A/N: adult content, don't own it, all that.

So, one of you wrote a review saying that you liked how characters stayed set in their beliefs and all that. Yeah, up until a certain point, but then it kind of changes. Sorry about that in advance. I honestly meant what I said about the locker scene being a turning point in the fic.

I'm a horrible, horrible writer. I just wanted there to be a happy ending.

Some of you (I assume) checked out my new fic, "Last Semester", and it was much less popular than this one. Give it time. It took a long time to get to a point where I think it gets interesting. The build up is a bit longer than this one. So, I recommend you keep following that one. As I wrote on my tumblr, this fic is like pop fanfiction. That one is a bit deeper, but it's still obviously an FF. Also, there's Harurin, so YEAH. I also actually include Rintori in that one, whereas this one has it much more subtly inserted. Well. Sort of. Either way, characterizations in that fic are very different. If anything, Haruka is more like this Rin and Rin is more like this Haruka...ish.

Lastly, there's only a bit left of this. And you should be super stoked for it because the crack alternative ending which I will make available as a oneshot after this is finished is EPIC. EPPPPPIC.

XXX

Nagisa came out of the shower with just a towel on. He expected for Rin to at least check him out. But, Rin just stared at the ceiling.

"You okay?" Nagisa asked.

Rin looked at him, he looked hurt. He sat up on the bed, and tossed Nagisa's cell phone at him. Nagisa looked glanced at it, there were a lot of texts from Haruka. Texts that Nagisa guessed were about Makoto's visit. Nagisa felt himself get a bit angry, "I thought you were serious about giving me a chance."

Rin stared at him. His face was blank.

Nagisa glared back, "What? Say it. Say you're gonna go running straight back to Haruka now that you know where he is, right? And you're gonna fuck up his chance with Makoto? What a fucking surprise."

Rin shook his head. Finally, he said, "It wouldn't stop buzzing. I figured it was Haruka, and at first, I just ignored it, but it wouldn't stop. I started to think maybe something had happened to him and that he needed you. Like, he was in the hospital or something. I was going to give it to you, but I wanted to check first that he was okay, so you didn't worry. He's fine, by the way. He's with Makoto talking about his past with me or whatever."

Nagisa started to say something, but Rin didn't allow him to, "But, that's not why I'm mad. That didn't bother me. I already knew he was with Makoto. What made me mad was seeing the text you got from him this morning."

Nagisa's expression changed.

Rin winced, "Yeah. Here I was thinking maybe you actually wanted to give this a shot with me, but I was wrong, wasn't I? You were lonely cause Haru went off with Makoto, so you sent me a text last night. And we had a good time. Like we always do, even when shit is rough, you and I always have a good time. It was all good until, I went to bed, and you got this text, and it pissed you off. So, earlier, when I asked you if you wanted to go out, and you said 'yes', I thought it was because you really wanted to date me. It wasn't though, was it? I'm bummed out about Haruka, I won't deny that. But, he's moving on, as he has been for almost a year now, and I've got to grow the fuck up too. But, you, Nagisa, you never moved on from Rei, did you? When were you going to tell me, you just wanted to use me for an easy fuck because you were too afraid to face your past?"

"It's not like that -" Nagisa started.

"Yeah, yeah it is. And you have to go see him. This doesn't have any chance of working until you do. I'm not even sure if our friendship can," Rin sighed. He was mad. He was mad because he was supposed to be Nagisa's best friend, and Nagisa was only using him. If he had been honest with me, I'd probably have been okay with it, but this was not okay.

This comment surprised Nagisa, I should have talked to him.

Rin continued, "I'm not going to let you let this chance slip by. Because I feel differently than I did back when we were in college. I think now that if you see him again, you can move on. It won't tear you apart. And maybe, you and I can give it a shot, if you even want that at all. I'm sure you need closure now," Rin sighed. Seems like I've finally grown up a bit and started doing the right thing, Haruka. Too bad it's too late for it to be with you though.

