A/N: All the bullshit from previous chapters about me not owning anything still stands and this being a very adult story still stands.

So, you guys, I am having an utterly terrible day and I know it's going to lead to another utterly terrible week. Writing and working on this fic has been one of the bright spots in my life during the last two weeks so yeah.

I've actually finished one ending version of this story minus edits, because I suck. I read through part of the chapter I posted last night and found like 15 typos. Sorry. I'm sure there are just as many, if not more in this one. But, I'm having a bad day and I want you all to be having better days than me. So, here's part 7 (or part 4 if you're an FF reader or whatever the fuck). Hope it makes at least some of you happy.

I'm going to post the rest of the story when I get to it and the ending I've written (should be about 3-4ish more updates after this one), but I'll post other alternative endings as well eventually, for those of you who hate the ending. Also, I still have the non-canon story which can be read as a one-shot that I just had a lot of fun writing.

Also, as it is finished in one form, I'd like to say, this is the longest fic I've ever written landing at about 92 pages and about 48,000 words. Not the longest story, but longest fic. And while I know it has its ups and its downs, I'm really proud of it, and glad you guys are reading it and especially glad when you review. I'm working on trying to come up with another story idea because I'm super, super bummed that this one is basically finished.

Next update: probably same as when was originally planned, somewhere between Fri and Sun. Although, the crappier my week gets, the more likely you'll get an update sooner. So, hope I have the shittiest week ever?

Okay, okay let's get to the bj already (yes, it happens)

XXX

"How...how is he doing anyway?"

"You don't really want to know the answer to that."

"Yeah, I do," Haru disagreed, taking a sip of his drink. They were sitting on the couches at their usual place in Hiroo.

Nagisa shook his head, "No, no, you don't. If I tell you that he's happy without you, you'll be upset. And, if I tell you that you've fucked him up forever and he's messed up, you'll be upset. So, just let it go and be generally miserable and you'll be fine."

Even Haruka had to smile in response to that, Nagisa was always able to brighten his mood, but Haru was still bothered by the whole thing. His voice was serious, "Do you think I should talk to him?"

Nagisa shook his head again, setting down his drink next to him, "You two can't be near each other, you never should have been. Not then, not now, not ever."

"What do you think about it? The breakup?"

Nagisa smiled weakly, "I have to say, I was surprised. I thought for sure you'd try to fix him."

Haru lowered his drink onto the table by his side, and in the saddest voice Nagisa had ever heard come from Haru, "I don't think I can fix him. At first I thought I didn't think he could be fixed, but I honestly don't know about that one. Nagisa, I always thought I knew Rin. I thought we were always on the same page and it was just a game, but he...I don't know whether or not he wants to be fixed. What I do know, is that he doesn't want it to be done by me."

Nagisa winced. That was a tough one for him to respond to. He had tried to avoid being in the middle of the breakup, finally, he decided to be evasive, "Well...what else has been new with you?"

"Not much."

"Just swimming?"
Haru shrugged, "I'm due for retirement too."

"I thought you'd swim at least another two years. Isn't that what your sponsors said? Even with his...situation, you'd keep swimming?"

Haru nodded slightly, "That was before the breakup though. In the water, I can only think of him. It throws off my concentration."

"So what will you do?"

"Celebrity endorsements probably. I'll still swim for my own amusement, but at this rate, I can't do it competitively," Haru sipped on his drink.

He had gone into his unreadable mode. In some ways, Haruka could be more challenging to read than Rin. When Haru closed himself off, even inspite of their friendship, Nagisa could not tell what he was thinking. Whatever it was, Nagisa knew this whole matter was hard for Haru.

XXX

"What is it?" Nagisa asked picking up his phone. He had been asleep, and it was almost 5 pm. He had been busy at work ever since he and Haru had gone out drinking on the day that Makoto and Haru had broken up, like they always did.

"I'm wasted and I want to fucking party with you," Nagisa could barely hear him over the music, but he knew Rin well enough to know what was happening, "Haru wants to stop fucking me and I want to fuck everyone in this bar and it wouldn't be any fun without you."

