A/N: So, I spent a lot of time debating about splitting this into two parts, but it's kind of hard to split at this point, so here's the ending. Hope you guys enjoy it. Like I said, I may eventually post some alternative endings.

I also posted a oneshot that is essentially a non-canon story that could be an alternative ending-ish, but simultaneously works as a Rinharu oneshot. I'm probably not going to post another chapter of Last Semester this weekend, but I hope you guys will continue to follow that. It's picking up a bit, I think.

I'm also working on some other stories too. I'm trying to find living and strong fandoms to post to...I'm afraid this one is going to die soon :(. I was really hoping for a second season of Free.

Okay, well, here's the ending.

enjoy, and thanks for reading up till now.

XXX

Rin found himself walking over to Makoto's cafe. Not to talk to Makoto, not to talk to Haruka, he had pretty well shut that down last night, but to say goodbye to Nagisa.

He opened the door to Makoto's cafe, after smirking about the name, and found the four of them sitting there. This made him immediately regret his decision to go inside. He stood awkwardly by the door. Haruka looked at him, and then, clearly, he debated about what to do. He seemed to remember that he was trying to win back Makoto, and so, he decided to pretend as though he saw no one. Makoto took note of all of this, but didn't say anything. Nagisa excused himself from the table and went to Rin. The pair stepped outside.

"I'm gonna go back to Tokyo."

"I'm surprised, you don't look completely crazy over seeing Haruka," something about Nagisa was different. He was genuinely happier than Rin thought he had ever seen Nagisa and that made Rin smile.

Rin patted him on the head, "I saw Haruka last night in the dive bar here actually."

Nagisa's eyes widened.

Rin shrugged, "Nothing happened. He tried to pick a fight and I left. Really. Had I known he was going to be there, I wouldn't have gone there. I did promise you that after all."

Nagisa smiled at this and felt a tad guilty about what had happened with him and Rei. Seeing the look on his face, Rin continued, "Haruka and I are done, Nagisa, and I'm happy for him. I'm happy for all of you, actually, I just don't get along well with the countryside."

Nagisa nodded, listening carefully, and then, he said, "Don't do anything too stupid okay? Remember your limits there."

"I'm thinking about starting somewhere new. Maybe America?"

"What made you pick there?" Nagisa was surprised, he wasn't sure if Rin had ever been to America, even while he had been an Olympian.

"Home of New York City, the alleged greatest city in the world. I'm starting to outgrow Tokyo bars. Who knows. We'll see, but we'll keep in touch," he couldn't believe how happy Nagisa seemed. He was so happy that Rin couldn't even be mad about how it all turned out, nor could he regret dragging Nagisa here.

The door to the cafe opened again, and it was Rei. Nagisa spoke to him, "Oh, I'll be back in a second, just saying goodbye for now."

"I'm actually here to talk to Rin."

This surprised both Nagisa and Rin. Rei cleared his throat, and Nagisa went back inside after giving Rin a hug. Rei surprised Rin when he came over, "Thank you for taking care of him, back then."

Rin eyed him suspiciously.

"I'm being sincere. Really. If he had died back then, I-I'm not sure what I would have done. But, more than that, thank you for bringing him here," Rei bowed to Rin.

Rin shrugged, "Don't be so formal. It's no big deal. He means a lot to me. If you hurt him, well...don't. Just don't. I've never seen him so happy."

"I won't," Rei promised. Then, with his head he motioned indoors, "One more thing. Thank you for letting that go."

Rei was of course referring to Haruka and Makoto. Rin nodded awkwardly. He felt uncomfortable being here, he had solely come to say goodbye to Nagisa and now, for the second time in such a short period after such a long time, he was being forced to look at Haruka. And worse, the last time Haruka had been alone, this time, Rin knew he was leaving Haruka to go off and be happy with Makoto. Even though, he had known when he saw Haruka in the bar that when he walked away there was really going to be no chance for the two of them, the feeling was different then than how it felt now. Last night, there was at least some distance between the reality and what was right in front of Rin's face. Now, it just seemed like, everyone else got their happily ever after except Rin. Not that this was a new feeling for Rin.

