouldn't know what to do with myself…"
"Mom-" Sakura began, but her mother cut her off.
"You're strong, baby. Much stronger than I ever gave you credit for. But I stood in your way when I helped approve the lowering of the Academy's standards. I stood in your way when I smothered you as a child. I coddled you too much, and for that I'm sorry." Sayuri said, looking as though she were coming to peace with her mistakes.
Sakura couldn't say anything, her throat dry and her voice lost to her as she watched her mom speak so gently and look so at peace.
"Sakura, I realize how dangerous the ninja path is to walk. Your father was a ninja."
"Wait, dad was a ninja? I thought he was only a volunteer of the last war." Sakura asked, surprise evident in her voice as she felt shocked to her core.
"Yes, yes he was. We had both tried out for the Ninja Academy at the haste of our parents. While I didn't make it, your father did." Sayuri said, looking as though she were reliving the memories, "I can still clearly remember the day your father ran up to me and told me had had passed to become a ninja. He was so happy… and I was so bitter…"
"Mom…"
"It's okay, Sakura. In fact, I think that somewhere, deep inside of me, it's been okay for a long time." Sayuri said, her face taking on a somber look as she dropped her gaze down to her lap, her hands ringing at each other as she fought back tears, "I've hated the ninja for a long time, and I think I always will, but now… Now I know why I truly hate them. I hate them because your father fought and died as one proudly, exactly at the time you were born, Sakura."
"Huh?" Sakura said, not understanding what her mom was talking about.
"You have a mission to get to, so we don't have much time." Sayuri said, picking up her daughter's pack and gesturing toward the door. As they walked down the hall and down the stairs, Sayuri continued, "The point I'm trying to make is that you're going to be a ninja no matter what I do. You want to prove that you can handle it; not only to others, but also to yourself. I can't change that. You have your father's stubborn streak and mine to triple it."
"Mom-" Sakura said as they got at the door, but Sayuri silenced her with a hug.
"We'll talk more when you return home. I just want you to know that I'm proud of you, Sakura, and that if things ever get to hard, or you feel like your too close to the edge; you can always come and talk to me." Sayuri said softly, embracing her daughter as Sakura didn't know what to do or say besides return the embrace.
"T-Thanks, Mom…" Sakura said unsurely. Letting go of each other, Sayuri took and placed the pack in her daughter's hands, holding onto them as she placed the pack on Sakura's back.
"Now you go out there, and you show the world and your enemies why we of the Haruno family aren't to be trifled with." Sayuri said, kissing Sakura's forehead as she let her fingers linger in their grip around her daughter's shoulders and pack all the way up until she had closed the door.
And Sakura fell over on her doorstep with a groan as she lie there, wondering just what the hell she had packed.
"I can't believe Sakura knocked us out… and tied us up… in a hot spring… naked… on the elderly women's side!" Naruto shouted as he and Sasuke stomped down the street, their clothes wet and squishy as their scandals made weird squishy sounds with every step.
"I still can't believe it was Sakura that knocked us out. I'm telling you, it had to be someone else." Sasuke said, shaking his head.
"No, it was Sakura." Naruto said, then looked sick from having to admit that she of all people got the drop on them.
"No it wasn't! It was an illusion by Kurenai-sensei to make us believe it was Sakura while it was really Hinata!" Sasuke shouted as people began looking at him and Naruto oddly while they continued their trek down the road.
"You're taking this really hard, aren't you?" Naruto asked as Sasuke sighed.
"You have no idea…"
Turning the corner as they continued, they quickly made their way to the village gate. Coming into view of the gate, Naruto grinned as Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the change in his friend's mood. Looking up to the gate himself, he saw what had suddenly made Naruto so happy.
Inoshi and Neji sat at the gate-check post, looking bored out of their minds. Naruto chuckled sinisterly when Inoshi began banging her forehead to the desk she sat behind while a civilian family were being assisted by Neji.
"Hiya, gate-keepers!" Naruto greeted cheerfully as Inoshi looked up at him, and then processed to bang her head harder than before.
"Greets, Naruto-sama." Neji said with a bow as the civilians moved into the village with their children raving about all the placed they wanted to visit.
"Why do you hate me?" Inoshi asked, her voice muffled by having her face pressed against her desk.
"I don't hate you." Naruto said in the same upbeat tone, "In fact, I like you. You helped Sasuke find focus, and not a lot of people can do that without him swearing vengeance against them."
"Hey!" Sasuke protested, but he was politely ignored.
"Then why am I made to endure this inhuman torture?" Inoshi asked as she looked up at him, and Naruto felt a tinge of pity for her, "The next person that comes up here and asks where the nearest "tourist attraction" is, I'll slit their throat and feed their bodies to the tigers in the Forest of Death."
"That's not very nice." Naruto commented as Inoshi scoffed at him, folding her arms over the desk.
"This is a damn ninja village! We don't have tourist attractions; we have monuments!" Inoshi said as Naruto shrugged.
"I don't know." Sasuke said, tapping his chin, "The hot springs could be considered a tourist attraction."
"There ya go." Naruto said, gesturing to Sasuke, "Next time, just direct them to the hot springs. Everyone loves the hot springs."
"I hate the hot springs." Inoshi said, "I like a warm bath every now and then, but the hot springs are just too much. Plus, pervy guys are always there trynna sneak peeks."
