A/N: So, disclaimer and all that shit continues from the last chapters. This is p6 if you've been reading from my tumblr, or p3 on here. I would say that from this one on to pretty much the end, it's all one big giant part. The timeline shrinks all of the sudden and a lot of events happen in a short period in multiple locations. I wrote this chapter originally and realized that I had only written out the Rinharu storyline, but there's a lot more shit I wanted to include. So, then I ended up with like 17000 words of it written out a few days ago, but then, I had to reorder the events so that the reveals occurred in ways that were interesting. I hope I picked a good order. If you kind of miss something, don't worry too much. Haruka puts events in the most plain language in a future part, but I'm releasing the next few thousand words slowly because it gives me time to write the ending well.

I decided not to post my non-canon episode in this story (even though it is a delicious Rinharu oneshot) until around when the final chapter is posted (or at least when a certain event is revealed), because the spoilers get pretty overt in it.

Rin has a lot of fucking problems, so warnings about that, but I swear to you that I do have a happy ending in store for this. Although, if you ask me, frankly, it really shouldn't have one. Everyone should kind of end up miserable based on the trajectory, but that's just so damn depressing. I may write it as an alternate ending though, since it seems more likely. But, pretty fucking depressing.

Also, I must have like the worst view to review ratio in the world. I've had like 700 views on this with only 10 reviews. (Many thanks to those who have reviewed). YOUR WORDS SUSTAIN ME.

Next update should be by Sunday, life is sort of hectic, so sorry for typos/delays/whatever.

XXX

Haru kissed Rin's stomach. Then, he moved and kissed a scratch on Rin's stomach gently, lovingly. Rin recoiled back. He was utterly horrified that Haru touched it. It was a leftover from awhile back, "Stop that."

"What?" Haru asked.

"Don't touch that, don't touch me," Rin pushed Haru off him.

Haru, as a result, almost slipped off the bed, but he caught himself in time. Haru was confused, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing, fuck off."

"I was just -"

"-forget about it."

"Where did you get that scar?" Haru asked, he had noticed before that Rin had lots of little scars, but he'd never asked why.

Rin thought for a moment, he heard Gou's voice in the back of his head, but he finally said, "Practice."

Haru didn't understand why Rin was so weird about it, if that were the case. But, he decided it was Rin's usual competitive spirit and he let it go, "Whatever asshole."

Rin smirked, "Yeah, I'll show you one, c'mere."

XXX

"Have you thought at all about what we're going to do next year?" Rei was nervous asking such a question. Being around Nagisa had been wonderful. It had taken him awhile to succumb to Nagisa, but Nagisa always got what he wanted and this made Rei nervous. After all, Nagisa changed him, Nagisa made him feel like he could do anything. Nagisa made him feel like he could relax and that everything would be okay. Except that, it was Nagisa's senior year and that meant that Nagisa was leaving.

Nagisa nodded slowly. The truth was that he had a lot of familial pressure. See, his family let him do whatever he wanted for the most part, but that freedom came with certain restrictions. Of his group of friends, Nagisa was probably one of the richer ones. Not that he was a snob or anything, but his family had powerful connections in Tokyo, and they expected him to follow their footsteps and do what was expected of being a member of that family. He went to public school, because he convinced his parents that it would make him well-rounded, but that meant that he had to get into certain colleges.

His father and practically every man in his family had gone to Tokyo University. Those that hadn't went to Waseda and Keio, and that was considered almost shameful. Tokyo University was the best of the best, and even though Waseda and Keio were ranked just as highly, they were a Tokyo University family. All of them women had gone to the University of the Sacred Heart. It wasn't as famous outside of Japan, but to the Japanese, particularly, those of the upper-crust, it was a very meaningful school. It may not have had the rankings of Tokyo University, but it was possibly more exclusive. After all, it had been the university that the empress had gone to. As a result, the university had a small palace on it. It was a girls school, so obviously Nagisa wouldn't go there, but the expectation was that he would go to Tokyo University and find some Sacred Heart girl while he was there. He'd marry her in the chapel on the Sacred Heart chapel, and Nagisa would get a job at one of the top firms in Tokyo. He and his wife would have some beautiful boy who would then go on to Tokyo University too. Basically, it would be happily every after.

It sucked enough that he had this pressure from his family. But, the pressure didn't end there. His teachers also had high expectations of him. They didn't understand why he bothered with anything other than school and for the most part, Nagisa was naturally smart, he was well-bred after all, but he didn't get into all that. The most fun that he had was working on the school swim team and hanging out with Rei.

