A/N: Do you remember when I said that Cal would claim what is his (namely Gillian) in this chapter? Well, that was before I realized how much was left to wrap up. And since the chapter kept getting longer and longer, I eventually decided to split it and hope you forgive me. I'm sorry, but don't worry, you won't have to wait another week for the next chapter. It's almost done and will be up in a couple of days.
This chapter is told alternately from Gillian's and Cal's point of view, and at the end there is at least a hint that Cal is done waiting and decides to act instead. So, be assured that Cal and Gillian are definitely on the right track. There are references to 3x7 Veronica, 3x9 Funhouse and 3x10 Rebound (and some dialogue snippets taken from that episodes). That's what I meant by having to wrap things up; there were some scenes left I wanted to incorporate in this story, and that happens in this chapter.
Thank you, as always, always, always (can't say it enough times) for your reviews and your support.
Disclaimer: I own the idea for this storyline. Otherwise, nope, nothing regarding LTM.
It has to be him. Cal has to make the next move. It's the only logical conclusion considering the trials and tribulations they passed through. This is supposed to be their second chance, meaning that everything has to be different, real, and for lack of a better word... correct. Well, as correct as it can be whilst taking into account that it's still them, because as perfect as they (hopefully) are for each other, their daily routine as well as their handling of each other is more often than not characterized by rough edges rather than straight lines.
Since it was Gillian who came to Cal in the past, it has to be him who comes to her this time so that they can keep their balance and move on eventually. She needs him to do it as final proof that he actually is ready for them being together in real life. It wasn't real life when she came to him during those nights; it only started to get real after Cal confronted her with the situation and forced her to face it. Her subsequent struggle took long enough until she was able to show him that she is ready when they had the hangover talk in her office recently. Gillian completely understands how difficult it is for Cal to take the last step, why he held her back when she approached him. He said it himself a while ago. He usually is the one who takes unnecessary risks but not when it comes to her. And no matter how you look at it, it's a risk although they both are on the same page now. Life is always a risk and love is all the more. So, even if he was the one who initiated it, who wanted her to deal with her true feelings, Gillian's struggle allowed Cal at the same time to defer dealing with the decision how to handle the situation once she would be ready. That was the reason why he held her back. When they cross the line this time, it will be the real thing and not only about physical needs. This time, it will be all or nothing.
All this, Gillian understands, but that doesn't make it any easier. Every day, she sees the desperate fight in Cal's eyes, and every day, it ends the same. Nothing happens. He never claims that she keeps her side of the bargain. Sometimes she wonders if it is supposed to be some kind of punishment because she made him wait so long. Either way, it is killing her. On some days, she just wants to scream at him. Damn right. I owe you. So, go for it. However, she understands that this is part of their unspoken agreement and that she has to tolerate it for now. Whether she likes it or not. It is one of the rough edges that define them, and if Gillian is honest with herself, she wouldn't have it any other way. Straight lines are boring ever since she met Cal.
It's not an actual case – this old, lovely lady Emily unwittingly collided with and brought to their office. But then the old lady told them about people dying in the retirement she lives in and... well, somehow, it is their case now. Veronica, that's the dear old lady's name, fell asleep on the couch, and Cal watches Gillian take care of her. She is so warmhearted and affectionate, watching her makes him feel like a softer version of himself, as if her natural tenderness rubs off on him. Maybe it does.
When she has taken care of Veronica, Gillian comes over to the couch where Cal sits, kneels down close beside him and tells him in a whisper about the newest findings related to this woman they didn't even know 24 hours ago. Cal tries to listen to her words but can't stop his thoughts from straying. It is all a given or at least seems to be. Their closeness, their team play (as long as he stays in line), everything. He can smell her shampoo, her perfume. Gillian is so close that he wouldn't even have to move to touch her soft skin, but he doesn't. Bloody hell, he slept with this woman more than once, and yet, he is scared to death because their next time will be their first time now that there are feelings involved they suppressed earlier although they always were there. Therefore, he doesn't move, doesn't come closer, simply enjoys the moment as it is – even the pain it brings along. Cal is highly aware that Gillian is waiting for his next move, probably initiates situations like this as a test run in between to see how he will react. He also knows, though, that she will endure his behavior. She always does, but this time it's different. For once, they both know where they are heading. It's not a question of if; it's only a question of when.