"Maybe you're just imagining things. The only perv I know that does that stuff is the Pervy Sage, and even he isn't there most of the time." Naruto replied as Inoshi narrowed her eyes at him.
"What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be stuck behind your desk, signing papers and yelling at ninja while giving out horrendous punishments like this one I'm made to endure." Inoshi said, gesturing to her and Neji's desk.
"What I do is none of your business, and if you keep talking like that you'll be behind that desk for an entire year." Naruto said, his eyes going from their casual playfulness to a stern sharpness that Sasuke could say he was proud of.
Inoshi, however, was far too shocked by his threat to care about his eyes, "You wouldn't!"
"I can and will." Naruto said.
"I apologize for my lack of respect and total disregard of boundaries then." Inoshi said, not looking very apologetic at all. Naruto could only sigh as he placed his head in his hand.
"It's like raising a spoiled brat for a daughter." Naruto muttered as Inoshi looked offended.
"That is not true! I'm not spoiled brat!" Inoshi said as Naruto gave her a look.
"Well, you sure act like one. You can't even respect me now after I've punished you." Naruto said as he gestured to her desk.
"Well respect is earned, not given." Inoshi said as Naruto narrowed his eyes.
"Then I guess I'll earn it by giving you that year of gate duty." Naruto said as Inoshi groaned.
"If I was your daughter, you'd be the worst father ever right now." Inoshi grumbled as she sat back in her chair and folded her arms, pouting like a rebelliously grounded teenage.
"And if you were my daughter, I'd be very disappointed in you, young lady." Naruto mocked as Inoshi stuck her tongue out at him.
"Ya know, you two could be related. You're both so much alike that you clash with each other. It's almost like she is your daughter, or at least a sister." Sasuke said, raising a brow as he and Neji watched the two. Naruto turned to him, a sad shake of his head.
"Nope; no siblings… My parents both died an hour after having me…" Naruto said as his gaze dropped to his shoes.
"How do you know that?" Sasuke asked, uncaring for Naruto's emotional state.
"Pervy Sage told me when I met up with him earlier today before he set out. Then I when I was meeting with the Elders, they had an old file on my birth." Naruto replied somberly.
"The night of the Kyuubi attack… where the Fourth sacrificed himself to seal the Nine-Tail Beast away inside of a small newborn infant… orphan child." Inoshi said solemnly, "Who would have thought that the Fourth Hokage would so love his child and his village that he would burden his only child with the protection of the village and the power to someday rule it?"
Silence fell upon them all as the mood grew solemn. Naruto sighed as he gazed up at the Hokage Monument, eyeing his father's image and that of the Third Hokage specifically.
"Ah, good." Kakashi's voice floated to their ears as everyone turned to see him coming toward the gate with Sakura in tow, "We're all here."
"You're late, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto said flatly as Kakashi chuckled.
"Yes, but I have a good reason." Kakashi said, rubbing at the back of his neck, "You see, I went by Sakura's place to see if she had packed yet, and what do ya know; I found Sakura sprawled out on her front doorstep. It appears that she mistakenly activated a gravity seal on one of the training scrolls in her backpack."
"Really now?" Naruto asked, raising a skeptical brow at his mentor while Sasuke did the same, though glanced at Sakura.
"Yes, it's true, I promise. Who knows what would have happened to poor Sakura had I not come along." Kakashi said, ruffling Sakura's hair.
"We could care less." Sasuke said with a shrug before he narrowed his eyes at Sakura, "She dumped us in the hot springs with old women and stripped us naked of our clothes."
"I did no such thing!" Sakura replied with an air of dramatic innocence, a hand over her heart, "How could you even accuse me of such a vile thing?"
"Because you suck at lying." Sasuke said blandly.
"I do not!" Sakura denied as Naruto gave her a patient look.
"Sakura, you failed the Lying class back at the Academy. Even I passed that one." Naruto said patiently as Sakura looked indignant.
"Hey, that was not my fault! I always got stuck with Hinata or Shikamaru as my partners. Hinata couldn't lie to save her life, and Shikamaru is too lazy to care about coming up with a believable lie." Sakura said as Naruto and Sasuke exchanged looks.
"Yeah, but Hinata and Shikamaru passed the Lying course while you failed. Hinata's super innocence cute, and doesn't need to make a big lie believable because she's… well, innocence." Naruto replied as Sasuke nodded.
"And Shikamaru only needs to summon enough energy for the first lie before all the others are easy. That guy could sell rocks to Iwa." Sasuke said, sounding deeply honest in his opinion of Shikamaru's talents for lying while Naruto nodded.
"He can, because he already sold Gaara all the sand from his backyard's old zen-garden." Naruto said as he and Sasuke nodded approvingly of Shikamaru.
"He sold me a pinwheel. He said if I stared at it all day, my eyes would improve in being able to spot fast pace movement." Neji said as Naruto turned to Sasuke.
"Didn't Shika use to have a pinwheel in front his house?" Naruto asked as Sasuke nodded.
"Yeah, but Mrs. Nara wanted him to get rid of it because it looked tacky and clashed badly with the wind-chimes." Sasuke replied as Naruto perched his lips in thought before shrugging.
"Anyways, on with the mission." Kakashi said as Naruto cast him a look.
