Last chapter was, as some people put it, basically just a filler. Nothing really important happened aside from the mentioning of training. But hey, at least when you see them wipe out powers and moves you're not lost, thinking, "Where the hell did this come from?"
Now this chapter, will be a lot more than filler. Hope y'all enjoy!
Now on with the show!
Chapter 24: Mission: Protect the Kick-Ass Actress!
Yukie's eyes opened slowly and she took in her surrounds. She was in a nice, soft bed in a large room, filled with fancy furniture and nice clothing. There were no windows, but there was a single door at the end of the room. Although the room seemed to be swaying slightly, much to her dismay. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a clock.
5:13 a.m. … Ugh…
"Is Yukie-sama waking?" she heard a familiar voice ask. It had to be Sandayu, as that man was the only one she knew that could sound so completely whipped and yet still hold some dignity.
Yukie slowly sat up in her bed, but then immediately felt worse. She put a hand to her forehead, but the futile attempt was just that… futile. She felt incredibly dizzy with all this swaying going on and it was just getting worse by the second.
Ugh… they better not have put her on a boat… She hated boats!
"Sandayu, can you get my a glass of water?" Yukie asked as she heard the door to her room open, but didn't look up, "It feels like the whole room is swaying. Sounds crazy, right?"
"That may be because we're on ship at the moment, Lady Fujikaze." a voice, one she didn't know answered. Looking up quickly, though groaning as she regretted it with the churning of her stomach, Yukie saw a masked ninja with gravity defying grey hair and one visible eye.
"Who the hell are you?" Yukie asked, not caring to be polite as she was feeling to bad.
"I'm Kakashi Hatake, a member of your… bodyguards, to put it one way." Kakashi said, as Sandayu came into the doorway alongside the ninja.
"Ugh… You know what?" Yukie said as she grasped her head, a headache settling in over her mind, "I don't care who you are. Just get me something to ease this headache and a water, dammit."
"I'll take care of that, Mr. Kakashi." Sandayu said as Kakashi nodded.
"Wait, Sandayu!" Yukie called after her assistant, but he was gone, "Why the hell am I on a boat?" Glaring at the doorway, Yukie turned her attention to Kakashi, who feeling eyes upon him, looked up from his orange book, "You, tell me what the hell 'm doing on a ship."
"I'm afraid Sandayu-san has expressively asked me not to reveal our destination nor its purpose to you as of yet." Kakashi said, moving to the door.
"Bullshit!" Yukie said, grabbing a hairbrush from her bedside and throwing it at the man.
Kakashi didn't even glance up from his book as he caught the brush, turning the page of his reading material before he giggled promiscuously.
"Princess Leia, you naughty girl…" Kakashi muttered to himself before walking out of the room just as Sandayu was coming back.
"Damn that Copy-ninja!" Yukie yelled as she slammed her fists into her bed.
"I'm so bored!" Sakura whined as she dropped back onto her bed, "We can't get any real training done while on this boat and now we can't even do the bit we were getting in because the crew are setting up for a big scene they have to shoot right away."
"Ya know, I would have expected Naruto to be the first to crack." Sasuke said as he and Naruto sat at the foot of Sakura's bed while she sat up, "Why didn't you crack yet, Naruto?"
"Because my the training I've been doing doesn't need dry land, a medic on standby, or that much room." Naruto boasted proudly with a causal shrug, "These toad techniques are really weird and gross, but their damn useful and a bit cool. In fact, I was helping the crew just earlier with one of them."
"Useful, you say." Sasuke said with a smirk, "Then I'll just have to copy them."
"Too bad for you. Almost known of them use hand-signs, and only those with a natural affinity for toads can use them." Naruto said, smirking right back before he put a hand to his chin in thought, "In fact, now that I think about, all of them require you to have signed the Toad Summoning Contract first and have the approval of the toads."
"Wish I had a summoning contract." Sakura said as she and Sasuke exchanged looks.
"I'm sure you two will get one someday." Naruto said, waving his hand dismissively, "You'll be studying under Granny Tsunade, so you'll get her slugs. And trust me, they're way better than they look. The Slug Queen is as big as Gamabunta, and she can spilt into all these smaller versions of herself, sorta like my Shadow Clone Jutsu."
"What about me?" Sasuke asked.
"You'll be running off with Orochimaru, which I don't approve of." Naruto spat as Sasuke looked shocked.
"What? I am not!" Sasuke said, "That guy pretended to be a girl for the entire Chunin Exams, and he gave me this damn Curse Mark." Sasuke said indignantly, pulling down his collar and pointing to the mark, which was enclosed by seals.
"Yeah, yeah, but you will anyway. I've seen it." Naruto said, looking thoroughly disgusted with Sasuke's choice in men.
"Stop it! I don't have a choice in men, and if I did, I certainly wouldn't pick Orochimaru out of the lot of them." Sasuke said as Naruto blinked
"You can hear my thoughts?" Naruto asked in surprise as Sakura scoffed.
"Naruto, you were still speaking out loud." Sakura said as Naruto shrugged.
"At least I'm honest." Naruto replied before he turned to Sasuke, "But seriously, why couldn't you pick anyone else. I'd even be happy for you if you chose to go Kankuro and his soulless puppets for power and vengeance instead of the murder of the Old Man."
"Well if I do go to him for any of that, it'll end with me killing him. No one messes over the Third Hokage and gets away with it so long as I'm concerned. He was the only person that treated me like an actual person." Sasuke said, and then caught the looks of his teammates, "Well, aside from you two, Kakashi, and the other Genin we know back in the village."
"Good to know." Naruto said, nodding as Sakura shrugged, "So Sasuke, what did you do while training?"
"I was trying to create a variation to the Chidori. Something like the senbon which Haku used against us on the Wave mission." Sasuke said as Naruto shivered, remembering what Sasuke had looked like after Haku got through with him.
"I really should have taken being a ninja more seriously from the start…" Naruto said, his head lowered as he stared into his lap, "If I did, maybe they wouldn't have died. Or maybe I would have been able to help the Old Man…"
"Naruto, none of that was your fault." Sakura said, laying a hand on her friend's shoulder, "Even if you had been stronger, you can't possibly know if that would have changed things."
"I know, but what's the use of having a fox sealed away inside of me, giving me near unlimited power if I can't save those I hold precious." Naruto said, his eyes squeezed shut tightly as he tried not to cry.
"Just because you didn't save a few people, doesn't mean you haven't changed things for the better or protected anyone." Sasuke said, not caring to be as gentle as Sakura because he understood that Naruto needed brutal honesty right now, "Stop whining. You helped change Haku and Zabuza in the end before they died. You changed Neji and helped him and Hinata grow closer as well as their family. You changed Gaara for whatever better he may be doing in his village. You're the damn Hokage now, man up!"