These are all distractions that you don't need.

"We need to talk about that," Nagisa finally said slowly. See, it wasn't solely the family and school pressure that bothered him. It was the fact that sitting in his school bag was a letter that the school had received today. It was an early acceptance letter to Tokyo University. And he had said yes that he would attend earlier today. He didn't tell Rei much about his family pressure. Rei had sort of put together the fact that Nagisa was well off. After all, Nagisa lived in the part of town that was well off. He had a nicer house than most of the kids in public school, but he was so down to earth and so sweet that Rei didn't think much of it. But, Nagisa so far also had avoided the conversation about school. After all, he was a year ahead of Rei. This meant that his future would happen sooner. Nagisa sighed.

Rei smiled, "I had a thought about that."

Nagisa bit his lip, "Oh?"

Rei nodded, "I thought you could go to the province business school. I'm sure your family wants you to study business, but this way you could stay close and I could visit you on the weekends. It's only like an hour away, and it's near one of my family's ryokan. And then, the following year I could join you there, and we could live together and then, when we got out maybe we could take over part of my family's business or expand it or something."

A look of sadness appeared on Nagisa's face. Rei had obviously thought a lot about this and it did sound nice to have a more simple life. No 20 hour long days working for some horrible company in Tokyo. No train commute. A relaxing and simple countryside life with Rei sounded much better by comparison.

"You're not interested?" Rei was dejected.

"It's not that," Nagisa looked away, "actually, that sounds really nice. But, I..."

"What?"

"I already applied to school and I got accepted."

Rei was surprised, "W-where?"

"Tokyo."

"Where in Tokyo?" Rei asked. His expression was blank. Nagisa in Tokyo?

"Tokyo University."

This surprised Rei even more. He hadn't exactly thought of Nagisa as stupid, but he definitely didn't think of him as Tokyo University material.

"I...I know we should have talked about this earlier, but I handed in my recognition of their acceptance today. Next fall, I'll be going to school in Tokyo," Nagisa's voice held no expression. The words came out of him as facts and that is how he felt about them.

"Y-you can't."

"I have to," Nagisa said sadly, then his voice became more optimistic, "But, we can make it work. I'll come back as often as I can, and some weekends you can come to me."

"Long distance doesn't work Nagisa, it's going to ruin us."

Nagisa shook his head, "I-it doesn't have to. It's us, Rei, we can make it possible."

"No, if you're going to Tokyo, then you are giving up on us," Rei was mad. His fist slammed on the table. He didn't control his temper very well after all, "And if you're give up on us like that, we might as well just stop this now."

"Wh-what?"

"I'm going home."

"N-no. S-stop," Nagisa knew that this conversation wasn't going to be easy, but he at least expected Rei to work with him. Rei went out the door and even though Nagisa went after him, Rei was gone.

XXX

"I got scouted. Makoto arranged it."

It was the last time for a long time that Rin and Haru would talk one on one. Nothing physical happened, which felt wrong somehow, but both boys managed to keep up the invisible boundaries, "Congratulations."

"I'm going to Europe with Makoto to train. When I come back, it'll be to participate in the olympics."

It was hard for Rin to tell whether that was a challenge by Haruka or simply a statement. Not even Haruka could be certain, "I'm going to swim for Tokyo U. We may train together."

The whole thing felt strangely formal to Rin. As for Haruka, it felt empty. Rin wanted Haruka to stay, and Haruka wanted Rin to stop him, but neither boy made a move. Finally, Haruka said, "Well, good luck."

"You too."

And with that, they went their separate ways.

XXX

"Happy birthday, Nitori," Rin produced some booze.

Nitori smirked, "I've already gotten started," and he produced a flask.

Rin smiled, but his smile wasn't quite as enthusiastic as usual.

"Don't pout like that, it's my birthday. You may have lost the race, but it is my birthday."

"How would you like to celebrate?" Rin asked.

Nitori smiled, "I have something in mind that'll get your mind off losing to Haruka, and will make me feel less damn lonely."

XXX

The pair barely made it off the train and back to Rei's place before they were at it. Rei wasn't even sure how it had happened. Neither was Makoto. They had never been particularly attracted to each other, and yet, something about the situation made them seem utterly made for each other.

They made it into the kitchen of Rei's family's hotel. At the table, in the center of the dining room, they spent hours fooling around with each other. It wasn't the best that either had ever had, and yet, there was a certain release that neither had ever felt. The pair went to the marriage suite and continued. Days went by. Days turned into a week before they even left the room.