"Don't worry, Naruto. He wasn't making things up for once. I actually was sprawled out on my front step." Sakura said, saving Kakashi from making his reoccurring nightmare about toilets a reality.
"Fine, but you'll slip up one of these days, Hatake." Naruto said, a finger pointed menacing at Kakashi while an evil grin broke out over his face, "Then it'll be straight to cleaning the Akimichi toilets for you! Bwhahaahahah!"
"… Naruto, you scare me sometimes…" Kakashi said as Sasuke, Sakura, Inoshi, and Neji all nodded in agreement, all of them edging away from Naruto, who was still laughing manically while thunder and lightning raged in the background.
Twenty minutes later after Naruto's little… "episode", Team Seven found themselves standing in front of a ship as big as the Hokage Mansion's surface levels. In fact, the ship appeared to be even bigger than the mansion, and stood just as proudly while Naruto and the others gazed up at it.
"This is the ship that we'll be taking to Snow Country. I hope you all find it accommodating. I realize it's a bit small, but-" Sandayu said, bowing gratefully as Naruto gave him a look.
"Small? Are you freakin' kidding me? This thing is as big as Sasuke's ego, and-" Naruto yelled as Kakashi cut him off while Sasuke elbowed him in the side.
"It'll be just perfect." Kakashi said, giving his infamous eye-smile to the man while they made their way onto the boat.
"You do have to admit, Kakashi-sensei; if this is what they call small, I'd have a heart-attack at what's big. This ship is huge. I mean, it's just so… wow…" Sakura said, taking in the sight of the enormous vessel, "And we'll be traveling on this for how long?"
Kakashi glanced back at Sakura from his own inspection of the ship. He was a little surprised that the film crew had been able to gather and arrive at the ship before they had, but wasn't deterred by it. Even now as he glanced about, everyone was busy loading the ship with cameras, pieces of sets, costumes and all the other essential material to the movie-making process. Sandayu had already told him that Yukie was fast asleep aboard the vessel.
"Hmm?" Kakashi hummed in thought, "Well, it's a five day round trip from here to Snow Country. So, it'd be two and a half days there, and the same amount of time back."
"I've been wondering about that, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto said, his voice taking a serious tone laced with thought, "By my estimations, we'll be gone from the village for at least six whole days while on this mission. So I ask; Just how long is this mission going to last?"
"Are you asking because you don't like the client, or for… other reasons?" Kakashi asked as Naruto and his teammates got the message loud and clear.
"Both, but mostly the latter." Naruto replied as Kakashi sighed with a shrug.
"To be honest with you, Naruto, I'm not really sure. I suppose it depends on just how long they need to shoot the scenes with her. Theoretically, it could take as long as a few, maybe six days.."
"Or…?" Naruto encouraged.
"… Or even a month." Kakashi finished, wincing as the loud tone he had been expecting came, though at least he had time to cover his ears, unlike his two unfortunate students.
"A MONTH?" Naruto shouted, looking highly indignant at the thought of being away from his village for another month.
He had barely gotten used to the idea of being a real Hokage to his people…
Kakashi, Sasuke, and Sakura all looked at him… as did everyone else around them as Naruto chuckled sheepishly.
"Is there something wrong, Naruto?" Sakura asked innocently, "You're the one that really enjoyed the movie the most."
"Yeah, but that was before I knew what kinda person she was." Naruto shot back, crossing his arms and muttering beneath his breath.
"Don't let it get to you, Naruto." Kakashi said, his mask obscuring his grin as he enjoyed his student's sulking, "You just have to be mindful of the mission. Speaking of which, I want to meet you all on deck at five in the morning."
"Why?" Sasuke asked, glancing at Kakashi before he went back to looking like a poster-child for impassive behavior disorder.
"We're going to cover some of the things you're going to need in order to be able to function in the cold weather and temperature that will constantly be present in Snow Country." Kakashi explained as Naruto still looked mutinous, "And please, Naruto; no killing, maiming, pranking, or accidentally shoving the client off the ship while we're at sea."
"Why don't you just shove me off the boat. I can walk on water." Naruto muttered as he went ignored mostly.
"Now all of you, look on the brighter side of things. We all get to have our own individual rooms this time around, and with plenty of free time. Only one of us will be required to be with her at all times, and we'll rotate on that every three hours or so." still seeing Naruto's stubborn look, Kakashi sighed as he went on, "That means we'll have plenty of time to work on your jutsu; all of you."
"Oh, not just Sasuke?" Sakura asked with the same innocent expression as before while Kakashi flinched.
"You're evil, you know that, right?" Kakashi deadpanned to his only female student, who didn't look impressed.
"Yes." Sakura said with a wave of her hand, "I am my mother's child."
Naruto, however, wasn't paying their banter any attention when he stopped listening at the thoughts of training. Thinking about it, Naruto let a small grin break out over his face. While their team walked around the ship, Naruto and Sasuke, however, had casually strolled over to the side railings, looking out at the settling sea.
"I think I'll go to see Ms. Fujikaze first, then Sakura can take over three hours from now." Kakashi volunteered, making his way over to Sandayu.
"He said he'd train us. All of us." Sasuke pointed out as Naruto nodded.
"Threatening and yelling at people to make them better people seems to work wonders." Naruto replied as Sasuke gave him a confused look, but shrugged nonetheless.
