A/N: I'm still feeling myself into this, that's why it takes so long. But it's really interesting and captivating to explore their feelings. I'm hooked.
Aubrey pulled the bus into a parking space and turned off the engine. She had declared herself the designated driver after she had had her first - and only - beer that evening and Amy had been overjoyed to hear it. Now she had driven everybody home, everybody except Beca who had fallen asleep against Chloe's shoulder not long after they had all entered the vehicle. Aubrey smiled at Chloe.
"You should wake her," she said.
"I know but she looks so cute when she's asleep," the redhead said fondly.
"Makes one almost forget what a brat she can be," Aubrey said still smiling.
"You don't mean that," Chloe protested weakly.
"Oh, yes, I do. That doesn't mean that I..." Aubrey hesitated.
"That you?"
"That I don't like her," the blonde finished the sentence.
"Or a little more than like her?" Chloe asked in a low voice.
They looked at each other silently. Then Aubrey shrugged.
"I don't know where... you even wanna go with this, Chlo. I mean she's... cute... lovely, actually, but..."
"But. I don't wanna feel bad about loving you both. And I do," Chloe sighed.
"We've talked about it," Aubrey said.
"Yes, but we haven't found a solution... and it's hard, Bree, because I love you so much. And...," but she stopped when Beca stirred at her shoulder. The brunette slowly opened her eyes.
"Are we there yet?" she asked and Aubrey giggled.
"We're at our place," she told the brunette who sat up, smiling apologetically at Chloe for having used her as a pillow.
"Your place? Why didn't you drive me home?"
"Because Kimmy Jin is going to kill you if you show up this late and drunk. We're too fond of you to let that happen, so... you can sleep at chez Aubrey and Chloe's tonight," the redhead informed her friend and nudged her to get out of the bus. Aubrey opened the door and they all exited the vehicle.
"Weren't we supposed to bring it back this evening?" Beca asked when the blonde came around from the driver's side.
"Yeah, but I called earlier tonight and told them I would bring it back tomorrow," she said.
"That'll cost extra, won't it?" the Bellas captain said sheepishly.
"Yeah, but it was worth it, if only for Amy's face when you sang I Will Always Love You to her," Aubrey chuckled.
"Oh, man, don't remind me. I think she thinks I was making a pass at her," Beca groaned.
"She most definitely did," the blonde confirmed and lay her arm around Beca's shoulder in consolation. "You know I would pay you if you'd send her some flowers and woo her a little. I would so love to see her reaction."
"Dude, no. I can't... she's like... a big, Tasmanian sister to me, I can't just... no, that would be wrong," Beca said to the laughter of her two friends. She grinned good-naturedly. "If you want somebody to woo Amy you'd have to do it yourself, Bree."
"No, can't do. Amy knows I'm involved with someone else," Aubrey said confidently and winked at Chloe. Beca noticed it and looked from the blonde to Chloe and back.
"So, you guys are really... like dating?" She asked as they entered the apartment building where Aubrey and Chloe now lived. The redhead held the door for the other two and looked at Aubrey. The blonde nodded.
"Yes, we're dating," she simply said and took Chloe's hand. Then she pressed the elevator button.
Beca nodded. She wasn't sure what she should say to this confirmed news. A whiny voice in her head said 'but I wanted to tap that,' another said that 'congratulations' would probably be appropriate. Thinking about her options made her quiet and thus they entered the elevator. Chloe looked form her girlfriend to Beca. She reached her hand out toward the brunette, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.
"You okay there?" she asked. Beca looked up at her.
"Yeah, sure, I'm okay. I mean, it's great that you guys... are together," she finally got out and tried a smile that wasn't convincing. She closed her eyes, cursing herself for having gotten drunk. It was a lot more difficult to hide your feelings when your brain was clouded by alcohol.