Rin waved it all away though, it didn't matter, soon he'd be back in Tokyo and even though he wouldn't have happiness, there were plenty of distractions. And when he got bored with those, he had plenty of money to find more distractions in other parts of the world.

"It was good to see you again."

Rei nodded.

"I've got to catch a train," Rin took a last glance at Haruka through the window and left.

XXX

When everyone was gone, Haruka and Makoto sat together in the cafe. This was going to be their new life. Rin was gone, going back to Tokyo and Haruka would stay here with Makoto and with Nagisa and Rei. It had been a long road, but this was it. Makoto had let Haruka come to their breakfast as a foursome, and soon enough, Makoto would agree to try again, and it would be the four of them forever. Haruka sipped on his coffee. They had been sitting in silence, and Makoto had said nothing about Rin, but suddenly he did.

"You know you still love him, right?" Makoto asked.

Haru looked at him with surprise, "No."

"Haru, I don't think you know how to live without loving him."

"There's no point though."

"That's not the same as no."

"But I -"

"I appreciate this. I really do, and I do forgive you for back then, and it's not like I was exactly in the clear either. But, there's not going to be a you and me. And, I'm happy you came here, because I know that for sure now. We can be friends though. But, I…I made the right choice back then. This thing that you have with Rin, it's never going to be over, not until one of you die."

"So, friends then?" Haruka asked, he could work with that. He knew it was over with him and Rin, and eventually, Makoto would be sure to see that too.

"Friends. I have more work to do, you should call up Nagisa and see how he's doing. Hear all about how he and Rei got back together," Makoto turned his attention back to his shop.

And Haruka went to find Nagisa.

XXX

"So, you and Haruka are done now, huh? Guess that means we can get high and fuck as often as we want."

Rin looked at the younger man. Rin was leaning against the headboard and he was stoned, but something about all of this felt wrong. He had been trying to avoid what Haruka had said, he had been doing anything to avoid what Haruka had said. But, everyone seemed to want something from him and Nitori was no different, "We have to stop this."

"What? Why?"

"I just...I'm getting too old for this shit."

Nitori rolled his eyes, "You've been such a bore for such a long time, Rin. When you called me that night, I thought you were back to your old self. Your fun self. But, ever since you switched to public school, back when we were in high school, you changed. Haruka changed you and you've been a bore ever since."

Rin lifted his head and lowered it back against the headboard, "I know what you mean. And I'm sorry for that. Really, I think in another universe, you and I were probably made for each other. We're both fucked up."

"That's not nice to say."

"It's true though. But, Nitori, I can't do this shit with you anymore. I've got to be a better person."

"Why? Are you going to win Haruka back?" Nitori rolled his eyes and reached for the bag of coke. He set up another line.

"No. I've fucked up too much to get him back. He needs to just be free of me."

"Then, why stop this?" He leaned over and inhaled the line, and then, he shook a bit feeling the high.

"We're bad people. And when we're together, we're even worse."

Nitori's expression changed, "You know, you really are boring Rin."

"I know."

Nitori leaned over and he touched Rin's face, the same way that Haruka had when he broke Rin's heart, "When you get weak enough though, you'll call me. You always do. I was your first after all. That's why you called me and fucked me when you were mad at him. And since Haruka's out of the picture, you can do that any time now."

"Not going to anymore. This is the last time."

"Yeah, we'll see."

And the two of them passed out on Rin's bed. But when morning came, Rin threw him out. Once and for all. And although it didn't change any of the rest of his behavior, Rin hoped that somewhere in the world, if Haruka had known about this, he'd be proud. But, Rin knew it was selfish to even think such a thing.

I'm such an asshole.

XXX

The two of them were sitting at the dive bar where Haruka had seen Rin the night before. It had been a long, long couple of days and so much had happened. It was nice to be able to unwind with Nagisa in the early afternoon.

"I'm surprised you let Rin go like that."

"Why? After all the shit you made me do to get Makoto's number? You must have known I was serious about him. Not that he thinks so, he still thinks I'm in love with Rin."

"Given how, um, good he is…"

"Huh?" Haru turned to look at Nagisa.