All three students relaxed along the railing, getting comfortable as they gazed out at the picturesque scenery that was nature.
"You guys must be the ninja that were hired." a voice behind the three teammates said as they all turned to see a person from the movie crew, "I'm Koijo Yataka, the assistant director. I'll be showing you guys to your rooms."
"Uhh, thanks." Naruto said, smiling as the guy smiled back.
Following Koijo, Team Seven were lead into the bowels of the ship and down a flight of stairs.
"Here they are, all in a row, and not to far from Lady Fujikaze, either. Just like Mr. Sandayu wanted." Koijo said, grinning at whatever pun he was making.
"Thanks, Koijo." Naruto said as Koijo chuckled.
"No problem. Most of us don't really expect any sort of trouble." Koijo admitted as they walked down the small corridor, "However, this is the first time that we're going overseas, so I guess we can't be too careful. We've all heard the tales of pirates and brigades across the sea, getting more and more daring by the day."
"Well, there's nothing to worry about with us around." Naruto said, puffing out his chest as Koijo chucked, feeling a bit more at ease with Naruto's bravo.
"Good to know. Now then, all the rooms here are all the same, so you can take whichever ones you like." Koijo said before pointing toward the stairs, "The mess hall is up the stairs and to the right while the bathrooms are down the way."
"Where is Kakashi-sensei staying?" Sakura asked, looking at her teammates who seemed as clueless as she was before they all turned to Koijo.
"Mr. Hatake has a room right next to Lady Fujikaze herself." Koijo answered, "We would have had your rooms there as well, but with the missing of our first ship, and then all the last minute rearranging we've been doing…" Koijo said, trailing off as he rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment.
"It's no problem, really." Naruto said quickly while his teammates nodded, "I'll take the middle one."
Sakura looked to Sasuke for his choice, though he shrugged indifferently, "I don't care. You can have either one."
"Thanks," Sakura said evenly, not looking at him as she tapped her chin in thought while glancing between the two remaining rooms, "Hmm.. I guess I'll take the left one then." and without another word, Sakura entered her chosen room and slammed the door shut.
All three men looked at the door oddly for a second, before Sasuke sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets before muttering under his breath something along the lines of, " damn women…"
"Umm… Did I miss something here?" Koijo said as Naruto shrugged.
"Nope, just some problems at home and our dear Sakura not being able to take a joke lightly." Naruto said as Sasuke was still grumbling to himself.
"Huh?" Koijo said as Naruto waved him off.
"Nothing at all." Naruto replied as he turned to Sasuke, "Jutsu Training Time?"
"Yeah, jutsu training time." Sasuke said as he and Naruto nodded to each other, walking into their own rooms and closing the doors in unison as Koijo shrugged and walked away to get his own work done.
"Finally! Some privacy at last!" Naruto said as he jumped onto his bed.
"Walls are thin, Naruto!" Sasuke yelled.
"Yeah, we can hear you!" Sakura's voice sounded loudly from the opposite direction.
Naruto politely ignored his teammates since they wouldn't see him sticking his tongue out. Taking a few seconds to look around the room, he realized that it was a fairly simple one. The small medium-sized bed he was currently lounging on, a little dresser with a few cups and a pitcher, a small mirror, a fairly nice rug and a small heater.
"Okay, let's begin training." Naruto said to himself as he sat up in the bed, shrugging off his backpack as he unzipped it.
"Let's see here…" Naruto said to himself, trailing off as he got up from the bed and sat on the floor.
The young Kage grinned to himself as he pulled out a scroll, entitled "Toad Subjugation", and zipped his pack back up.
"I wonder sort of toad techniques are in here." Naruto thought as he unraveled the scroll.
Jutsu Name - Hiding in a Toad Technique
Classification: Ninjutsu & Barrier Ninjutsu
Rank: C-rank
Class: Supplementary
The user of this technique must first summon a special Diving Toad from Mount Myōboku. Then, infusing the user's chakra with the toad's, they are able to allow the toad to swallow them whole and hide within the toad's stomach safely.
*Side Note* There is no need to worry about anything like vision, or sliminess. Heh, heh! This jutsu allows one to virtually become the toad while in use, and move around undetected.
The frog is able to dive up to a hundred meters in fresh water, making it especially useful for infiltrating enemy camps that are surrounded by a river or a lake. The stomach of the frog also has a special barrier that obstructs chakra, protecting the user from detection-type ninjutsu.
*Side Note* Toads are basically allergic to salt water, but if more chakra is expanded to the toad, then they will be able to protect themselves with natural oils from the harmful consequences of salt water interaction up to a full day.
"Umm… okay…" Naruto said after reading the jutsu and sighing, "I guess we all have to start somewhere…"
It took him about thirty minutes to get the hand seals down for the jutsu. Apparently when summoning specific toads, the summoning hand-signs were different than when you just wanted any general battle toad. After being sure he could summon the toad needed, and being sure it would work more than once, Naruto nodded to himself in satisfaction. He carefully rolled up the scroll and put it away in his backpack before he stood up, stretching and groaning from his time on the floor.
Walking out of his room, Naruto made sure to actually lock his room door before he went up to the upper deck.
