I do not own Gold Digger and its associated characters. They belong to that marvelous fellow Fred Perry. I do not own Ranma and its associated characters. They belong to the wonderful lady Rumiko Takahashi. This production is strictly for entertainment, and I am not making any money off of the writings. I am just a poor student, so please Don't sue me Please?
Author's special notes: I would like to thank the author of "Golden Opportunity", Cory D. Rose for what happens this chapter. The idea he gave me for what could happen was just too good to pass up.
Broken Hearts Combined Chapter 37: Anything Goes Girl Catching
It's been two weeks since Ranma, Britanny, and Sheila have gone to the Magic Observatory. Ranma has learned a bit more But not so much in the sense of "book knowledge" Brod has tried to teach Ranma different forms of math, languages, and history And Tark and Mesha have been helping him with magic
Math and Ranma Brr The less said the better
We see Ranma and Brod sitting in one of the studies. Ranma looks at a paper Brod hands back to him.
Ranma (Holding a paper graded "F"): To quote Barbie "Math is hard!"
Languages Ranma did try He still can't get the hang of any other languages though.
Brod: Now repeat. "Aux, sax, turnk!"
Ranma: "Axe, sacks, ternk!"
Brod: No, no, and NO! DO IT AGAIN!
Ranma: Why do I have to learn Elven tongue anyway?
Brod: Because Ranma, besides old English, Elven language is the second most common form of written and spoken language in all of Jade. NOW REPEAT AGAIN!
Ranma: Um "Ask, sacis, tertc"?
Brod (Stares): You are hopeless
Ranma: I am? Then, can we stop and do something else.
Brod: No.
Ranma (Mutters): Damn
History Brod was pleasantly surprised that Ranma took to the history lessons like a fish to water. It may have gone slow for Ranma's tastes, but he thoroughly enjoyed learning about most of Jade's history and lore.
Brod: Now Ranma What happened in the desert, "Death's Domain" in the Northern area of the East Continent on January 27, 145 AS?
Ranma: There was the duel of Kinsdale. Where two brothers of the Kinsdale family were vying for the inheritance of their father's slaughterhouse that was left to both of them in their father's will.
Brod: That is correct! Now Ranma What happened near the isle of Niek on March 15, 1356 AS?
Ranma: Um Wasn't that the navel battle of Belaruge? Where the people of the city of Trine and the people of the city of Lrith were fighting over a diamond mind that was on the largest of the Niek Islands?
Brod (Surprised): Correct again Ranma I guess you are paying attention Now Ranma What happened in the city of Phelt on July 3, 4889 AS?
Ranma: That was when the third Armsmaster had died. He was in a bar fight and had been stabbed in the back, cutting his spine in two, and paralyzing him for a few hours until he died.
Brod then drops the book. Tears start to well in his eyes.
Brod: HE CAN LEARN!
Brod then runs up to Ranma and crushes him in a hug.
Brod: I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!
Ranma (Pale): C, c, can't Breathe Vision Fading Talking in Fractured Sentence structures
Magic training
Being a Rouge Mage does have its benefits. It's hard for Ranma to learn magic from Tark and Mesha at first, since he has been neglecting it ever since he defeated Karia But after a bit of time training with Tark and Mesha It's quite easy
We see Ranma standing at one end of the Observatory that is done like a smaller version of the Roman Coliseum. Tark and Mesha sit in the stands, giving Ranma instructions, while Britanny and Sheila sit in another part of the stands cheering Ranma on.
Britanny: GO RANMA!
Sheila: YOU CAN DO IT!
Mesha: Okay Ranma Concentrate on the placement of your being. Vision yourself at the other end of the arena as you gather the Etheral Stream to you. Ready?
Ranma (Nods his head): Ready! Mesha: Then go!
Ranma begins to gather Etheral Energy from the Etheral Stream He begins to glow with a blue sheen. He concentrates on being at the other end of the room He then disappears And reappears at the other end of the room.
Mesha: Good Teleport Ranma.
Ranma then begins disappearing and reappearing all around the room. Britanny and Sheila are cheering Ranma on, while Mesha and Tark just stare.
Mesha: Wow he's quite good with that spell
Tark: If you ask me, I think he's just showing off
The two weeks end with a heart-felt goodbye from Brod, Tark, and Mesha, as they see Ranma, Britanny, and Sheila walk off to Seer's Hamlet, and into the Retreat.