Nagisa shook his head, "I don't want to see him."

"But you have to, and if you protest too much, I'll drag you there myself."

Nagisa's expression became serious, "I guess you're right. I should get closure."

"Good."

Nagisa expressed a moment of slight weakness, "Will you go with me?"

Rin nodded.

"But, you're not allowed to see Haru while we are there," Nagisa was surprised that this came out of his mouth. Was this for Haru's benefit with Makoto? Or could it be that he wanted Rin for himself?

"Don't want to."

Nagisa was surprised how easily and sincerely Rin agreed to that. Maybe, just maybe, Rin was really serious about this. In that case, it's me fucking this up, he thought. Suddenly, he badly wanted to hold Rin. But Rin felt so far away from him, and he knew that was because he needed to see Rei.

XXX

Rin sat at the sole bar in the entire town alone. He was bored. This was why he hated the country. In the country, there was nothing to fucking do. No crazy parties with stoned celebrities. No second rate lingerie models to do coke with. No escapes. Just a lame ass dive bar. Not that he didn't appreciate a good dive bar, but this one was dead. Even the alcohol in the countryside seemed boring somehow. Although the guys in the bar were decent looking, they were sure to bore him. Fucking Nagisa. Not that it was a surprise, he knew it was a possibility that - no. More than that. He knew it was likely that when Nagisa finally actually talked to Rei, they'd be butt buddies again.

And so, Rin sat alone at the bar drinking. The bartender was pretty damn cute, but he was obviously straight, so Rin didn't bother hitting on him. Rin just sat there bored. Bored and tipsy. The bartender seemed a little concerned about Rin, "If you keep drinking, how are you going to get safely home?" he had asked Rin earlier, when Rin was only on his third drink. Only.

"It's the fucking countryside, what's the worst that could happen to me?" Rin asked snorting into his glass. The guy had to concede, and so, he poured the next one for Rin on the house.

The door to the bar opened, but Rin didn't turn to see who it was. It was sure to be someone boring.

It wasn't though.

The man sat on a stool next to the one next to Rin, and ordered a melon drink. This made Rin turn to face the guy. He only knew one man who ever ordered melon drinks after all, and that man had the same quiet voice as the one sitting near Rin.

Sure enough, the voice he had heard belonged to Haruka. Haruka, who Rin had not seen in what seemed like forever, was now sitting less than two feet away from him. Rin bit his lip. Maybe there are some benefits to the countryside.

Haruka seemed to notice Rin staring. He turned and faced Rin. He looked mildly surprised that the red hair had in fact belonged to Rin, and then, his expression got more serious. He was annoyed. He was annoyed because he was thinking about his conversation with Makoto earlier. Makoto had made him relive their break-up and it brought back all the emotion. And even though it had been forever, looking at Rin now, he was sure he wasn't in love with him anymore, but it was still hard to be by him, "Of course, you'reat the bar. There's one good bar in this entire town and you're here. Some people never change, I guess," the last part was flippant.

Rin just stared at him and nursed his Jameson and Ginger.

Haru continued, his annoyance shifted into anger, "Is there anywhere in the fucking universe where I can simply be away from you without any drama?"

No response.

"Well, Rin, how are you planning on fucking up my life tonight?"

"Whatever," Rin took another sip the ice in his drink clanged.

Haruka shook his head. Exasperation, that was what he was feeling.

"Say whatever you want, Haruka, you're just an illusion to me."

Haru looked a bit puzzled by this. For one thing, Rin used his full first name rather than calling him Haru, which was unusual. Additionally, he had been expecting Rin to get into it with him, but Rin didn't. Rin continued, "Apparently, in spite of what I thought, the bartender was in fact not watering down these last few drinks," Rin winked at the bartender, "I'm drunk enough to hallucinate my past ghosts. Guess that means it's time for mycheck, please."