"No sense training on an empty stomach." Naruto said to himself as he made his way toward the mess hall, not having anything to eat since early morning, having quickly devoured three bowls of ramen as a light breakfast before leaving the Hokage Mansion's underground compound.
After a small meal, Naruto went out to the main deck, where he could see that several people were still up and working. Looking out at the sky line, Naruto realized that the sun was just barely setting, and that it truly was a perfect time for the second part of his training. He looked around and saw Koijo again, who was directing several people to set up a house frame.
Naruto walked over and cleared his throat loudly, making Koijo jump in surprise before turning carefully to see only Naruto grinned behind him, "Geez, kid, don't do that. You'll give someone a heart-attack."
"I'm a ninja." Naruto replied with a shrug, "Is it my fault I'm always stealthy?"
"Yes." Koijo deadpanned as Naruto shrugged again, "Anyways, what can I do ya for?"
"Do you have any place on this rig where I could work alone. Ya know, without bothering or being bothered by anyone?"
Koijo looked at him for a moment while processing the request. Rubbing his chin in thought several times, Koijo finally seemed to come to a decision as he nodded, "You could go to the very back end of the ship. We're not doing anything over there."
"Thanks!" Naruto shouted, running off even before Koijo could finish, making the assistant director briefly wonder if he should had mentioned that the quiet, emo member of the ninja team had asked the same thing not too long ago.
Koijo shrugged it off, not seeing what could be so bad. Turning his attention back to the men, his eyes widened as he began flailing his arms, looking very alarmed, "I said slowly! Take it up slowly! That piece is crucial to the film, you morons! It's worth more than all of you put together! Take it up slowly!"
Naruto moved toward the back of the ship, dodging and ignoring the movie workers as he made his way to the stern of the ship. Finally, arriving there, Naruto briefly wondered if the sea was fresh water or salt water before he recalled one of Iruka's geography lectures.
"The sea is full of salt water… Crap…" Naruto said as he frowned at the waters while gazing at them from behind the railing, "Oh well, just gonna have to use extra chakra then."
Taking in a deep breath and gathering his chakra to the surface, Naruto bit his thumb and drew blood from it. Flipping through his practiced hand signs, Naruto slammed his hand to the metal floor of the ship, watching as the summoning matrix appeared almost instantly before a puff of smoke obscured it.
Narrowing his eyes, Naruto eyed the small toad, which croaked at him in readiness for it's task.
"I'm so glad no one is around to see me do this…" Naruto muttered as he began to complete his first trial of his new jutsu.
So, without further hesitation, Naruto sighed as he channeled his chakra to be in-sync with his toad's own chakra while the toad began to open it's mouth.
"Really glad no one is around…" Naruto thought as he gazed into the toad's mouth with a repressed shudder.
During all this time that Naruto was working on his own training, Sasuke had found his own secluded spot in the very front of the ship, working on his own skills. During his free time; which was mostly that month Naruto had spent tracking down Lady Tsunade (which he was very grateful for), Sasuke had spent the time thinking over not only his own grief and his connection with those around him, but also his own skills and where they lay in comparison to Itachi's power. He knew his wanting to continue the hunt for his brother, even after Naruto assured him that he'd have Itachi brought in as soon as they had time to speak with him, was merely the manifestation of years of vengeance-seeking trying not to go to waste. Or, it could simply be that Sasuke knew that if he didn't keep up with his own hard work, especially the creation of his own special hidden trump cards, Sasuke just knew that Naruto would have a critical advantage over him the next time they fought.
It had nothing to do with any obsessions he had toward the blond! Nothing at all! Stop spreading lies!
Plus, the blond had mentioned that it was fun to create jutsu all your own and see the results of your hard work pay-off in battle, something that Sasuke considered somewhat true ever since he had made the variation of taijutsu called the Lion's Barrage.
Not that Sasuke would ever admit any of this out loud, thank you very much. He appreciated Naruto, but if the blond ever learned that, Sasuke was sure he'd never hear the end of it.
"Once… more…" Sasuke gritted out with concentration, grabbing his arm with his other hand and focusing his chakra into his technique. His left hand became the epicenter of the thunderstorm that was known as the Chidori. Onyx-black eyes turned crimson red as black tomes began spinning madly, helping Sasuke better see the chakra flow of his jutsu. Trying to manipulate the flow as Kakashi had suggested, Sasuke let loose an agonizing yell of pain as he fell to his knees like before, having violently shocked the nerves within his arm while trying to just barely tweak the technique that was known for cutting through lightning.
On his knees with labored breath, Sasuke had to admit that through all the failures, once the jutsu was complete and he had tried it out in battle someday, he was sure he'd find it… exhilarating (because he didn't have time for fun with Itachi still out on the loose, and still possibly a murderous psychopath!) to create his own techniques, something only he knew about. It gave him an immense advantage in battle, unleashing an attack that his opponent had no information on.
Getting up from the ground, Sasuke took in a deep breath with his hands keeping his shaky knees from buckling down under him as he stood to full height.
"I wonder why Kakashi doesn't have, anything original besides the Chidori and Raikiri?" Sasuke asked himself aloud, "I mean, the guy is said to have copied over a thousand techniques. You'd think he'd have more original ones aside from two, with one being a stronger variation of the other." Sasuke continued his thoughts in his head after noticing that he had spoken aloud. After thinking it over for a few more moments, Sasuke simply shrugged, "To each his own… I guessed. The guy is lazy, after all…"
"Okay then… Once more…!" Sasuke said, roaring his last words as the Chidori and his Sharingan both flared back to life.