The three have been walking for a little while, when Britanny asks Ranma a question.
Britanny: Hey Ranchan
Ranma: Yes Britanny?
Britanny: We've been at the Magical Observatory for two weeks, and in separate rooms
Ranma: Your point Brit?
Britanny: Well, can we have a bit of fun tonight when we get back?
Sheila: Yeah! I miss those 'training sessions'. Now those were fun!
Ranma (Sweats): Um How about we just rest for a day when we get back?
Britanny: YES! I would like to 'rest' Puuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Sheila: YEAH! That's just what we want Puuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Ranma: Um Girls
Britanny Sheila (Smiles): Puuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Ranma: That's not what I meant
Britanny: HUH!?
Sheila: What do you mean?
Ranma: Seriously, I did a lot of studying and training while I was there. I would like to take a day to sleep. I got a month and a half before the tournament, and I want to be in top condition when I start training again.
Britanny: Hmm How about this Ranma We have some fun then you train tomorrow!
Ranma: But I'll be tired from the night before when I start training then
Britanny: DAMN IT RANMA! WE HAVEN'T MADE LOVE IN TWO WEEKS!
Ranma (Blinks): Is there a problem with that?
Britanny practically growls, and is about to pounce on Ranma, ready to take him there and now! However, Sheila taps Britanny on the shoulder to gain the larger werecat's attention.
Sheila: Now Britanny, I know what you're thinking, but don't do it, okay? Britanny: But But I want to have fun!
Sheila: I know Which is why I propose a challenge to Ranma
Ranma: Challenge? What kind of challenge?
Sheila: Well Ranma There are two sides to this story. You want to sleep tonight, and Britanny and I Well We want to 'sleep' with you tonight
Ranma: Well I know that Usually, I wouldn't say "no", but I am just tired
Sheila: Well, how about we flip for it?
Ranma Britanny (Blink): "Flip"?
Sheila nods her head. She then pulls a gold coin out of her pouch she has to her side.
Ranma: Oh! You mean flipping a coin.
Sheila: Correct!
Britanny: And what are we flipping a coin for? Sheila: How about this It lands on heads then Ranma gets to sleep for the night. It lands on tails Then (Grins widely). Britanny and I get some tail from Ranma! (Smiles all cute-like). So, how about that?
Britanny (Nods her head): I'm game.
Ranma (Sweat-drops): Um Do we have to do this? Britanny Sheila: YES!
Ranma blinks in shock for a few minutes. He then sighs in defeat.
Ranma: Okay But I'll flip the coin!
Sheila: Sure.
Sheila hands Ranma the coin. Ranma looks the coin over a few times. It's not a fake, with two tails. He then flips it into the air and catches it. He looks at the coin and his face pales.
Ranma: Um Two-out-of-three?
Britanny and Sheila the smile at Ranma. Ranma gulps audibly, one thought predominate in his head.
Ranma (Thinks): Why is it that my luck always sucks when it comes to gambling.
In heaven, Kishijoten sneezes.
It is now night in the Retreat. A time when people should be getting SLEEP! Unfortunately Gar cannot get a wink of shut-eye. Being a jagwere, and having advanced hearing make this difficult.
Gar tosses and turns on his bed. His room is simple, Spartan in design, having very little in furniture. He is wearing a nightshirt and light pants. He keeps the pillow to his bed over his face. There are too many noises tonight.
Gar (Thinks): DAMN IT! WON'T EVERYTHING JUST SHUT UP!?
Gar continues to wrap the pillow around his head press the pillow to his ears.
Gar (Mutters): I wish the weren't so many damn noises
Finally, after some time, life begins to quiet down around the Retreat. There are far less noises, making it more hospitable to sleep.
Gar (Mutters): Finally!
Gar then closes his eyes. He places the pillow behind his head, and he tries to settle into sleep. Unfortunately, new noises begin to start. A lot of thumping and creaking noises and what sounds like low moans. Gar blinks a few times.
Gar (Thinks): What the heck is making all of that noise
Gar's eyes then widen.
Gar: Those sounds are coming from my sister's room!
Gar then summons his weapon Thunder Edge, in case there's trouble. He runs down the hall to his sister's room, to make sure his sister, Britanny, and Ranma are okay. He opens the door
Gar (Looks around): Is everyone okay in (Eyes widen). In I What the
Gar just stands, looking into the room in shock. He sees his sister, Britanny, and Ranma all in the bed. And they are moving, rubbing against each other. Gar's nose sniffs the air, very aware of certain scents that are being permeated into the air. His mind clicks at what's going on Ranma is having sex with both Britanny and Sheila A certain flow of thoughts goes through Gar's addled mind.
