A/N - ok readers - thanks for hanging in for so long

i am almost done - just two more chapters! (I'm sorry in advance)

Chapter 9 – An End

Ren gave a great inhale as he awoke, but the familiar scent next to him had disappeared. He tried to pull Kyoko closer to him but he found his arms heavy and unwilling to obey him. Something was wrong. Ren opened his eyes to find himself looking up at bright fluorescent lights. "Kyoko?" He murmured in a hoarse voce. Where was she? She couldn't have gotten up, she was in no condition to.

"Kyoko is dead," said a gentle but stern voice to his right. He looked over to see Yashiro sitting by the window staring out at the Tokyo cityscape.

"But, she was getting better," Ren said confused, getting up. "She woke up. Did she die in the middle of the night?"

The gaze Yashiro bestowed upon him was filled with pity, and sadness. "Ren, Kyoko died 15 days ago when a group of crazed fans attacked her. She died at the scene. She never made it to the hospital, her injuries were too severe." Ren wouldn't hear it.

"No," he said, shaking his head, not willing to accept the truth. "I was holding her in my arms just last night. I had a dream that she was attacked and killed, and she ended up attacked, but not dead." Ren tried to get out of bed, but something on his arm was paining him whenever he moved too much. He ripped the IV from his arm and headed out the door.

"I need the room for Kyoko Mogami" He said to the nurse once he reached the ward's nurses station. Yashiro came up behind Ren, the interception he had planned didn't go the way he meant, as the large man was surprisingly coherent after having spent so long asleep.

"Lets go back to your room, Ren," Yashiro said quietly, giving the nurse an apologetic look. "You aren't going to find her room, she is gone" he took one of the actor's arms and started steering him back the way they came. "I think Kyoko being alright was the dream." He said softly once they were back in the plain white room. He pushed a still dazed Ren down to the bed, and pulled up a chair to sit between Ren and the door.

"But, I had told her that I loved her" he said, tears streaking down his cheeks now. "She loved me back." He tried to explain to Yashiro. "We were happy. She finally let me in, I was helping her recover!" Ren was throwing things now. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT WAS ALL A DREAM!" he yelled, thick rivers running down his cheeks. Yashiro calmly held down the nurse's button and within seconds one came in, probably already on her way because of the noise. Without a word she took a prefilled syringe from her pocket, un-capped it, and grabbing Ren's arm which was now holding a pillow, she plunged the needle and medicine deep into his muscles.

Seconds later Ren had collapsed onto the bed. He looked wearily at Yashiro then down at his wrists, which still had bandages on them. "If she truly is gone," Ren said tonelessly, "I must…." He didn't finish the thought. His muscles felt heavy and ached with weariness. His mind, however, was perfectly alert.

Yashiro sighed and went over to the bed, placing a hand on Ren's shoulder. "What you need to do is get some rest. You will be more level headed when you have had some rest. Level headed and rational." Ren nodded without giving a thought to what he was agreeing to. He closed his eyes, wanting to see his love again. She was there, as Kyoko, as the angel, as Mio, as Satsu, and (Ren felt his heart grow cold) dead on a slab in the morgue. Then the dead girl got up and beckoned to him. He nodded, sure of what he had to do.

When Ren opened his eyes, Yashiro was nowhere to be found. The sky outside the window was growing dark, so he figured he must have fallen asleep. He got out of bed clumsily, his muscles still heavy from the drug and pulled out the new IV in his arm. He started searching the room for anything that could be lethal. Unfortunately, he couldn't find anything that would be considered close. He went to the window, he seemed to be on the fifth floor, and there was concrete below him. That would work. He tried the window but it was sealed shut.

Of course, he reminded himself, he was probably still on suicide watch, because that is what they brought him in for. Damnit! He swore to himself. If only Yashiro had let him die a week and a half ago when he initially tried. He sat down on his bed to think. Then looking at the covers he got an idea. He started twisting a crude noose from the small blanket, thank goodness he had once played a sailor, he thought to himself ruefully as he worked. When he was done there was just enough fabric at the end to tie it to something. He looked up, no ceiling fan. He looked at the bed. Wheels. He looked at the IV pump; also wheels. And then, there were also locked cabinets. He smiled cheerlessly and started tying a strong knot to one of the locked cabinets that had a high handle. He slipped the noose around his head. If he bent his legs, it might actually work. That is, if the blanket was strong enough. He tightened the noose around his neck so that he couldn't breath well and then he let his body fall. He knew that only a swift fall would break his neck, but he would make due with suffocation. He was dangling on the rope and the world was growing black from lack of oxygen when two things happened at once. He felt the blanket start to tear from the tension, and the door opened.