Chloe once again looked at Aubrey, pleadingly, the blonde looking back intently. A silent conversation was going on while Beca tried to figure out how to convey that she was really, honestly happy for her friends. Which she was, just... but this 'just,' this 'but' that was to follow was too difficult to put into words. And she had to think back to what Cynthia Rose had said. 'Polyamorous relationship'? What did that even mean exactly?
The chime of the elevator as they reached their destination roused them all out of their thoughts and they walked down the hall to the apartment in silence. Aubrey opened the door and they walked in, their thoughtfulness bringing with it awkwardness. They looked at each other.
"You want something to drink, maybe a glass of water?" Chloe asked, ever the mindful hostess. Beca shrugged. She walked into the living room. It wasn't the first time she was here, the Bellas had all helped their ex-captains moving earlier this summer. They had all sat here afterwards, talking excitedly about their plans, the Bellas, Aubrey and Chloe's new jobs. It had been a roudy evening and now it was so quiet, it was almost deafening.
Chloe looked at Aubrey.
"I'll talk to her," she said and the blonde nodded. Chloe reached out her hand and laid it against Aubrey's cheek, her girlfriend leaning into the touch and kissing Chloe's hand.
"Don't let it get too late," she finally said and gave the redhead a small kiss on the lips.
"I won't," Chloe answered and smiled up at the blonde. They parted, Aubrey walking down the hall toward the bathroom, Chloe following Beca into the living room, switching on the light as she sank down into the cushions of the comfortable settee.
"Hey," she said and nudged Beca's thigh.
"Listen, I... I am happy for you guys," the small brunette said and looked into Chloe's bright blue eyes, feeling herself getting lost in their depth for the millionth time, it seemed.
"We know that, Becs," the redhead answered her and smiled happily. She leaned forward and grabbed Beca's hand, she squeezed it. And once again, she was so close, too close for comfort for Beca but not aware of it. She was never aware of just how great her allure was. Beca swallowed and pulled back a little.
They looked at each other for a moment, questioningly but in another way also knowingly.
"I wish you knew what this is doing to me," Chloe whispered and Beca's heartrate picked up so suddenly, she felt her head spin with it.
"What?" was her only coherent thought and the redhead smiled self-deprecatingly.
"Every time I look into your eyes, it's like... I'm drowning. And they're such an intense blue and... when we first met I thought they would be brown but in the shower..." Chloe smiled a small smile at the mention of their very private moment at the beginning of their friendship. "I realized they were blue. It took me completely by surprise. They're really beautiful... and so are you," she added.
Beca just looked at Chloe, not knowing what to say. Was this some kind of a joke? But it wouldn't be, Chloe wouldn't be so cruel. Sure, she liked to flirt but she wouldn't mock someone's feelings and she sure knew by now that Beca had feelings for her.
"I know what you're thinking. Why is she telling me this when she is with Aubrey, right?" The brunette merely nodded. "I'm in love with Aubrey, and I love being with her. We... have known each other since forever, high school, did you know that?"
"I think you mentioned it."
"Yeah, I would. We've been besties since we started college and... I sometimes had a crush on her, it happens when you're close with girls and you like girls, you know. And then I met you and... I liked you from the first. When I saw you it was just... I want to know her, she looks so interesting and... cool and sexy. You're..." But Beca dropped her gaze, not looking at Chloe anymore. "This is making you uncomfortable," Chloe said. "I'm sorry, I just try to... tell you how I'm feeling, Beca."
The brunette looked back up.
"What you're feeling for... Aubrey?"
"What I'm feeling for you and Aubrey," Chloe clarefied but not quite as well as she would have wished because Beca now frowned. "I liked you and I thought you liked me, too. But then you hooked up with Jesse..."
"That was a big mistake, we all know that by now," Beca defended herself.
"Yeah, now we know but I didn't know it then. I thought you really liked him and... Aubrey and I got closer after all this drama with the Bellas and I found myself falling for her once again. Only, this time she reciprocated my feelings. I still had and have feelings for you, Beca. The thing is... I'm in love with both of you. I can't seem to help it. You're both constantly on my mind and it tears me apart," Chloe finally confessed.
