Disclaimer: Broken Hearts Combined is the work of RedPriest17. Who by the way is using characters and concepts that may or may not even belong to him, but it is for completely non-profit entertainment. Well we can't fault him and myself for that. So you no sue him, he no sue me,
we all live happily. Sides we're poor students. You won't get much out of us, unless you like to crush the hopes and dreams of young aspiring writers. You sick, sick, sick, freak you. Stay away from me. Back.
Back! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Enjoy.
It should be noted that:
Werecats of Nerima is song to the tune of Warren Zevon's Werewolves of London.
And that the:
Lyrics are adapted from the tune of afore mentioned song and artist.
Thus it is not 'completely' original in its origin. Thank you.
You may now read the song-fic.
Go on, it won't bite.
Well usually it won't.
Werecats of Nerima
A BHC side-story/song-fic provided by Shadow Cat
With additions and editing by our own RedPriest17
The events of this little song-fic takes place 2 days after BHC Omake:
Heaven Comes to Nerima (but wait don't you mean to say Hell?) also provided by Shadow Cat, with editing and additions by RedPriest17
It has been two days since Shadow Cat's shindig. (See the Broken Hearts Combined Side-Story: Heaven Comes to Nerima; (but Wait Don't You Mean to Say Hell?) And Sabbo the 'Hidden Emperor of Jade' was out and about Tokyo. To be precise he was in the Aza Juuban District at the moment.
He was touring Tokyo, taking in the sights, partaking of the local fare,
harassing the Kunos, (who kept thinking he was their father or some other relative respectively), admiring Gendo's work with torturing Genma, and getting drunk as a skunk. Yep. Sabbo was out and about enjoying his sabbatical while waiting for Ranma Saotome to retrieve the final Ark.
Of course as fate would have it, Sabbo was about to cross paths with a certain little cat. Not necessarily a black cat, or a white cat, no a cat far, far worse than that, yet this was still better than a certain other mischievous feline (1). Sabbo was once again about to cross paths with the Shadow Cat.
If your wondering why Sabbo has been plagued lately with such luck well,
you see he recently annoyed Kismet, when he went and stole Belldandy's stockings. Thus she, Kismet, (and not Belldandy) had decided to give the fruitcake a bit of a hard time. Well, would you expect anything less for such a crime as stealing a goddess's under-garments? I would think not.
Sabbo wandered through the streets of the Aza Juuban District. In the last five hours he's gotten himself thrown out of eight different karaoke bars, all on account of his 'supposedly' bad singing. HA! He wasn't even remotely drunk, yet. He's spent the last hour at this wonderful little Sake stand... Well... That is until he drank all the stock. The guy kept crying about it. Kept saying, 'It couldn't be, not again... I thought that white haired woman was bad... But this guy takes the cake... Sniff... at least the woman was pretty too look at... But this guy... Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!'
Sabbo left that guy in a huff. How dare he insult his perfect and beautiful physique?
Sabbo: HA! That simple-minded plebian simply couldn't understand the sublime beauty of my personage. How the appearance of fatty bulk is in fact an illusion of pure muscle, so as to cause cocky fools to underestimate me. Thus when I reveal my true power they shall stand in awe of the awesome might of the 'Hidden Emperor of Jade'. I am the great Sabbo, age fifty-eight! He who rules all of Jade from the shadows. I am... Hic... (Blink). Hic... Whoa... Maybe I should stay away from that Kuno boy for a while... I'm starting to sound like him... Brrrrrr... (Shudders). Bad thought, very bad thought...
As Sabbo continued to walk about lost in that thought, he absently ran into someone knocking him to the ground. Turning around to tell off the clumsy oaf, Sabbo paled when he saw whom it was. Looking up at him was a slightly irate Shadow Cat, who, upon seeing Sabbo, smiled evilly.
Sabbo took note of that as Shadow Cat spoke to him.
Shadow Cat (Smiles evilly): Well, well. If it wasn't the very fool...
Uh... I mean pawn... Er... I mean 'friend' I was looking for.
And with rapidly apologizing to the God, Sabbo took off, fast! You see Shadow Cat wasn't a petty god. He could forgive minor slights like that if one apologizes or he could simply ignore it. But Shadow Cat was also part cat as his name implied. So from time to time he was allowed to be a little 'catty'. Sabbo recognized the look on Shadow Cat's face to mean that this was on of those times, and thus the Hidden Emperor of Jade promptly fled.
Sabbo: Sosorry!Didn' ,grea tHarbingerofChaos. (Looks at wrist as if he has a watch). Oh look at the time! I gotta go! BYE!