Nagisa let out a big sigh, "Don't be mad."

Haruka narrowed his eyes, "What?"

"I...haven't told you the full story of why I came here to see Rei."

"It's because I sent you the text, isn't it? Proving, by the way, that I was right."

Nagisa frowned, "That's only part of it."

"What's the other part?"

"Rin made me come here."

"For me?"

Nagisa shook his head, "No. I made him promise not to see you given what we were about to start doing..."

This made Haruka raise his brows. Perhaps that had been why Rin had walked away from him, "What you were going to start doing?"

"It started the other night...Rin and I went out to a bar and...well…"

The wheels in Haruka's mind started to turn and he took notice of Nagisa's embarrassed expression, "Please, please, tell me you didn't sleep with him. Please."

"I didn't sleep with him," Nagisa's voice was quiet, "but…"

Haruka gave him a look that urged him to continue, "But?"

Nagisa took a big swallow of his drink, "He sort of kind of gave me a bj."

"What?" was all Haruka could manage. He knew that Rin would be sexually active, hell, he had been, and he knew that Rin had probably fucked Nitori a few times since they broke up, hell, they probably were still fucking, but fooling around with Nagisa? What the fuck, Rin?

"I know, I know. It wasn't a cool bro move on my part, and I was actually going to have to figure out how to tell you, but then, I decided it didn't matter, because of Rei, but I just -" Nagisa spoke very quickly.

Haru motioned for him to slow down, "Start at the beginning."

Nagisa nodded, but all the words spilled out, "He told me he loved you, he got really drunk, he started a fight like he's been doing again lately, and he flirted with me like usual, but then, when he got sober, he seemed serious about moving on from you. Had to do with you and Makoto, and I...I just wanted to get my mind off what you had texted me about Rei. I didn't want to come here, I didn't want to see Rei, but when Rin found out that I had used him as an escape, he wasn't happy. That's why he came...it wasn't to see you. I even made him promise not to see you. And he did promise, he even seemed sincere about it. I thought maybe if you and Makoto were happy, and if I could just see Rei one last time, maybe Rin and I could try something out, I mean he and I have been very good friends a long time, but I swear it doesn't matter now."

"Nagisa, you just said a whole lot of things, many of which don't make sense to me. You're going to have to explain a lot of them, what is this about Rin starting fights?" Haru rubbed his temples.

Nagisa bit his lip, "Yeah, I guess you probably never knew about that. Um, Rin and I had a pact, see um, when I was a freshman, I had a problem and so did he."

Haru furrowed his brow. For the second time, recently, Nagisa revealed the marks on his wrist to someone, and what Haruka saw made him frown, "I guess you can figure out what my problem was...well, anyway...Rin...He...he had a problem too. He used to mess with people, to get them to fight him, and then, he'd intentionally lose. Basically, h - he wanted to get hit. This is all how I learned about his problems at home."

"I...I remember him wanting to see me about you back then...that's how you and I became close friends again. I was...with Makoto at the time," Haruka thought back to the time in the Tokyo University cafe when Rin had been so strange about Nagisa. So, it really was about Nagisa back then, huh, Rin?

Nagisa nodded slowly, "Yeah...anyway, about our pact…"

The conversation went on for awhile, until they circled back to the blow job. Haruka frowned, "So, Rin gave you head?"

Nagisa nodded, "It's not like you two were together and besides like I said, I've got Rei and it really doesn't matter."

But, Haruka was still scowling.

Nagisa sighed, "At the very least don't be mad at him about it. Please, don't be mad at him. If you're going to be mad, be mad at me. He had no intention of telling you or having you find out. It wasn't about him making you jeal -"

"Why are you telling me this?" Haru growled.

"Because I finally get it. I get what you found so magical about him."

Haru wrinkled his nose, "It was more than the physical bullshit you pulled. I loved him and apparently, from what you say, he really did love me too. Not that he ever told me."

Nagisa concealed a smile, but Haruka was smarter.

"So, what is your game here, Nagisa? Why are you telling me all of this?"

"Because we're drinking and hanging out and catching up. I tell you everything," Nagisa didn't miss a beat.