So, he really did it, that surprised Nagisa. He vaguely remembered spilling the beans to Haruka about Rin the other night before everything else blacked out, and Haruka had said that he was going to break up with Rin. He was going to have to call Haruka to check in with him at some point.

"Come on asshole, you owe me, after all this is at least partly your fault!" Rin yelled into the phone.

Nagisa still sat silently. Although he could almost hear Rin roll his eyes over the phone, "I didn't mean that and you fucking know it, just fucking come here and party with me."

And Nagisa did. And the next day, when Rin was still having his first hang over ever, Nagisa was there sitting on the side of Rin's bed. Rin groaned, "Hangovers suck."

Nagisa laughed, "Yes, asshole, yes they do."

Rin moaned, "I feel like the walking fucking dead."

"You look like it too," Nagisa teased.

"Some friend you are."

Nagisa shrugged, "You'll make it. Even though he dumped you, you'll make it."

"You can't break up with someone, you're not in a relationship with," Rin repeated. It was his mantra after all. But, the way he said it was different, it didn't come with his usual ease.

"Uh huh, because you're definitely behaving like someone who solely lost a fuck buddy," Nagisa rolled his eyes.

Rin looked away, and he was more serious this time, "I think he really means it. I wouldn't care if it were temporary, I mean, he went with Makoto for that time, but somehow I just knew back then we'd fuck again. But like, now? Now, I think he really never wants to fucking see me again. I think he wants us to just go our separate ways and pretend like we never happened."

Nagisa sighed.

"Why'd you tell him about that shit anyway?" Rin asked.

"I was drunk and I made a cruel joke," Nagisa felt guilty, "but honestly, I figured at some point you'd have told him."

Rin shrugged, "I probably should have. I just...I was always afraid of how he'd react I guess. Looks like I was at least right about that much."

Nagisa winced, but he didn't apologize.

"Well, you can go home now, I'll live," Rin readjusted himself in his bed. I'll live after I spend the next week in bed.

But, Nagisa shook his head. He had wanted to put off this conversation as long as possible, but he knew that he had to have it with Rin, "There's something else we still have to talk about."

Rin rolled his eyes, "I know what you're going to say."

"Do you?"
"It's about the fight I started. Let it go, I've never been so fucked up in my life."

"We had a pact. And I am going to go find a knife and make you watch as I cut myself," Nagisa's words sounded serious as a heart attack and he gripped his wrist tightly.

Rin stared at him for a moment, he believed Nagisa for the time, and then, he cracked up laughing, "You - You asshole. You had me going there for a minute. That was a good one. You may not take any relationship seriously, but you are way too happy in life to do that again. I taught you that after all."

Nagisa nodded, Rin was right, but still, he pleaded, "Really though Rin, how would you feel if I started doing that again? That's how this feels to me."

Rin patted Nagisa on the head, "I just wanted a distraction."

"Are you going to let it happen again?"

Rin thought for a minute, he knew he could lie to Nagisa, and it wouldn't matter, but he had lied to Nagisa in the past, and even as selfish as he was that never felt right, "I don't know."

"So, yes then?"

Rin shook his head, "I really don't know. On nights when I can't feel anything and I want to feel something I might do it. But other nights, nights like when I feel like I do now, where I'm just tired and worn out, probably not."

Nagisa sighed.

"I know it's not the answer you wanted to hear, but it's the truth."

It was Nagisa's turn to pat Rin's head as he had done so many times to the blonde, "I know that, I just worry about you. A long time ago, your sister made me promise to always watch out for you and now, I just feel a little responsible. Even you have your limits."

Nagisa slightly expected this to piss off Rin, but surprisingly it didn't. Rin just readjusted himself in the bed.

"I'm serious about the pact though," Nagisa finally said, Rin looked at him funny, "Not like that, but I mean, we've been friends a long time and we've been through a lot. In some ways, you and I are closer than you and Haru...if you need anything, you let me know."

Rin nodded.

Shortly after that Nagisa left, after all, Rin wasn't his only friend that was suffering right then.

