A/N: This is my longest chapter yet so I hope you like it. Let me know what you think! Oh, and we get to hear a bit about Reid's recent history which I think you will like...
Warning: There are definite mentions of sexual abuse in this chapter.
My legs were shaking so hard I could barely make it across the room. It hadn't gone unnoticed that I was gone the night before when I went to Dr. Reid's. When my foster dad, Curt, had come into my room 45 minutes ago, I was interrogated fiercely as he raped me again. It proved to be an ineffective interrogation technique. He demanded to know where I was and what I was doing and all the while made my skin crawl at his touch. I was with a friend, I told him. And I didn't tell them anything. It was true enough. He seemed to believe me.
He kissed me up and down. "I love you." He had moaned, "You're so beautiful." I hated him for saying it. I didn't want to be beautiful to someone as ugly as him.
I slid through my door clumsily and locked it from the outside with a paperclip. I was determined to not be caught this time. I went to Angie's room and found her cuddled with her stuffed dolphin, Dolphina, and a book. She looked up when she heard me enter but she didn't startle. Curt hadn't done anything to her. Yet. I sat on the edge of her bed without saying a word. I wrapped her in a hug and kissed the top of her head. I hated how repulsed I felt with myself kissing my little sister. She let me hug her for a moment but pulled away to look at me.
"Why are you upset?" She asked, referring to my still shaking arms around her. I smiled lightly and shook my head.
"I'm not upset." I said. Her innocent little eyes stared up at me and the worst part is she believed me. She believed me in spite of her own judgment telling her otherwise. My heart ached and I looked away.
"I'm going to go visit a friend, OK? I need you to keep your door locked while I'm gone and you're not to let anyone in, even Curt or Diane." I wondered how audible the shaking of my voice was. In my own head, it sounded worse as it reverberated around. Angie squeezed her hands together the way she does when she's nervous.
"I don't want you to leave." She said, tears brimming in her eyes. She didn't even try to convince me not to because she assumed I had a good reason. I took a deep breath. I had to keep my cool.
"I'll be back in a couple hours. I'll come say goodnight when I get back but you shouldn't wait up for me." She sighed deeply. She didn't stop kneading her hands as she told me, "Alright." I gave her another squeeze and locked her door for her. She watched me as I slipped out her window. I hated myself for being so weak as to leave her in a house with the man who was the reason for my leaving.
I slid the screen back in place and motioned for her to shut the glass of the window. When Angie was safely closed in, I stole my way down the street, the cold making me shiver as I went.
To put it simply, Dr. Reid was pretty surprised to see me at his door again. He let me and went to make tea as he had before but I felt hesitancy in him as he skirted across to the kitchen. I lowered myself carefully to the couch and stood up jerkily at the pain. The soreness was starting to set in. I gave a furtive glance in his direction to make sure he hadn't seen.
He came back in with the tea and handed me my mug. I set it down on the coffee table and was grateful when he gave me an excuse to remain standing. "Could you turn on the light behind you?" He asked. I nodded and did. When I turned back to him, he had an uncomfortable expression on his face. I immediately tensed.
"What?" I said loudly. He averted his eyes away from me. He looked nauseous. "You're bleeding." He said tersely. I backed away quickly and headed down the hall in search of the bathroom. "First door on the left!" He called.
My breathe came at an uncomfortably rapid rate as I tried desperately to clean myself up. All was not lost. I could just tell him it was my period and being a guy, he would believe me without question. I tried to push out of my mind how perceptive he had been in the interrogation when he had dimmed the lights for my eyes.
I managed to wipe away most of the blood but my underwear and pants were still ruined. There was a light knock on the door and I haphazardly pulled my pants in front of me like I was wearing them.
"I- I have some clothes for you." He said through the door. I didn't move or speak. He remained silent on the other side. "I'll just leave them here for you." He said eventually. I heard him place the clothes on the floor and step away. I waited a minute to make sure he was gone and then opened the door the tiniest crack. I snatched the bundle and drew my hand back in as though expecting it to be bitten before closing the door sharply.
I blushed deeply when I saw the pair of boy-short undies. They still had the tags of them but I couldn't help but feel awkward as I pulled them on. I suppose it would have been worse if he had female underwear to loan me. I stuffed a paper towel down there just in case but I think that the bleeding had stopped. I started to pull on the sweatpants he had given me but stopped. Bruises were beginning to form on my thighs and just above my knees. I wouldn't be able to wear my gym shorts at school.
I pulled the sweatpants on all the way and inspected my arms as well. Bruises were forming on my upper arms as well but my sleeves covered them. When I was sure I was thoroughly cleaned up, I crept back into the living room and eased myself onto the couch. Dr. Reid was no where to be seen.
I looked around as I waited and my eyes landed on several shiny coins mounted on the wall. I stood up the get closer and read, '1 year sober'. They were lined up, one after another, 4 in total. I sucked in a breath when I heard footsteps down the hall. I quickly sat myself back down and picked up my now cold tea. I couldn't bring myself to look directly at him.
"Are you alright?" He asked gently. I was prepared for the question but was caught off guard by the coins. "Uh, yes." I said, drifting off. "I mean, yeah, I didn't think I was getting my period for a couple more days." Reid hushed up quickly at that and I could see him blushing out of the corner of my eye. He edged over to the armchair. "Do you have everything you need?" He asked awkwardly. I nodded. "Yes." I said firmly. He left it at that and took my tea to warm it up.
When he returned, he had left his shyness behind and offered me back my tea. I took it suspiciously. I wondered if I could even trust him. He hadn't told me he was an alcoholic. I knew plenty of people who were alcoholics and every one of them was unpredictable and dangerous. I glanced at the clock furtively. It was 10:30. I had promised Angie I would be back before it got too late. I began to suck down my tea.
"So what brings you here again?" He asked finally. I stared into my mug. "I just felt like some company." I said. It was the most honest thing I had said to him a while. I tensed as soon as I realized what I had said and wondered if he thought I was trying to lead him on. He didn't seem to notice my slip though. Thank god.
I remembered the times on the side of the road, my dad leaning casually against a building across the street as I leaned into the window of a stranger's car. "Would you like some company tonight?" Dad had told me to ask. Usually if they stopped, it meant that they did. If they were the type to pick up child prostitutes, it wasn't just company they wanted. That kind was like a whole other breed of man. They were harsher and did the job faster than they would with an older woman. Many of them would rarely look me in the eye.
Dr. Reid narrowed his eyes. "Is everything at school alright?" He asked suspiciously.
"Yeah. I started a couple days ago." That too was honest. I actually enjoyed being at school. Being there meant that Curt couldn't touch me and Angie was being taken care of simultaneously. Angie was in the first grade so she had a similar schedule to mine. I got home an hour earlier, being at the high school down the road.
Dr. Reid seemed ready to believe me yet he his brown eyes were still full of concern.
"When you want to talk about whatever it is," He said quietly, "don't be afraid to come to me." He may be FBI, but he was still human and people couldn't be trusted. Not until they thoroughly earned it. And he hadn't.