Seconds later, another agonizing scream of pain could be heard as Naruto's toad croaked almost like a chuckle.
Sakura was sitting crossed legged on her bed in her own room. In front of her were several scrolls, most of which were the ones she borrowed from the Konoha library about basic theory behind medical ninjutsu. Two of them were from Shizune, who was no longer a mere member of the staff at the hospital, but now also taught the Medical Corps Basic Training Course at the Academy.
"Hmm…" Sakura hummed in thought as she read over a basic ninjutsu theory scroll from the library.
The scroll covered just about everything they had learned in the Academy. You know, all the general ideas, some basic concepts, tips on when and where to use ninjutsu, what situations you should avoid using ninjutsu in. All in all, a beginners how to guide, or the basic four years of Ninjutsu Theory classes she and her fellow Academy class had sat through bored out of their minds.
But hey, it was perfect for her needs. So, hooray!
Though, Sakura had to admit to herself that she was a little dissatisfied to being an average ninja.
What? You saw and heard of the extreme levels and feats that her team had accomplished over the last few months! Hell, Naruto had become Hokage! Wouldn't you be just a little disheartened to being the "average" (weak!) member on the team of heavy-hitters?
Everyone else looked to her like she was the sane one. The one that could relate to being held up by a normal ninja while out on a mission. To being the damn damsel in distress! Of course, unlike everyone else, it hit her more personally to being the "weak-link" (and weakling).
She didn't feel jealous or anything of that nature. She knew that her team, especially Naruto and Sasuke, were strong. She probably knew better than anyone, even Kakashi-sensei. It had hit her personally because she was so far behind them all three of them. Even with her beginning her training as a medical-ninja, she wasn't entirely satisfied and could practically see the huge gape between her and the males of her team. She wanted to grow stronger, faster, better, and this time; she was completely determined to do it in her own way.
Her genjutsu had always been an ace in the hole for her before the Chunin Exams, but afterward, Sakura found herself curious to the ninjutsu aspect of the Ninja Arts. Especially the wild things she had seen/heard that Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi-sensei had done.
She read a bit more, writing notes on a spare blank scroll she had packed.
So far, she spent about an hour re-reading the dynamics of ninjutsu, making sure she fully understood them. Given what it was, Sakura wouldn't be able to practice the technique she wanted properly until she got to dry land.
"Okay… I see…" Sakura said, finally connecting the dots in her mind as she read on with haste.
After she was satisfied with what she had, Sakura looked at the time, feeling her eyes growing weary. It was getting quite late.
Gently, the pink-haired kunoichi gathered up all her scrolls and got off her bed, her bare feet landing gracefully on the carpet. Laying all the scrolls she had been pouring over down on the dresser, Sakura walked back to her backpack and took out another scroll. Going through hand-signs as she recalled them in her mind, Sakura unraveled the scroll. She went through the hand-signs again, though this time with greater speed as she placed her hand over the sealing matrix of the scroll, a plume of smoke signaling that she had been successful in her scroll-summons.
"There we are." Sakura said cheerfully as she reached down to the scroll and took up the flopping fish and target board. Walking over to an empty space on the wall, Sakura strapped the small fish to the bull's eyes and set it up. After nodding to herself, the girl walked all the way across her room before taking in a couple of deep breaths to clear her head.
"Okay. Lady Tsunade and Lady Shizune said that I had to flex my limbs before doing any sort of physical training, so I guess this counts, too." Sakura said to herself as she took another deep breath before she punched her fist into the air in front of her, followed quickly by a kick and three speedy jabs. Sakura moved about as though she were a boxer, fists lashing out before quickly reassuming their positions at the sides of her midsection. She punched and kicked again and again, growing into a steady rhythm.
As she worked through her form, sweat began to lace her brow as Sakura smiled through it all. She had been practicing on her taijutsu ever since she had mastered the basic Academy-style forms over the last two months. Every night, Sakura stayed up for hours in her room, in front of her mirror, working on basic drills from what she had learned from the Academy, reviewing all the things they had been introduced to.
She would move around her room, fighting imaginary opponents as she fell (completely intentional!), recovered, ducked, dived, and other such stuff before her hygiene rituals and going to bed. It would had been much easier and more efficient if she had a sparring partner at her level to start off with, or at least knew how to perform the Shadow Clone Jutsu. But she didn't. She didn't have either right now on the mission, either.
"I guess…" Sakura breathed as she threw another punch before a roundhouse-kick, "That's the price… I have to pay… for finding my own path…" another quick succession of blows to her imaginary opponent, "I don't need Mom worrying about me… I can go it my own… I can't rely on others anymore… I need to be strong for myself…"
Her breathing became labored as she took in a deep breath, pausing in her workout.
She momentarily wondered if she even had the chakra to maintain a single Shadow Clone, let alone even creating one to fight against.
Sakura's face deadpanned, a small scowl worming it's way on her lips.
Somehow, she honestly doubted it. At least, not with her current level of chakra.
Shaking her head, Sakura chose not to dwell on what she didn't have.
"It'll get me nowhere." Sakura said to herself, starting her workout again.