XXX

"Haruka," Makoto and Haruka were getting coffee. In Makoto's eyes, Haruka had lost some weight, he hadn't been looking well lately. And Makoto blamed Rin. Albeit, he knew it wasn't entirely Rin's fault. Makoto had a sixth sense about these things, and he knew Rin had had a tough life, losing his father and all that, but there was no excuse for whatever he had been putting Haruka through. I don't believe in love. Saying that alone to Haruka had been wrong. It had been cruel and Rin just never fucking stopped to consider how cruel he could be. And this all pissed off Makoto. If only I could just get Haruka out of there, then maybe I could show him how much different it would be with me.

Haruka sipped on his coffee. He was tired. He had a hangover from the night before, when Rin had once again made him step out of his shell, and then, gave him a few shots too many. I love when you get drunk, Haruka, you're so fucking adorable. With Rin, it was hard to tell if he meant it or if he was making fun of Haruka, and yet, he enjoyed seeing Rin that happy. But, Rin was so hard to keep up with and to understand. Rin had done so many other things that night without Haru and they had almost no effect on Rin.

"You know how I feel about him," Makoto said softly, "I want you to be happy Haruka, I really do. I just, I think I could make you so much happier. You look so damn thin now."

The words barely reached Haruka.

But, then Makoto added, "Besides, like he said, you could fuck multiple people too."

Haruka knew this would hurt Makoto if he agreed to this. If he agreed to it, even though, Makoto said that he wanted to, Makoto would get hurt. Makoto was softer than he was trying to be. But, what Makoto had just reminded Haruka of, that hurt Haruka, because Haruka knew he was right. It wouldn't matter to Rin, if Haruka fucked Makoto, and so, he said, "Alright, let's give this a shot then."

Makoto touched Haruka's face, "I'd like it, if at some point, it were just you and me, but I can wait Haruka, I know it won't be easy."

It's you after all, Haruka. You're special, and it's never easy to get special people, but I have something setup for you, that I think will be nicer than anything Rin has ever done for you, and after that, maybe just maybe, it'll just be you and me.

Shortly after that, Makoto and Haruka went back to Makoto's place, and went further than Haruka had originally intended. And for a brief moment, Haruka thought, Maybe this will be good enough.

XXX

Makoto was good enough, Haruka had decided. He was good enough and he could resist Rin. He had even told Rin that via text message. Rin didn't reply, which hurt Haruka a bit, but the two of them were doing a private practice the next day like they always did, and Haruka was sure that at least Rin would be a little bit shaken.

But, when Haruka saw Rin, it wasn't Rin who was shaken, it was Haru who was shaken. And in being shaken, it had been Haruka that had instigated what went on right beside the pool. Not that Rin hadn't egged him on, but Haruka had instigated the kiss which had led to so much more. And now, they were cuddling in the aftermath.

"Makoto probably wants you to solely be with him, but I'd be fine doing this on the side. I won't tell anyone," Rin ran a finger down Haruka's cheek.

Haruka closed his eyes, "You're so cruel Rin."

"You came onto me."

"No, but really, I have a chance at being happy here, and all you have to do is stand there looking as fucking hot as you do, and you just make me know that there's no hope. I'll always fucking go back to you. And as a result, I'm just as bad of a person as you."

"That's not nice to say, Haruka," Rin replied, but the look in his eyes was completely unreadable to Haruka, as often was the case, "I was very jealous when I found out that you were going to be fooling around with Makoto."

"All you would have to do is be exclusive with me, Rin, and I'd be yours, you know that," Haruka pleaded. It would hurt Makoto if I left him, but. Rin is Rin.

Rin pressed his finger into Haru's cheek, poking him gently, "No can do, kiddo. Love's not real, Haruka. There's no point in being exclusive."

"I'm going to go back to him again then," Haruka said defiantly.

Rin wasn't sure what Haruka expected, but he replied, "I know."

"I need to be serious about him."

Rin nodded, "I told you from the start Haruka, whenever you wanted to stop fucking, we could."

That hurt Haruka, but the effect was lost on Rin, "I know. And that's what I'm doing."