Haruka shook his head, "You knew this all would upset me, and make me want to run and get the next train to Tokyo. Is he doing that right now? Is he picking a fight right now?"

Nagisa shrugged, "Possibly. He's probably feeling particularly lonely since he's going to be the only one of us back in Tokyo. He lost you and now, he probably feels like he lost me. He even said something about moving to America at the cafe..."

"Tell me," Haruka growled, "who exactly do you want me to be with, Nagisa? You wouldn't give me Makoto's number because you thought I'd hurt him, then, you decided to do that. I get here, I make progress with Makoto and you seem genuinely happy for me about that over the phone. Then you appear here, and now, you're toying with me about Rin, who apparently you fooled around with."

Nagisa shrugged, "I want you to be happy, Haruka. And, I knew you'd hurt Makoto, hell, I knew you'd hurt Makoto because even if I had nothing to do with it, at some point down the line, you'd remember that there's no one in the world for you except Rin. It's just like me and Rei, and what I did to Rin as a result. If we see an opportunity to have our special people, we'd trample anyone to get to them," Nagisa wrote an address to a bar in Shinjuku on his drink napkin. He knew that Rin had been frequenting that one lately, "Here. Here's where Rin will be tonight."

"I'm not going," Haruka was being stubborn. He felt like he was being manipulated by Nagisa. If he went, it'd defeat the purpose of what he was trying to fix with Makoto.

"Really? You're the only one who can stop it, he's probably getting bruised and blistered right now. What if he dies?" Nagisa calmly sipped on his drink.

Haruka took the napkin, but he asked, "Why now? Why didn't you tell me this before? Back when we broke up? Or, hell, when you two were freshmen? If this has been going on for as long as you claim, why are you now insisting that I hurt Makoto?"

"I didn't realize how much Rin had grown up until the other night. I mean, I knew he stopped fucking Nitori," Haruka flinched at the name, but Nagisa continued, "But, he still drank. He still fought. But, when he said he loved you, that surprised me. When he was ready to be serious with me, that surprised me. All those things together with seeing how easy it was to fix me and Rei, call me a romantic."

Haruka looked at the napkin, he knew what he had to do, and it seemed like sure enough Makoto was right. He was still in love with Rin. Deep down, he had known this, but he was sure he could ignore it for Makoto's sake. But, not now.

"Oh, and one more reason," Nagisa added, "I feel like I owe him a good fuck. It was a helluva bj. Rin has an incredible mouth, Haruka. The way he sucked on my balls and rubbed me, I've never come like that, and he swallowed every drop," Nagisa smirked.

Haruka grabbed him by the collar. Nagisa raised his brows.

Haruka sighed. Haruka exhaled and let him go, "Sorry, I just -"

"It's fine, I was being mean, but that was some reaction, Haru," Nagisa closed his eyes, and spoke more seriously, "Haruka, I wish there were some option where all three of you could be happy. But ultimately, you know, I know, and even Makoto apparently knows, only two of you can be. It should be the two of you that it was always meant to be."

"It's going to hurt Makoto…" Haruka ran his hands over his head.

"But -"

"But, it's Rin," Haruka sighed, "Did he really say love?"

Nagisa nodded, and with that Haruka went to Tokyo.

XXX

"You wanna go?"

"I'm gonna kick the shit out of you! How dare you hit on my boyfriend, you little piece of shit."

"Yeah, that's it. You know, you're only upset cause he totally went for it. He dumped you the second he laid eyes on me."

"You don't know anything you piece of shit. He loved me. You could never understand what we had together."

"Ha! Is that what love is? Dumping someone the second a hotter guy comes by?"

"Shut the fuck up, I'll kill you," he punched Rin hard in the shoulder.

But, Rin was high and didn't even feel the impact, "Is that the best you can do?"

"You like being hit?"

"Y'know, I think I used to hate it. A long time ago, but nowadays, I can't even feel anything without it hurting," Rin looked up at the guy, "You can fuck me if you want."

"What?"

"Yeah, I see it in your eyes, you totally would."

"You're fucking nuts."

"I am."