The bartender brought it to him after giving Haru his melon drink. Haru shifted a bit uncomfortably. It had been a long, long time since he had seen Rin and he sure as hell didn't expect him to be here in the country. Did he come with Nagisa? And if he's here to see me, why is he getting his check? He never would have expected Rin to walk away from a possible chance of hooking up with Haru. Would Haru be able to turn him down if he offered? Had it been a while ago, Rin would have at least bought Haru a drink, right? Or argued with him? Or flirted? Or something? Why wasn't he now?

Rin paid and grabbed his coat. He started for the door.

"Wait," Haru said, the word came out of his mouth faster than he could stop it, but Rin looked good, and it was Rin. Maybe we can be adults about this, "Stop. Don't leave. Let's catch up. Stay and have another drink? I shouldn't have started..." his voice drifted off.

Rin said nothing. Rin stared at him. Haru enjoyed Rin's stare more than he cared to admit. He knew what Rin was thinking. Rin was thinking about how good he looked. And he liked Rin thinking that.

Rin stared at Haru for a good, solid minute. Rin watched Haru's lips, his cute cheeks, his toned body, and his ass for a full minute. In spite of having been out of the circuit for almost a year now, Haru still took good care of his body.

It made Rin want to stay and to reclaim Haru at the end of the night. He wanted to get Haru good and drunk, and he wanted to remind Haru how stupid he was to end it. He wanted to make Haru beg him for it. Then, he wanted Haru to take him.

Haru could see the wheels turning in Rin's mind, yep, Haru thought, he definitely still wants me.

But, to his surprise, Rin exhaled and shut it down, "I don't drink with ghosts. If I had even the slightest idea you might go to this bar tonight, I wouldn't have come."

And then Rin was gone. Not another word. Haru was in shock. Rin had never turned him down. Never. And Haru didn't enjoy being turned down, not a single bit. Not even if he was going after Makoto now. Haru never wanted Rin to be able to turn him down.

A younger man spoke to Haru, "That your ex? He's fucking sexy. I wouldn't have ever let himleave my bed."

Haru frowned and sipped his drink.

XXX

The next part of the story was not going to be easy for Haruka to tell Makoto. Not that any of it had been particularly easy, but this part was not easy for Haruka to handle. It had gotten better as time had gone on, but his breakup with Rin had been difficult for him. And as a result, he hadn't been looking forward to talking about it.

"I think we both knew the fighting would end someday, it had to. Rin and I hated each other and we spent our time trying to make each other miserable for awhile, but I thought we both were on the same page," Haru looked for the right words to explain it. Luckily, Makoto asked questions which helped him explain.

Makoto nodded, "You were attracted to him which led to our breakup."

Haruka agreed.

"And took out my breakup with you on him, and so, he started to hate you too? And you made each other miserable over time? And that's what ultimately led to your breakup?" Makoto asked.

Haru replied, "That's what I thought, but I was wrong. I thought swimming both pulled us together and drew us apart at the same time while we were in high school, since we were so competitive. But, I was wrong. I was wrong about it all, and when I realized how wrong I had been, I stepped back and I saw what we were doing to each other, and that's when I had to break up with him."

Makoto still looked puzzled, and it became clear to Haruka that the only way to do this properly was unfortunately going to be to tell the specific events that led up to their breakup.

"Okay, well, let's just back up about three years, so four years after you broke up with me. At that point, Rin and I were getting more and more into the ways in which we harassed each other. I suppose for me, it was easy, because all I had to do was beat him at swimming, that was enough to hurt him. And I guess it was easy for him too, because all he had to do was fuck someone or say love wasn't real, and that was enough to hurt me. Neither of us took it particularly seriously from our perspectives, but we used it as a way to get under each other's skin."

"Rin never stopped sleeping with other people?" Makoto asked. This surprised him. He knew that when they were in high school, Rin never committed physically or emotionally to Haruka, but he had expected at least the physical part to be something that Rin would outgrow. Especially, seeing as he had been given what was essentially a second chance with Haruka.