Gar (Thinks): Ranma has Britanny Ranma has Sheila Ranma is having sex with the girl I like Yet Ranma is also having sex with my sister! Wait He's taking my sister AND Britanny!? Taking Britanny from me when He's taking my sister!?
Gar's aura begins to glow a blood-red hue around him. This gains the attention of the three people in the bed, who then freeze up like deer caught in oncoming headlights. Britanny subconsciously, brings the blankets up to cover herself and the others
Britanny: Gar! What are you doing here?
Gar (Stares at Ranma, tries to contain growing rage): I Live Here
Britanny (Sweat-drops): Oh yeah
Sheila: Gar! This isn't what it looks like! Ranma loves us both, and we love him, so it's okay if we have fun.
Gar (Glares with murderous Rage at Ranma): You Take Britanny AND MY SISTER!?
Ranma (Sweating): Yes?
We go to a pan-shot of the entire Retreat. The plane it exists on shows one huge continent, like Pangea. One can hear a certain voice boom throughout that entire plane of existence of the Retreat, and well into Jade
Gar (Voice): RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! PREPARE TO DIE YOU ENEMY OF ALL WOMEN!
What follows next is the sound of battle. When one looks into the Retreat, and the city of Seer's Hamlet, they see an electrical jagwere chasing after a pig-tailed man in boxers.
The next morning, in the kitchen Edge Guard base for the Retreat and Seer's Hamlet, we see Gar sitting at a table, with a few bandages on his face and arms drinking from a small cup of tea. A green aura of depression flows around Gar. Onoli, Thropan, and Tirga stand in the back of the kitchen, looking back and forth between Gar and each other.
Tirga: So Who's going to check on him?
Thropan: Not me
Onoli: Well, one of us has to check on him.
Thropan: Well, it's not going to be me. I checked on him the last time he was like this, when Britanny chose Stripe over him. So, if you think I'm going to check on the highly volatile jagwere, YOU'RE CRAZY!
Onoli: Well, why don't you do it Tirga? You're his best friend.
Tirga: And his best punching bag at times So no. How about you talk to him Onoli? Aren't you our "fearless leader"?
Onoli (Blushes): Actually, since Gaja gave the Jasper of Leadership to Sheila
Thropan: You mean the Ark?
Onoli: Yes. Ever since he gave that to her Technically She's the leader
Tirga (Blinks): So, we have to take orders from Sheila?
Onoli (Nods his head): Yes.
Tirga: Hey! I got an idea to decide on who checks on Gar. Rock, Paper, Scissors!
Thropan and Onoli sweat-drop.
Thropan: You can't possibly be serious
Tirga: I am!
Onoli: Okay The three werecats hold their hands behind their backs. All thinking about the outcome of this game
Thropan (Thinks): Sigh Poor Tirga He always chooses "rock"
Onoli (Thinks): Sigh I just know Tirga is going to choose "rock". He always does.
Tirga (Thinks, smirks): Good ol' rock! It never lets me down!
Having chosen their 'weapons', the three Edge Guard werecats then play the game that shall decide their fate.
Tirga (Makes a fist): ROCK!
Thropan Onoli (Hold out flat palms): Paper.
Tirga (Blinks for a few moments): DAMN!
Tirga sighs. He lost. He then walks up to Gar.
Tirga: Um Gar Are you okay?
Gar then slowly turns his head to look at Tirga; a deep scowl adorns his features.
Gar: No
Tirga: Um What's wrong?
Gar: You really want to know?
Tirga: Um Yeah You're my bud, and we have to keep up team morality Or something
Gar: Sigh She didn't choose me
Tirga (Eyes widen in understanding): Ah Britanny you mean?
Gar: Yes
Tirga (Shrugs his shoulders): Well You win some you lose some. I take it Britanny ended up telling you she loved Ranma then? I mean, that human was the only one I've seen Britanny show interest in besides that tiger-man
Gar: Worse I saw it with my won eyes
Tirga (Raises an eyebrow): Oh? You mean you walked in on them, while they were
Tirga then makes a few motions with his hands, hit left index finger going in and out of a circle made by his right thumb and right index finger.