Naruto felt the tears slip past his eyelids as he opened his eyes. He wiped them away quickly, smiling to his two teammates as he did, "You're right, both of you! The past can't be changed, and I do need to man up. I'm the Hokage now! I can't dwell on what could have been. I need to keep moving forward, because now it isn't just about me; it's about the village, and the people who depend on me."
"Good for you, Naruto." Sakura said as she patted his back encouragingly.
"Yeah, dope." Sasuke agreed, "I was afraid my rival had become a little pansy for a second there."
"Rival?" Naruto laughed, "I'm now titled as the strongest ninja in the village and you're still a Genin. I think I won our rivalry."
"He's got a point there, Sasuke." Sakura pointed out as Sasuke looked to her in shock and surprise.
"Traitor. What happened to the days back when it was you and I against Naruto's idiocy? What happened to your overwhelming infatuation with me?" Sasuke asked as Sakura tapped her chin in mock-thought.
"I think that all went out the window back when we first fought Orochimaru in a little place called the Forest of Death. Then it was kicked down the street by the Sound Invasion at the Chunin Exam Finals. And then it was knocked outta town by my near death experience at the hands of that puppeteer of the Akatsuki." Sakura said as Naruto narrowed his eyes up at her while Sasuke sighed aloud.
"Speaking of which, allow me to remind you that when we get back to the village, you are so grounded." Naruto scolded as Sakura pouted, crossing her arms.
"Dammit!"
"Mr. Director! We've got a problem!" a voice on deck shouted.
This is where Naruto was very rudely awakened from his sleep-time fantasies, having to get dressed as he and his team sluggishly made their way up to the boat deck. Sasuke's hair was a mess, Sakura was without her makeup, and Kakashi's normally gravity-defying hair was as limp as a… well, you know.
However, once they had reached the deck, the four quickly took note of the chaotic scene before. Men running about under orders, others barking out orders, and today it seemed something with just a touch more ominous about the day.
Oh, that was it, Naruto realized as he raised a brow, finding himself staring up at a gigantic iceberg in their ship's path. Just look at it! It was just floating their, mocking them with it's ability to block the channel the ship would've normally used to arrive promptly at Snow Country. It would take some very careful navigation to get them around it, and Naruto saw that his teammates had readied themselves for orders.
"So, what'd we gonna do?" Naruto asked, stifling a yawn as he scratched his belly from the inside of his unzipped orange jacket.
"Do you still have those cloaks we picked up from the merchant on the way to the ship?" Kakashi asked as Naruto nodded.
"Yeah!" Naruto replied excitedly, "The guy said that it was elfin magic, or something! Said it would shield me from attacks or something!"
"And you believed him?" Sasuke inquired, his brow raised as Naruto gave him a confused look.
"Yeah, why not?" Naruto shot back, "It's not like the guy would just lie to make a sale. Besides, he said he himself was an elf that helped make the cloak. And elves don't lie, Sasuke."
"Did the guy also tell you that?" Kakashi asked as he himself raised a brow.
"Yeah, why?" Naruto replied as his team sighed in unison, "What?"
"Naruto, you are too gullible…" Sasuke muttered as he walked away, Sakura following him.
"Oh, don't say that, Sasuke. It's cute, and a good thing." Sakura said as she followed her teammate.
"Just go put on your… elfin cloak, Naruto." Kakashi sighed out, "At least it'll protect you from this cold…"
"This… is… Brilliant!" the director shouted, "You moron, grab the equipment! This is the perfect spot to shoot the scene of our big climactic battle!"
The assistant director ran up to the older man, looking confused and worried, "Are you kidding?"
"Don't you see it?" the director asked as he clenched his fist and held it equal height to his face, "The movie gods are smiling down upon us! Think of the buzz!"
"You're right! We're looking at a surefire blockbuster! Even the Making-Of will be a big hit!" Koijo said, his worried face turning to one of excitement as his smile lit up his features.
"Well, that wasn't what I was expecting." Naruto said as he and the others descended back down to their rooms.
"Tell me about it." Sasuke muttered, his hands jammed into his pockets to protect them from the cold, "Hey, Naruto. You got an extra pair of gloves?"
"Hmm… Yeah, I do. I have five pairs, actually." Naruto said, rubbing the back of his neck as he admitted so, "All blue, thought."
"Not a problem." Sasuke said, "Just give me a pair."
"I need a pair, too." Sakura said as Naruto nodded, opening the door to his room and digging through his pack.
"I knew it'd be cold in Snow Country, so I bought that cloak. I didn't think we'd be working with icebergs, though." Sasuke said as Naruto tossed him a pair of gloves while Sakura nodded.
"I didn't either." she admitted as Naruto stood, placing on his own gloves after tossing Sakura a pair.
"I only packed these because I didn't want to forget anything. I even got a thermo in here." Naruto said as he jabbed a gloved-thumb toward his pack.
"Huh, look whose all prepared for anything." Sakura teased as Naruto sputtered.
"It's not a bad thing!" Naruto shot back as Sasuke scoffed, smirking coolly as he swept out of Naruto's room.
"No one said it was, dope."
"Bastard!"
"Naruto, mind lending the crew a hand, or say… a hundred?" Kakashi said, pulling down his scarf to speak while his eyes never left his book, "Ya know, just to help speed things along."
"Way ahead of ya." Naruto said, jabbing a finger toward where his clones were carrying and directing the move of countless amounts of equipment being moved onto the new setup on the iceberg.
"It's a little strange for this thing to be here." Kakashi muttered for only Naruto to hear. Naruto's eyes narrowed slightly, getting serious, "Be on guard. This thing just sprang up out of nowhere."
"I'll scope it out later when we're on the ice." Naruto replied as Kakashi nodded, turning the page in his book. When Kakashi left to go and speak with the director, Naruto gave an annoyed sigh.
It was time to truly begin the oh so high-n-mighty job of babysitting a spoiled bitch… Well, at least it was gonna pay well…
"Hahahaha! So you have come all the way here, Princess Gale?"
"Mao!" Yukie cried out in anger, her wooden sword upraised as she prepared for battle.
"Your highness, please stay back!" Michi commanded, the actor who portrayed Tsukuyaku if Naruto remembered right, his hand on his still sheathed weapon. Beside him, the man who was Brit, freshly covered in make-up, raised his own weapon. Naruto wasn't positive, though. To be honest, he hadn't been following the filming on the ship closely, nor was he paying much attention to the scene before him. Nope, he was just looking around.
"Naruto, your eyes are purple." Sakura observed as Naruto shrugged.
"You're seeing things." Naruto replied, still looking along the iceberg. Then, he saw something shuffle beneath the snow. It was a very subtle movement, and if his eyes weren't actively looking with their hawk-like clarity, he was sure he would have mistaken it for the wind moving the snow.
However, there was no wind…
Then there! Above the entire scene on the iceberg's ridges! Another move, though this one minuscule compared to the other. Naruto's eyes flashed critically as Sasuke glanced at him. Sasuke's own eyes flared red with spinning blacks tomes. The Uchiha's eyes began darting around wildly while Sakura sighed to herself, seeing Kakashi-sensei doing much the same, though much more skillfully and subtly than her two teammates.
