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It's alright Severus, love is always tough at first, Draco will always pull through for you though...
Warnings:
Homosexual relationship
NOT FOR THE EYES OF CHILDREN
MENTIONS OF RAPE
GRAPHIC VIOLENCE
Polygamous relationship
DOM/SUB
MATES/(SLIGHT) CREATURE FIC
CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK
DON'T BOTHER ME IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT JUST MOOOOOOOVE ON
(But if you do reviews are most welcome)
Love you all! I'm working hard on several stories I hope you enjoy them whenever they're finally ready...
Oh yeah, and feel free to go back into my profile and look up some of my other stories, I've got some goodies in there...
Have fun!
Mistress Slytherin
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Chapter 5
"-attacks are growing more frequent, as it stands we have no chance!"
"Perhaps if Harry-"
"Potter's mind is gone! He's Draco Malfoys toy! There is no boy-who-lived any longer you foolish woman!"
"-Don't you talk to my wife that way-!"
Severus stared blankly at the wall. This was what they were now, a pack of rabid animals who'd already given up. The hatred divided them and grew into bitterness with each passing day. Dumbledore was at his wit's end trying to control them all and Severus knew, he knew that before long they would be lost. He could see it in the slump in Albus Dumbledore's shoulders, in the exhaustion in the mans' eyes- and in the slow black spread that had taken root in his hand.
It had been a week since Draco had thrown him away- no, he had to be honest; it had been a week since his pride had cost him the only home he'd known in nearly a decade. Draco and Harry were the only happiness he had afforded, with them the outside didn't tear at his very soul and tarnish the man he tried to be, tried to maintain. His fingers brushed each other absently before he could help the motion, he itched to feel dark hair slipping between them, to be gazed at with large doleful eyes that wanted nothing more than to love and be loved. He longed for Draco's exasperating temper and the way Severus had felt as though he didn't have a care in the world outside the three of them.
Was it all lost to him now?
He clenched his fists. He didn't want to live like this, fighting a war that was long lost- he was always the first one to suffer and the last one to be thanked, but not when he was with Draco and Harry, never with them. Severus leaned his head back and tuned out the shouting and arguing closing his eyes as he felt longing grip his very soul and squeeze him in punishment. What had he done?
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Draco sighed inwardly as he stepped into his room. Harry was very likely cowering under the bed, he did that every time Draco had to leave and Draco no longer had the heart to tell him off for it. Harry needed safety, security and stability and already their relationship had turned for the worse.
"Harry?" He said softly. He supposed that the worse part was how wounded he was. He couldn't help it, couldn't stop his own reactions, couldn't stop the pain in his voice. He peeled off his gloves and shirt as a shy head popped out from under the bed and large terrified eyes looked up at him for a long moment as though to assure himself that it was Draco and that Draco had in fact come back to him. Harry's eyes were glazed over though, the human side of him had retreated and what was left was a hurting creature whose sorrow was obvious in every tense line of his body.
"Harry come." Draco said tiredly before turning to the bathroom. In a blur of color Harry was beside him and Draco wound an arm around the slim waist without a thought. What had started out as strict and cold had faded now, Harry did need to be guided, but he wasn't afraid of it now and he let himself go most days. Draco could only hope that when the real Harry Potter came back he too would find it natural and safe. He missed his little Harry, the one that had taunted and teased him to fury; the one that he had never thought would be his.
"I'm sorry." Harry said. It was the start of their routine now, Draco would leave only for classes or work and would return to this- Harry worked up and convinced that he was the reason Snape had left them.
"I won't even dignify that with a response." Draco said tiredly. Harry frowned at him in anxiety before rushing about in the bathroom preparing to wash Draco. Harry rarely spoke now, and when he did it was usually to apologize. Draco hated it, he hated that Severus wouldn't even look at them, that he avoided them in the halls, avoided Harry. He hated that it was partly his fault for driving Severus away, but most of all he hated Dumbledore for being the reason Severus had left them. He understood in an abstract sort of way that Dumbledore had been his psudo-dominant since the first war, but that made him angry too, Severus shouldn't need Dumbledore any more now that Draco had claimed him, it made him furious to know that somehow he was lacking and that was the reason Severus strayed.