"Fine, I'm gonna fuck you then."

"Good."

"No, it's gonna hurt."

"Good."

"You really do like pain."

"You have anything for me to take with it?" Rin asked, lightly massaging the shoulder.

"Here, take a few of these," he pulled a bag out of his jacket, "You'll be on top of the fucking moon."

"We can do them together," Rin eyed them greedily.

The man's hands were unbuttoning Rin's pants now and Rin was about to pop the pill when -

"That's enough."

It was unsurprising to Rin to see Haru. He wasn't sure why his subconscious had picked now of all times to torture him, but it was nothing, an illusion. And escaping his subconscious was half of why he had gone out tonight anyway. And so, Rin ignored him and popped the pill. The guy Rin was with did not ignore Haruka, however, "Who the fuck is that?"

"Who the fuck is who?" Rin asked.

"The guy standing right fucking over there who just talked to us."

Haru did not seem to be particularly surprised or bothered by the fact that Rin was ignoring him. Rin continued, "Who are you talking about?"

"The dark haired guy. Looks like that famous swimmer you see in some commercials."

This made Rin acknowledge him, so it's not just a ghost, "He's my ex-boyfriend."

This description surprised Haru, he opened his lips like he wanted to say something, but no words came out. The man snorted, "That's fucking hilarious. You have an ex-boyfriend."

Rin's eyes narrowed, "I'm not sure what he's doing here, but it doesn't matter. We can go back to my place if you still want to fuck."

"Don't walk away from me, Rin, I've come a long way to talk to you."

"Seems needy, no wonder you dumped him," the man said to Rin.

Rin laughed, he had started to feel some pain, but the pills seemed to be kicking in now. Better, much, much better, "Other way around."

"Huh, that's a surprise," the guy stated, "You don't seem like the type that someone would dump. You seem more like the kind of guy who'd dump the people he was with. Or did you cheat one too many times?"

Rin smirked. He was too high to give much of a fuck.

Haru, however, did not take kindly to being ignored, and he took even less kindly to the bruises that he could see all along Rin's arms. Before he knew what he was doing, he found himself knocking the guy to the ground. Rin was dumbfounded and even Haruka stared at the motionless body on the ground.

"Holy shit, Haruka, what the hell? You just fucking...what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Could say the same to you."

"Well, yeah, but I didn't just fucking knock a guy out. What are you even doing here? Holy fuck, I can't believe you just...Jeez," Rin leaned over and swiped some more pills from the guy's jacket. He was definitely going to need to take more of them now.

"He was hurting you, Rin. I don't want to see you get hurt. Look at you, look at your arms."

"It was consensual, Haruka, hell if anything, I deserved it."

Haruka shook his head, "You could never deser-"

But, Rin cut him off, "I fucked his boyfriend and besides, it has nothing to do with you. Why are you even here?"

Haru hung his head low, "I thought I was doing the right thing by being away from you, but I was wrong. I was so wrong. I had to find you and when I saw you two -"

Rin sighed, but his voice had become much more gentle, "I'm happy to see you, Haruka, I am. But, I'm not your problem anymore. Look, go back to the countryside where Makoto is and I'll take care of this."

"Why? Why did you walk away from me in the bar? Why did you walk away from me in Makoto's cafe and why are you walking away from me now?"

"Because you need to stop, Haruka. You were on the right track back when you ended it, and everytime you see me, you get sucked back in again and you need to just go be happy. You can't have that with me," Rin smiled and took another pill, "I was really happy for you when I heard about Makoto from Nagisa. I mean, a little jealous of course, but over all, I'm happy you were able to find him… It was never any fun for me to see you have those nightmares."

He sat down next to the lump on the ground who he had been ready to fuck.

"Rin, we shouldn't have stopped. I should have tried to fix you, I should have -"

Rin shook his head, "Not your problem, nor your fault, Haruka. I'm sorry about everything, really, but it's not your business, so quit acting like you have any responsibility here. I've thought so much about what you said the day you broke up with me. At first I was mad, obviously, but you were right, and I knew it from the beginning, you and me? We didn't work. I couldn't commit."