"Why don't I get cool eyes…?" Sakura muttered, crossing her arms under her budding breasts.
"Whatever your numbers, you are no match for me!" cried the fake Mao, who looked considerably less threatening without special effects. "Prepare to die,-!"
An explosion went off, and Sakura found herself interested. She had to admit, the effects looked so incredibly realistic…
That was, until she realized that neither Naruto nor Kakashi-sensei were standing beside her and Sasuke anymore. It was almost like they'd disappeared… Then she saw Naruto and Kakashi. They were in the middle of the trio of actors, back to back with kunai already in their hands as Naruto faced them and Kakashi faced the iceberg.
"Kakashi, take point." Naruto ordered as Kakashi nodded.
"Everyone get back, and move to the ship!" Kakashi shouted, his face dead serious.
Sakura had to blink, and then did a double-take. Naruto and Kakashi-sensei had been standing right next to her and Sasuke. Could they be under attack? That would be the only reason they'd be as serious as they were? Or they could have gotten a part in the movie? Wait… No… Maybe… No… No, no! There wasn't time for her brain to be thinking. It was time for action!
Sakura and Sasuke sprang into action. Sasuke and her helping their team leaders form a protective formation to lessen their chances of being caught off guard. While Sasuke was sneakily drawing his famed Demon-Wind shuriken, and a couple of kunai with the other hand, Sakura palmed a kunai, her own ninja weapon of choice, as they made their way forward to protect Yukie from whatever Naruto and Kakashi had spotted.
"I don't know what's going on here." Naruto said, smirking up a storm, "But I've always wanted to be in the movies."
Meanwhile, he and Kakashi were studying the source of the explosion. The smoke was making it hard to see, but it was clearing rapidly. As it did, a pale-haired man stood, dressed in white garments and wearing some sort of strange armor. His cap bore a Hidden Village symbol…
"Four dots, like falling snow…" Sakura observed, her face grim, "A Hidden Snow village? But I've never heard of any such thing!"
The man discarded his white cloak, which he had been hiding under, as he stood up straight, a hand on his hip as he stood arrogantly near the tope of the iceberg.
"Welcome, friends, to the Land of Snow." the man greeted, grinning like a wolf as he eyed them like prey.
Whoever they were, Kakashi seemed to recognize them. Naruto eyes suddenly snapped to the left, throwing a speedy and deadly shrunken from the folds of his cloak.
It was stopped when it reached its target. Or rather, it was stopped by the appearance of its target. There they spotted a second ninja, though this one was female. Her hair was a very light shade of purple, as Sakura almost mistook it for pink. But, like the Konoha kunoichi, her eyes were the same shade of green. Though unlike Sakura, which the girl was thankful for, this woman had a maniacal grin on her face as she stood proudly, wearing the same outfit as her counterpart, as well as similar armor.
"Welcome back, Princess Koyuki. Do tell us that you're still carrying around the Hex Crystal?" the enemy kunoichi said, looking just as arrogant as the man she was teamed with.
"Princess … Koyuki?" Kakashi echoed, his lone visible eye widening. And by now he wasn't the only person confused. Half of the crew didn't seem to have a clue what was going on, or if any of it was in the script. Even Sasuke looked perplexed, and that was something that shocked Sakura as normally the Uchiha had at least some idea on what was going on. In fact, Sakura noted, the only people who didn't seem to be completely shocked were Sandayu, who still looked highly worried for Yukie, and Naruto, whose eyes narrowed dangerous as the grip on his kunai tightened.
"So… things are finally revealing themselves." Naruto muttered to himself as Kakashi tensed behind, "Stay sharp!"
"Roger!" the team chorused as they all watched for any more enemies.
"To the right!" Sasuke said.
And then Sakura would have groaned aloud as their attention snapped to the third member of the Snow team. She literally did groan aloud when she got a good look at him. He was a huge giant of a man, with an ugly face and short, dark black hair. He too wore the same armor and outfit as they did, and had some sort of wide bar secured to his back. Sakura was sure what it was for, but she did know it was something to be used against them. He'd been trying to sneak up on them under the snow, as the first two had, but not many could hide themselves for long against Sakura's male teammates, all of them true masters of stealth, especially Naruto.
"You're as good as they say, Kakashi. Fortunately, it won't be good enough." the large man said as Sakura was having a hard time believing him capable of intelligent thought with his size.
If it was a fight they wanted, Sakura was more than happy to oblige in order to prove that she wasn't useless as Sasuke would normally claim teasingly.
"Sakura, Sasuke! Protect Yukie. That is our mission!" Kakashi shouted as he flung his kunai up at the lead Snow ninja, who blocked with his armored right arm, the kunai clanging harmlessly against his gauntlet.
"Everyone else, back to the ship!" Naruto shouted, and seeing that they weren't move fast enough for his liking, which should have been the second he opened his mouth, his eyes darkened, "NOW!"
And, when Naruto spoke like that, people had a tendency to heed his words. As one, the actors began to run for their lives back toward the ship. All except Yukie, who was still frozen still in shock.
"Fubuki, Mizori… get the Princess." the lead Snow ninja snapped lazily even as he dropped down lightly to the base of the hillside, Kakashi having raced to meet him there before he even touched ground.
The man gave Kakashi a feral grin, "I remember you, Kakashi Hatake." the man hissed, "I hope you're not planning to run away, like the last time."
Kakashi's one visible eye narrowed in both disgust and annoyance, "Nadare Roga…"
"You remember…" Nadare said lightly, smiling widely, "I'm flattered."
They wasted no more words on each other, hurling another pair of shuriken at the other which only collided midair. Kakashi hurriedly snapped his hands together in a quick series of seals. And as he watched, Nadare blurred and vanished from normal view just as Kakashi had. His grin didn't diminish though. No, it only grew wider, emphasizing his sharp canines. After all, the hunt was half the fun. And he could afford to take his time with the cool, Sharingan-eyed shinobi. Fubuki and Mizori would tear apart his little team of Genin brats in no time flat, and then they could all make their way back to the castle and see their master; complete with both the Princess and the Hex Crystal.
Kakashi and Nadare met with the force of a small explosion, trading powerful punches and kicks in the middle of the air. Leaping their way further up the hillside, but being mindful that the slightest slip of ice would not only leave them open to attack, but could also send them tumbling down to the jagged ice below.
Not a desirable position to find oneself…
The pale-haired Nadare launched two punches at him, but Kakashi easily knocked them away with a couple of back-hand swipes. Then, the man lashed out with a kick, which Kakashi had to thank years of acquired flexibility to be able to dodge midair like he did. Kakashi retaliated with a few jabs of his own, but it seemed they were evenly matched when Nadare moved his body from the path of his fist, and slapped them down to get a shot at the silver-haired Jonin's head.