And Sabbo ran! Ran as if the hounds of hell were at his heels.
Actually Sabbo would have much rather preferred the hounds. They would have just torn him apart. Shadow Cat could do much, much worse. He was a god of 'MISCHEIF'; with a capital 'M'! Sabbo could very well spend the rest of his life slowly going insane by the tortures the god could inflict. (Actually such tortures wouldn't work on someone if they weren't already right in the head, like Sabbo for example...)
Sabbo (Thinks, runs): Gotta run. Gotta run or gods will kill me.
Gotta run or gods will kill me. Gotta run or gods will kill me...
Sabbo's mantra ran through his head as he ran. If he could make it to the corner he could escape in the shadows.
Shadow Cat simply shook his head and gave a resigned sigh. Shadow Cat didn't get his name because he had a habit of taking the form of dark furred cats, but because of his ability to manipulate shadows; a natural talent that he has that could mimic and exceed that of those mages who could wield Shadow Magic. With a casual wave of his hand Shadow Cat caused the shadows that Sabbo was heading for, to pool together and form into a dark pit.
Sabbo (Running): Gotta, move. Gotta get to shadows. Gotta move.
Gotta get to... (Eyes widen as he sees the pit). Oh fiddlesticks!
Sabbo had just noticed the pit right in front of him. Knowing that he probably couldn't jump it at the speed he was going, he tried to stop.
Unfortunately Sabbo was not immune to certain laws of physics, so in attempting to stop he just barely ended up tittering on the edge. After pin wheeling his arms and flailing about he managed a pirouette. Now Sabbo stood leaning back over the pit at a forty-five degree angle.
Looking down his chest he saw an impressed Shadow Cat looking at him.
Sabbo (Gulps): Uh... Hi?
Shadow Cat: You know Sabbo... Now I'm impressed. I didn't think that a lardo like you could pull a series of moves like that off.
Sabbo (Nods his head): I am the great Sabbo... The Hidden Emperor of... (Blinks). Uh... What are you doing?
Sabbo notices that Shadow has a crackling ball of black energy floating just above his palm.
Shadow Cat: You're coming with me Sabbo. Either bruised and unconscious, or bruised, unconscious, and fried. Your choice, porky...
Sabbo thinks about the given choices. He could simply fall into the pit, where he will undoubtedly end up bruised and unconscious. Or Shadow will blast him into the pit where he'll end up bruised,
unconscious, and extra crispy...
Sabbo (Blinks): Um... there isn't a third option is there?
Shadow Cat: Not today chum.
Sabbo: Could I have a few minutes to think about this?
Shadow Cat: Sure.
Sabbo: Thanks, I really mean it I always said you were a fair and generous...
Shadow Cat: Time's up!
Sabbo (Wide-eyed): What!? It hasn't even been a minute yet!
Shadow Cat (Releasing the ball of energy): Oh! You said minutes. I thought you said moments. My bad. Sorry.
Sabbo: Oh crud-on-a-stick!
And by an odd coincidence, right before the ball of energy could strike Sabbo, a large shape landed on Sabbo chest.
Sabbo (Stares at object on his chest): What?
Shadow Cat (Cocks head to the side): Huh?
Object: OH HO HO... Huh?
The shape had resolved itself into a shrunken wrinkled old man with a massive sack overflowing with ladies unmentionables.
Sabbo: Leep! What in the name of the Nine Hells are you doing on the Earth Realm?
Happosai: LEEP!? How do you know my little brother fat-boy?
Shadow Cat (Whistles): Hey perv, remember me?
Happi turned to the sound of that voice just in time to see a smirking Shadow Cat. As he gulped, obviously remembering the god, he noticed that Shadow was pointing at the glowing ball of energy. It was just seconds from impacting with Happi and Sabbo.
Sabbo (Deadpans): This is gonna hurt...
Happi simply nodded his head as the ball impacted with them. With a sudden crack of displaced air the ball exploded, sending panties and bras, plus a pair of silk garters into the air. Sabbo by some miracle was knocked away from the pit and into a nearby wall. As for Happi well he was thrown down into the pit.
Grabbing Sabbo by the collar of his Hawaiian shirt, Shadow Cat dragged him over to the pit. Peering over the edge Shadow let loose a long, low whistle.
Shadow Cat (Whistles): Now that's a 'two for one' deal if I ever did see it. Wasn't expecting the old lecher to pop up though. Oh well,
that was fun. I feel better all ready.