It was decided that Makoto would stay with Rei, and for a while that seemed to be okay. But as the time went on, Makoto became restless. I've spent the last year relying on Haruka, and now, what? I've found a new sugar daddy?

Rei didn't seem to mind though. He's not Nagisa, but he's kind. And he's broken, like me.

Ultimately, the point came when Makoto could not handle it anymore. This culminated in a conversation over dinner at the very same table where they had first fucked. Makoto began slowly, "I've been looking at part time jobs here."

"You can just work here," Rei offered.

Makoto shook his head, "I'd like to stay near here, but I have to work somewhere else. I have to make a life for myself. I've relied on other people for too long. I need to make my own life now."

Rei nodded slowly, trying to understand what this meant.

"I found a cafe by the ocean that is looking for someone who can bake. I studied baking a lot when I was traveling with Haruka. I...I'm going to take a job there. And, the owner has offered for me to rent from him. I'm really appreciative to you, Rei, but I think...I need to take some time and figure out where in the world I belong," Makoto sighed. This was not easy for him to say, he felt like it would come off as ungrateful, but in truth, he knew he would have never gotten to this point were it not for Rei.

"I understand. I think maybe then, we should stop…" Rei didn't finish his thought. It wasn't that he wanted to stop this thing with Makoto, but it was confusing. ANd ultimately, it seemed as though Makoto needed a friend more than a fuck right now.

Makoto nodded, "I'd like for us to be friends. I don't have many of them after all."

Rei smiled weakly, "It's the same for me."

"You and me against the world?"

Rei nodded.

This was how they became friends and only friends, and yet, in the back of both their minds, lingered the same question. Will there ever be anyone just for me?

XXX

Nagisa was drunk. Really drunk. He had never been this drunk before in his life. He had gone out drinking with Rin in the past, and he'd gotten tipsy, but this was his first time being drunk.

Most nights when he went out with Rin, he was usually pretty fed up with Rin by the day. Rin was one of those people who when they'd take you out, somehow, it never seemed like they really partied with you. Rin always took Nagisa out, and then, he put a tipsy Nagisa to bed, and then when Rin left, wherever he went after that, that place was where the real party began for Rin. This didn't please Nagisa. It made him feel so damn uncool.

But not tonight. Tonight, for every shot that Rin did, Nagisa did one too, and now, Nagisa was on top of the fucking world. And for once, Rin seemed to think he was worth hanging out with. And of course, because he was drunk, Nagisa told him so, "I can't believe you've let me stay out with you this long."

Rin laughed into his beer, "What?"

"You always abandon me. You take me home cause I'm not cool enough and then, you go have your own special real party," Nagisa complained. He was having a difficult time being exactly eloquent, but Rin seemed to get his point.

Rin shrugged, "It's not like that."

"Yes, it is!" Nagisa whined.

"I didn't think you wanted to be along for the second part."

"Why not?"

As though it were the easiest thing to say, Rin replied, "It's when I pick up whoever I'm gonna fuck. I didn't think you were interested in being apart of that."

This surprised Nagisa a little bit even though it shouldn't have. He knew that Rin never had any problem fucking people even when Rin was with Haru, and he wasn't even with Haru, but still, the ease with which the words slid out of Rin, caught Nagisa off-guard. Nagisa shrugged, "Why not?"

Rin shifted uncomfortably. And suddenly, Nagisa felt a slight pain in his wrist, "Oh. Because of Rei."

Rin said nothing. But, Nagisa was drunk and happy, and the thoughts of Rei felt so far away for him, "Let's do it. Let's pick some people up."

Rin raised his eyebrows, "Are you sure? I could take you home."

"Yeah," Nagisa slurred, "I want to fuck someone hard."

Something about the way the alcohol loosed up Nagisa amused Rin, but Rin didn't laugh at Nagisa, "Well, alright then. How about them?"

What happened next was a bit of a blur for Nagisa. He had had a lot to drink of course and it was the first time that he ever blacked out. But, there were some memories of the night that were clearly embedded in his memory. He's sure that he must have said yes, because the next thing he could remember involved him grinding up against a hot brunette girl from the group of people that Rin had pointed out. Nagisa never really cared about whether a person was a boy or a girl, they were just hot to him. Of course, no one was as hot to him as Rei, but that was beyond the point right now. At the same time, appeared another image, the image of Rin locking lips with a man who was obviously a dealer and looked a bit dangerous. His hair was curly and he looked a bit disheveled, but Rin obviously intended to hook up with him.