Meanwhile, below, his team had their own problems.
Mizori, the big ugly guy, Naruto noted, had quickly unveiled the purpose of the staff-like pole on his back. Unfolding the object created some sort of rough board which, while running, the guy threw to the ground before him and hopped atop it, his boots locking in place when he did. The large guy used the board to slid across the snow and ice at great speeds, propelling along by using his own chakra in conjunction with some form of propulsion devices hidden in the back of his armor. At least, that was what Sasuke had theorized.
Naruto moved in quickly to intercept the guy, but the behemoth of a man came whizzing past him with the speed and force of a cannon, forcing the young Kage to flip clear out of the way. The next time Mizori came around, though, Naruto was ready for him. Naruto's unoccupied hand flew from behind his cloak as a shuriken was already spinning on his index finger. He flicked it off, it flying toward the guy and arcing up to catch the guy's midsection. While it was still flying, Naruto's hands raced through signs.
"Ninja Art: Shadow Shuriken!" Naruto enacted as one shuriken become fifty.
However, this proved near useless as they all broke harmlessly against the big lug's armor. He was practically unstoppable once he'd been set into motion. And it didn't help matters much when the pink-haired Fubuki came dancing down to join him and get in on the action. Sasuke, however, came in as he lazily threw a few kunai from the side to distract the giant man, and then even his Demon-Wind shuriken at the girl, who dodged it midair before she drew back her hand and thrust it out, releasing a jutsu of her own.
"Ice Style: Tsubame Blizzard!" the girl incanted.
"Crap…" Sasuke muttered, flipping away from the flurry of razor-sharp swallows that were made of ice which came hurtling through the air toward him. Sasuke nearly lost his balance, not used to fighting atop snow, sleet, and ice as he feet slid along such. However, the Uchiha cursed under his breath as the birds changed course in mid-flight and came around for a second pass. Before they could slam themselves into him, Sasuke's hands flashed through hand-signs while he took in a deep breath, filling his lungs to their max. He hadn't wanted to use his jutsu so early in the fight, but desperate times called for such measures.
"Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu!" Sasuke echoed in his mind as he blew out hot flames, which when in contact with the ice birds, caused them to melt into steam and vapor.
"Sakura, get everyone out of here and back to the ship!" Naruto shouted as Sakura nodded, looking to the actors around Yukie and the director, all of whom were standing around and gawking in shock and awe of an actual live ninja battle occurring before their very eyes.
"Right, everyone back to the ship!" Sakura echoed as the actors obeyed without question.
Naruto glanced back to see if his orders were being followed. It would be ten times worst in the battle if one of the actors were caught up in it, and used as hostages back the Snow ninja. He cursed mentally as he saw some of the actors were near the ship, but still regarding the clashing shinobi in shock, watching from afar as though it were all apart of their movie.
"Sakura, direct them back to the ship!" Naruto shouted, kunai in hand as he tried to help his teammate by giving her fewer things to worry about; like the battle itself. Besides, there was something about the enemies' armor that was confusing him. He was trying to puzzle it out as quickly as he could, but he couldn't figure out what was making the armor so effective. Glancing back once again, Naruto sighed in relief as he saw Sakura guiding all of the fleeing actors back to the ship and onto said vessel.
Well, all except for Yukie Fujikaze… Koyuki Kazahana… Princess Gale… whoever the bitch was! No, the woman just had to be the stupid one… Just standing there clutching at her robes… Dazed in shock…
Just fuckin' perfect…
"Go!" Naruto bellowed once more, directly at the idiotic actress who simply gazed in the distance of memories through clouded vision. Naruto sighed, waiting for his opponent to make his return. He might as well have been talking to a damn sculpture for all the impact and good it was doing him…
"Your Highness!" Sandayu's voice shouted as the man came rushing back across the snow to save her, having seen her freeze up. His voice caught her attention, succeeding where Naruto had failed. Now there was an impact, but it was equal parts shock and anger.
"Sandayu ... What are you … I'm… Kami-sama, help…" Yukie's voice said softly as she looked like she would soon break down into sobs.
This turn of events, mainly the princess' ignorance and stupidity with staying on the battlefield, did wonders for Fubuki's mood. Mizori could finish off the brat barking out orders, Nadare would kill Kakashi Hatake, and all she really needed to do was snatch up the princess. Fubuki grinned evilly as she once again landed and almost danced her way forward along the snow towards the stunned princess.
However, her advancement was stopped short twenty meters away from said royalty by a form suddenly materializing in front of her, appearing out of nowhere to her naked eyes. The person glared impassively at her, keeping his cool as angrily as he poised a demon-wind shuriken for battle.
"I am your opponent." Sasuke stated as he snapped the shuriken open and extending its blades.
Fubuki nearly blinked in surprise as she gazed down at the crouched boy. He was fast, and she had nearly forgotten about him in her joy at how easy a target the princess was making herself. Fubuki only grinned on the surface though. It was more than fine by her if the dark-haired brat wanted to die by her hand.
Fubuki and Sasuke shot back from each other as their battle began anew in round two. Instead of charging, both elected to keep their distance. Fubuki was the first to kick things off, bringing two fingers up as if to blow a kiss to the young Uchiha when she suddenly dropped to her knee and slammed them into the ground.
"Ice Style: Ice Prison Jutsu!" Fubuki incanted as the ice in front of her began to sprang up like bear traps.
Sasuke's eyes widened slightly at the jutsu while he heard flung himself backward, launching into a handstand and then into a full-formed back-flips as the ice in front of him tried desperately to ensnare him once, then twice, and a full third time. While upside-down in the air trying to formula a plan, he decided it would simply be best to go with what he knew of the elements: fire beat ice every time.
"Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu!" Sasuke incanted as he blew out hot flames.
Sasuke watched as the flames raged toward Fubuki, but was slightly unnerved by her near feral grin when he noticed another wall of ice rise up to protect and barricade the female Snow-ninja's form. Sasuke watched as everything he knew about fire versus ice was disproved when the flames reached the ice and failed to melt it.
"Okay… new plan…" Sasuke thought as he continued to survey his opponent for a moment of weakness.
Kakashi, meanwhile, had rocketed out of the crater he had created with his own body, mentally cursing the armor his opponent Nadare was wearing as he once again engaged the smug man. Kakashi wasn't aiming to win any victory as that was near impossible at the moment with so many people to protect and the mission to think about. He hoped that at least Sakura would carry Yukie off, but it seemed that Sakura wanted the woman to move on her power, either that or wanted something to do by protecting the woman and not being made useless while the males of the team fought. So all Kakashi aimed to do was distract Nadare from going after the actress/princess, and he had to say that he was doing that pretty well. He and the wolfish Snow-ninja were relentless in their struggles, giving no quarter and even less mercy as their blows vicious pounded away at each other.
Naruto glanced up the path to see that somehow the large Snow-ninja had been speeding toward him in near silence while his mind was elsewhere. He flipped and dodged each blow that came at him, his hands racing through seals before his fist was whirling with the cold glacier winds around it.