Gar (Nods his head, blushes): Yes
Tirga: WOW! I wish I could have seen that Still I wonder why she would want to choose a human over all the eligible werecats that are all around here
Gar (Gets even more depressed): That wasn't the worst part
Tirga: Oh? What? Were they doing the deed on your bed?
Gar: No They were in Sheila's bed.
Tirga (Smirks): Ah Kinky
Gar (Narrows): With Sheila
With that last statement, Tirga blinks. Thropan and Onoli stand to the other end of the kitchen, blinking as well
Tirga: Wait, wait, WAIT! What did you say!?
Gar (Obviously angry): That pig-tailed bastard was f*cking the girl I loved AND my little sister! DOES THAT CLEAR THINGS UP FOR YOU!?
All is silent for a few moments, as the information sinks into the skulls of Tirga, Thropan, and Onoli. Gar continues to sit there, visibly angry.
Thropan (Blinks): Wow I must admit That's quite an impressive feat for a human.
Onoli (Blushes): You mean he He (Nose bleeds). Gurgle
Onoli's eyes roll into the back of his head, as a steady stream of blood flows from his left nostril. Onoli faints and falls backwards.
Tirga on the other hand is surprised. His looks turn to one of shock. He clenches and unclenches his hands as he stares.
Tirga (Right eye twitches): What Did you say Gar? Is Ranma NOT ONLY taking Britanny, but your sister as well!?
Gar: DUH! Why do you think I'm so upset!?
Tirga's own battle aura begins to flare.
Tirga (Thinks): How dare he? HOW DARE HE!? HOW DARE HE TAKE MY SHEILA!? I'LL KICK HIS ASS!
Tirga then jumps onto the table, and for once, acts seriously. Like a leader ready to take his plan into battle.
Tirga: GAR! THROPAN! ONOLI! NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE UPSET! NOW IS THE TIME TO GO DOWN TO GAR'S HOUSE AND KICK THAT PIG-TAILED BOY'S ASS!
Thropan (Helping Onoli to his feet): And how do you plan to do that?
Tirga (Smiles): Follow me, and I shall show you!
Tirga then jumps off the table, and starts running. The others, now curious, pick up chase and follow Tirga.
Ranma sits at the table in the kitchen of Gar, Sheila, and Aeila's home in the Retreat. Britanny sits to his right, Sheila sits to his left, and Aeila sits across from him. He feels rather embarrassed right now, especially under Aeila's scrutinizing stare.
Aeila: Now Ranma, let me get this straight What happened?
Ranma: Well I'm sure you know how Britanny, Sheila, and I feel about each other.
Aeila (Nods her head): Yes It's quite obvious Go on
Ranma: Well, Gar walked in on us last night And he kind of blew his top
Aeila (Nods her head): Yes But why?
Ranma: I have no clue
Sheila (Looks at Ranma): Sigh Knowing my brother, he was probably upset because Brit loves you Ranma And since I love you too Well I guess you made him jealous and angry at the same time.
Aeila: Oh? Why's that? Sheila (Blushes): Well, Gar's always loved Britanny from the first moment he laid eyes on her, but she doesn't feel that way for him. And Gar has always been VERY protective of me So, I guess when he saw what we were doing last night He kind of had clashing thoughts and feelings
Britanny (Blinks): "Clashing thoughts and feelings"?
Aeila: Could you elaborate Sheila? Sheila: Well, put simply Gar didn't know whether to be angry at Ranma for winning the girl he loved, to be angry at someone making love to his little sister, to be angry about Ranma 'cheating' on me with Britanny, or to be angry about all of the above.
Ranma: Basically, he'll want to kick my ass for being loved by Britanny and you?
Sheila (Nods her head): Pretty much
Ranma: Damn
Britanny: Damn is right Geez I never knew Gar really felt that way for me. I just thought it was just a really strong crush he had on me
Aeila: Well, now that that's settled, how will I get Gar to understand this?
Ranma: I don't know
Suddenly, the door to the kitchen swings open, and four werecats try to get in the same time, but end up getting stuck in the door.
Thropan: Damn I'm stuck!
Tirga: RAAAAAAAAANNNNNMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Gar: Damn it Tirga! Get your armpit out of my face! IT SMELLS!
Onoli: Actually, the armpits do not have the ability to smell. They have the ability to stink, but otherwise, that is it.
Gar: SHUT UP ONOLI!