"Master?" Harry hardly dared to breathe his green eyes wide and staring up at him from where he knelt. Draco realized belatedly that while he had been lost in thought Harry had undressed him and was now kneeling waiting for Draco to step into the shower. His expression must have been sour though, Harry looked as though he was about to cry and apologize again.
"I'm afraid I'm not in the best of moods my Harry, I'm sorry if I frightened you, you have done nothing to make me angry." He said caressing the soft cheek. Harry pressed his face into the palm of his hand and Draco felt his breath catch. More and more each and every day he was struck by how important Harry was to him. Harry had always been his obsession; Draco suspected that this was part of his creature inheritance though they had yet to identify what Harry was. Whatever it was, even Draco who had studied creatures and the bloodlines of all prominent families couldn't figure it out. As usual Harry managed to be something impossible, the Potter line had only mentions of possible dragon blood far back into their history, possibly so diluted that it was useless, so, where did Harry get his creature inheritance? Draco had suspicions of course but they were unfounded for the moment.
"You've been hunting." Harry said nuzzling his thigh arousal obvious. Draco smirked proudly and lifted his Harry bodily.
"The vampires are rebelling against the CPA, it seems they believe they are above normal humans, the law is causing them annoyance and the lack of tolerance is chafing." Draco said stepping under the spray and setting Harry down though not without kissing him heatedly unable to ignore the soft pliant mouth that was always so willing. When he pulled away Harry was breathless and his eyes almost clear again, almost Harry again save for the soft glaze of lust.
"I like this." Harry said was a shy smile. Harry was coming around slowly, much of the time he locked himself in his mind, the loss of Severus hurt him deeply though Draco wondered if Harry even knew what was triggering his retreat from the world. Only when he was safe and encircled in Draco's arms did he come out and even then it was shy and cautious.
"Mmmnn, and I like this." Draco said his mouth latching onto Harry's neck while his hands wandered. Harry's breath hitched and his reaction was immediate as he curled further into him his body bending deliciously to mould against Draco's. Draco loved when Harry was like this, bending to his will, eager to fit against Draco eager to give and take. With the shadows of the past fading slowly Harry was opening beautifully to him, more sure that Draco accepted him. There was always doubt though, doubt that Severus seemed to have cemented that made Harry believe that he was only temporary, Draco was furious with Severus for putting such thoughts in Harry's mind. He pulled away from Harry's neck and lifted a hand toying with the mess of bites and bruises that he constantly placed on the pale neck whenever he noticed one fading. Harry was gazing at him blearily his breathing unsteady.
"Master?" He said swallowing loudly. Draco traced the bite for a moment longer.
"Bathe me pet, I want to take you in bed." Draco purred causing Harry to shiver violently. Harry snatched up the washcloth and poured soap onto it before freezing. Draco had seen it coming but he had no chance to stop Harry, the familiar scent wafted through the air and Draco cursed as Harry's expression saddened impossibly, filled with longing as he lifted the cloth and inhaled. Severus had left his personal blend of body wash and now the air was thick with the smell. Harry let out a whine and his shoulders shook. Draco winced and ignored his own sorrow and hurt pulling Harry close and snatching his wand from the sink to spell away the soap. He poured his own blend into the cloth and carefully began to drag it across Harry's skin bathing him in his scent soothing him with the direct contact.
"Does he hate me?" Harry breathed eventually. Draco felt his breath stop in his chest.
"No Harry I don't think he does, I think that he has spent so long fighting what we are, fighting my father's hold over him, that he is frightened by his needs." Draco said pulling Harry even closer.
"Frightened?" Harry breathed. Draco smiled thinly.
"Neither of you trust me, not completely, both of you have been hurt in your own way and giving yourself to me fills you with doubt, I think that I pushed both of you too fast. I should have waited, been more patient with you and allowed you to trust me on your own terms. It's in my nature to want to stake my claim, the thought that both of you were taken before makes me want to push that claim it makes me almost desperate to give you what you need Harry." He admitted his hands sliding idly across Harry's warmed skin. Harry's weight was improving and Draco could no longer count the bones beneath his fingers but as his fingers glided he could still feel phantom bumps and ridges where scars still lingered that would take months of treatment still.
"Why do you want to take care of me?" Harry whispered. "I have nothing to offer you." Harry breathed pushing closer still for comfort though he might not have even noticed himself doing so.