"Wind Style: Tornado Fist!" Naruto said, as he brought chakra to his hand to solidify his attack and maximize the damage. He was hoping to crack the armor on the man's torso, his airy chakra danced around in his tightened fist as he ran toward Mizori, the large Snow-ninja.
The attack, however, was made powerless as when Naruto's fist was a meter from the guy, the winds around it suddenly stopped and dispersed into harmless breezes of fresh air. The overweight man chuckled at the display before punching Naruto with all the might of a mountain while Naruto went rocketing backward. Luckily, Naruto was able to twist in the air, landing and skidding across the snow and ice on his feet while he racked his brain for a jutsu that would have some hope of working where others had failed.
"Naruto!" Kakashi's voice called out as Naruto grinned to himself. He had a perfect plan.
"Kakashi, copy me!" Naruto said as Kakashi didn't waste time preparing, the two going through hand-signs in unison like a perfect mirror image while Kakashi raced to Naruto's side.
"Water Style: Water Dragon Jutsu!" the two shouted in harmony as Nadare cursed when he saw they weren't attacking him, but Mizori, who had no defense against such an attack.
The water dragons danced out of the waters near the edge of the glacier together before racing toward Mizori, whose eyes widened in fear. Unfortunately for him, that was the only action he was able to take before he was washed away in the sudden flood of freezing cold waters slush.
Because jutsu or not, a huge amount of water was not to be stopped…
Kakashi landed next to Naruto, who stood with a calming breath as he tried to asset the situation at hand. Naruto glanced back toward the ship, seeing the peculiar sight of as the movie crew ran toward the ship. Well… most of them, anyway. Makino, the director, seemed to have refused to get out of his chair, so both he and his chair were being carried away from the scene by both of his assistant directors; Kaijo and Hidero.
"Keep that camera rolling, even if it kills you!" Makino shouting, "Show them all the resolve of the cinematographer!"
Naruto nearly rolled his eyes, but the situation was far to serious for that.
"Kakashi, what is it with their armor?" Naruto asked calmly as Kakashi and he stood back to back, gazing toward their respective enemy.
"Its chakra armor. It increase their power while forming a protective barrier around them, rendering all our Ninjutsu or Genjutsu useless. It's a hell of a lot strong than what it used to be." Kakashi explained as Naruto nodded.
"Ice Style: Dragon vs. Tiger!" Nadare shouted gleefully at seeing an opportunity to hit two birds with one stone. A giant tiger made of ice and snow raced from his side while he watched on in amusement for what Kakashi would do.
Kakashi's hands snapped went through hand-seals faster than Naruto could follow as the Copy-ninja looked up at Nadare.
"Water Style: Water Dragon!" Kakashi countered as Naruto glanced at him, hoping it would allow them to hold their position.
Both water and ice clashed and looped together, finally evaporating into snow. Naruto would have sighed in relief. You know, if it weren't for the fact that a giant spiral of snow was racing at them then. Naruto and Kakashi leapt apart as the snow hardened back into an ice dragon and crashed down where they had once been.
Kakashi landed on top of an ice spire as he glared hard at the lead Snow-ninja, "Okay, if that's how you want to play…" Kakashi said dangerously.
Sakura readied herself as the rather big Snow-ninja came snowboarding toward her and the two she was guarding with the speed of a demon. He raised his gauntlet-metal arm and showed his hand was that of a robot, shooting off some form of sticky webbing like spider as it tied up Yukie. Sakura quickly took care of that, slashing the connection of the webbing with her kunai while giving the Snow-ninja a hard look.
Yet, still he came racing toward them, rearing his fist back as he gave Sakura an equally hard look, "Outta the way, little girl!" Mizori shouted as he planned to deck the girl one if she didn't move.
Sakura couldn't think of anything other than how painful it was about to become if she went to blows with the guy more than twice her size and probably triple her weight. Luckily for her, she was saved from that fate when Naruto used his own body as a missile, knocking the large man aside and from his board in his desperate attempt to keep Sakura's face intact.
Sasuke, Sakura's mom Sayuri, and Lee a.k.a Bushy Brows, would kill him if he didn't!
"Why you little-!" Mizori raged as he got up and swung at Naruto.
It was to the large man's surprise when the kid caught his punch near effortlessly while not even looking at him.
No, Naruto was looking at Sakura while the girl marveled at Naruto's strength and power. She could practically feel it like a warm fire lavishing from him. Naruto's eyes were crimson red and his pupils were slitted as glowered down at Sakura, Yukie, and Sandayu for still being where they were.
"Sakura, take Yukie and Sandayu and get back to the ship." Naruto said as he looked back at the Snow-ninja, who threw another punch while trying to catch the young Kage off-guard. Naruto merely blocked it just as easily as the first, pinning the man's large fists in his own hands.
"But what about you?" Sakura asked in worry, "Your jutsu won't work on them."
"If the stupid woman dies here, then all of this was pointless!" Naruto shouted back in reply as Sakura flinched, "So take her, get to the ship, and get out of here! The three of us can walk on water; you can't! We'll catch up in no time. "
"This is something that's surprising well thought-out for you, Naruto." Sakura commented as she picked up the near-comatose woman and nudged Sandayu to move. Obviously, by the look Naruto threw her over his shoulder, that wasn't the thing to say aloud.
"Sakura, where should you be right now?" Naruto asked as Sakura gulped.
"The sh-ship…" Sakura answered timidly in the face of Naruto's… well, demonic face.
"The ship! Now go!" Naruto roared as Sakura wasted no time.
"Okay!" And with that she took off as fast as her legs could carry her while still having Sandayu keep up with her.
"What is this chakra…?" Mizori thought as he felt Naruto's chakra bubbling forth when he shouldn't have. The armor was supposed to decrease the enemies chakra to near nothing within such close range. Plus, the chakra he was feeling wasn't too peachy either…
Fubuki and Nadare must have sensed it too as they looked over in shock to see Naruto very calmly holding back Mizori, who was the physically strongest of them all. Kakashi saw the look on Naruto's face, and breathed a sigh of relief that Naruto now had some measure of control over the Kyuubi's massive power.
They sure needed the advantage as the battle was now…
"What is that?" Fubuki spat as she raced through hand-signs for another round of ice prisms.
"Ignore it! Get the Princess!" Nadare shouted as his own hands snapped together into a quick session of seals while gazing down at Naruto, "I don't know what that kid is, Kakashi, but he's about to be an ice sculpture."
"Naruto!" Kakashi shouted, but it was too late.
"Ice Style: Dragon vs. Tiger!"
The icy hillside split asunder under the force of Nadare's jutsu as an equally icy giant tiger arose from the crack, speeding towards Naruto's exposed back. Naruto didn't even flinch as he glanced back at the tiger before dropping Mizori's fist and kicking the burly man near twenty meters away from him before looking toward the tiger with distain.