Ranma, Britanny, Sheila, and Aeila stare at the four werecat stooges.
Britanny: Damn Watching this is making me hear the Looney Toons theme in the back of my head.
Ranma: Um Are they going to be all right?
Sheila: GAR YOU IDIOT! HOW DID YOU GET STUCK IN A DOOR!
Aeila (Stares at The Edge Guard): Gar! What are you and your friends doing?
Gar: Sorry mom!
Thropan: Sorry Weaponsmaster Aeila!
Onoli: Sorry Madame Aeila!
Tirga: RAAAAAAAANNNNMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Aeila sighs. She walks up to the four werecats who are stuck in the doorframe. She kicks Tirga in the head, making him fly backwards, and the other three fall on their butts. She then picks up Gar and looks him in the eyes.
Aeila: Now Garfield Dear What is going on?
Gar: I'm not sure. Tirga had us running over here And then we got stuck.
Aeila: Okay.
Tirga then walks to the door and glares at Ranma.
Tirga: RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNMMM MMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Ranma (Blinks): Is that the only thing you can say?
Tirga: HOW DARE YOU TAKE MY GIRLFRIEND!?
Ranma (Blinks): Your girlfriend?
Tirga: SHEILA!
Sheila (Narrows her eyes): HEY! I AM NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU ASS! You cheated on me some time ago when you said you only wanted me, and you went after other girls anyway you arrogant bastard!
Tirga: SO!? THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN JUST GO SLEEPING WITH A HUMAN THAT'S ALSO F*CKING THE LAST, AND HOTTEST WERECHEETAH!
Sheila and Tirga then get in each other's faces, screaming at the top of their lungs.
Sheila: HEY! I LOVE RANMA AND HE LOVES ME! SO I CAN DO WHAT I WANT WITH HIM!
Tirga: NO YOU CAN'T!
Sheila: YES I CAN!
Tirga: NO YOU CAN'T!
Sheila: YES I CAN!
Tirga: NO YOU CAN'T!
Sheila: YES I CAN!
Tirga: NO YOU CAN'T!
Aeila: WILL YOU ALL PIPE DOWN!?
All goes silent as everyone there looks at the visibly angry Weaponsmaster. They all start to move away from her slightly, as she lets loose and impressive battle aura. She then calms her battle aura and begins speaking.
Aeila: Listen all of you. I'm not sure what your problems are, but this is how life is. Ranma, Britanny, and Sheila love each other. That is fact. So deal with it. END OF DISCUSSION!
All of them, with the exception of Aeila blink their eyes in unison.
Onoli: Wow That was put rather
Thropan: Blunt?
Onoli: Yes
Aeila: Well, that is how it goes (Battle aura flares). Any of you want to say otherwise?
Ranma, Britanny, Sheila, Gar, Tirga, Thropan, Onoli (Shake their heads): NO!
Aeila (Calms aura down): Good.
All is silent for a bit Until Tirga's eyes brighten. He then smiles.
Tirga: Ranma can have Britanny and Sheila However I am still the greatest of men. And I will prove it too!
Ranma, Britanny, Sheila, Aeila, Gar, Thropan, Onoli: Huh?
Tirga: RANMA! I challenge you, (points at Ranma) to a duel.
Ranma (Smirks): Anything Goes battle?
Tirga: Anything Goes, YES! Battle Not in the sense you think
Ranma (Blinks): Huh?
Britanny: What are you implying you stupid weretiger?
Tirga: Simple Ranma, I challenge you to an Anything Goes Girl Catching Race!
Ranma, Britanny, Sheila, Aeila, Gar, Thropan, Onoli: A WHAT!?
Tirga: An Anything Goes Girl Catching Race!
Ranma: Uh Explain please
Tirga: Anything Goes Girl Catching is a competition between the manliest of men! Or, werecats Anyway, point is, the person to sleep with the most women is the winner! Now
Ranma (Blinks): Damn Sounds like something my mom would come up with
Tirga: Now Do you accept my challenge, or do you admit defeat here?
Ranma: HOLD IT! I DO NOT ADMIT DEFEAT!
Britanny: WHAT!? RANCHAN, HOW COULD YOU WANT TO SLEEP WITH MORE WOMEN!?
Sheila: YEAH! ARE YOU TRYING TO BE A PERVERT LIKE TIRGA!?