They did the rest of their practice without much interaction, and then, Haruka went home to Makoto who looked extra enthusiastic that day.

"I have the best news!"

Haruka felt a bit guilty about what had happened earlier as a result.

"I got one of the olympic scouts to come to your next match. They want to watch you swim, Haruka. And if they are interested, in two months when we finish school, you can go pro!"
But, Haruka didn't share his enthusiasm. Now, Haruka felt even worse. Makoto looked out for him and Makoto had just done what was possibly the nicest thing anyone had ever done for Haruka, and Haruka had spent his last practice fucking Rin, "I...I have to tell you something."

"It's about Rin right?" Makoto asked, but he was smiling to Haruka's surprise, "I don't want to hear it. Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it. I don't care. It's in the past Haruka, let's just go on from right now, let's start something right now. Let's start something completely new."

And for the first time, Haruka thought that he really could be serious about Makoto. And for a while, he was, but Rin never disappeared from their relationship. No matter what happened, Makoto never believed that his love was as good as whatever magnetism Haruka had with Rin. And as much as Haruka tried to convince him otherwise, deep down, Haruka had the same question.

XXX

I'm going to be serious about this thing with Makoto. I don't want to do what happened today again, I want to be in love for real.

Rin read Haruka's text message again and again. His thoughts went all over the place, varying from Maybe, I should just lie and say I love him to This will never last until he finally landed on one.

"You're a fucking moron, Haruka. There's no such thing as love, and someday, you'll realize that, and you'll be back to me. You can't love Makoto because it's not real."

That belief was half of what held Rin together, until the locker room.

XXX

"It was one thing when you were swimming against him again, but don't you see it? Slowly, but surely, he's getting closer and closer to you and I just don't like it," Makoto pleaded.

"Well, what do you want me to do? Not swim today? If I don't swim today, how do you expect us to eat?" Haru asked.

Makoto shrugged, "I just don't like it. I don't like the idea of you two doing a relay together."

"That's the only event they are letting me swim in, he just happened to get in it too. Why are you doing this today? This is like the biggest day of my life," Haru was under a lot of pressure from the team, from his coach, and now, Makoto. Not that this fight with Makoto was new. They had this fight before his league did a practice match against Tokyo University, where Rin was the sole freshman on the team. They had this fight when Rin had called Haru up to talk about something to do with Nagisa. They had this fight when scouters started looking at the star Tokyo U freshman. They had this fight when Rin became a part time student and started swimming and training under the same people as Haru for the Olympics. They had this fight when Rin had ended up practicing during the same time schedule as Haru. And they had it when it was determined that during the Olympics, Haruka would swim freestyle in the relay with Rin. And today, on the day of his match, they were having this fight now.

"I don't want it to be the biggest day of your life. Not with him," Makoto replied, "Haruka, can't you see, a career isn't worth this? He changes you. The way you look at him is completely different than how you look at me, and I just worry about how far you'll push yourself to stay in his league. Something is seriously off about him."

Haru slammed a fist against his locker, "Okay fine, so I'll quit after I race, and then, what?"

"You'll quit before, and we can just go far away together. You can coach children or something. It doesn't matter, it'll just be us."

"But, I've worked so hard, and I can't abandon my team," Haru was angry. It would have been one thing if this were a new argument, but he felt like he had this conversation all the time. No matter what, he couldn't escape Rin. And what Haru said was true, he had worked hard and he was committed to his team. He performed training menu after training menu. He rarely got to do anything outside of swimming. Not that he minded that, but he certainly wasn't experiencing what most members of his generation were.

"I know, and I'm proud of you. So, let's just go, you could swim elsewhere with other people. You don't have to swim with or against him," Makoto tried so hard, but he knew what the outcome would be. He could see it. Once again, he was going to lose Haru to Rin. He had been able to tell this was going to happen for awhile now, not that it made it any easier.