Naruto kicked his powerful legs at the ground, launching himself into the air at the frozen tiger while his hands slowly went through seals.
"Fire Style: Dragon's Rage!" Naruto roared in an unearthly dark voice as flames near white in their heat burst from his mouth in a stream of heat. The tiger of ice stood no chance against such overwhelming firepower, melting away upon contact.
Nadare's green eyes opened wide with shock while he took a subconscious step back in his growing fear for whatever Naruto was. There was no way the boy was some simple snot-nosed Genin! No way in the icy pits of Hell!
Sasuke hated that the elements had failed him. The light purple-haired woman before him was proving herself to be quite the difficult opponent as she attacked in earnest. And as time wore on, his own attacks were visibly less and less effective. His kunai couldn't do much against ice and snow; after all, this wasn't their own native environment of leaf and wood. And even though Sasuke plenty of Fire Release jutsu, he was doubtful he had enough chakra left to use most of them as it was. He hated being on the defensive as he was, but it was all he could do. He continued jumping out of the way of Fubuki's ice prison attacks.
Then he found his leg caught. Sasuke gazed down at the appendage in shock.
"New plan! New plan!" Sasuke thought in a rare moment of panic, racking his brains for an idea. He vaguely contemplated hacking the limb off, but with someone like Lady Tsunade to reattach it quickly afterward, the cold would kill him with such an injury. Then an actual idea struck him just as he was being completely encased in ice a second later.
Fubuki grinned in victory at seeing the brat who thought to challenge her encased her ever freezing ice prison prism. Then she noticed something.
"The brat swapped." Fubuki cursed as she gazed into the ice to see what the dark-haired boy could have possibly used. It was a small heater with a large paper tag on it. Wait a moment! That wasn't any ordinary tag now that she gazed upon it more critically. It was-
BOOM!
The explosion from the paper bomb mixed with the already burning lantern-like heater destroyed the ice prison and the flames went barreling toward Fubuki quickly. And just as she was turning and about to move away to avoid being burned to death, two kunai with ninja-wire attached to them shot out even faster than the flames and wrapped her to the nearest block of high ice she had once used as a shield.
Sasuke stood up straight with a sigh of relief as he saw a large column of fire arise from where the Snow-ninja was that he had been battling. However, that relief was quickly washed away when he saw something fly out from the cloud of smoke and flame that he had created. He frowned deeply as he saw it was the female Snow-ninja, who had activated some kind of glidin wings on her back and was now soaring straight at him at a rapid pace. He couldn't help but think about how unfair it was that she could fly, but that thought turned into shock quickly when he saw just how fast she was barreling toward him.
Though while all the battles were still raging, Yukie, or rather Koyuki's eyes, were locked on the flames that raged from Sasuke's last attack. They were just like the fires that had burned her once beautiful home in the Land of Snow to the ground. Razed all the hard work and love her father had put into them… Burned her own father himself to ash… She could see it, more clearly than ever before in the last twenty years of her life of running from the memories as an actress. She could see her younger-self, standing before the mirror as the fires and ninja ravaged her home… as she watched her father's death in the mirror… as the mirror shattered… as she was taken away with her pleas being to go back and save her already dead father from the burning palace that was in the distance…
She thrashed in Sakura's arms, striking and lashing out at anything that dared move her. That dared return her to all the pain she had been running from. She wouldn't have it!
Sakura was forced to let the hysterical actress/princess go when the woman hit her upside her head with amazing strength the kunoichi wasn't aware the woman possessed. Yukie fell to her knees and grabbed her head, trying to force out those memories while still lashing out whenever Sakura or Sandayu dared touch her!
"Princess!" Sandayu tried desperately, backing away from a blow that the crazed woman had thrown, "We must get back to the ship, or else you're life will-"
"I DON'T CARE IF I DIE!" Yukie shouted, emotion heavy in her voice, "I… I WON'T GO BACK TO THE LAND OF SNOW!"
The others, or more of just Naruto, having heard the shout, looked back and scowled as he saw the woman was being difficult. He sighed though, turning back to his now enraged opponent Mizori. They were near the ship, so the battle could be ended quickly enough.
Mizori must have seen this as he leapt up into the air and shot his metal hand like a missile directly at Yukie. Naruto cursed as he was about to use his flash-step to knock the metallic appendage away, but saw with horror as Sakura tried to take the blow for herself. It wasn't even a punch as Naruto saw Sakura captured in the man's metallic clutches before being promptly thrown away like thrash. Naruto glared angrily at the man that dared to treat his friend in such a way.
Naruto rushed forward in a battle of Taijutsu against the large man, and by the power of his anger was he winning easily. His eyes flickered dangerously as his crimson irises glared hatefully at the man. The guy began to break off from close-range combat as he found his board once more, using it with his metal claw to attack Naruto.
"Sasuke, copy me!" Naruto shouted as Sasuke stopped glaring up at his freely flying opponent and nodded, his Sharingan flaring as he and Naruto moved like one.
"Fire Style: Fire Stream Jutsu!" Naruto and Sasuke incanted as they both took in deep breaths and released hell-hot flames from their mouths which raced toward their opponents.
Fubuki and Mizori, however, proved their technological armor's speed to be superior to the speed of the jutsu as they practically danced around the flames and dodged all damage that could have been done.
Though Naruto only grinned as he and Sasuke stopped, Sasuke still copying Naruto's movements as the two columns of fire raced together and joined into one large phoenix of flame. Fubuki and Mizori, along with all others stopped their movement as they gazed upon the combined flamed creature. Naruto and Sasuke leapt to each other's side as they continued to work together to control the beast.
"Enough of this!" Nadare said, seeing the princess collapse at the mere sight of the huge beast of fire along with Kakashi retreat from their fight. Nadare's hands slowly worked through his jutsu, never having need of the particular one he was about to unleash before.
"Ice Style: White Whale Jutsu!" Nadare shouted to the echoing skies as Kakashi was made to leap away from his retreat when from under the very ice of his feet, a giant white narwhal made entirely from snow came up.
Sasuke was glad he had been watching with his Sharingan, because he planned for pay back when his and Naruto's phoenix went head-to-head against the whale, the struggle destroying both while producing a massive column of steam.
"And that's our cue to get out of here." Naruto said as Sasuke nodded, "Get Sakura from the other side of the field. I'll alert Kakashi."
"Right." was all Sasuke said before he raced over to their downed teammate.
"Okay, that was impressive…" Kakashi said, his tone dangerous as his Sharingan flared and the black tomes spun ferociously, "Now it's my turn."
"Kakashi!" Naruto called out as Kakashi glanced at him.
"I know, I'm about to end it! Get everyone out of here!" Kakashi shouted back as Naruto nodded, creating clones as he ran to collect everyone. Kakashi could tell he was running low on chakra, and saw that the ship was already moving out to sea. He would need to conserve at least a portion of his power to be able to run to the ship, however…
"Ice Style: White Whale Jutsu!" Kakashi incanted as Nadare glared at him playfully.