No. Right now, she had to focus on what she could do.
With that in mind, Sakura took out a kunai and began practicing with the weapon, throwing it, and hitting the small fish tied to the bull's eye.
"Okay…" Sakura breathed, going over to where she lay the scrolls out on the dresser. Fingering the scrolls and reading through their titles, Sakura's face lit up as she grabbed one.
Turning to the small fish, which was now dripping blood on the carpet, Sakura grimaced as she pulled the kunai out and laid the fish on a blank scroll.
"The Mystical Palm Technique is a medical ninjutsu which allows the user to speed up the body's natural healing process by sending chakra from the hands into a wound or afflicted body part." Sakura read as she placed her hands over the fish and channeled her chakra to the wound on the poor thing, "Side note to the jutsu is that it allows the user to heal a patient without the need for medical equipment or surgery, making it highly useful on the battlefield. It can also be used to treat both external and internal injuries. It is vital to match the amount of chakra used to the severity of the affliction or injury. This requires a great amount of chakra control. Side note: Because of this, only a few highly skilled medical-ninja are able to-" Sakura paused in her readings as she felt the fish stop thrashing around under her hands. Looking at it, Sakura sighed as she could just tell the little thing had died on her. Sealing the fish into the scroll, Sakura turned back to the scroll on the medical ninjutsu, "-use this technique. Side note: this technique has been proven to not need direct contact with the patient. However, the longer the distance, the greater chakra control is needed. Another side note to this jutsu is that by sending an excess amount of chakra into the patient's body, the user can overload the patient's normal circulation, trapping them in a comatose state. Although this is usually undesirable, it does have the desired side-effect of getting rowdy patients to settle down."
Sakura re-read the last line with wide eyes, "Lady Tsunade truly is sadistic…"
Return of the Omake:
Questions You Don't Ask Kakashi!
"And action!" the director shouted as Team Seven hung over by the railing, far out of the movie's way.
"Umm… I have a question." Naruto said, raising his hand as Kakashi looked up from his book to his student, groaning.
"Naruto, this isn't a class. You don't have to keep raising your hand." Kakashi stressed as Naruto only raised the appendage higher, "Fine! What is the question, Naruto?"
"If this is Feudal Japan, then how come we have movies, and cars, and television, and phones, and-"
"I don't know, Naruto. I'm guessing this isn't Feudal Japan then." Kakashi replied with a sigh as Naruto seemed to accept his answer. Kakashi went back to reading his book, just nearing the climax.
And he took her in his arms, kissing down her neck passionately as her hands ran down his chest, going southward to his exposed-
"I have a question, Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura said, raising her own hand. Kakashi's eye twitched as he cast a glance up from his book to her.
"What is it, Sakura?" Kakashi asked, his patience wearing thin.
"I was reading this manga a few days ago, right. So, my question is; will Bleach have a sequel?" Sakura asked, perching her lips and tapping them with a finger as she struck a thinking pose.
"Well, Sakura-"
"Cause it seems like it'll have a sequel." Sakura said, interrupting her sensei, "I mean, Ichigo and Rukia still haven't gotten together."
"Well Sakura, that's because-"
"As if!" Naruto interrupted, "Why would he go after the bitchy girl that beats him up when sweet, kind, and cutely shy Orihime has just been waiting for him all this time? It's so obvious she likes him!"
"Oh the irony…" Sasuke muttered as he face-palmed himself.
"What?" Naruto asked, looking to his best friend.
"Nothing, Naruto. Nothing at all." Sasuke replied.
"Listen, Sakura. I don't know if Bleach will have a sequel. I'm hoping they will, because I've just been waiting to see Ichigo as a Captain since he and his friends invaded the Soul Society." Kakashi said as Sakura nodded.
"Yeah but all their ranks are filled out now that some of the Visored are back." Sasuke pointed out as Kakashi gave him a look.
"And you say this like people in Bleach aren't killed off for no real reason. Hell, the entire Central Forty-Six was murdered off-screen and no one knew until just before Aizen left." Kakashi countered as Sasuke shrugged.
"Point." Sasuke conceded.
Kakashi re-opened his book, not knowing when he closed it. And he took her in his arms, kissing down her neck passionately as her hands ran down his chest-
"Kakashi, I've got a question for you." Sasuke said in his normally bland tone of voice.
Kakashi looked up from his book, only for his entire face to twitch as Sasuke held his hand up, his face completely impassive while Kakashi felt like beating the Uchiha boy with a fish.
"What is it, Sasuke?" Kakashi asked through gritted teeth as he slammed his book shut with one hand.
"Do Trainers from Pokemon, eat their pokemon?" Sasuke asked seeming almost bored with his question as Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi gave him surprised looks.
"Sasuke! Where did that even come from? Why would you think about that?" Kakashi asked hysterically as Naruto and Sakura agreed.
"Well, we were talking about Bleach earlier, and so I started thinking of other manga. Then I thought of Pokemon, and remembered how you never find out just what it is in Pokemon food or if there are any normal animals in the Pokemon world. So I was thinking; do Trainers eat their pokemon, or just pokemon in general?" Sasuke explained, his voice still completely devoid of any real care for the topic he had brought up while Naruto and Sakura were looking a little green from the thoughts.