Ranma: Um Sorry Britanny. Sorry Sheila. But, I can't just give up
Aeila then looks at the verbal argument that is going on between all the young adults in the kitchen. Her eyes widen, and a wicked smile appears on her face, as she gets an idea One that will prove quite interesting And perhaps solve a few problems
Aeila: ALL OF YOU HOLD!
The others quite down and look at Aeila expectantly. Aeila clears her throat then begins speaking.
Aeila: Actually an Anything Goes Girl Catching Race sounds perfect!
Ranma, Britanny, Sheila, Gar, Tirga, Thropan, Onoli (Blinks): IT DOES!?
Aeila: Yes, it does.
Tirga (Smiles): Sweet
Aeila: However I would like to add my own ideas onto the idea of the Anything Goes Girl Catching Race
Tirga: Oh? Like what?
Aeila: For one thing, you would not have to get as many women as possible But you can if you want Instead you would have to go all the way with the woman, and the woman would have to climax as well Each time she climaxes would equal points!
Tirga: That's what I had in mind!
Sheila: YOU HENTAI!
Tirga: And proud of it!
Aeila: Second, I think two people are not enough to make it a competition. How about adding my son Gar and his two friends Thropan and Onoli to this 'race'?
Tirga (Shrugs his shoulders): Sure.
Gar, Thropan, Onoli (Wide-eyed, jaws drop): WHAT!?
Onoli's nose begins to bleed and he faints.
Ranma: Are you sure they'd want to do this? I mean Onoli just fainted
Aeila: Oh, they'll do this. And third, you all have six hours, or, until nine this night. Now Shall we get ready?
Ranma: Um Okay?
Gar: Okay
Thropan: Sure.
Tirga: NINE HELLS YEAH!
Onoli (With a tissue in his nose): I feel faint
Onoli faints again. Aeila motions for the men to take Onoli and wait outside; which they do. Sheila turns to her mother with a scornful look.
Sheila: Mom WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!?
Britanny: YEAH! I DO NOT WANT RANCHAN SLEEPING WITH OTHER WOMEN!
Aeila: He won't. It may seem strange, but this will actually solve a lot of problems
Sheila: And HOW is it supposed to do that!?
Aeila: Simple. You two will keep Ranma 'busy' until nine pm. The others will go out to this 'race', and stay out of our hair for a while In fact, Gar might find someone and forget about Britanny.
Britanny and Sheila nod their heads in understanding.
Sheila: Mom.
Aeila: Yes Sheila?
Sheila: Thanks!
Britanny: YAY! More fun with Ranma!
We see Ranma, Gar, Tirga, Thropan, and Onoli waiting outside of Gar's home. They all look slightly agitated.
Ranma (Mutters): I can't believe I'm doing this
Tirga (Smiles): Yeah! Gonna get some booty, while on duty!
Thropan: Hey Good rhyme Tirga
Tirga: Thanks Thro'.
Onoli (Shaking): I can't believe I'm doing this, I can't believe I'm doing this, I can't believe I'm doing this, I can't believe I'm doing this, I can't believe I'm doing this, I can't believe I'm doing this, I can't believe I'm doing this
Ranma (Blinks): What's wrong with Onoli?
Gar: Well Ranma, I'll put it this way Onoli may be a 'samurai' warrior, but he was originally raised to be a priest He's not exactly ready for this
Thropan: That is one hell of an understatement
All of a sudden, the door opens and all the men there turn to it. They see Aeila walk out, followed by Britanny and Sheila. Aeila is holding a stopwatch.
Aeila: Okay I want you five men to line up! When I say, "go", you will then run into Seer's Hamlet, trying to pick up as many women as possible, and having your way with them! Is that understood?
Ranma: Yes Aeila Do I really have to do this?
Aeila: Yes.
Ranma: D'oh!
Gar: I'm ready! Say Brit, bow about you and me
Britanny: Gar No.
Gar: Sigh Okay
Tirga: I'll pick up so many women; I won't know what to do with them all!
Thropan: Oh, I think I can manage. But, how about you Onoli?
Onoli (Shakes): Women? Have to take (Nose bleeds). Women Treat fine But Have way Ohhhhhhhh
Onoli faints. The others keep kicking him for a bit, until he wakes up and stands up on his own.
Onoli (Covered in bruises): Ow
Aeila: Okay. On your marks
Ranma, Gar, Tirga, Thropan, and Onoli look at each other then get into starting positions like runners.