"Still copying my moves I see, aye Kakashi? You must be dumber than you look. You can't beat me that way, nor shall it settle this that way." Nadare said in amusement as he cast the same jutsu.
"Beat you?" Kakashi echoed in confusion, cocking an eyebrow as Nadare blinked in confusion, "That's not quite what I had in mind."
"Naruto, let me the hell go! I can run in terror on my own, dammit!" Sasuke yelled at one of the Naruto clone, who had picked him up and began to flee while holding the Uchiha bridal-style. Other clones were carrying Sakura, Sandayu, and an unconscious Yukie. Naruto himself ran along with his clones, cursing as he figured out Kakashi's plan at the same time Sasuke had just then.
Nadare realized what Kakashi's true aim was as he saw the sight of the boy and his clones fleeing, but it was too late to stop his attack. The two huge ice-made narwhals appeared, clashing against each other and cracking apart the glacier even further from where Nadare's earlier white whale had come up from. It was followed quickly by the shockwave of awesome power when the two whales went down, splitting the island in two. It also caused a small tsunami, which rippled through the waters as it pushed the small ice platform which held Team Seven and their clients toward the ship while also knocking the ship off-course and its occupants off their feet.
Naruto, his clones, the people the clones were carrying, and Kakashi all made it safely back to the ship from the freeze cold artic waters. They leapt onto the ship and ran up its side onto the deck where they each and all promptly collapsed in exhaustion. Naruto, Kakashi, and Sasuke got up though and went to the bow of the ship, standing at the railing as they saw in the distance one of the larger hunks of ice. The saw the trio of Snow ninja watching them as well.
The Snow ninja gazed at the escaping ship sullenly, feeling a little cheated that their prey was escaping. They'd been careless in their fun for a fight they hadn't had in years. However, they swore it wouldn't happen a second time. Yes, next time they'd be ready, freaky powerful Genin or not, tricks or not: they had power on their side, and would crush the Konoha ninja next time they met on the field of battle.
Though even with such dark thoughts of their opponents begging for mercy they wouldn't receive before their feet, the mere fact that they'd been beaten infuriated the hell out of them to no end.
"What now?" Mizori asked as folded his board and securing it to his back while Nadare continued to glare off in the distance to where the ship was but a tiny dot to their view.
"Should we go after them? I mean, we can probably catch-up with the ship now if we do. Not to mention I can fly." Fubuki asked as she smirked while Mizori glared lightly at her. He had been the one to want the wings, but she had snagged them first when his back was turned.
They were freakin' ninja for a reason…!
Nadare shook his head, shaking with rage as his fists clenched and unclenched at his sides. He had to deliberately calm himself before he killed his two teammates, even though it had been his fault the Konoha ninja, and most importantly Kakashi Hatake, had escaped.
"Not us, but you, Fubuki." Nadare said suavely, turning slightly to his female teammate, "You follow them while we report back to Doto-sama. We'll tell him we allowed the Konoha ninja to escape for a false sense of security while you're actually following them in a plan for a sneak attack while they least expect it."
"That's brilliant!" Fubuki cheered as she grinned. Now no one would no that they had lost shamelessly.
"Yes, I know." Nadare replied arrogantly, "Now go. Follow, but keep out of their line of sight and report where they land. Then return to the castle where we'll be awaiting you. We'll figure out where we make our next strike from there. Mizori, you're with me."
"Roger!" the two subordinates chirped happily. Fubuki stuck her tongue out at Mizori before she leapt gracefully into the air, landing on Mizori's shoulder and using it as a stepping stone to launch herself up into the air once more and unfurling her wings. Mizori glowered at her as she floated gracefully as a dove in the sky to follow the ship.
Nadare ignored his teammates antics as he and Mizori leapt off, using their jutsu to make a crude boat out of ice. Nadare climbed in with Mizori taking the back, using his pressurized chakra jets to propel the boat along at high speed as they began to make their way back towards their home base, the new Snow country fortress.
Yes, they had failed this time, but next time there would be no mercy!
The Omake Strikes Back:
How the Battle of the Glacier Really Went:
An explosion went off, and Sakura found herself interested. She had to admit, the effects looked so incredibly realistic…
That was, until she realized that neither Naruto nor Kakashi-sensei were standing beside her and Sasuke. It was almost like they'd disappeared… Then she saw Naruto and Kakashi. They were in the middle of the trio of actors, back to back with kunai already in their hands as Naruto faced them and Kakashi faced the iceberg.
Sakura had to blink, and then did a double-take. Naruto and Kakashi-sensei had been standing right next to her and Sasuke. Could they be under attack?
Sakura and Sasuke sprang into action. Sasuke and her helping their team leaders form a protective formation to lessen their chances of being caught off guard. While Sasuke was sneakily drawing his famed Demon-Wind shuriken, and a couple of kunai with the other hand, Sakura palmed a kunai, her own ninja weapon of choice, as they made their way forward to protect Yukie from whatever Naruto and Kakashi had spotted.
Meanwhile, Naruto and Kakashi were studying the source of the explosion. The smoke was making it hard to see, but it was clearing rapidly. As it did, a pale-haired man stood, dressed in white garments and wearing some sort of strange armor. His cap bore a Hidden Village symbol… the Village Hidden in the Snow!
The man discarded his white cloak, which he had been hiding under, as he stood up straight, a hand on his hip as he stood arrogantly near the tope of the iceberg.
"Welcome back, Princess Koyuki, to the Land of Snow." the man greeted.
"What a twist!" Naruto mocked, "Famous lesbian actress Yukie Fujikaze isn't just a famous lesbian actress! She's also a famous lesbian princess, too!"
"I'm not a lesbian, dammit!" Yukie screamed.
"Allow us to introduce ourselves. I am Nadare Roga." the wolfish man said.
"I am Fubuki Kakuyoku." the woman said as she too came up from the snow.
"And I am Mizori Fuyukuma." a large burly man said as he rose from the snow on the opposite side of his team.
Naruto glanced to Kakashi, seeing recognition flash across the masked-man's face, "Who are these guys, Bowie-sensei?"
"We just said who we are, brat!" Nadare sneered as he was ignored.
Kakashi's eye twitched as Naruto refused to call him anything but David Bowie-sensei ever since it got a rise out of him from the last Omake, "They're a rare breed of ninja called forgettable movie villains. You've never heard of them, and after you've finished fighting them you won't remember it even happened. But for the duration of this mission, you'll think they're the biggest threat you've ever faced."
"Oh… sorta like the Sound team from the Chunin Exams." Sakura said as Naruto gave her a look.
"The who now?" Naruto asked as Sakura turned to him, completely forgetting the villains.
"You know: Zaku, Kin, and Dosu, the Sound Team that tried to beat us and was working for Orochimaru?" Sakura said as Naruto blinked, even Sasuke looked confused.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Naruto deadpanned as Sakura turned to Sasuke, who gave her a look.
