I don't own anything but the plot.
The life of a pretty liar
Well here's another day that's gone by.
Only as of next week things are going to be different, I got myself a job and apparently in the towns best company! Yay for me that was easy. Only I'm scared what if no one likes me? That would be horrible, but I suppose it won't be so horrible if I don't feel comfortable I can always look elsewhere, but for now it will do.
This is great now I can finally start to buy my own things and finally move out! It will be the best I will go out and party and I will finally be able to make friends…
It's sad really I'm so stupid, I have no friends. It's not like I'm mean or anything I'm actually really shy. I wish I wasn't but I am and I hope pray wish and attempt to change, to be the girl that people like to talk to, but I'm not. I had friends in high school only I was always just there, I had not been allowed to go out and hang out. My parents would never allow me to go out, and I love my parents but deep down I hold a grudge towards them because they isolated me and now that schools over… well I only have myself and that's it.
I'm pathetic…
I was not teased in school; I never had a crush on someone which was a good thing because they would have never felt the same way anyways, maybe that's why. I was just there like if I was invisible, but my friends were there they would include me in there conversations only I would just not always talk as much as them, I guess I was more of the listener and comforter than I was the one with the problems, but I did have a problem I was too shy. I just was never able to face it, why cause I was too shy!
And to top it all off I'm not the best looking either, if I had to place myself based on my looks I would be just below average but above unattractive, I think there would have still been hope for me if I was average looking. I wear oaky outfits and I do my hair to the best of my ability and I do my makeup in a way that you can tell I have it on, but I don't go all crazy with it I don't want to look like a clown. I have a small upper torso, I'm a b-34 cup not the best size compared to my friends I would sure like implants if only I could afford them. And I have a small waist, basically I'm pear shape body type, I have a small amount of belly fat but not too much so I should be happy, but guys like boobs and I have very little to work with. I could wear pushups but you know if that would have gotten me to a point where I would be intimate with a guy and my bra's gone… well I don't want to feel stupid.
Well I'm going to try and change I don't want to be that way anymore this personality has gotten me nothing but isolation and loneliness! Seriously I know that maybe my parents meant well and wanted me to be safe, but all that's going to end up happening is I'm going to go insane and die a loner…
I don't want that!
I'm 18 and I have never been kissed! Some girls my age have been kissing for years even having sex for years and dating, but who would want to even do that with me? Maybe a nerd, I'm desperate any one of the opposite sex will do I don't care what they look like, but that's all a fantasy a daydream that some guy will appear and want me in that way.
That's something that's not going to happen anywhere other than in my dreams!
October 06, 2011
Ino