The fact Rin apologized surprised Haruka. Rin was as high and as drunk as he had always been and yet, Rin was different. Rin wasn't the same feisty person he had been around Haruka. It was more than the fact Haru could finally see Rin's bruises, Rin was exposed in general. Rin had opened up at some point and matured. That's why he's pushing me away. Because he knows it's the right thing to do.

There was some silence between the two of them, and then, Rin's curiosity got the best of him. He was massaging the place on the man where Haruka had hit him, "How did you even find me here?"

"Nagisa."

"Huh, I expected him to be more on Makoto's side than mine."

"It may have had something to do with the blowjob." Rin looked up at Haruka as he said it. Haruka looked rather neutral about it, although, Rin knew well enough to know that Haruka was at least a little angry with Rin about that. Rin felt a bit guilty about it, as much as he had joked around with Nagisa when they were drinking about telling Haruka the two of the were fucking, he never wanted Haruka to know what the two of them had done. Even so, Haruka teased, "I know from experience how effective you could be with them."

Rin laughed, "Ha. That's funny. I miss that about you, Haruka. Your painfully accurate, cruel mockery of me."

"I have to say I was surprised you did that with him," Rin wanted to believe that there was some sense of sadness in Haruka's voice, but Rin didn't let himself be fooled.

Rin sighed, "One more way in which I'm a fuckup, I guess, Haruka."

Rin had stood up now, and he felt the buzz go to his head, tonight he had taken more pills than he had taken in a long time, but then again, Haruka was right in front of him in Tokyo, "He'll be okay, Haruka, you can go on now. Back to where you belong. If you go back on the morning train, you can get there in time, and Makoto won't ever have to know you were here. If it were me though, I'd recommend not being dishonest with him. You should give him a real chance, Haruka. You deserve happiness. I imagine this will be the last time you and I ever see each other."

Haruka stared at Rin for a bit. He was processing everything, but then the guy started to twitch and move. The guy that Haruka had knocked out was starting to come to, and so Haruka left. Rin took care of the guy and paid him off for both the pills and the accident, and he went home alone.

XXX

"I'm sorry, I'm sure this hurts you," Nagisa said softly.

Makoto shook his head, the three of them were having breakfast at Makoto's cafe, "Many years ago, Rin contacted Haruka about you. It must have been back when you were freshmen in college. It was a long, long time ago. Haruka and I were together at the time."

A strange look appeared on Nagisa's face, a look which Rei picked up on, but Makoto didn't seem to notice, "I didn't remember it until recently. It didn't stand out much back then, just one of the many times where I found myself second to Rin, but when I saw him standing here, in my cafe the other day, it came back full force with a whole lot more pain.

"Rin wasn't particularly dramatic the day we meet at Tokyo U. He was a little put off, but I was there and he never did well when I was around Haruka. Even so, I think the event hurt me more. Whatever he said that day made Haruka decide that he needed to reach back out to you again and really, it wasn't much. There were no specifics, nothing. Rin wanted something and Haruka did it.

"In my cafe the other day, when I saw the way they looked at each other, I realized, Rin's changed, but that - that is still the same, and that will always be the same. Rin will always have the power to make Haruka do whatever he wants him to, even if he doesn't know he has it, and even if he doesn't want to have it. And Haruka has a similar power over Rin, no matter how much Rin may pretend otherwise. Haruka stopped sleeping with Rin because he started to see himself as part of Rin's problem. Ultimately, Haruka thought that was the only way he could fix Rin.

"And it was a game changer, but it didn't change the love or the fact that if Rin ever needed anything from Haruka, Haruka would drop anyone and anything to give Rin whatever he needed. Rin let Haruka go because he's finally becoming a better person, but he still has that power over Haru. I'll never have it. And I've known it a long, long time. It hurts, but it's also, freeing."

This puzzled both Rei and Nagisa.

"I will always lose to him. So, why fight? Why let it get to me? Instead, it inspires me. If I find someone half as in love with me as Haruka is in love with Rin, and vice versa, I'll be better off than most of the people in the world."

Rei and Nagisa smiled. Nagisa agreed, "I can get that. But, that doesn't make it easy."