Anyhow, Gillian has more than one reason to be annoyed and frustrated when they have an argument in an elevator a couple of days later. They argue about the case, but between the lines they always argue about more these days.
"You make me so mad sometimes," Gillian almost whispers the words as if she is speaking to herself.
"I know." Cal responds immediately. What else could he say? It's the truth. He knows that he makes her mad, probably more often than just sometimes. She doesn't look at him, staring at the door of the elevator or most likely into nothingness so that he can watch her in an unimpeded manner, expecting her to say more. She is in the right mood; he can feel it. But she doesn't. So...
"Anything else?" he makes a last effort. If Gillian isn't willing to play along anymore, he needs to know. But she ignores his subtle allusions, talking some more about the case instead.
When they leave the elevator, Gillian still doesn't look at him, going a few steps ahead. Cal grabs her arm softly to make her stop. She turns to look at him, and it pains him to actually see the annoyance and frustration in her eyes he only heard in her voice before.
"I meant it, Gillian," Cal says. "I know I make you mad. And it probably doesn't help much but, pathetic wanker that I am, I make myself even more mad."
The look in her eyes softens. She looks down, takes a deep breath and then looks at him again, nodding understandingly, before she turns around and walks on.
Well, he may be a pathetic wanker, but she apparently loves him, anyway. Could be worse.
Actually, it gets worse a couple of weeks later when Cal decides to have himself committed to a mental hospital. For the sake of a case, of course. One has to grant him that he doesn't know about the drugs he consumes unknowingly and effectively at about the same time so that he meets the cliché of someone with a mental illness even better than on an ordinary day.
When Gillian comes for a visit, she realizes in an instant that this is not solely an act. Something is going on. He touches her, can't keep his hands off her. And he does so without any hesitation as if his current inner turmoil doesn't exist. Let alone that he tried to kiss her before he went to put his plan into action. Pretty much the same. The way he approached her. The way he stopped before their lips actually touched, turned around and walked away, waving one hand at her almost mockingly. The Cal she had come to know in recent weeks wouldn't have approached her that boldly unless something was wrong. She should have guessed that he was and still is on drugs even before Loker does a self-experiment and proves that theory correct, hereby solving the case.
The day after Cal was released from the hospital, Gillian knocks on his door in the evening. When he opens the door, she hears Emily in the background and sees the expression in Cal's face change from surprise to wariness.
"Oh, come on, Cal," she states slightly irritated, making no move to step in. "You don't really think I'm here for that."
They both fall silent for a moment because that actually is the invisible red neon sign that makes their lives so complicated these days.
"Who is it?" Emily loudly asks.
Cal doesn't answer because if he does, Emily will be with them in a flash, and he seems to assume that she shouldn't hear what Gillian has to tell him. He assumes correctly but even if he doesn't answer, his sweet, curious daughter will join them any minute. Gillian knows that and wastes no time.
"I'm glad you're okay," she says as a preamble, referring to the drugs. Cal is no longer under their influence. "But next time you come closer to kiss me, you better not pretend."
And with that she is gone.
Gillian knows that Cal's look follows her; she can practically feel his eyes bore into her back. He does or says nothing, though, to hold her back. When she has turned the corner, she hears him close the door and Emily's voice. She can't make out the words. Most likely Emily asks him again who it was. Gillian has no idea whether Cal will tell her or not, and if yes, what exactly. Emily is not stupid. She knows something is going on between them but, as curious as she is, she respects their privacy – probably keeping her fingers crossed secretly that they will work it out at last, wondering how complicated, bordering on stupid, adults can be.
It might have been a bit harsh and unexpected to tell Cal that, but it simply was too much. His touch. The almost kiss. Her lips and body still burn, longing for more. She meant what she said. Next time, he better not pretend. And next time, better be soon.