Beca looked at her friend wide-eyed. Did she actually say it? That she was in love? With her? And Aubrey?
The Bellas captain tried to say something but when she opened her mouth nothing came out. She tried two more times but her thoughts were a jumble. They didn't even make sense to her, how could she make Chloe understand them?
"I'm sorry to put this on you like this. I just... I think you have feelings for me, too, and I didn't want you to think I didn't like you when I do." Beca nodded, that much she was still able to do. "Aubrey and I have been talking about this. She knows." This once again left the brunette wide-eyed and Chloe giggled. "Don't worry, she won't kill you in your sleep or something. You guys have gotten a lot closer, too, and you know she likes you, right?" But no nod was the answer, instead Beca found her voice again.
"How does she like me?" she asked and Chloe looked at her for a moment before she answered.
"You would have to ask her that yourself, Becs."
"But...," the brunette wanted to protest but Chloe shook her head.
"No. I can't talk about Aubrey's feelings, that wouldn't be fair. And I can't... cheat on Aubrey or anything like that," she told the younger woman.
"I don't know what you're saying, Chlo. I don't know what you want me to do," Beca said and looked desperately at Chloe.
"I want you to... think about this, about what you feel, what you want. We all have to talk about it, Aubrey, you, and I. I just wanted you to know how I feel," Chloe smiled at Beca again.
"I'm in love with you, too," Beca suddenly said and startled both of them, though herself more than the redhead, it seemed. Chloe smiled happily when she overcame the first shock.
"That makes me happy," she said and she pulled the other woman into a tight hug. Beca felt all her emotions burst through the surface at once, knowing that it was true and that Chloe felt the same way. She held onto the redhead and when they parted, she wanted to lean in again and kiss her but Chloe pulled away.
"No," the older woman said. "I'm with Aubrey. That doesn't change."
"Do you want me to wait? I'll wait for you," Beca said but once again the redhead shook her wild mane.
"I told you what I want you to do. We're going to talk, all of us. We'll figure this out without ruining our friendships or breaking each other's hearts, okay?" Beca nodded but she had little confidence that it could be done. "Alright, we better call it a night. Come on, you can sleep in the guestroom," she pulled Beca up off the couch and after her.
"I thought that was your room," Beca teased when they stopped infront of a door. Chloe smiled.
"That was just a front, though I think Aubrey's coming around with the whole coming out-thing. You were the first she told, though," the older woman informed her friend.
"Really? Wow... and I acted like an ass, damn," Beca cursed herself.
"Don't worry, you can make it up to her by making your world-famous pancakes for breakfast. Will you?" The brunette smirked.
"So, that's why you guys kidnapped me? For pancakes?"
"You got that right, Mitchell. It was my evil plan and I enticed Aubrey to go along with it," they laughed but in a muffled volume. They didn't want to disturb Aubrey.
"Wicked," Beca said.
"Well, goodnight, Becs," Chloe once again hugged her friend. They held each other for a long while, both feeling the thin line they were walking by touching and behaving the way they did. Confessing their feelings to each other had already changed things between them. The question they were now facing was whether it would bind them stronger together or tear them apart. And it wasn't only about the two of them, Aubrey would be a part of this whichever way it went.
"Goodnight, Chlo. See you at breakfast," Beca answered.
"Hmmmm," Chloe made under her breath and turned to the door of the bedroom she shared with Aubrey. She waved at Beca and then opened the door, silently slipping inside.
Beca opened the door to the guestroom, walking in but not switching on any lights. She waited until her eyes had adjusted to the darkness and then walked over to the bed. She simply sat down on it, staring into darkness, trying to make sense of her thoughts and feelings. It was a tough mess and it wouldn't let her go to sleep for a long time that night.