Shadow Cat was about to drag Sabbo off, when he was stopped by a massive mob of angry women.
Shadow Cat: Uh... Can I help you ladies?
One of the women stepped forward. She had green hair, and was brandishing a strange looking staff(2). She spoke with a cold voice laced with poorly disguised anger.
Green-haired Senshi: Where's the lech?
Shadow Cat gave her an answer with a serious face.
Shadow Cat: He's not here.
Green-haired Senshi (Growls): Then where is the old pervert that is a danger to the future of Crystal Tokyo? Because if you're hiding him,
we're gonna...
She left the threat hanging. Shadow Cay simply looked at the women,
then towards the pit, back to the women, then back to the pit once more before facing the green haired women again.
Smiling brightly Shadow pointed to the pit. And in a childish voice he sang out.
Shadow Cat: "Pervert go down the hole."(3)
The women did a collective blink as they finally noticed the odd pit and their falling silks. Giving a triumph cry the women surged forth to gather their belongings. Shadow Cat then dragged Sabbo off towards a convenient pool of shadows.
Sabbo (Being dragged): I NO WANNA GO!
Shadow Cat: Tough!
Sabbo: PLEASE! NO KILL ME!
Shadow Cat: I won't... But there's no way you're getting out of this...
Sabbo: ... I'll give you a twenty!
Shadow Cat (Raises eyebrow): A twenty? (Shakes head). NO! This is far more important than a twenty dollar bill!
Sabbo: Would you do it for a Klondike Bar?
Shadow Cat: ... Is it chocolate?
Sabbo (Checks wrapper): Vanilla.
Shadow Cat: Nope.
Sabbo: Dammit!
WHAM!
Shadow Cat then took off a boxing glove and threw it to the side. Sabbo had a large lump on his head and swirls for eyes, totally unconscious.
Shadow Cat and Sabbo then made it to the pool of shadows, and there both disappeared.
Half an hour or so later... (It's hard to judge time when you're unconscious you know!) Sabbo sat at the bar with Shadow Cat.
Apparently Shadow just wanted some one to go karaoke-singing with him.
The two sat nursing their drinks as they waited for their respective turns.
Sabbo: You know Shadow Cat... If this was all you wanted from me you should have said something. I mean you didn't have to blast me.
Shadow Cat: I wasn't in the mood to deal your stupidity at the time.
(Takes a moment to look at his tea). Still ain't in the mood now that I think of it...
Sabbo: Okay... Fine, I can live with that. By the way... Excuse the pun, but you look like something the cat dragged in...
Shadow Cat: You're one to talk, 'pretty boy'.
Sabbo (Raises an eyebrow): Well I 'was' dragged in by a cat. What's your excuse?
Shadow Cat (Nods his head): True... I'll give you that. Me, I haven't gotten much in the way of sleep these last few days.
Sabbo: OH HO? Hehehheheeeeeeh... Let me guess~THWACK! Ow...
Putting the oversized paper fan on the counter Shadow Cat takes a sip from his tea as he stands up.
Sabbo: What you do that for?
Shadow Cat: I warned you, I'm in no mood to deal with your stupidity lardo. Besides it's not what you were thinking.
Sabbo: Oh and what is it then, furball?
Shadow Cat: Auntie Bast...
Sabbo (Spits his drink): PFFT! Cough! Hack! THAT IS SICK! You!
You... Well I could see why, I mean I would jump for a chance myself,
but still your own~SMASH
Shadow Cat places the mallet next to the fan. As Sabbo struggles to get off the floor, Shadow continues speaking.
Shadow Cat: "Idiot. You are an idiot."(4) What I was going to say was Auntie's been going on about how 'manly' her nephew is. She's starting to sound like Nodoka. All because of what she thought she saw. Sigh...
Shaking his head, Sabbo began rummaging through the breast pocket of his Hawaiian shirt for some aspirin that he hoped he still had. That mallet strike was hurting something awful.
Sabbo: Ouch... That hurt you know... Let's see... Bowling pin? No.
Pencil? No. Latest issue of "Better Homes and Hawaiians"? No. Week old bologna sandwich. (Blinks). I was looking for that... Damn it!
Where'd I put that asprin?
Shadow Cat: I told you I was in no mood deal with your idiocy.
Sabbo (waves his head): Yeah, yeah... So what did Bast think she saw?
Shadow Cat: You remember that party I threw a few days back?
Sabbo: Yeah, that was a hoot! Make sure you invite me the next time you throw one. Just make sure there's plenty more booze!