"Ren?" he heard Yashiro's voice asked, confused when he noticed Ren wasn't in his bed. "Shit… REN!" he yelled. And then the tall man lost consciousness.

"Am I dead yet?" He asked to no one in particular, as consciousness returned to him.

"You gave it your best shot, but no" Said an angry voice beside him. Ren opened his eyes and turned his head painfully to see Yashiro glaring at him. Ren returned the glare with blank look.

"Why not?" he asked, unnervingly emotionless. "Why wont you just let me die?" there was a small plea in his voice at the last words.

Yashiro sighed and looked to the other side of the bed. "You can't leave yet," said a voice he hadn't heard in a long time. "Think of your mother."

Ren turned his head the other way to see Kuu sitting in another chair beside his bed. "You called my father?" Ren asked Yashiro, not looking at him.

"No," said Kuu, "Lory did." He sighed and looked at his son in an uncharacteristically gentle way. "He told me what happened to Mogami, Kyoko. I was sorry to hear it, she was a good girl." There were tears running down Ren's cheeks again. "I also understand that this is now the second time you have tried to kill yourself to join her." Ren met Kuu's gaze unflinchingly. "Kuon," Kuu said, using Ren's given name, "Killing yourself over a girl isn't rational. Find yourself a new girl, move on with your life."

Ren laughed bitterly. "Find a new girl?" he said to his father, "I don't think you understand what she meant to me." Ren shook his head. "I was in love with her, am in love with her. I love everything about her." Then he looked back at his estranged father with piercing eyes. "What if your fans killed mom?" He said directly. "I know you would do anything for her, but would you die to be with her?" Kuu looked at the ground.

"Yes, I would." he said after a moment's pause, and then continued ignoring Yashiro's small noises of protest. "If we were in your position and your age, yes, I would."

Ren didn't show any expression on his face. "I thought so." He said indifferently. "So let me go to be with my one true love, like you would for yours." Ren lay down and stared at the ceiling.

Kuu exchanged a look with Yashiro that was clearly concerned for Ren's mental state. "Yashiro, why don't you leave for the night," Kuu said, looking at the agent closely. "I will watch him tonight, keep him from doing anything stupid," Kuu looked at his son fondly but not without sadness. Yashiro nodded, grabbed his coat, and left.

Kuu went to the bathroom quickly then came back and sat down next to the bed. Hours dragged by, but Ren couldn't sleep. He just stared at the ceiling thinking about Kyoko. Kuu looked at his son with a critical eye. "Why don't you take a hot shower, that may have the soporific effect you are looking for." Ren shrugged listlessly and moved towards the bathroom. He closed the door and was halfway out of his clothes when he noticed a small glint of light on the sink. He turned to study the reflection he was seeing, and found that he was looking at a box-cutter blade. New and sharp. It must have been a final farewell gift from his father, who always carried a box-cutter with him.

He took it and stepped into the shower, turning up the hot water. Kuu listened as he heard the water start to run, and knew that Ren must have found the present that he left for him. He knew he wasn't a good father for the majority of Ren's adult life, so now he was giving him the gift of being with the one he loved. Kuu sighed and put his head in his hands, tears coursing down his cheeks. He never thought that his final act as a father was to allow his son to commit suicide, but he couldn't think of anything better to do.

Ren sat down in the small shower and raised the small blade to his bandaged wrist. A smile came to his lips. He could almost hear Kyoko calling his name. "I'm coming Kyoko," He said, and he dragged the sharp knife hard on his a bit of his wrist that wasn't bandaged. Ren felt a sense of bliss wash over him as his bleeding wrist fell to the wet shower floor. Warm water mixed with his warm blood and he watched it for a few moments as the mixture ran down the drain. He closed his eyes and rested his head on the tile behind him. He could hear her voice whispering his name "Ren." He felt arms wrap around him as blackness began to engulf him. He assumed the arms were those belonging to death but the voice coming from the blackness was familiar "Ren" it said louder. Ren melted into the embrace letting it take him.

A/N - ok, so sorry about that

hopefully the next chapter will make up for it! yay! last chapter!