Nagisa is sure that he fucked the girl, he remembered going to the bathroom in the bar with her. And it's especially clear, because the next morning it was something that Rin confirmed for him. But, the rest of the night was a bit of a blur for Nagisa. He did have something of a strange memory involving Rin leaving the bar with the dealer, that must have happened around when he went off to the basement bathroom with the girl. After he finished with her, he went to go find Rin. Nagisa remembers that he had a depressed drunk moment soon after, thinking that Rin had probably abandoned him and gone home with the dealer. He stepped out of the bar to cool off, and he turned into the alley to the side of it to have a smoke. All of these are just stills in his memory, none of it feels like it was real, and yet...

He vaguely remembered that as he pulled out a cigarette in the alley, he turned to the side, and he saw Rin and the dealer. Rin looked completely blazed. Something about his eyes were totally different. Nagisa couldn't hear much or see much, but as he inched closer, he realized that the dealer was hitting Rin.

"You like that, don't you?" The dealer asked.

Rin moaned a bit, but he didn't feel a thing, "Yeah, do it fucking harder."

"Take this babe," the dealer stopped for a minute and handed Rin something, and Rin swallowed it.

Nagisa was horrified. He couldn't exactly tell what was going on, but it looked wrong. Is this what he does every time we go out after I go home? And yet, something about it made Nagisa feel good. For once, he was actually getting to see another side of Rin besides the facade that he always put up. Nagisa tried not to be seen, but Rin noticed him. Rin's eyes widened for a minute, but he must have decided it didn't matter, because he didn't say anything to acknowledge Nagisa. The dealer quickly slammed him against the alley. Rin groaned. That, he had been able to feel.

The dealer was alarmed though by something in the look that Rin had given Nagisa, and he turned to face Nagisa.

"Who the fuck is that?" He turned back to Rin, "That your fucking boyfriend?"

"If I say 'yes', will you quit hitting me like a girl, and actually fucking do some damage?" Rin asked, he was massaging his side though, even though he was too high to feel it now because of the pills, he knew he was going to feel it in the morning.

"Seriously, who the fuck is he? Is he gonna fucking call the police and say this was all my fault?"

Nagisa slumped by the trash in the alley. His head was pounding. He was so drunk, he thought for sure he was going to vomit.

"He's wasted, don't worry about him. He won't even remember this happened."

The dealer looked skeptical at Rin, debating about whether or not to book it.

Rin rolled his eyes, "Quit being so fucking lame. I'm starting to get bored, I told you not to worry about it."

He seemed to refocus on Rin when Rin said that. Rin always got his way after all.

"So what then? Are you gonna fuck me yet?"

"Jeez, you're impatient."

"You fucking blow at this," Rin meant the attacking, "hopefully, you're at least a decent fuck."

"I'm gonna fucking kill you."

Rin smirked, "That's better. Show me more."

Nagisa didn't remember anything beyond that and the whole night ended up feeling like a dream. Rin had wanted to get hit? Rin had been asking for it from some random guy? Yep, Nagisa had had too much to drink. It must have been a dream. But, the next morning he woke up with the worst hangover ever. Well, not really, he'd experience many more after that, but at that time, it had been. Over all it must have been an excellent night though because Rin didn't abandon him. He remembered Rin finally truly letting go with him and the two of them having fun, and partying and then, there was that weird part that must have been a dream. Rin was sitting at Nagisa's desk patiently waiting for him to wake up, so, he even took me home after that?

"Ughhh" Nagisa moaned.

Rin smiled, "You had a pretty fun night last night."

"I have the worst headache ever," Nagisa clutched at his head.

Rin shrugged, "Just get some more sleep. I'll teach you what I do before I go to bed to keep hangovers away next time."

"I had a good time with you last night, Rin."

Rin smiled, "I had fun too. You can be quite the guy when you cut loose. You fucked a girl in a fucking bar bathroom. I'm impressed."

"So that really happened?"

Rin nodded.

"Ugh," Nagisa moaned, then a flashback of seeing Rin clutching his side came back to Nagisa, "there's something else."

"What?"

"I remember being in an alley and you were getting beat up by some sketchy guy."

Rin paused for a second, thinking, but he laughed, "You fucking drunk," he lightly patted Nagisa on the head, "Must have been a dream. I'm obviously fine."

But, it hadn't been a dream, and even though Nagisa believed him the first time, the second time, he remembered it more clearly. He saw Rin beg to get beat up and fucked and he especially saw the look of bliss on Rin's face when it all happened. Nagisa had never seen Rin look that fucking high and happy. Nagisa remembered it so clearly because it hurt. It hurt a lot because he knew that with the straightest face, Rin had lied to him.