Shadow Cat: Maybe... But back to what I was saying. Well I don't know, or really care, but do you know what happened afterwards? At the end of the party that is...
Sabbo took a moment to think back. He shuddered when he thought about what he recalled dimly.
-=BEGIN FLASHBACK=-
After a few moments more of the divinities contemplating, they each smiled broadly, and wickedly. Even Urd, though that was for far, far different reasons. They all let loose a maniacal laugh, startling the stragglers from the party. It wasn't often that the good inclined divinities got a chance to laugh maniacally. And they could understand why most villains do so, it was rather cleansing for the soul.
Sabbo (Lifts his head, stares at the Divinities): ... This can't be good...
Sabbo's head then plops back down onto the floor.
-=END FLASHBACK=- (If that didn't make sense go read the side story.)
Sabbo (Shudders, mutters): Yes... And I don't want to know what that was about. I really don't want to know.
Shadow Cat: Huh, what are you talking about?
Sabbo: The laughing, the evil insidious laughing. It chilled me to the bones. The laughing...
Shadow Cat: Uh, Sabbo?
Sabbo (Clutches sides of head): Laughing. The laughing...
Shadow Cat (Waves hand in front of Sabbo's face): Sabbo?
Sabbo: So scary...
Shadow Cat: HEY SABBO!
Sabbo: Make it stop mommy...
Shadow Cat: LARDO I'M TALKING TO YOU!
Sabbo: make it go away...
Shadow Cat (Mutters to himself): Why me? Why do I always get the idiots? Oh well this should fix the problem...
KLANG!
Shadow Cat gives a resigned sigh as he tosses the frying pan next to the other weapons he has previously used on Sabbo.
Sabbo (Huge lump on his head): Ooooooouchies... That hurts. What cha'
do that for?
Shadow Cat, who was trying to ignore the fact that Sabbo is whining like a little girl, glares at Sabbo before answering.
Shadow Cat: You were starting to freak me out Sabbo. And you weren't listening. So I'm going tell you what happened. Since its obvious you were to plastered to remember...
Sitting back down, Shadow Cat began to explain things to the portly mystic.
Sabbo: So, Shadow let me get this straight. You were taking Urd home.
Bast did the teleport though?
Shadow Cat (Nods his head): Yep.
Sabbo: So instead of appearing at the temple, you ended up at your place?
Shadow Cat: Right.
Sabbo: You ended up at your place, in the bedroom of your girlfriend,
while she was sleeping?
Shadow Cat: Correct.
Sabbo: All three of you butt-naked?
Shadow Cat: Auntie apparently thought that it would improve the chances of something happening...
Sabbo: You spent the rest of the night running away from your girlfriend?
Shadow Cat: Bingo! Auntie gave Felicia something to 'help' me help her scratch a certain itch. But she ended up taking it instead.
Sabbo: Then the two of you crashed into Urd, who was wandering about in a drunken stupor?
Shadow Cat: Yeah. Blacked out at that point.
Sabbo: Only to wake up the next day, in a tangled heap with the other two, and Bast standing nearby with a look of delight, and a camcorder?
Shadow Cat (Nods his head): Ptah knows where the hell she got the thing...
Sabbo: So that's what happened?
Shadow Cat (Shrugs his shoulders): More or less. Nothing happened between any of us. But Auntie thinks something did. And now she's been going on and on about how she'll soon have little grandnieces and nephews.
Sabbo: Must have been pretty comfortable though...
Shadow Cat (Smiles): Yeah it was. All warm, furry and soft, not mention... (Blinks). HEY! Wait a minute! That's beside the point!
Sabbo: Okay... What's the point then?
Shadow Cat: I don't know. But that's not it.
Sabbo: Well Shadow, it's your turn at the mike.
Shadow Cat steps up to the machine. As he looks over the list of songs he starts to smile. With a snap of his fingers the machine starts the song, though altered by a little divine magic. So instead of reading 'Werewolves of London' the song track read 'Werecats of Nerima'.
(-And now the song. The whole point of this little fic.-Remember its song to Werewolves of London by Warren Zevon-)
(Music starts)
Shadow Cat (Singing):
I saw a werecat with a takeout menu in her hand,
Walking through the streets of Tokyo in the rain
She was looking for the place called Ucchan's
Going to get herself a big dish of seafood okonomiyaki
Meroooow!
Werecats of Nerima
Meroooow!
Werecats of Nerima
If you hear her yowling around your kitchen door
Better not let her in
Little old pervert got mutilated late last night
Werecats of Nerima again
Meroooow!
Werecats of Nerima
Meroooow!