Makoto nodded, "But, I'm doing okay. When I dumped Haruka, I had nothing. I came here and I relied entirely on Rei. Look at me now though, I own my own cafe, I have my own apartment, and sure, some months have their challenges, but I'm independent. I don't need anyone anymore. So, it's all okay. The two of them, they need each other, but I can handle myself. They can't live without each other. So tell me, which of us is doing better?"

Nagisa smiled, thinking about his own past, and his own relationships, finally, he said, "Out of all of us, you're probably the strongest."

XXX

The following day late in the evening Rin was sitting in his apartment mulling over his thoughts, looking at apartments in New York on the web, and thinking about the fact that Haruka had come to see him. More than that, Haruka had gone to find him on the street. That fucking idiot. He gets a second chance with Makoto. Makoto, the guy who was always better than me, and he still comes here back to me? Fuck, I didn't deserve him.

He sent a quick text to Nagisa.

It was a pretty ballsy move for you to tell Haruka about my problem and about us after spending forever making him earn Makoto's contact info, especially, since you know for sure now that you and I are never going to happen. You must have known that would piss him off enough to come back to Tokyo, thereby fucking shit up with Makoto. So you can consider me mad at you for letting him do that.

thot it'd make u happy. n bsides, i owed u ;). sounds like u didnt go 4 it tho

Of course I didn't, asshole. Why the hell do you insist on typing like a moron?

y didnt u

You know why.

u still shudda

But, the response to that was too complicated for a text message. And so Rin sat alone in his apartment. He got hungry and so, he started to make dinner. He didn't hear the lock on his door unclick, and he didn't notice the intruder at all, until he had finished cooking and set down a plate on his kitchen table. Rin chose not to acknowledge him though and simply sat down and started eating. The intruder perched on his couch.

Finally, halfway through the meal, Rin asked, "Why are you here?"

"I thought by now our friend from last night might have left," Haruka answered softly.

"I didn't take him home."

This puzzled Haruka a bit, "But I thought -"

"I paid him off and we went our separate ways. Somehow, I didn't think he was going to want to hook up after what happened. That's all besides the point though, why are you here, Haruka?"

"Can you stop calling me my full name?"

Rin agreed to nothing. He played with the fish on his plate.

"You and I were best friends, right?"

Rin nodded.

"When did you fall in love with me, Rin?"

This made Rin look up at him, and then, he looked back at his plate. He wanted so badly to tell Haruka things that he had never said to Haruka when the time had been right to say them in the past and everything else had been wrong, but - but this was Haruka's chance, he reminded himself. I swore I'd let him be free. And with the most empty sound he managed to say, "Love's not real. I never loved you."

"You're lying. You've always been lying. To me, to yourself, to everyone, and I get why, but for some reason, you started telling Nagisa the truth, and I want to hear it too. Because if I hear it, just once, maybe, maybe we can fix this. And I know, and you have to know, there is no one else in the world for either of us like the other. Not Makoto for me, not Nitori for you, not some guy on the street who can fuck you up and get you high, nothing. No one. It's me and you or it's no one for either of us. So, say it, please, just once."

Rin stood up and walked over to Haruka, he sat down on the couch by him, and he looked him straight in the eyes, he held onto one of Haruka's hands and in the softest manner laid out the words, "Haruka, I love you. I always loved you and I always will love you. It was me who was always afraid to lose you and me that was afraid that you'd get bored with me and leave, or think I was too fucked up and leave. And so, I pushed you away and lost you anyway. But, you, you are perfect and you always have been. It's me who's always been the mess."

Haruka's eyes widened, but unfortunately, Rin wasn't finished, "Sadly, I understood it all, too late. There was a proper course of action, and I figured it out too far after the fact. I know you were trying to help me when you told me to quit the international training. I know if I had told you in high school about everything, you would have done something. I hope you wouldn't have punched my Mom like you punched the guy on the street last night," Rin winked, "but, I know you would have done something. I know you wouldn't have made fun of me for crying about it, I know it all now. I know you always did everything for me and you always did everything right. I didn't believe in you enough, or I was too afraid of showing you what a loser I really was. I don't know. They're all only excuses anyway.