"You are mine, and you have much to offer Harry, warmth, the comfort of having you near at hand and safe, someone who is just bull headed enough to argue with me when I am wrong. I was never more at peace then I was with you and Severus, even when we have our troubles they make no comparison to how content I was in my heart." Draco admitted reluctantly. The hardest part was knowing that he shouldn't and couldn't hide behind the usual mask of indifference when dealing with Harry, his pet needed openness and frankness. He needed Draco sincerity in a way that forced Draco to admit to his own feelings; it was as endearing as it was frustrating. Green eyes stared up at him and Draco watched those eyes sharpen, darken, become more real and full.
"I feel it, I feel you- it's real." Harry said lifting his hand and touching Draco's jaw. Draco frowned.
"You feel it?" Draco said curiously. Sure mates with a strong connection were some times able to form an empathic link but it was almost always after years of being mated. Suddenly things began to fit together. Harry didn't like meat, he preferred fruits and vegetables, raw things, Draco had assumed that it was a side effect of Harry's time spent with Sphinx but what if it was more then that? Harry's ability to pull back into his mind entirely, a defense mechanism surely but what if there was more then just that? Harry felt him…Draco watched as Harry nodded slowly.
"I feel when you are sad, or happy or tired, angry or hurt- usually I can't not with you or S-Severus anyway, but I can feel you letting me in." Harry said flushing and ducking his head. "It doesn't really make sense." He said sheepishly. Draco smiled slightly.
"No Harry, I think it makes perfect sense, I think I might know what creature you are now, it would make sense that the potions couldn't identify you if that is the case." Draco said cupping his cheek. Suddenly Draco was a blur of movement washing his hair and then Harry's with quick sure movements and rinsing them both off before dragging them out of the shower.
"Master?" Harry said with wide eyes as he struggled to keep up with Draco who was dressing himself rather than waiting for Harry to dress him the way he usually did.
"I need to go to the ministry and look something up in the archives." Draco said shortly before pulling his gloves on and then his cloak. Before Harry could process what Draco had said Draco was gone leaving Harry dripping wet in the middle of the room. Harry blinked and swallowed as a familiar fear began to make its self known rising up and choking him. He snatched Draco's bathrobe from the floor and pulled it around himself taking comfort in the familiar scent even as he darted under the bed a terrible fear aching in his chest.
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Severus paced in his rooms. It was torment pure and simple, he saw Draco regularly during lessons but Draco had taken to ignoring him and refused to remark on Harry's health.
Why did he do this to himself?
Draco was not his father and Harry was nothing like James.
He could be happy with them, he had been happy with them, blissfully content despite the trials they'd faced. How was he supposed to walk away from that? For the first time he had been almost…happy. He halted his pacing and something twisted in his chest. The growing doubts and fears of the past week grew and swelled making him almost sick with the potency of it. He had been happy!
Before he could control himself he was moving, striding out of his rooms and down towards the quarters he'd shared with Draco and Harry. He halted a few times as old doubts surfaced but even as they rose they were swiftly squashed. He wasn't truly afraid of Draco hurting him the way Lucius had, he knew Draco wouldn't, the truth was that he'd grown accustomed to being unhappy, to living a solitary and unfulfilling life. He was used to sacrificing himself, his own personal self flagellation for failing his mates, it wasn't heroic, it was foolish and masochistic, degrading and destructive. He was tired of being hated by all, tired of doing all the work and having no thanks for it, of having his brilliance taken advantage of and under appreciated. Harry…Harry worshiped him, adored his intelligence and Draco was constantly telling him that he was clever. This war, the people he had once fought for the idea he'd fought for were all dead now, they had no chance. Without Draco and Harry he had no chance.
Still his hand hesitated.
It was nearly two in the morning, they were probably asleep, he really shouldn't wake them- his chest tightened. Was he a coward then? Did he deserve them if all he did for them was stand here and doubt himself? Would he doubt himself again? Would he run again? Draco and Harry didn't deserve someone who ran every time things didn't go the way he wanted them to- they deserved better then him. What was he even doing? An old bitter man who took and took and took from them yet when Draco asked for something so simple as staying with Harry- he'd run away, rejected them, turned back to his old way of life.
His hand fell away from the door.