XXX

"First, I wanna say thanks. You know, for what you did for me last night. Was nice of you to take care of me," Rin had made breakfast and brought it to Nagisa, who had somehow managed to fall asleep. Nagisa checked his watch and was surprised to learn that it was somehow already the early evening. Late breakfast, then. Rin looked like he didn't even experience any kind of hangover. Nagisa imagined he probably hadn't. He had only ever seen Rin hung over once.

Nagisa just shrugged, "No big deal."

"I was an ass last night, but I've done some thinking," Rin said taking a bite of the big plate he had brought for Nagisa and him to share, while Nagisa tried some of the eggs.

Nagisa raised a brow.

"Last night wasn't the right time, and it wouldn't have been the same drunk, but, Haru and I are over. So, I'm asking you sober, would you ever want to try this?"

Nagisa was a little bit surprised by Rin's bluntness. No games, nothing. Straightforward and serious. The opposite of the usual Rin. He didn't expect this from Rin. He didn't expect anything from Rin. And as much as he wanted to say yes, if for no other reason than to distract him from the text message he had gotten in the wee hours of the morning, he replied, "You're not relationship material, and you're not someone I'd just want to have a one night stand with."

"Haruka's moving on, Nagisa, and I think I could be serious with you. You know how I feel about love though," Rin looked away.

Nagisa frowned. Rin didn't believe in love, but last night, he had called what he felt about Haru love. That had surprised Nagisa. To be fair though, Nagisa didn't believe he'd ever fall in love again either. His mind floating back to the text, and he thought, No way is Rin serious. He picked a fight last night after all. But, and Nagisa knew better, but even so, I definitely want something now, and he'd be a nice distraction, "Sure, what the hell, let's give it a shot."

XXX

Nagisa sighed. Rin was finally awake. Nagisa had been waiting all night for Rin's eyes to open soberly at the edge of his bed. Although he seemed to feel no effects of hangover, Rin wasn't exactly chipper.

"We have to talk," Nagisa began getting straight to the point. He wasn't going to dance around the subject. He was mad, "you lied to me, didn't you?"

Rin rolled his eyes, "It's nothing to talk about. You don't have to worry about it, Nagisa."

"Does Haru know that you do this?"

"Haru knows nothing about anything, nor should he, and besides, he's going out with Makoto, we're not exactly on speaking terms," Rin sighed. He reached for what was left of the gatorade next to his lamp. Rin always ate nasty okonomiyaki and drank gatorade before he went to sleep and he claimed that it kept him from getting a hangover. Nagisa tried it one time, between the time when Rin had lied to him and now, when Rin had prepared it for him, but instead of helping, the okonomiyaki just made him puke everything up. In a way it helped, as by morning, Nagisa had emptied the entire contents of his stomach, but it didn't help in the same way it helped Rin. Rin ate his hangover cure and it was as though he had not even been out the night before. It gave Rin a perfect calm.

Nagisa frowned, "Well, in any case, I brought the first aid kit from the bathroom," and Rin began to apply some of the medicine to his recent wounds. Nagisa continued, "I had a thought…"

"What's that?"

Nagisa had unconsciously begun to rub at his wrist, "You don't want me to...you know…"

Rin looked at Nagisa's wrist and narrowed his eyes. He slowly nodded.

"I don't want you to do what you've been doing. It's not healthy. It's not healthy for either of us."

"So?" Rin raised a brow.

"So, we'll keep each other from doing it. It'll be a pact."

"A pact?"

Nagisa nodded, "I won't cut myself, and you won't do what you've been doing."

It was easier for Nagisa to talk about his own problem, but he couldn't bring himself to clearly state Rin's. He wasn't even sure what exactly it was that Rin was doing. But, it was wrong.

"I'm not going to stop drinking," Rin rolled his eyes.

Nagisa shook his head, "That's not what I'm talking about and you know it."

Rin sighed, "It's not that big of a deal."

"I don't think what I do is that big of a deal either."

With this, Rin knew he had been beat. He gently pulled on Nagisa's wrist, the one that Nagisa had cut. He examined the scar. Nagisa looked painfully at him.

Finally, it was Rin who broke the silence, "Alright. I'll stop. I'll stop starting fights just to get my ass kicked. But, you have to promise me you'll stop too."

Nagisa nodded.

And the boys hugged. With that their pact was made, and together they kept it for a long time.

XXX