"I'm going to swim," Haru answered. His voice was firm. He didn't want to consider it anymore. There was no question. He had to swim, he had to be in the pool with Rin. He had to feel the thrill of it. Just seeing Rin today lit a fire within him that he had never felt with Makoto and his body required Rin's touch. He felt badly about Makoto, but the fact was, there was nothing compared to swimming, and that feeling was only amplified with Rin.

"If you swim with him, I'm going to leave," Makoto swore. He didn't want to, but it was written all over Haru's face. Some people never can change, Makoto thought, I've worked so hard to get him out of Rin's grasp, and yet, he doesn't want that. And until he wants that, I just have to accept it. I lose.

"I know," there was an echo of sadness to it, but Haru was not going to beg Makoto to stay.

"Now, Haru. That's it, it's over," Makoto hated doing this. This had to be the most painful thing ever. But, it wasn't. It was much, much more painful that Haru didn't stop him. And Haru did swim with Rin. And if that weren't bad enough, he set records with Rin. And then, the two of them were in the tabloids as being the it-swimmers. Japan's swimming heroes.

But, Makoto was distracted while most of that happened, thanks to Rei's help.

XXX

"So, do you want to get dinner or do you just want to fuck?" Nagisa asked. He was sitting on his bed, hung over, exhausted, and he had just decided with Rin that they were going to give something a shot. About which, Nagisa was happy, because if he were alone, he'd focus on the text that Haru had sent him about finding Rei. And, Nagisa didn't want to think about Rei at all.

Rin smiled, "I thought we'd take it a bit slower than that, so dinner."

Nagisa raised a brow, Rin never did anything slowly, and Nagisa didn't want to wait, he wanted a distraction, "I could give you some dinner."

Rin was a bit taken aback, there would be a learning curve for their new relationship. After all, they had redefined roles, "We can stay in, if you want. Maybe cook together?"

Nagisa nodded, he'd enjoy that and then after that, would come something he'd enjoy more. Rin left Nagisa alone to go get ready for their dinner. Nagisa checked his phone, Haru had texted him that Makoto had come to see him, but there were no updates. They're probably busy catching up and he'll send me all the details later. Nagisa left his phone on the nightstand.

He went after Rin, who he saw had changed into something more formal than he had been wearing a few minutes ago. In passing, Nagisa thought, he's really treating this like a date?

"I thought I could make you my infamous okonomiyaki."

Nagisa made a face.

Rin laughed, "Kidding. But, thanks for making it for me last night. Seriously though, I thought we could have ramen."

Nagisa smiled at this, knowing that it was referential to their college experience. He blushed a bit and thought, perhaps this will be alright. Haru and Makoto, Rin and me. This could work out. He could forget about Rei.

Rin got out several different pots and pans. He started fixing all the different components the ramen. Nagisa had tried to join Rin at his Island Kitchen, but Rin had made him sit back down, "I'm treating you. You just relax."

His voice was silky and smooth, and Nagisa could feel a certain amount of desire building within him, "Fine then, but I get to cover dessert."

Rin smiled. A few minutes later, he laid the two bowls of shoyu ramen on the table. Nagisa had to admit, "It smells delicious. Who would have thought you knew how to cook?"

Rin smirked. The truth was that he learned because he wanted to prepare different fish foods for Haru, particularly, he had wanted to master Mackerel Sushi. But, saying that or anything about Haru to Nagisa now would be inappropriate.

Nagisa took a giant gulp, it was delicious, "This may actually be better than that stand's."

"Good to know I could have a second career."

Nagisa laughed, "Not that you need one. Retirement looks good on you."

Rin smiled, and grabbed some beer for them to drink. Yep, this felt like old times for the both of them.

"I've been thinking," Nagisa started.

Rin continued slurping.

"I don't know how to tell Haru about this. I don't know if I can."

Rin shrugged, "That's your problem. I haven't seen or heard from him in ages. You're the one who is still friends with him."

There was a surprising lack of bitterness in Rin's voice. Nagisa asked, "Do you think he'll care?"

Rin shrugged, "He'll probably think you're an idiot."

This earned a laugh from Nagisa, "Does that bother you?"

