Chapter Three

She had always knew that one day Jane would be gone. For this reason, she thought she was going to be ready whenever it was going to happen. But the truth was, she wasn't. Saying the opposite would be just a lie. Her life felt cold and empty, and as much as she had always said that she didn't care about him, that she kept him around just because he closed cases... she simply missed him.

Jane had come to fill a place in heart she didn't know it needed to be filled to begin with. She had always thought that she had gotten stronger, that she didn't need anyone else after the betrayal of every member of her family. She wanted to be cool when alone, and she thought she had come to be in a place where she was in peace with herself, that she was all right and fine on her own. The only thing was, she had never realized that she had never been alone for the last ten years.

Jane had always been with her. He wasn't just around, but he was in every gift and in every word, in every coffee and , in every "I missed you". And she hadn't know this until he was gone. She couldn't believe she had been that blind. And now... now, there was nothing she could do about it. Jane was gone. He had pushed her away and instead of trying to get him back she had pushed him away in return. So, so, wrong, and yet, there was nothing else she could do. Jane leaving was inevitable, she had always knew it. This was why she shouldn't feel sorry and bad. And yet, she did. And that just made her worse. Because despite feeling alone, she wasn't alone.

She had Peter, and for that, she was supposed to be grateful. And she was, but she couldn't bring herself to be completely happy about her relationship. She knew she shouldn't go and break people's heart, but sometimes she felt like their love -if it could even be called that way - was doomed. Yes, Peter was just perfect and loved her as no one before did (even Greg), but her heart was the problem. As much as she cared about him, she couldn't bring herself to fully commit to this man. Everybody kept telling her that she was crazy saying that she wasn't ready to get married to such a great cop, but she was scared. Deep down, Lisbon knew she was going for second best, and she knew it wasn't right.

And besides, she had always hoped that Jane one day would just take her there and there and promise her eternal love, so...

But dreams didn't always come true. She should have knew better. She should have learnt a long time ago, and yet that seemed to be a lesson she had yet to get right. But Teresa Lisbon was no little kid, no damsel in distress, so even if her heart was broken and she shared her bed with someone she didn't fully love, she acted all tough and told herself it was right, that it was enough.

At night, though, she couldn't hide from the truth.

She tried to stay at the office as late as possible, sometimes sitting on Jane's couch trying to see if she could still feel his scent, his persona there, but there was only coldness and void: despite Pete being there, her life was empty once again, just like it had been for so long after the loss of her parents.

And Pete... well, he knew that something was wrong, but he just couldn't get it right. It wasn't his fault, he was a good detective, she had just learnt from the best that there was- or maybe Pete was so in love he didn't want to see there was a problem. She didn't know. She wasn't even sure she wanted to, actually. Sometimes playing dumb could be the best option.

Dear Pete did his best. Poor man thought she was just stressed out, overwhelmed by Red John's departure. It had been the highlight of her career, getting him finally, unmasking the menace. Everybody wanted a piece of Teresa Lisbon now that she was the top cop in California and Nevada and maybe even the rest of the US of America. Hell... she was barely around, between trials, TV shows, interviews… everybody wanted to talk with her. Heist was just happy that at least Jane wasn't around any longer. His Teresa spent her whole free time getting him out of troubles. And if Teresa had a little bit more than free time... he could have his Teresa a little bit more for himself. For Peter, it was just that easy. He didn't see the truth- couldn't, even. He was... blinded by love, as nauseating as it sounded.

Nobody seemed to see her pain. She was getting thinner, paler, the shadows under her eyes darker and deeper with every passing day, but no one saw it. Either she was that good at covering it, or they were just too self-centered to understood that something was deeply, truly wrong with their boss and friend.

Well, there was actually someone who wasn't fooled completely by her act. And it was the person who knew her better alongside Jane. And the only one who apparently really cared about her well-being. Cho.

It was one morning, during a routine operation. They were sitting in her car, waiting for the green light to just raid the place, when, while she was wearing her vest, he stopped her with just his voice, looking for her eyes. She knew there was a reason he was the best interrogator around. Sometimes she even wondered why the military had allowed him to leave to begin with.

"Boss? I need to know if you feel like you can do this." That was another thing she loved about him -he knew how to get you to talk, and he knew which words he was supposed to use. He was straight-forward. It was good when you were a cop, she thought smiling a tiny bit, but she wondered if that wasn't also the reason his relationships never lasted more than six months.

"Sure I am ok, Cho." she simply said. "Why do you think that I am... well...unfit?"

"Boss, with due respect, but you are tired, and Larson is a loose cannon. We don't know what he will do when he'll realize he has been made. If you aren't ok working this op- and I don't think you are - you risk me too. And not just my career, but my life too."

She suppressed tears- also because she couldn't cry any longer, she had done so too much in the days following Jane's departure - and she finished getting ready. "Well, thanks, but don't you worry. I'm more than fit for the job. That's why I'm your boss, after all."