"None of that matters. It doesn't matter what I say, I hurt you so much and I can never take that away. What I did that night with Nitori and all those other nights, what I did by not talking to you, what I did when I said what we had wasn't real and didn't matter and that I didn't love you, it was all wrong. So, so wrong. You were better than I deserved. And most people are only lucky enough to get one chance with someone as great as you, I had so many and I still fucked it all up."

Haruka felt tears appear in his eyes. But, again, Rin wasn't finished yet, "But, please, please Haruka, please stand up, and please just walk away, like when you kicked me out. I am begging you to do that. Please. Because, you made the right decision then. You realized that there's nothing you can do or I can do to change the past. And so, no matter what we do now, it won't work out. And I know that, but I can't keep doing this. I can't keep shutting you down. If you keep pushing yourself into my life, I'll give in, and I'll do it again, I'll hurt you again and again. And there's no point. It doesn't matter whether I say I love you or I want you or anything. Love can't fix the past and make us have a good future."

"You're wrong -"

"Still not finished, you and I can't have a good future. It wasn't meant to be. But, you can have a good future with Makoto, Haruka. If you go to him now, you can tell him you're really sure it is over, then he'll succumb to you. He'd be insane not to. And I promise I'll do my best to stay out of your way. I've been thinking about moving to America, I found a nice apartment online in New Yo-"

But, Haruka had heard enough, he pushed his lips against Rin's. Rin pulled back, "Haruka, please don't -"

"Stop calling me that, I hate it."

"H-ha…Ru…" Rin obeyed, letting the nickname run off his tongue.

"That's much better. When you use my full name, you feel so far away from me, but Rin, I'm right here. I shouldn't have thrown you out. I - I fucked up so bad by doing that. I think out of everything, that was actually the biggest mistake made. And it was mine."

Rin disagreed, but he let Haruka continue, "I was mad and I was bitter, and I was wrong, and if something had happened to you, oh fuck, if I knew the shit you were doing like you did last night, I would have gone out of my mind to even let you think about walking out the door. I'm not perfect, I'm the mess. I said I was in love with you, but I walked away from you when shit was its worst for you and I needed other people to tell me to go find you again. Will you forgive me?"

"Haru, there is nothing in the world, I couldn't forgive you for. I...I'm sorry too, about all of it, especially about Nitori, that was low, even for me."

Haru nodded, and then he asked, "Do you still love me?"

Rin nodded, "I love you more and more every day. You have no idea what it's like, being without you... I never thought I'd be this close to you again. I feel guilty for being this close to you," and he honestly did. He's was supposed to be with Makoto. He's was supposed to be free from my pain.

"Don't. If we're apart, that's when you should feel guilty, Rin. And the same goes for me. I love you so much, you're a damn magnet for me. I wanna fuck you, I wanna swim with you, I wanna hold you and I just want to be with you. All the time. That's all I've ever wanted."

"Is this okay?" Rin was referring more to Makoto.

"Yes, it has to be, because it's you and me."

"So, what now?"

"Now, we do whatever you want to do," Haruka wanted so badly for Rin to say that he wanted this to be a serious relationship, like whatever he had been planning to do with Nagisa. But, he also wanted to dominate Rin, a part of him was still a bit annoyed that Rin had tasted Nagisa, and he wanted to give Rin something of a cleanse.

"I can't decide."

"Hm?" Haru asked nervously.

"I want to be serious with you, Haru, I want to settle down and I want you to teach me how to do this right. I want today to be the opposite of the locker room, but...there were certain things that happened that day, that I really enjoyed," Rin's voice had deepened.

Haruka stopped himself from moaning. It was embarrassing how easy it was for Rin to get a reaction out of him, even after all this time, "I agree. Say you'll be mine, and then, I'll show you what that means."

Rin fell back into the couch, no matter what he said to Haruka, Haruka was always ready to take it a step further, in such a sexy way, "I'm yours, you're mine. Just the two of us."

"Always and forever."

"Always and forever."

"Say you love me again."

"I love you, Haru."

XXX