Meroooow!
Werecats of Nerima
Meroooow!
She's the furry lovely lass who ran around in Decatur
Lately she's been overheard in Juuban
Better stay away from her man
She'll rip off your hands
Huh, I'd like to meet her tailor
Meroooow!
Werecats of Nerima
Meroooow!
Meroooow!
Werecats of Nerima
Meroooow!
Well, I saw werecheetah walking with a wild horse
Doing the Werecats of Nerima
I saw jagwere walking with a wild horse
Doing the Werecats of Nerima
I saw a werecat drinking a pi a colada at Trader Vic's
Her hair was perfect
Meroooow!
Werecats of Nerima
Huh, catch tuna
Meroooow!
Werecats of Nerima
Merooooow...!
Several patrons of the bar began clapping for the odd choice. Several of the regulars though wondered where that song came from. Shadow bowed in appreciation as he waited for the machine to tally the score.
Shadow Cat: Hmm a 94. Beat that Sabbo.
Sabbo: You're on, furball.
After Sabbo selected the song, he stepped up to the mike. Thankfully before he could begin to sing, the monitor to his left flashed with a blinding light. When it cleared Sabbo found Urd standing before him.
Urd was waving a videocassette threateningly at Shadow Cat, who was starting to sweat. He was also slowing creeping towards the door.
Urd: SHADOW CAT! HOW DARE YOU?
Shadow Cat: I didn't do anything. It's all a mistake. Just coincidence. It's not what it appears. I didn't take advantage of anyone. I didn't even cop a feel. You believe me right? Right!?
Urd sighs, as she appears to relax.
Urd: Yeah, that's what I thought...
BOOM!
There was now a scorch mark just to the left of Shadow Cat. Shadow Cat stared up at Urd as she prepared another lightning bolt.
Shadow Cat (Sweats): Um, Urd...
Urd: How dare you insult me like that? I can't believe it! Look at this body, what self-respecting guy wouldn't want to cop a feel!? I mean I'm the personification of beauty itself. I'm sexy, alluring,
charming, and just down right desirable! What the hell's wrong with you!? You got some nerve, ignoring a goddess like that. Especially when she throws herself at you!(7)
Shadow Cat: Hey you were drunk at the time.
Urd: ... So what does that have to do with it?
Shadow Cat: Er... Well... You see... Eh heh...
Urd (Arms folded across chest with lightning ball still in hand, taps her foot): Well, I'm waiting...
Shadow Cat: Um...
Urd: Prepare to fry cat-boy!
Shadow Cat: YIKES!
And so, as the goddess chased Shadow Cat out of the bar Sabbo started to laugh. In the background explosions and screams of terror could be heard, as well as a loud feminine voice screaming for someone to 'stop running like a scaredy-cat and take his punishment like a man.'
Sabbo: Heh heh... For once I'm coming out ahead with Shadow Cat!
Every other time I was the one who ended up screaming in terror. But not today! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
End Omake
Shadow Cat's Notes:
A BHC songfic. Am I on a roll or what? I think 'or what', how about you. Course these damn things keep coming to me and preventing me from working on my own works. Oh well. Should be the last thing I do for BHC. I can finally return to my other works. So long as Red doesn't go and do something that will haunt me with another idea. Oh crap I just thought of something, damn. DAMN IT ALL! The only good point is it needs to wait until Red finishes BHC. C'est La Vie.(5)
(1): Kudos to who can guess this one. Metroanime would be so proud.
(2): Hopefully you can guess this one, it's a pointless cameo. No affect on BHC's story. I felt it would be appropriate somehow. Or maybe it was simply me going off my rocker for a moment. Who knows?
(3) Bet you can't guess where this came from?
(4) Guess who? And it ain't Prospector. (6)
(5) If your wondering what it was, well to quote Xellos: "Now, that is a secret."
(6) Its related to Martian Successor Nadesico, that's your only hint,
bakas.
(7) You know, I figure Urd would be insulted if a guy didn't act like a typical guy around her. Unless they had a good reason. Like Keichi already loves Bell, and vice-versa. And we all know better than to get Bell jealous, or angry. Brrrr...scary thought.
Well that was fun and all. Till we meet again. Fare thee well.
Ciaow!
-Shadow Cat, Harbinger of Chaos
RedPriest17's Notes: Well that was certainly a ride, wasn't it?
I must admit, Shadow Cat is probably the most avid fan of BHC out there.
Quite an impressive feat.
Hope you enjoyed.
-This is RedPriest17, signing off!
(-)/pre