If he was Draco, if he was the alpha in this triad, he wouldn't accept himself back and he knew it. They deserved better, they deserved proof. But what? How could he prove that he was theirs for good? Doubt, doubt, doubt- all he did was doubt. He couldn't' return like this, he couldn't return to them still doubting himself, he wouldn't accept it if he was alpha and he knew Draco wouldn't. Draco couldn't risk hurting Harry again; Harry had been through too much already. Severus felt his hands tremble at his sides.
This was one of those moments, where he had to make a decision.
One that would possibly change his life.
He was bull at making these decisions, that was why he would never be an alpha, he didn't want to make these decisions, he always made the wrong one.
"Severus?" Draco's voice made him jump and he realized that he was shaking, not just trembling but shaking all over.
"I thought I could do it, be alone, I've been alone all my life." He whispered. Draco's eyes were rimmed with circles and he looked thinner than Severus could remember, he was also carrying a pile of scrolls in his arms and covered in dust. But he was beautiful, as beautiful as he ever was and waiting patiently for Severus. Severus Snape who didn't deserve to be waited for, Severus Snape who's own father couldn't stand the sight of him because he was a monster, he was always alone, always and here Draco was waiting for him. Waiting in a way that Lucius and Dumbledore never had.
"If I take you back you will never leave us again do you understand Severus?" Draco said his eyes inhuman. Severus felt his heart squeeze. He didn't have to make the choice- Draco would make it for him, and that was what all this was about wasn't it? Draco would always make the choice for him; it wasn't his burden to bear if he gave it to Draco.
"Yes." He breathed. He knew it wasn't enough though, it would never be enough.
"You despise teaching, you will quit. I can more than support you for the rest of your life and you know that. You might have rejected my father but I will not be rejected, I will make you and Harry happy Severus even if I have to force you to accept it." Draco said staring at him, through him. Severus felt his trembling come to a halt and his breathing slow and relax.
"Yes." Severus said without thinking. Draco always said that thinking was his problem, he couldn't stop thinking he never just did the way he was doing now. Draco's gaze softened slightly and turned sad.
"I don't believe you." Draco said softly. It was perhaps the most heartbreaking thing Severus had ever heard in his life, and the worst of it was that he wasn't sure if it was his heart breaking- or Draco's. "Love us Severus, that's all we really want from you and you know it." Draco said pushing past him. "Think on it; come back when you are certain." Draco said before slipping into the room and closing the door with a quiet click. Severus swayed where he stood. Just beyond that door were the two people he already adored despite his wavering mind. He turned and stared at it for a long time.
His mind may have a plethora of excuses, reasons and fears, some of them good ones even.
But his heart knew where it belonged.
And so did he.
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"Severus close the door will you?" Albus asked wearily once the last of the Order members had made their way out. Severus had stood silently for the entire meeting, noting not for the first time that no one seemed to care that he was there. They would rather ignore him, for all their going around showing concern for each other muttering about dark times and sticking together, not a one of them had even said hello. He supposed that he had always known that they didn't care, but it hadn't really been sure until that moment. In his pocket an envelope weighed him down like a sinking stone, a decision that Draco had made for him, a decision that he knew in his heart Draco would not truly begrudge him should he choose to go against his will. It was his choice now, Draco had only helped him to make it, had guided him in his own way.
"You are dying." Severus said point blank. "My potions cannot stop the spread of the curse any longer." He said shaking his head. Dumbledore nodded.
"Which is why I needed to speak with you Severus, I am running out of time." The headmaster said standing. He looked pale and thin, battle worn despite the fact that he had yet to face a battle since Black had fallen through the veil. Severus narrowed his gaze, why would Dumbledore look so battle weary without having any battles to fight? It couldn't just be the wear of the curse.
"What have you been up to?" Severus whispered a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"Undoing what was begun so many years ago Severus." The headmaster said quietly. "Long ago a boy named Tom Riddle shattered his soul; I've been picking up the pieces." The headmaster said as though amused by some private joke. Severus felt himself darken.
"He is irredeemable." He snapped his tone cold and hard. Dumbledore nodded his head slowly.
"Oh I know that Severus." The headmaster said quietly. "And soon I will be irredeemable as well." He said with a small nod of his head. Severus gazed at the man suspiciously. Many years of working under Dumbledore's rule had left him with the understanding that there was no gray area, the dark lord and Dumbledore were of the same cloth just of a different cut. Dumbledore made the world believe that he was good and faultless but he was just as drawn to power as the darkest of them. Dumbledore was also capable of making the darkest of decisions if only to further his goals.