Rin fought to get a noodle at the bottom into his chopsticks. Instead of answering Nagisa, he replied, "I should have taken you out to dinner instead of agreeing with you about staying in."

"Huh?"

"I'm not on a date with Haru, I'm supposed to be on a date with you, Nagisa, so let's stop talking about him."

Nagisa chewed on the inside of his mouth. There was a small piece of egg stuck on the corner of his lip.

Rin exhaled, "I'm sorry. Don't pout," and then, seeing the egg, Rin said, "Ah, here, let me."

Rin reached to take the egg off of Nagisa's lips, but when his hand touched Nagisa's cheek, his thumb rested on Nagisa's pink lips. Nagisa looked up at him. Rin leaned in and kissed him. Nagisa looked surprised, but he let himself into the kiss.

So far, he thought, Rin was nothing special.

But, Nagisa was wrong. Rin had already worked his other hand and unbuttoned Nagisa's pants. Until Nagisa stood up with Rin to move it from the dining table to Rin's couch, Nagisa had no idea that Rin had unzipped them. The pair moved to the couch after Rin had removed Nagisa's boxers exposing his hard dick.

Nagisa sat on the couch and Rin played with him. Rin stroked him a bit, and teased him with his tongue. Nagisa moaned. So this is what you used to get all the time, huh, Haru?

Rin licked behind Nagisa's balls a bit, and under each of them, causing Nagisa to groan. Oh shit, he's a god with his mouth. No fucking wonder Haru was obsessed.

Rin licked between Nagisa's balls, and around the bottom of the shaft. He's playing with me, teasing me, Nagisa thought, and he's fucking incredible at it.

And then, without warning, Rin opened his mouth and full-on deep throated Nagisa. Nagisa's head hit the back of the couch barely missing the wall. He moaned very loudly. Rin wanted to smile, he felt himself get hard too, listening to Nagisa, but he was busy showing off. Rin tongued Nagisa's tip, and slipped his tongue in it a bit tasting his pre-cum and causing him to moan. Nagisa gripped the couch tightly, "R-Ri-Rin, augh."

Rin took his mouth off of Nagisa's dick, and pumped it with his hand instead.

"Rin," Nagisa panted raising his head to look at Rin, "I wanna - Please..."

Rin shook his head, but kept using both of his hands to play with Nagisa.

"So-so mean."

"This is all you're gonna get for now," Rin smirked, and went back to licking and sucking on Nagisa's dick.

Nagisa lowered his head back onto the back of the couch, "Fuck, ah, Rin!"

Nagisa slipped one of his hands onto Rin's head and ran his fingers through Rin's hair. His hair was so soft, and Rin seemed to enjoy having Nagisa play with it.

Rin pulled back, "You're gonna cum soon, Nagisa."

Nagisa furrowed his brow, "No, I'm not."

Nagisa prided himself on good control and -

Suddenly, he felt it. Rin had changed pace. He worked around Nagisa's thighs, balls, everything with his hands, and with his mouth, his tongue work and the speed and precision at which Rin was switching between deep-throating him and teasing him, made Nagisa feel himself on the edge.

"H-how?" Nagisa moaned.

But, Rin kept working on him.

"Ah! Fuck, Rin, you're fucking incredible. I'm gonna ah- I'm gonna cum, Rin, I'm gonna cum in your mouth!" He groaned. Nagisa was euphoric and as he said it, he began to shudder and orgasm. He came much more than he usually did. Rin practically sucked it out of him. Rin let each sputter hit the back of his throat. He swallowed it, which pleased Nagisa, and Nagisa fell back onto the couch. His back was drenched with sweat. It hadn't felt like very long, but Rin had managed to get him.

Rin looked arrogant and smirked at Nagisa, "I told you, you were gonna cum."

Nagisa closed his eyes, he couldn't even argue. He couldn't even stand up to get his boxers, "You have an unfairly good mouth. Not much makes me cum that intensely and that quickly."

Rin kissed Nagisa's forehead, "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."

So that's what fucking a god's mouth feels like, Nagisa thought. When he could finally stand again, he told Rin he was going to shower.

XXX