Aeila: Get set
Ranma, Gar, Tirga, Thropan, and Onoli look out towards the Hamlet. They are going to try to do their best
Aeila: GO!
Gar, Tirga, Thropan, and Onoli run as fast as their legs can carry them! Ranma on the other hand is tackled by Britanny and Sheila. All Ranma can do is watch the others run off. He then looks at Britanny and Sheila.
Ranma: Um Can you two let go now? I have to get out there, or I'll lose this race!
Britanny: No you won't Ranchan! (Lusty smile). We plan to help you win it!
Ranma (Blinks): Huh?
Sheila (Smiles): YES!
Britanny and Sheila purr audibly as they drag Ranma back into the house with them. Aeila smiles and thinks to herself.
Aeila (Thinks): Perfect This is sure to get me grandchildren And perhaps grandchildren from Gar as well Oh, I am slick!
And, so the five participants of the Anything Goes Girl Catching Race try their luck
Ranma
We see Aeila sitting outside the door to Sheila's room. Moans of pleasure can be heard from behind the door. Aeila lifts a glass of wine into the air, as if toasting.
Aeila: This one's for you Maestra!
Aeila drinks from the glass as a little shriek of pleasure breaks though the air.
Tirga
We see the weretiger waltz up to a female blonde-haired Elf who is hanging up her laundry to dry.
Tirga: So Katherine, want to share a night in bed with your favorite weretiger?
"Katherine" then glares at Tirga.
"Katherine": It's "Jocelyn" YOU CREEP!
Jocelyn then pulls out her mallet of righteous-womanly-rage and punts Tirga through the skyline of the Retreat.
Gar
We see the distraught jagwere looking through the marketplace of Seer's Hamlet. He looks around, but he can't find any woman that interests him, a woman that he would make love to There's just one problem
Gar: Sigh I don't love any of them Not that any of them can compare to Britanny
Gar mentally sighs. That's a problem with him. He can't just hop into the sack with someone He has to have feelings for them Even if a lot of the young ladies in the market eye Gar with a sense of 'want', Gar doesn't feel anything.
Gar (Thinks): Damn! I have to find someone! Anyone! I have to get my mind off of Britanny! She doesn't love me! GRRRRR!
Gar continues walking around, hoping to find someone who would gain his interest Unfortunately, his lack of attention to where he's walking causes him to bump into someone. Gar takes a step back.
Gar (Bows slightly): I'm sorry.
Female voice: It's okay.
Female voice 2: It's our fault. We weren't looking where we were walking.
Gar looks up and his eyes widen. Two beautiful human women stand before him. One has long blue hair, blue eyes, and a dark blue ninja outfit. The other has short light brown hair, green eyes, and a dark brown ninja outfit. The one in blue waves her hand in front of Gar's face. It issues no reaction. She looks back to her partner.
Blue-haired ninja: I think I may have broken something Luan.
Luan: Don't be silly Carla. He's a werejaguar. It's not like you could hurt him by just walking into him.
Carla: Well, I worry Luan After all, it wouldn't be good to cause trouble until we can find Julia Brigand.
Hearing his master's name snaps Gar out of his stupor.
Gar: And what business do you two have with my master?
Luan and Carla then turn to look at Gar.
Carla: "Master"? Do you mean Julia? Gar: Yes. Master Julia Brigand-Diggers taught me everything I know when it comes to fighting and martial arts.
Luan: That's great! Could you teach us?
Gar: Hmm Maybe later right now, I have a contest I have to win
The girls look at Gar with curiosity.
Carla: What contest is that?
Gar: An Anything Goes Girl Catching race.
Carla Luan: Anything Goes!?
Gar: Yeah I know this will sound stupid, but I have to find as many girls as possible, and Er (Blushes).
Luan: And what?
Carla: Yeah. What do you have to do with them?
Gar (Blushes a deep red): And (Blush deepens). Make love to them (Now a full lobster red). And as many-times as possible
Carla and Luan stare at the blushing werejaguar. The two begin whispering to each other.
Carla (Whispers): Did you hear that?
Luan (Nods): Yeah The werejaguar is in a contest to basically have sex with as many women as possible. So?
Carla (Whispers): So!? You know just how well endowed and how much stamina and endurance werecats have?
Luan (Whispers): Yeah Actually, I wouldn't mind trying one of them
Carla (Whisper): Then today is our lucky day! Not only is he hot looking, but he also knows Armsmaster Julia Brigand!