The letter in his pocket burned.
"No one else knows that this curse is incurable Severus, and I should like for it to remain that way." Dumbledore said calmly.
"I'll not say anything though I fail to see how you plan to keep them from noticing when you die." Severus said with a short nod. Dumbledore smiled.
"I had hoped that I would have Harry, the chosen one from the prophesy; but with every gamble I suppose we face a certain amount of risk. I had hoped that I would die in peace, I had plans for Harry to continue what I could not, but it seems that I cannot rest easy; it seems that I must make a terrible sacrifice yet again." Dumbledore said with a slow nod.
"You're speaking in circles headmaster, stop being cryptic." Severus snapped before he could help it. The man was frightening something instinctive in him mentioning Harry; Severus still hadn't forgiven him for his lot in Harry's childhood. He felt protective of his little green eyed mate.
"Very well then I suppose I will have to be frank. You have seen Harry's connection to Voldemort; you have seen how Occlumency cannot touch it." Severus felt his breath catch in his throat.
"What do you mean? Potter was an open book!" He snapped. He would be the first to say how much he hated himself for his own part in Harry's torment.
"It was a test; I wanted to see if Harry could at least protect his mind in the very slightest of ways. Unfortunately my suspicions were correct; Harry's scar prevented any form of Occlumency even the most natural of barriers the ones caused by shame and pain, which meant that something was actively halting it, something that wanted the link to remain open, wanted to be found." Dumbledore said gazing over the rims of his glasses at Severus who could only stare at the man in shock.
"That's madness…you're implying that his scar is some how alive!" Severus said shaking his head at the notion.
"That is exactly what I'm saying Severus." Dumbledore said seriously. Severus' mind went into overdrive. Alive? Harry's scar was alive? What did that mean though? What did that mean? His eyes widened as years of knowledge whispered into his mind giving him the answer, the dreadful horrible answer.
"And what exactly do you intend to do?" He whispered. Dumbledore didn't know that Severus belonged to Draco, he knew nothing.
"I will create one of my own." Dumbledore said without naming the dreadful task. "I will corrupt my own soul in order to finish what must be done. It will be the only reason I live." Dumbledore said calmly, coldly. Severus swallowed as pieces to a grander more terrible puzzle began to fall into place. The curse- that ring, the dark lord's ring by no mistake, the diary, Severus' hidden suspicions hidden doubts that had breaded for years in speculation of how it was Harry Potter was immune to a killing curse, how it was that the dark lord had come back, and continued to come back like some endless haunt.
"And…Potter?" Severus said his voice tight and nearly choking. "What would you do to him?" He whispered nearly staggering under the weight of what he was coming to understand.
"What I must." Dumbledore said looking tired and old.
Hallow.
Severus looked at him and realized for perhaps the first time that the man had lost the very thing he'd advocated for years. Dumbledore no longer loved. For that was the price of a Horcrux, the greater price that very few knew, creating a horcrux stole one's ability to love away from them, it was the curse of the deed more so than the cost of a life.
Dumbledore was going to kill Harry.
The letter in his pocket no longer felt like lead weighting him down.
"You've raised him like a pig for slaughter." Severus breathed feeling ill. Dumbledore gazed at him coolly.
"Don't tell me you've grown fond of him Severus." He said sounding almost amused. Severus had half a mind to tear the man into pieces. Instead he reached into his pocket and pulled out the thick envelope.
"I have been meaning to do this for some time now." Severus said quietly. "Long ago you saved me from Azkaban, in return I agreed to spy for you, agreed to abandon my dreams, the ambitions that I had until then catered to. I've served as your spy all these years, doing things that have dirtied my hands and my soul, tainting myself further all in your name and the name of someone long dead." He said feeling the betrayal sting sharply. "But I cannot forget what led me to your service. All those years ago a mad man went after a child not more than a year old, a babe, innocent to all of this. I had hated that boy for robbing the world and myself of Lily. But I see in you the very same madness that I met in that man all those years ago, the madness of a man that would seek to destroy a young man who is innocent in all of this, who only wants peace and comfort. You and the dark lord are no longer so very different from each other, god help us all." He said throwing his letter onto the headmaster's desk. Blue eyes widened in shock as a gnarled hand snatched up the envelope. Severus felt as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, he was free now, he could go to Harry, he could go to Draco and protect them and love them and be free of all of this at long last.