She was mad. Yes, a little part of her was glad that Cho had noticed that life couldn't be that perfect without Jane, especially for her, but she hated that he knew- that anyone knew - that she was such a frail little girl, heartbroken over her not so charming prince. Hell, she was bad ass senior agent in charge. She deserved some respect, right? Ok, she was suffering for a man, so what? She wasn't the first woman to feel that way, nor the last. But just because she just had her heart shattered and kicked it didn't mean that she wasn't able to do her job. She had always, always been a professional (ok, maybe just almost always. Especially if Jane was concerned). She couldn't believe that her right hand man... she trusted Cho with her own life, why couldn't he do the same thing? What, he believed that just because she was a woman she couldn't be in control because she had ended up a relationship of some kind? Classic men. Double standard.

She left the car slamming the door shout, all geared up, gun in hand, and walked towards the place. The house was huge, and it looked like a labyrinth of sort. Cho was right, mayhem was ready to ensure. Larson wasn't going to come down easily. She sighed, that was just what she needed to end her day.

She entered from one door, and Cho took the back. Slowly, she walked to where they assumed the perp was hiding, trying her best to see what was going on around her. And yet... yet, she knew she was on edge. Just hearing Cho saying so made her feel that way. It just... she had to keep it together. She had to remember herself that she was a good cop. That she could do all of this on her own. She didn't need Patrick Jane - nor on the job or in her life.

She kept taking big breaths, walking slowly, and yet she felt herself shaking. She was cold-sweating, and she got scared of herself. Since when she was so tired she couldn't be vigilante enough? Since when she was a frail little girl? She didn't need Patrick Jane to defend her. Jane wasn't there any longer. Thinking about him was just a waste of energy and concentration, both things fundamental in her job's description. Besides, all that bullshit about loving someone and letting them go, about the distance making you love more... it was just that. Bullshit filled with nonsense, pointless and useless.

She heard noises coming from one of the rooms, but the place, developed to be an exhibit of some sort, was a Daedalus. It was hard to say where the noises came from, and who was making them. Was someone running? Moving things? She just kept looking around, trying to get an answer to her inner questions. She felt desperate, almost scared, but then she breathed out in relief when she saw Cho right before her: it had been just him, it had to be!

And then...

"Lisbon!" he screamed, attempting to run towards her, but suddenly she felt someone grabbing her for the shoulders, a strong arm around her neck and a gun pointed at her head.

"You, copper, you move, the lady is as good as six feet under, you hear me?" He screamed as Cho pointed the gun at him. She wanted to cry, but she felt she was unable to. She was too scared. So scared she couldn't even sob. She was going to die, didn't she? So, that was the end, and the man who had promised to always save her wasn't around any longer to keep his promises once again. Ah. She guessed she didn't have to be surprised. She chuckled: Jane and his empty promises...

The gun against her skull made a sound, and she was ready to die when the bullet exploded and yet... she felt nothing. Was that how she felt being dead? She didn't feel any different. Did it mean that... she was a ghost, that she wasn't in the afterlife? She didn't know. She just knew that... it felt... it felt... cold.

"Boss!" Cho screamed, and she finally, finally opened her eyes, and she gasped. Well, if that was the afterlife... it sucked big time. "Boss, you all right?" her right hand man asked. She nodded, not completely sure, and then she gasped once again as her eyes fell on the figure on the ground: Larson, dead, a bullet to the head. Cho had done it, Cho had saved her.

She cried. She finally, finally cried, burying her head in Cho's shirt. She would have never done so in any other situation, but this was different. She had almost died, he had saved her, she could have been dead because she was such a frail, stupid silly in love girl. and It wasn't right. For any of them. In silence, her second walked her out of the building, and as soon as they saw the light of the outside, he let it go of her- there was just so much Lisbon could handle, and one thing was looking frail to him, one of the people who knew her better, another was letting anyone see how really damaged she was.

She and Cho did the usual routine asked when a cop shot to a suspect, and then they waited for AI to arrive on the spot and retrieve their statements; she was talking with a young recruit, a girl who looked like Van Pelt in the early days, when she felt two strong arms capture her, and for a second she gasped, believing he was there. That he had somehow learnt of her fate, gotten scared, and decided to come back to them. To her.

But it wasn't Jane, she realized as he kissed her hair. It was Pete. Pete who was always going to be there. While Jane... Jane had left. And he wasn't returning. It was time to face reality and accept her fate. That was her hand, and it was right about time she accepted she had to play with those cards.

So, she cupped Peter's face, and kissed him, a peck on the lips, dictated by fear more than love, and she just said one word. One she should have said right when he had dropped the bomb weeks before, but she had been too stupid to just say it. Because she had believed in Jane. And yet again, he had betrayed her.

"Yes" she said "I will marry you."