"Are you making this up?" Sasuke asked as Sakura looked indignant.
"What? No! I am not making this up! I fought them, and had traps and everything! It was the reason my hair was cut!" Sakura defended as Sasuke scoffed.
"She's so making this up. Everyone knows you cut your hair to go butch." Sasuke said as Sakura's jaw dropped.
"What? That is a complete and total lie!"
"Hey, we're villains!" Nadare yelled, "Pay attention to us, dammit!"
"Oh right, the bad guys." Naruto said, turning back to them, "No let me see if I remember you correctly." Naruto said slowly, pointing to Nadare, "You're cliché henchman type Number One: a mildly attractive leading Asian man."
"Hmmm… six outta ten." Sakura said flatly as Nadare glared down at her.
"What did you say?" Nadare hissed through his clenched teeth, "I am much better than a six out of ten, girl! Compared to most of the one-shot characters on this show, I'm damn sexy."
"Yeah, but still only a six outta ten compared to the real characters." Sakura said with a shrug, "It doesn't mean your ugly. It just means your not a first pick."
Naruto promptly ignored the banter between his female teammate and the enemy leader as he pointed at Fubuki, "So you're cliché henchman type Number Two: the female with usually colored hair."
"Well…" Fubuki said slowly, fingering her locks, "My hair is purple…"
"Wait, I wasn't paying attention." Sasuke said, looking up from his Gamboy Color, "Who's cliché henchman type Number Two?"
"That one, there." Naruto said, pointing at Fubuki.
"Where? Behind the dollar whore?" Sasuke asked, putting away his Gameboy while Fubuki regarded him with shock and outrage, "Because it's just a bunch of snow."
"No, Sasuke, I think Naruto means-" Kakashi tried, but Sasuke hushed him with a gesture.
"Quiet, I'm trying to ninja sense here." Sasuke said, closing his eyes and extending his senses, "Yes, right… It's all clear now. Fubuki Kakuyoku is a grouping of snow. Genius!"
"No you dumbass, I'm Fubuki Kakuyoku!" Fubuki yelled, making the snow around her fall, "And excuse you; Dollar Whore?" Fubuki asked, offended, "I'm not like Nadare. I happen to be a fairly attractive woman, especially in this tight catsuit of an outfit/uniform for Snow ninja." Nadare glared at his female teammate.
"Ha! You must be confused." Sakura declared, "See, you're what I'd call a six."
"What was that you preppy little bitch?" Fubuki growled, "And where is your figure and breasts, huh? Out to lunch? Or perhaps on a very long extended vacation?"
Sakura only growled back in response, though Naruto snickered even as he ignored them.
"And you're cliché henchman type Number Three: the morbidly obese guy." Naruto said, pointing at Mizori, who glared.
"Hey, that's not fair! I have problems with my weigh!" Mizori defended, "I've tried all the diets, ya know. All that "carbs are the enemy" crap, but nothing works."
"Maybe if you a ran a few blocks instead of snowboarding to the corner store for a snack every week." Fubuki said as Mizori glared at her.
"Enough of this, let's skip to the kung-fu fighting already." Nadare said, jumping down as Kakashi met him halfway.
"Hey Hatake, the Seventies called; they want their gravity-defying hair back." Nadare taunted as Kakashi narrowed his visible eye.
"Oh yeah, well Dragon Ball Z called, and they want their crap gang of movie villains back!" Kakashi shot back as Nadare growled.
Oh, it was on now!
"Shredding Snow No Jutsu!" Mizori called out as he got atop his snowboard and began to shred down the glacier.
"Oh, yeah, that'll help burn those calories…" Naruto deadpanned as he watched the guy coming.
"Don't worry, folks. My Elvin-cloak will shield me from his attacks." Naruto said with a smile, remembering the nice elf-people who sold him the cloak. Then he had to dodge, "Whoa, this isn't working! Thos elves were full of crap!" And then he was knocked aside.
Mizori used his extending claw to grab Sakura, "Get over here!" and Sakura went screaming all the way until she was slammed into a large pile of snow face first.
"Sasuke, if I don't survive, you have to tell you something." Naruto said as Sasuke glanced at him.
"What is it?" Sasuke said.
"I'm completely indifferent to you, and am totally in love with your mom." Naruto said as Sasuke face-faulted.
"Dammit, Naruto!" Sasuke yelled as he started flipping through hand-signs, "Internet Flamer No Jutsu!"
"Whoa… the power of flamers…" Fubuki said as everyone paused in their battles, "It was foretold long ago that one descended from live trollers would be able to harness the power of the internet flame wars of the past. Sasuke Uchiha, is the Chosen Troll."
"Wh-What?" Sasuke said as he stopped blowing flames at the woman.
"You are the Chosen Troller. From this point on you will walk a path of trolling." Fubuki said, "That is, once you reach your full potential."
"But I can't be a troll." Sasuke said, then Fubuki began to fly into the skies.
"You will one accept your destiny." Fubuki said mysteriously as she disappeared beyond the clouds.
Nadare only sighed, "Dammit, Fubuki, that's the third time this week…" Nadare sighed again as he looked at Kakashi, "Let's end this."
Kakashi blinked as he glanced between Sasuke and where Fubuki had disappeared into the clouds, "Fine with me."
"Narwhal Battle No Jutsu!" the two incanted as giant white whales came from the sea and clashed, breaking apart the glacier and separating the two teams from one another.
"Narwhals, narwhals! Swimming in the ocean! Causing a commotion! 'Cause they are so awesome!" Naruto sang as Sakura blinked at him, Team Seven standing at the railing of the ship as they escaped.
"And why are narwhals suddenly so awesome, Naruto?" Sakura asked as Naruto turned to her.
"Don't 'cha know, Sakura!" Naruto exclaimed, "Narwhals, narwhals, swimming in the ocean!"
"Pretty big and pretty white. They beat a polar bear in a fight." Sasuke sang as Sakura blinked at him.
"They're like these underwater unicorns!" Naruto sang, "They've got these kick-ass facial horns!"
"They're like the Jedi of the sea!" Kakashi sang.
"Well, Kakashi-sensei's gotten back into the Star Wars manga…" Sakura concluded as she jumped.
"Aye, they stop Cthuly eating ye!" the rusty old pirate captain of the ship, Captain Mike, sang from the wheel of the ship.
"I get it now!" Sakura chirped, "Narwhals! They are narwhals! Narwhals!"
"Yeah, you got!" Naruto said as Sasuke shuttered, and shielded his groin.
"Just don't let them touch your balls!" Sasuke warned as Kakashi and Naruto nodded.
"Narwhals! They are narwhals!" Sakura sang before giving a thumbs-up, "They're inventors of the shish-kebab!"
References from:
Naruto Abridge Series by Ninjabridge
Bleach Abridge Series by BloodStainLake
Narwhals by mrweebl
Austin Powers movies