Let the world rot!
"Severus I'm sorry that it has come to this, I am sorry that you see me this way. I would do anything to end this war and the bloodshed that occurs daily, you must understand this!" Dumbledore said forcefully.
"Then do it without me." Severus said his decision made his voice cold.
"You cannot do this to me! You made me a promise Severus Snape!" Albus said furiously.
"And so did you!" Severus said quite done with this farce. "You promised to protect her and you failed old man! I've given up a better part of my life for your agenda but I will not cater to the whims of two madmen who would kill children over a false prophesy given by a charlatan who's had too much sherry!" He hissed. "I will not stand idly by and watch you kill Harry!" He vowed his eyes changing, darkening. Dumbledore shrank back eyes wide.
"Severus what are you, what have you done?" He whispered.
"I am what I've always been Albus I just chose not to show you." Severus said calmly. "I was born a monster; I was born craving darker things. I walk into a room and people stiffen, cringe away, are naturally wary of me because I am a predator- oh yes I dress it up, I do have a temper after all and I have no patience for idle chitchat. A sour disposition is as good a reason as any for the way people act around me." He said smirking.
"All this time…" Dumbledore said his face pale and drawn.
"All this time." Severus said with a nod. "I have done things under your command that I am not proud of, that I will never be proud of and that I may never forgive myself for. But even me as dark as I am cannot ignore what you intend to do." He said shaking his head. "Look in the mirror Albus, if ever I meant anything to you at all, look in the mirror and see yourself as the monster you've become." He said sadly. "If you come after Harry, I will kill you." He swore before turning sharply intending to leave.
"It only takes one floo call to the ministry Severus." Dumbledore said coldly halting him in his tracks. Fear and betrayal threatened to overwhelm him. "One call to send you to Azkaban, one call to have men like Draco Malfoy come after you-"
"I'm afraid not headmaster." Both Severus and Dumbledore jumped at the third voice. Draco stepped out from the shadows his eyes glittering in the dim light of the office his body ridged and pouring out waves of malice and danger. Severus shivered to feel it.
"Draco Malfoy how dare you this is my office and this is a private conversation you had no right-!" Draco waved his hand and Dumbledore was abruptly silent his eyes glittering with rage.
"Severus unbutton your cloak and show the headmaster who you belong to." Draco said calmly his voice like ice. Severus felt something loosen in his chest. No one could touch him- he was Draco's he was protected, not even Dumbledore could harm him. His fingers worked the buttons swiftly and he pulled away the high collar of his robes and then the collar of his shirt showing the scar on his neck where Draco had bitten him, claimed him. He'd always belonged to Draco he realized, he might have thought that he could abandon them, return to his life as it was, but he'd never left them, not really. He couldn't, though Draco had allowed him the illusion.
"Draco." He said softly. Draco's eyes burned as they stared at the mark before the edges of his lips twitched upwards and he gracefully slinked over to the headmaster's desk lifting the letter or resignation and scanning it quickly.
"Severus!" Dumbledore said eventually as he broke through the silencing spell.
"If there was anything Lily would have wanted for me, it would have been my happiness. Even when that happiness meant catering to the whims of Lucius Malfoy, even when I pushed her away she forgave me and loved me and wanted nothing more than to see me happy. Now I find myself in that very same position, Draco and Harry are my mates and I want nothing more than to make them happy, and for once, I want nothing more than to be happy." He said turning to Draco who was watching him. Draco's smile grew and softened. With two short strides Draco was sliding his fingers into Severus' hair and pulling him until their foreheads touched.
"Go find Harry, make amends; I'll take care of things here." Draco said softly. Severus felt something ache in his chest.
"I'm so sorry." He breathed feeling oddly fragile.
"What's done is done Severus, go to him, I will be there when I can." Draco said with a nod before nuzzling the spot on his neck. Severus shivered.
"Yes." He whispered. Draco smile against his neck and pressed his lips to the scar before pulling away and turning. Severus glanced at him once more before turning and slipping out of the office his head held high.