Cal had plans for dinner. With Gillian. Plans she didn't know about. But then this case came up and Gillian has dinner – albeit with another man. Now, of all times.
Her remark about meaning it the next time he comes closer to kiss her is in his head all the time. Teasing him. Feeding him with images of her, of them, images of the nights they spent together. But every time such an image comes up, Cal is confronted with the harsh reality that he never actually spent the night with Gillian. The only night that came close to it was the night she slept it off in her bedroom and he slept on her couch. And every time he thinks of that, he realizes how much he wants to take care of her again the next time she gets drunk or is just tired. Save that he wants to be in her bedroom with her then and he wants to stay there until she wakes up in the morning at his side. The images and this need, combined with Gillian's remark, were the final straw. There is this intelligent, beautiful woman who can handle his moods and admires his science. She is there every day, right under his nose. What else does he want? So, today of all days, Cal woke up with the determination to get it all right – invite her to dinner, come closer and kiss her afterwards and... well, the rest is a bit blurry in his imagination because they already were there and he doesn't know whether the third date rule applies to them or not.
However, that had been the idea before he learned that Gillian is supposed to play bait in their current case. In fact, they both are the bait. He has to pretend to be Gillian's ex-husband who wants to save alimonies and hires a man (their suspect) for this reason to hook up with Gillian and marry her. Life can't be more ironic, can it? Oh yes, it can, Cal realizes when he is called Mr. Foster because that's Gillian's last name and they are supposed to be married. Have been married. Whatever. Cal hates the case and the suspect. A young, smart, good-looking man. Her type. Having dinner with her. Right now. Flirting with her. Just great.
Cal, Loker and Torres have a seat in the front row. The dinner is, of course, only a pretense to read the man's micro expressions and convict him of lying hereby. Hidden cameras are everywhere, recording every move, every facial expression, every word. Unfortunately, the man turns out to be a pathological liar, a sociopath. Most likely they will have to find another way to blow his cover. For now, though, they try it in this way and Gillian simply enjoys his attention. It is her job to act as if she does, but Cal can tell the difference. She is actually flirting with him. This is definitely more than simply doing her job. She probably does it to tease him, and it is working. Take a good look, Cal. You could have all this if you weren't such a silly bloke. Well, Gillian for sure doesn't think the silly bloke part; those are his words not hers even if they presumably come close to her estimation. But then she talks about Cal's flaws (he is supposed to be her annoying ex-husband after all), in fact calls him sexy without saying it (and without her dinner date noticing it), and the almost wistful truth and honesty in her voice as well as in her face affect Cal deeply. It's a message only meant for him although Torres and Loker can't help spotting it, too. Cal feels them staring at his back. Then the moment is gone and Gillian is back to smiling, tilting her head back, flirting like there were no tomorrow. Cal clenches his teeth. He told her once jokingly that he is the jealous type when she received flowers from another man, but it's the truth. Even though he still wants to get it right, this is war and getting it right suddenly takes a backseat compared to getting her.
It doesn't help that they had a talk shortly before that confused and provoked him at the same time. When you come to think of it, she is divorced and was in the same situation as the women their suspect ensnared. Therefore, Cal couldn't stop himself from taking a swipe at her to see her reaction.
"I couldn't even get near you when you were on the rebound."
It's not true in the strict sense of the word since he kissed her for the first time when she wasn't even divorced. In a way, though, it is correct. She didn't let him come near to her emotionally, always kept the distance no matter how passionate her body was.
"Maybe you didn't try hard enough."
Gillian's answer told Cal that she knew exactly what his intention had been when he had posed that question and that she was willing to play along. At least to a certain degree.
"You're saying I had a chance?"
And with that, the certain degree was exceeded. Gillian changed the subject to let him know that she won't let him off the hook that easily. And she is right. Cal pushed her until she gave in to her feelings, felt it all, is ready now whereas he... Did he really try hard enough? Does he? The answer is no. But for once, he is more than willing to change that.
Thanks for reading. The next chapter will be all Cal & Gillian getting there and will be up soonish. ;)