Halo – Jun-A266 – "In Black Ink"

Location: HIGHCOM Facility Bravo-6
Sydney, Australia.

February 20th, 2553
So. I just received word at the memorial is on the 3rd of March.

My problem is: I don't know if I want to go.

I woke up this morning and Death told me the news. And I began to think of reasons not to go.

Sudden realization. If I were to go, I'd have to say goodbye to everyone I'd ever lost during this war. And I don't want to say goodbye. Because goodbyes were forever. What if I want to hold on a just a little longer? Is that a bad thing?

Yes, I know I'd have the memories. But memories were painful. Knowing that there are no goodbyes between me and those I've lost makes me feel a little better.

"Jun?"

Death was standing before his carrier, at the edge of his desk. He held is scythe close to him as he addressed the former Spartan.

"Yes?"

Death almost sounded unsure of himself. "I… do not mean to pry…"

A smile made its way to Jun's lips. "But you're going to, anyway."

"I have to. I am… detecting some negative ambiances from you as you write. Will this have anything to do with the news I gave you this morning, Jun?"

"Man, it's hard to hide anything from you, Death."

"I am simply concerned, Jun," He said. "You seem more agitated today. Please. Let me assist you."

He bit his lower lip at that. He knew Death meant well but… "You're a gem, Death, but it's a little tough to explain."

"Oh," Death said as if he completely got it. "Then perhaps I shall break into your journal while you are asleep. I am sure I can understand what has been written in black ink."

Though Jun should be feeling threatened, he felt like laughing. "You're acting too much like me that it's really beginning to seem disturbing."

"Please, Jun. You are breaking my little heart," He placed one hand over it. "Not that I have one. Why do you not want to attend the memorial service on the 3rd?"

Bright blue eyes widened at him.

"A typical, yet simple conclusion to come to," Death said. "And you have just confirmed it. So tell me, little Spartan, why not?"

Jun glanced down at his twiddling thumbs, an action that he was not even aware that he was doing. "Because I don't want to say goodbye."

"Goodbye?"

"Isn't that what memorial services are for, Death? Saying goodbye to the people you've lost, to the people you've tried so hard to save? Well guess what? I'm not ready to say goodbye. In fact, I don't want to say goodbye."

"And why not?"

"Because saying goodbye is the same thing as letting go. And when you do let go… all you have are the memories," He took a moment to wince, suddenly feeling his heart squeeze. "And memories are painful. While they are supposed to provide you with comfort, they are causing you more pain. And I can't take it. I can't take it, Death. It's too much. It's always been too much. Back at CASTLE base, I lay on the ground, bleeding to death, waiting to finally die. But no. I get recused and I get to live, but not to fight. There were so much other people who died but they could have taken my place. The rest of Alpha company… all of my Headhunter partners… Shadow Team…"

Death knew Jun had no control of himself at this moment. So he shut kept his mouth shut until he knew it was time to speak.

A faked laugh came to the Spartan-III. "Noble Team… All of them, gone. But me? I'm still here. Why am I still here? Why do I get to live, but all of my friends get to die? I'm going to have to battle all of these questions and I don't need a memorial service to make me feel even worse about myself."

Death made sure to be the most honest that he could be before he would speak. "Jun, my little Spartan… you and I are no different. In fact, we are the same. First of all, let me assure you that I knew that you would say all of what you have just told me. And second… Jun, memories are not meant to cause pain. They are meant to keep the people you have lost close."

That prompted the former Spartan to look at him.

"Nobody wants pain, yes… but the pain does keep one alive," He took a few steps closer to his carrier. "And you are alive because there are Spartans out there who need you to guide them. Please do not question your survival. You have been gifted with it time and time again. You are truly meant to stay here and be more."

"Well…" Jun leaned forward. "Why doesn't it feel like it?"

He felt the A.I. smile however. "You shall feel like that eventually. Perhaps you need to let go first. Goodbyes do not have to be forever, Jun. We would all see each other once again somehow."

As he rested his head on his hand, a real smile formed on his lips. "How are you so intelligent, Death?"

"Just like how you are gifted with the gift of life over and over again, little Spartan, I have been gifted with sheer intelligence. And yes, you may begin to feel oh so jealous of me."

He gave a warm chuckle. "Get out of here."

Death returned the chuckle. "I shall be here. Just yell for me." And so, he disappeared.

"Sure." Jun was left alone with this thoughts and his journal. He decided to finish off the current entry before he would have to resume his duty.

Perhaps Death was right: goodbyes don't have to be forever. Maybe they all are waiting on the other side.

Yes, the gift of surviving is a funny thing to receive. Not that I don't appreciate it, but sometimes enough was enough. But it seems like I have another chance so I might as well live. I have the Spartans to look out for, so I might as well dedicate my life to this program and develop the Spartans to be the best that they can be.

They will be the best and they will make me proud to be able to live again.

A/N: Well, that's it for now! It was nice to do a short story once again, especially one based on my favorite Noble member!

Hope you enjoyed! I'll be sure to update whenever a new idea pops up :)

Much love,
Ash ;)