Luan (Whispers): I couldn't agree more
Carla and Luan turn to Gar with a warm smile.
Luan: So What's your name? We're I'm Luan, and this is my friend Carla!
Gar: My name is Garfield. But please Call me Gar
Carla: Okay! So Gar (Smiles). How about we help you win this contest?
Tirga again
We see the weretiger wearing a band-aid on his cheek, walk up to a redheaded human woman with brown eyes. She is calling for people to buy her bead outside her bakery.
Tirga: So Mindy, want to share a night in bed with Weretiger Supreme?
"Mindy" then glares at Tirga.
"Mindy": It's "Mitzy" YOU CREEP!
Mitzy then smashes Tirga on the head with her tray of bread. She walks back into the store, shutting the door closed, and locking it. Tirga stares at the way she went.
Tirga: Was it something I said?
Thropan
We see the werepanther sitting by a fountain. He is playing his lire, making a melodious tune that attracts women from far and wide. Soon, Thropan is surrounded by a good one hundred woman.
Thropan (Mutters): It's all in the wrist
Thropan continues playing his instrument, making the woman swoon.
Tirga, yet again
We see the bruised and bandage-covered weretiger walk up to a pair of female 'Amazon' fighters. Seeing as how his 'soft' pick-up lines haven't done him any good, he decides to unload the "big guns".
Tirga: Say ladies, have we f*cked somewhere before?
Both the warrior women openly glare at Tirga.
Amazon 1: WHAT DID YOU SAY LITTLE MAN!?
Amazon 2: DIE!
Both warrior women then beat Tirga down to the ground, punching, kicking, and overall beating the shit out of him.
Onoli
Onoli sits outside the Edge Guard office. He sees the girl he likes. A Halfling named "Cleo". She is a record keeper for the Conclave of Mages as well as writing down what happens with the Edge Guard groups. He goes up to the smaller woman.
Onoli: H, hello Cleo
Cleo turns around. She pushes her glasses closer to her face, and smiles when she recognizes the man.
Cleo: Oh, hi Tirga, how're you doing today?
Onoli: I'm g, g, g, good H, how about you?
Cleo: I'm fine. Thank you for asking.
It's all too much for the werelion. Close contact with a woman, who actually enjoys his company His nose erupts in a gusher of blood, and he faints.
Cleo: ONOLI! HELP! SOMEONE CALL THE HEALER!
It is nighttime now. Specifically, nine o'clock at night. Ranma walks out of Sheila's room, wearing only his boxers, and his legs move forward with a wobbly step. Aeila looks at Ranma and smiles.
Aeila: Well, you're the second-to-last one done How did it go?
Ranma: I lost count after twenty times with both of them
Aeila (Smiles): My, my Aren't you manly
Ranma: Well How did the others do?
Aeila: Good actually Gar should be done soon.
Ranma (Blinks): Huh?
Aeila: He's in his room with two nice-looking human girls. I was so proud of him!
Ranma: Well That's good for Gar
Aeila: And me! That means more grandchildren!
Ranma (Sweat-drops): WHAT? WAS THAT YOUR IDEA FROM THE START!?
Aeila (Smiles): Yes.
Ranma sighs. This is not what he was expecting.
Ranma: How about the others?
Aeila: Onoli fainted. He's still at the Healer's Clinic, so he didn't get any. Tirga didn't get any, and is also at the Healer's Clinic And Thropan
Ranma: Yeah How did Thropan do?
Aeila: He got himself one hundred and forty-six women of all sorts of different types!
Ranma stares in Aeila in shock.
Ranma: HUH!?
Aeila: Yes. He is QUITE manly
Ranma: I guess he won then, right?
Aeila: Pretty much.
Ranma: Okay Well, I know what I'm going to do now
Aeila: And what's that? Ranma: What I should have done last night Because with Britchan and Shechan sleeping, I'll get to sleep tonight They're too tired to want to make any more love
With that, Ranma passes out and falls flat on his face.
End Chapter 37
Next Time: No more time is to be had! Now, it is time to sign up for the Tournament of Arms! Will Ranma qualify to enter? And what's this with Sabbo sneaking around the training facilities of the Coliseum?
Author's note: Hmm Well, just felt I should have fun with the chapter. Going to go into the tournament soon And Ranma will have to face a whole lot of challenges.
-This is RedPriest17, signing off.
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