"I don't know, Sasuke. Maybe they do, maybe they don't. I'm sure some Trainers catch a pokemon just because they're hungry and kill the things for food, but I'm sure ten years-olds wouldn't do that." Kakashi said as Sasuke scoffed.
"A person would do anything if you're hungry enough. Besides, what is wrong with the creator of Pokemon anyway? Having ten year-olds go out into an unsuspecting world filled with creatures of all kinds that could easily kill them? Creatures with powers? What is wrong with these kids' parents for actually encouraging them to go out and journey an entire island-country at that age, anyway? Someone must have been hopped-up on drugs." Sasuke said, closing his eyes and crossing his arms as he held his head up high while his team stared at him like he had three heads.
"You… Umm… You got issues with the Pokemon series, don't you, Sasuke?" Naruto asked as Sasuke looked surprised.
"Oh no, I love the series! I want a Umbreon." Sasuke replied as Kakashi could feel his brain twitch.
"If I could have a pokemon, I'd want a Oshawatt. They're so adorable!" Sakura gushed as Naruto pulled a face.
"Ugh! Why would you want a pokemon from the Unova region? They're all a bunch of prejudice bastards." Naruto said in disgust as Kakashi quirked a brow at him.
"Is it because of Trip/Shooti? Because I know he seems to be a xenophobic, but I'm sure he'll change by the end of the Unova-region series." Kakashi said before he sighed, "They always do…"
"Except Gary. He's still a jerk, and it's been like ten since he was a main character!" Sakura said as Kakashi, Naruto, and Sasuke agreed.
"But no, it's not just him, Kakashi-sensei. It's their whole region! They're all a bunch of xeno… whatevers!" Naruto said, flailing his arms around.
"Why do you say that? People seem to greatly enjoying seeing Ash's Pikachu." Kakashi pointed out as Naruto waved his argument aside.
"Sure they do. And don't even get me started on the mouse and the fact that Ash is still ten, dammit!" Naruto said before taking a breath, "But haven't you noticed? There aren't any Pokemon from the other regions there. Doesn't that seem a little suspicious?"
"I admit, it did until they explained that the land was so distant from the other regions." Kakashi said as Sakura and Sasuke looked to be thinking over the issue themselves.
"Yeah, but what's that to Flying-type bird pokemon who need to migrate. I think the region is controlled by prejudice people who don't like the other regions for some reason. I mean, everyone jumps Ash for having a Pikachu, but have you not seen the signs of hate?" Naruto said before he began ticking them off on his fingers, "The routes don't continue from the other regions like the previous ones. Everyone around has never seen a Kanto pokemon until Pikachu, even though Skyla said that Kanto and Sinnoh were "just around the corner", meaning that those two regions are close by. There are barely any old towns, and everything is so modern-"
"Perhaps it's their technological advancement that has made them so chauvinistic and xenophobic?" Kakashi interrupted as Naruto scoffed.
"Then that sucks, because Kanto is like the cheap end of the stick while Unova is all closed off and shimmering like gold in comparison." Naruto said, crossing his arms.
"Maybe that's why. Maybe the regions are, like, in competition for some sorta super government." Sakura suggested as Naruto hummed in thought.
"That's actually a good idea, Sakura." Kakashi said, using her as a way of squashing the topic, "Now, I'm gonna go back to reading my book. No one bother me, or I'll shove a Chidori where the sun don't shine."
Opening his book once more, Kakashi sighed in relaxation as he leaned against the metal railing of the boat, finding his place in the book. Ahh, there he was. And he took her in his arms, kissing down her neck passionately as her hands ran down his chest, going southward to his exposed-
"Kakashi-sensei!"
"What Naruto? What the hell do you want?" Kakashi yelled, slamming his book shut and throwing it to the ground.
"Sasuke said you were really David Bowie in disguise. Are you really David Bowie?" Naruto explained as Kakashi's visible eye only twitched madly while his body froze in fury, "If so, can we call you Bowie-sensei? Will you sing "Starman" for us? Can you make a parody of that song? Will you sing the new hit parody "Milkman" instead for us? I knew there was a reason you could do half the things you do! David Bowie-sensei? Bowie-sensei? You're eye is twitching, Bowie-sensei-san-sama-kun."
"I'm going to murder you!" Kakashi said, giving chase to a laughing Naruto as his teammates looked on.
"Pay up." Sakura said, holding out her hand as Sasuke scowled, digging into his pocket as he pulled out some bills, stuffing them hurriedly into Sakura's waiting hand.
"Here. Take it." Sasuke grumbled, "I should have never bet against Naruto and his annoying factor. I just thought that someone like Kakashi would have more self-control than that."
"It was Naruto." Sakura said as though it explained everything. Apparently it did, as Sasuke sighed while he nodded.
"Yeah, you're right…"
"Ha, ha! You'll never take me alive, David Bowie-sensei-sama-san-sama-kun!" Naruto laughed out as he dodged his teacher's angered attacks, "There's a Milkman just waiting in the sky! He likes to deliver dairy so long as it's-"
"I'll kill you, Naruto! I'm not David Bowie!"
"That's exactly what David Bowie would say in one of his many disguises!"
"Cut, cut, cut! That shot was terrible!" the director shouted as he looked at his actors, "Why wasn't the camera shaking? You have to shake it until you can't tell what's going on! The audience loves that crap!"