Haruka inhaled deeply, "He did, but the first time I swam against him and won, I rubbed it in, and he was less than pleased with that. It didn't help that our coach benched him for a couple of practices afterwards and I basically embarrassed him in front of everyone. Anyway, after that, he told me that I was right and that he did hate me, but that he would show me that his hatred was better, and it started this behavior.

"I'd beat Rin in a practice and show him up, he'd fuck someone else for awhile, then I'd fuck him, then I'd beat him again, then he'd fuck someone else. It was a giant cycle. There were some understood rules though similar to high school."

"Rules?" Makoto asked, he had never fully known the context of Haruka's high school relationship with Rin, just that it had been unusual.

Haruka sighed, "He never did it with anyone in my bed. He never did it with certain people. He never did it on certain days."

"Certain days?"

"Yeah, like birthdays, holidays, we had something of an understanding that we never messed with each other during those times. I didn't give him a hard time then either. It wasn't explicit or anything. But, that went on for years."

Makoto nodded, "Until?"

"Until the things that we did to each other got to be a lot worse for the other."

XXX

"Look who's been benched again, what is this, the fourth practice in a row?" Haruka smirked.

Rin glared at him. The difference in their abilities had always been something that Rin had struggled with, but lately it seemed to be growing. They were both getting older, but it was becoming apparent that Rin was going to have to retire before Haruka. And Rin didn't like that thought.

The pressure was immense for him. There were tons of different coaches all with different criticisms for his style, all telling him to just be more like Haruka. And if it weren't bad enough to be told it that by his coaches, there was Haruka waiting to lay it on thick. At some point, the pressure broke him. He had stopped doing drugs when he was scouted from Tokyo University, but he had never stopped drinking, and his drinking got a lot worse. More drinking meant less swimming which meant more drinking.

It got worse and worse, until eventually, Rin decided that he wanted to take a break from his life for a bit. He thought of how free he felt back when he used to get stoned and it wasn't like it was hard for him to get any of that stuff. Nor was it like he could beat Haruka anyway, so what was the point of protecting his body?

At some point, at a bar somewhere in Tokyo, some guy offered him a line and he took it. And it felt, fucking incredible. At first, he told himself that he could do these things just once in awhile to take the edge off of his training.

Although most people around Rin could tell that something was off about Rin after he started using again, they couldn't figure out what it was. His swimming was fine for the most part though, so they left his strange moods alone. It didn't take Haruka too long to figure out that Rin was using again though. Not that Haruka knew what to do about it. Rin managed to perform well enough, and it wasn't like he was doing the kinds of drugs that people would test them for as athletes. And so, Haruka let it go. Until the day that their trainer spoke to Haruka one on one.

"Haruka, I want to talk to you about something after practice. Would you come to my office after you get changed? Rin, you're free to go for today," the coach had said and then, he left.

Haruka smirked at Rin, "I bet he's gonna tell me that I'm swimming in the next match."

Rin rolled his eyes.

"Let me guess what you're gonna go do, find the nearest bar?"

Rin narrowed his eyes.

"Maybe if you practiced more, you could actually stand a chance. You're pathetic you know that right? You were never able to swim on my level, but now, you're not even close to me anymore."

"Shut the fuck up, Haruka," and Rin walked off to his locker room.

"See you at home."

"Don't wait up, asshole."

Haruka went to his own locker room, showered and changed. Then, Haruka walked over to the coach's office. But, the coach didn't want to talk to him about a new menu, he wanted to talk to him about Rin.

"What can I do for you?" Haruka asked.

The coach closed his eyes, this was not easy for him, "I want to talk to you about Rin."

Haruka raised his eyebrows.

"It took me awhile to figure it out. But, and I'm sure you've noticed, there's been a change in Rin recently.

