This was the moment of impact, the moment of truth. She couldn't remember the other, except in dreams sometimes – the screaming, the smell of scorched flesh, and Oliver's disembodied voice in her ear saying something she was desperately trying to understand. On nights she had that dream, she woke up in a cold sweat fighting down the nausea that threatened to overtake her. She must have dozed off. Terror flooded her senses as she heard the door click softly shut. Where was she? What time was it? Bright late morning light streamed through the windows.

"Gail?" Holly's voice said softly.

She tried to push herself upright but her body didn't want to respond. This was not unusual. She pushed harder with her good arm, willing herself into a reasonable sitting position.

"Hey!" She said, trying to sound normal, pushing down the panic in her chest, "You're back." She turned to smile at Holly leaning in the doorway.

Holly came and sat on the edge of the bed across from where she was resting on the couch. Her cane had fallen to the floor and she wished she could gracefully retrieve it.

"How was your talk?" She inquired

"Fine, it was fine." Holly said, and Gail realized she was nervous too.

Holly took a deep breath, adjusted her glasses, looked Gail up and down and said, "Tell me everything."

" I guess I did something reckless and stupid, just like you were always afraid I would." She said with a bitter laugh.

Holly waited. Gail fidgeted. The shrapnel in her ribs itched. She scratched at it mindlessly. Sometimes a piece would still work its way to the surface and poke through her skin. She was supposed to tell her doctors when that happened, and have them do something surgical about it. But these days she just picked at them and pulled them out herself, not being able to stand another moment of medical intervention. Two weeks after she had come home, Chris had caught her at it, picking at her side with an old lock-blade and a pair of pliers gripped in her bad hand. She had just gotten out of the shower, and was sitting on the bathroom floor twisting and cursing. She had lived with him for years and never cared if he saw her naked. He thought she had fallen, until he saw the blood, and then he freaked!

"I swear to God I will remind you what it was like to be stabbed if you leave this room and tell Traci!" She had threatened, waving the knife in his direction. "Now get your ass over here and help me get this fucking thing out of my skin! It's driving me crazy!" She had insisted

He had protested at first, afraid to hurt her. She had cursed, and threatened and finally cried with frustration. He could never resist her, not even when they had first broken up and he had tried to stay mad. And so, He had given in with a sigh, to be rewarded with a wicked looking shard of metal, and a rare, wild, impish grin on Gail's face.

"Give THAT to Celery and have her make you a charm!" She had laughed. And he did, which surprised her. Her doctors had chastised, and threatened, but she didn't care. What were they going to do, stop treating her? She still had another surgery ahead of her, and her doctors had promised to try to remove more of the offending pieces while she was under.

She closed her eyes, stopped scratching and rubbed. Scratching, she knew would only make it burn and itch more later. She heard Holly try to suppress a gasp. She opened her eyes to find Holly staring at the stretch of skin on her torso she had mindlessly exposed.

"Gail… I…" Holly said reaching for her. Trembling fingertips glided gently over the topographical map of knotted, broken ribs, ravines of surgical scars on her spine and the hills and craters shrapnel in its wake. This was the healing touch she had craved for so long, and yet, it was pure agony.

"Don't." She whispered, grasping Holly's wrists. "Please…"

Holly looked up at her, back down at her left hand with its missing fingers, and then back up, without removing her hands from Gail's body. Gail couldn't meet her eyes.

"Holly, don't…" She tried to swallow, but only managed a dry cough.

"Gail, please let me touch you." Holly pleaded, reaching up to cup Gail's cheek with one hand. Gail still clinging to her wrist.

"I can't.." She stammered, "I don't want you to remember me like this…"

That brought a smirk to Holly's lips.

"Oh, Gail, like I'm the hot young scientist you used to know." She chuckled.

Gail relaxed slightly.

Becoming serious again she added, "And you, you are still so beautiful."

Gail was shaking as Holly leaned in to kiss her mouth. What the hell was wrong with her? She could be brave! She was a fucking police officer, for Christ's sake! She gripped Holly's wrist tighter and leaned into the kiss. As Holly's tongue met hers, all time, pain and fear simply melted away.

"Holly?" She said hoarsely, trying to get her breath back under control, as they finally pulled apart, "I can't do this…"

"Oh, ok." Holly said, withdrawing her hands "I know we're not together anymore…" she continued, trying to keep the hurt from her voice, "I know that you were angry with me when you left… I don't know what I did, or how I failed you…"

"No." Gail said, reaching out to take Holly's hands in hers, "I mean, I can't do this here. This couch is killing me!

She watched Holly's face go from hurt, to concerned, to amused, in a matter of seconds.

"Oh." Holly said simply.

"Do you think we could lay down on the bed?" Gail asked, watching Holly intently. "I can't sit anymore."

"Oh, ok." Holly said, backing up to sit on the bed.

Gail scooted, and pushed, and reached for her cane, but it was too far away.

"I'm sorry" She explained, "I'm still healing, and getting stronger, but sometimes it just doesn't seem to work."

"What do you need?" Holly asked

"Shit." Gail muttered to herself, and then "Can you help me reach my cane, and then help me get up?"

Holly complied. Gail wobbled and limped, but soon they were lying face to face on the big hotel bed. Holly was watching her calmly, with liquid brown eyes that Gail wanted to fall into.

"Tell me everything." Holly whispered again.

Gail sighed and licked her lips, her mouth suddenly dry. Holly reached for her, and moved carefully closer, slipping her arm across Gail's waist. She waited.

Gail licked her lips again and began.

"I died you know. I died, and when they brought me back, all I could think about was you."

"I didn't know." Holly said touching her face with soft fingers.

"I know." Gail shrugged as best she could, "I didn't want you to."

Holly just looked at her with eyes full of pain. She looked away.

"This is why I had to go," She continued, 'everybody leaves, everybody dies. I have been waiting my whole life for something like this to happen, and I couldn't.. I couldn't…" She was crying now. It was like opening a vein. She was bleeding and she couldn't stop. "I know what I did to Traci when Jerry died for me, and to Chris, and to Nick and even to you… And I couldn't do that to you again…"

"No!" Holly said in a sharp tone that made Gail stop and look at her. "I love you! I would have done anything to get you to stay. Anything!" Tears were running down her face too.

Gail held her breath.

"Who do you think you are?" Holly continued, anger in her voice now, "What gives you the right to make these choices for other people? How dare you shut me out and wreck our happiness together!"

Holly was angrier than Gail had ever seen her. It was daunting and yet beautiful at the same time.

"I didn't want to come here." She continued, "My boss insisted I go to this damn conference. I had no intention of ever seeing you again. And then Chris found me, freezing my ass off in front of the Morgue last night, God only knows why I went there, and told me what had happened. Damn you Gail! Holly glared, After all these years, can't you just let yourself be loved?"

Gail did the only thing she could do under the circumstances. She pulled Holly closer, kissing her hard, sobs unwittingly exploding from her chest. Holly kissed her back, wrapping one arm around he ribs, the other hand gripping the back of her head. It hurt. She didn't care, as she tasted the salt of their tears. This kiss was war, it was a grenade, it was Hiroshima, leveling the landscape of her world in a single blast. As the pulled apart, Holly gripped her shoulder, knowing her fingers would leave marks on the pale flesh.

"Come home with me." Holly whispered

Gail could only nod, and lean in to kiss Holly again. This time it was more like CPR.