"A long time ago, I had a friend who," he looked for the right words, "had similar issues focusing himself. We were very competitive with each other. And, I messed up. See, I knew that he had some problems, but I made the mistake of thinking that he could handle them. Or, if he couldn't, that wasn't my fault. And so, I failed to get him the help that I needed to in time. And, as a result he didn't make it. I've never forgiven myself for my own responsibility in that..."

Haruka was taken aback. He thought about Rin. Was this at least partly my fault? Haru wondered. I've pushed him, and he pushed me and yet...

This was how Haruka began to re-evaluate their relationship. Their coach continued, "Ultimately, there's a decision you have to make here, Haruka. And that's how you want to proceed with this. I have to kick him off the team."

Haruka's eyes widened.

"I know, and I want you to keep competing. But, I think that it is you who should break the news to him."

"Me?" Haruka asked.

"Maybe, you can help him see that it would be better for him to just retire. And mostly, maybe you can help him get the help he needs," the coach's voice was solemn.

Haruka closed his eyes, this was going to be a serious conversation. Rin had never handled serious well, and lately, he'd been particularly difficult.

XXX

Haruka found Rin in the bar. It was his usual place near to where they had to practice. Rin was letting a younger guy do a body shot off of him. He saw Haruka enter, but he didn't put a stop to it.

Haruka sighed, he ordered himself a drink and as he got closer to Rin, he said, "We have to talk."

Rin rolled his eyes but patted on the head of the younger man, "Up you go. Gotta talk to this guy for a bit. I'll be back to you soon enough."

The younger boy went off somewhere, and Haruka kept a cold, serious face, "Like I said, we have to talk."

Rin rolled his eyes, "I know you got picked and let me guess, I'm benched."

"It's more than that," Haruka slowly sipped his drink. Rin noticed that Haru had ordered a whiskey. Haru never drank hard liquor.

Rin shrugged, "What is it?"

"You're going to be kicked off the team," it wasn't the most diplomatic way to put it, but this conversation was already not going the way that Haruka wanted it to. He kept staring at Rin's exposed belly. He kept thinking about the look on the younger guy's face who had been licking Rin's belly.

"What?!" Rin exclaimed. He nearly dropped his drink.

Haru nodded, "You should retire instead. That's what the coach wanted me to tell you. He wants me to get you help...and I think, we should."

Rin was suddenly very defensive, "You and the coach decided this about me together? You made the decision to throw me off the team Haru? Wow. Wow, that is fucked up, Haru. We give each other a tough time, but this is a whole new level of low."

"I think you need help Rin-" Haru was being sincere.

But, Rin didn't hear him anymore. Rin no longer heard help at all or anything else from Haru. He heard Haru doing the worst possible thing that Haru could have ever done. He heard Haru taking him out of the pool and killing the hobby they had shared since they were children. He heard Haruka effectively killing off what they had in common. He heard Haruka doing the meanest possible thing that could ever happen to him, "I was wrong. Your hatred was so much stronger than I ever could have expected. I can't believe you did this Haru."

"It's to help you-"

"Just get the fuck away from me Haru. Just leave me alone!"

"No, I'm taking you home."

"You're not my boyfriend, Haru, and you're obviously not my friend, or you wouldn't have made sure we couldn't swim together again. Seriously, how the fuck could you? I don't want your help. I don't want anything from you. Get the fuck away from me."

"We can still swim together," but Rin was shaking his head, Haruka continued, "Rin, we can do this right," Haru sipped more on the whiskey. Be strong, "I'm gonna sit here until you're ready to go home. You can go grab your little friend and fuck him in the bathroom for all I care and I'll still be here. And then, when you are ready to go home, I will take care of you, and you can retire, we can get you help and then, then, we can continue swimming, in our pool, together," This would have to work Haruka thought.

Rin heard none of it though, "Fine, if you're not leaving, then I am," and with that, Rin was gone. Haru tried to go after him, but Rin didn't want to be found.

XXX